Wedding Blog
Lately I’ve been finding that getting married can be expensive in ways that have nothing to do with flowers, gowns, or caterers. And I blame this guy:
Denis Diderot was an 18th Century French philosopher who wrote an essay entitled “Regrets on Parting With My Old Dressing Gown.” In it, he described receiving the gift of a magnificent scarlet dressing gown. He was delighted with the gift, but after a while, he looked around the well-worn furnishings of his study and noticed they seemed extra shabby in relation to his beautiful dressing gown. He began replacing the pieces of his study, one by one, with things equally new and fabulous. Until eventually he found himself nearly broke and sitting in a very stylish, but really quite uncomfortable study, regretting the “imperious scarlet robe [that] forced everything else to conform with its own elegant tone.”
This cycle of replacing old items to conform with something fancier has become known as the “Diderot effect.”
Our first Diderot cycle actually started with Mr. T. Around the time we got engaged, he started upgrading his casual wardrobe to more stylish attire. Worried that I’d look dumpy by comparison, I soon started doing the same. (Luckily, we’re both eBay fanatics, so this process wasn’t NEARLY as expensive as it could have been!) And of course the Diderot effect can be endless with fashion — after all, HOW could I wear a stylish new shirt with schlumpy old jeans, shoes, and purse???
With the wedding drawing ever-closer, I’ve also begun replacing my pajamas and lingerie. The old ones simply won’t do for a married lady. And the home? Don’t even get me started! I’ll move to Mr. T’s home after the wedding, and vast amounts of painting, appliance-replacing, and redecorating have suddenly become absolutely, can’t-live-without-it essential.
Has anyone else experienced the Diderot effect in the preparations for your wedding? In what area(s) of life?
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Oh this is a great post! Is this who we blame? I have a few words for him. 
It started with the wedding, then after feeling all special and pampered, we looked around our house and decided on a new place, then new furninture. I just fought back the serious urge to get a new couch and recliner (well, it wouldn’t be too bad since we only actually own a futon but you get the idea).
Never heard of him before but I love the story. Now I can tell FH, when I purchase yet another pair of fabulous shoes that it’s the “Diderot Effect”. =)
I have a bad habit of buying new clothes before I go on a trip b/c I want to look “nice” and then being frustrated with myself when I have no money left to shop in any of the cool stores in the place I am visiting. 
Oh, and mr beanchar is a HUGE ebay shopper and has found amazing deals on all kinds of mens clothes and shoes, but I have a hard time finding the same for womens stuff– any tips? 
Oh, I had this issue with plates. Plates! We have a decent set given to us by my grandmother, but well . . . we’re getting married. We need fancy plates now! Married couples don’t eat off of those plates (nevermind that she was . . . married when she got them) Now I’m eying our steak knives with disdain.
Bean! I think maybe this is what happens to me when I go on vacation, too? Or maybe it isn’t and I’m trying to justify it, lol. Everytime I go on a trip I feel like, well, if I’m going to some fabulous place, the things I take with me have to be fabulous, too, so I’m going to be needing a new jacket, and new pajamas, and new shoes, etc. So the vacation ends up costing more because of all the new things I just have to have!
What a cool post. It’s nice to know there’s an actual name to this (financially dangerous) phenomenon.
How do you pronounce that? Did-er-ough? (sorry for the poor phonetic spelling)
Have you read the story “If you give a mouse a cookie” ? very similar.
http://www.graves.k12.ky.us/powerpoints/elementary/winaelliott.ppt#272,1,If You Give A Mouse a Cookie
Diderot and wedding planning: I love it!
I love this post— this applies to so many areas of my life (sadly enough!)
We’ve actually started with the opposite kind of idea…we know that we have our whole lives to spend together, and the trappings of it become less important. We throw that money towards extra savings, or retirement, or more experiences, but overall fewer things.
I hope I don’t end up like Diderot. It also started when I got engaged.
Love this post! This all sounds so eerily familiar.
It definitely started with the wedding…
A priority was photography. We hired a fabulous photographer. Then I looked at all of the weddings she shot - so many DETAILS, then I had to have DETAILS too. I rented fancy chairs when the hotel already had chairs. But their chairs weren’t up to par so $1000 later we had fancy chairs.
Boy do I wish I had that $1000 back! It would come in handy feeding my new obsession - home improvements. Yes, it is a slippery slope and I’m sliding down…
I’m with you sisters, on all the stuff you mentioned! Vacations, check. Wedding details — we’ve resisted (and our ceremony folding chairs are as ugly as they come), but I sooooo know that photographer-driven desire!
And good for you, fizzyg, for taking the long-term view….
Angel, my phonetic spelling is no better than yours, but your pronunciation is pretty close. If you want to get REALLY French about it, there would be a long “e”: Dee-de-Roh.
Ah, yes…it makes more sense when I though on my fake French accent.
UNDERWEAR! We both purchased about five pair of fresh underwear for our honeymoon and beyond. Gotta start with the fundamentals.
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Mrs. Tulip, DC
Age and Occupation: 36, Retired
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 33, Counsel/DOO for Small Gov't Contractor
Engagement Date: August 8, 2007
Wedding Date: March, 2008
Venue: Still Looking!
About Me: In all my dreams of the man I'd someday marry, I never pictured anyone as perfect for me as Mr. Tulip. So now we just have to make it through the craziness of the wedding and the moving in together! I love crafts, sewing, jewelry making, and photography, so am looking forward to this chance for DIY fun. When not wedding planning, I'm playing with our dog and 4 cats, Ebay shopping, or watching too much TV (often simultaneously!).
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