Wedding Blog
Mr. Penguin and I have been together for 6.2 billion years. Just as a point of reference, I wore Rocket Dogs on our first date and did not know ANYONE who owned a cell phone. So, it’s no wonder that Mr. Penguin and I have been in a serious relationship that has outlasted many others. I remember about one year into our relationship, a friend of mine told me a secret and quickly asked me to not tell anyone. It wasn’t exactly a life altering secret, I think it was more along the lines of “I think I’d like to date so-and-so, don’t tell anyone, mmmkay?”
Well, I told Mr. Penguin. As I tell him everything. He casually mentioned the spilled beans to her in conversation about a week later, and she was MORTIFIED. SHOCKED that I would tell Mr. Penguin a secret that she swore me to secrecy about. I apologized, but explained, quite frankly, that I simply do not keep secrets from Mr. Penguin unless they in some way would drastically alter the secret-teller’s life should someone else besides me know. Which is never the case.
The years went on and people fell into their own long and comfortable relationships. She fell into her own, and, like I, began telling her significant other all of the of tidbits that were shared behind closed doors with her. She began to realize that there are very few secrets that couples keep from each other, even if she had sworn to keep it a secret. Many of us have come to realize that if we tell someone a secret, that we should automatically assume that they will tell their significant other as soon as they get home.
Truth be told, I have only kept ONE secret from Mr. Penguin that someone has ever told me. And I’m not entirely sure he hasn’t learned about this secret from someone else, because plenty of people know it. But I know it’s a secret that would hurt him, and this is the only reason why I’ve kept it from him…(and no, it has nothing to do with me, so don’t think I ran out and cheated on him with a lady or something).
Do you tell your Fiance everything, even if you’re sworn to secrecy?
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i do. i can’t stand to keep anything a secret from him. i also know and trust that if i tell him, he won’t go blabbing.
I had almost that exact situation happen with a single friend, I can relate. When someone says “you can’t tell anyone” I usually hear “you can’t tell anyone besides Mr. Sundae.” However, there is one secret I’ve never told him. It’s a friend’s very personal secret and she would be mortified if anyone else ever knew. I’ve never had the heart to spill the beans, even to Mr Sundae.
Ooh this is a very interesting post. I tell Mr. Jasmine everything, so it’s a good thing he’s trustworthy and won’t blab to the world.
If someone tells me something in serious secrecy because they really, truly do not want anyone else to know, I would never, ever let it slip to my fiance. I always try to put myself in their situation — if I told them this, and they ran and told their boyfriend, how would I feel? If it’s news I wouldn’t specifically want her boyfriend knowing were it about me, then I will always keep my mouth shut. I want my friends to always feel like they can come to me and tell me things without it automatically being spread to my fiance, because sometimes they’re good friends with him, but not close enough to want to relay whatever the secret is directly to him.
Back when we had started dating some 5+ years ago, my fiance and I were having some issues, I told a friend a few things in confidence. She, in turn, told her boyfriend who promised not to tell anyone, but accidentally let it slip in front of my boyfriend. I wasn’t mortified, but just really, really hurt because I felt like there wasn’t anyone out there to whom I could tell someone something in confidence, and I never ever want my friends to feel like they are in that position.
if it’s something personal and a friend asks me not to tell anyone, i don’t tell mr. bee. i’m sure he is the same way.
I never tell anyone a secret that I’ve promised to keep. Not my best friend, my fiance - nobody. I had to develop the habit of keeping secrets from him anyway because my line of work requires me to keep confidential client information - which is often very interesting and juicy! - from everyone. I could get fired for spilling the beans, even to my partner, because he didn’t have to sign a confidentiality agreement when I started working there! So if I told anyone and then the word got around, it would be my butt on the line.
We tell each other the non-life-altering not-exactly-a-secret gossipy stuff, but I don’t tell the serious stuff and I assume mr beachar doesn’t tell me. Then again, we are basically hermits these days, so juicy tales are few and far between.
Hey Pengy…. I actually wore my favorite– and apparently out-of-date-unfashionable– Rocket Dog clogs to the grocery store yesterday. Don’t tell anyone, mmmkay??
PSH - Bean…I’m wearing white ones at my wedding, once my feet hurt from my first pair, yo! What they lack in trendiness they make up for in comfort (and height!)
I tell Mr Buttah almost everything…like Mrs Bee, he and I both will keep some of our friends secrets from one another.
I tell my fiancé pretty much everything, but if a friend asks me a to keep a secret and it’s something very personal, I keep it. I would not want my friends spilling my secrets to their significant others.
Friends know that when they swear me to a secret that excludes the husband. I don’t keep things from him, but since he is very tight lipped when he needs to be it isn’t a problem.
I usually tell my fiance everything. However, there’s one confidence that I haven’t broken and will not. A friend confided in me something very personal, and I promised to not tell anyone. It’s something people should hear from her or not at all. So, my fiance will never know, unless she confides in him. Generally, when people ask me to keep a secret, I tell them that they shouldn’t tell me because while I am completely trustworthy in that department, I find it difficult to not share things with my fiance. So I’d rather not hear anything I can’t share with him. Usually they’ll say “well, it’s OK to tell him. But not anyone else, and only if you’re positive he won’t blab.” FH is not a blabber, so it works out.
There are certain secrets that a girl keeps for her girlfriends. I don’t tell my husband everything and he also keeps secrets for his friends.
like many others, there are certain life-altering devasting secrets that i keep to myself but everything else is fair game and my bf does know. in my circle it’s a given that we’ll be sharing secrets with our bfs and hubbys unless we’re under strict orders not too so no one’s suprised when one of the more chatty/forgetful hubbys accidently lets it slip.
my fh and i have been together a long time as well - he gave me a mixed tape on our first date! and while i do share a lot more with him than with others, i do hide some things from him too. the basic premise being, someone shared something private with me and only me. if they tell me not to say anything to anyone, i wont. this is their business, not anyone elses, and i would never violate that trust.
If someone asks me to keep a secret, I keep their secret. I would only tell my fiance if it were a life or death situation
yup!! Everything! I tell him every single thing … even my best friend will say “alright, you can tell your FI! but that’s it!!” hahaha.. The only thing Im keeping a secret is my wedding dress… IT’s killing me that he doesn’t want to know how it looks like…. =(
Haha Jacqueline…you’re just like me, I ran home after buying my dress and asked him if he wanted me to e mail him pics. He was like….are you serious? No.
I have issues with restraint.
We tell each other everything. Sometimes I try not to over share (ie so and so’s not feeling well vs so and so has really bad diaharra!). When one of friends has a problem he often asks my opinion. And I do the same. My friends know that I tell FI everything but most of them tell their hubbies too.
I tell my FI most everything. Most of my friends are married, and so they understand that something they share with me will also end up with him. But I do let him know is something is a secret… and he is very trustworthy. And we often discuss - as he tells me something his best friend told him, or vice versa, that clearly it would be best for the other party not to casually find out that we have been talking. So we don’t keep secrets from each other - but we also don’t talk about what we talk about, if you know what I mean.
If I’m sworn to secrecy, I only tell him that there is something I can’t tell him. So I don’t tell him everything, but at least he knows when I’m not telling him something.
if someone makes me promise promise not to tell anyone, not even my significant other… i won’t. it’s their secret and i try my best to keep it that way…
The ONLY time I don’t tell my FH the secret is if I’m asked not to. On the rare occasion that I am asked not to tell him, I’m sure the asking only occurs because they know that I don’t keep much from him.
I love that I have someone to tell EVERYTHING to and know that neither I nor my friends will be judged because he loves me (and my friends too!) It’s a level of intimacy that some people just don’t get - because they haven’t experienced it.
I’m not sure if my friends/family know that I share everything that comes into my ears with my fiance. He’s good at keeping the secrets because they’re not much interest to him personally and I’ve never felt the need to screen secrets with him. He also tells me everything and I am very good at pretending I don’t know things.
So, I’ve never really brought it up with people and probably won’t, just because I’m afraid they would be bothered and I’d have to deal with their reaction if it’s negative. As I’ve been doing this though, I realize other people do it too, so I definitely don’t share things I wouldn’t want my friends’ SOs to know.
Some things are private and those things that my friends have asked me to keep secret, I do. It has nothing to do with whether or not he can keep their secret; the person that told me the secret has the relationship with me not my FI. We are not a two-fer in that sense.
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Mrs. Penguin, Northern California
Age and Occupation: 27, Weddingbee Editor in Chief
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 30, Doctor of Physical Therapy
Engagement Date: January 29, 2007
Wedding Date: June 7, 2008
Blogging Since: September 14, 2007
Venue: Winery in the Gold Country
About Me: I love the Spice Girls, dogs with underbites, bean burritos, making messes, high fives, avoiding showers, crossword puzzles, blogs, weddings, and blogs about weddings!
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