Get Your Act Together, Sisters!
February 14th, 2008 @ 4:01 pm by Mrs. Cream Puff
Confession: I love Oprah. I tivo her and watch almost every episode. Yesterday’s program about women & money really got me thinking about us (and by “us” I mean you and me, wedding bee readers). We are at one of very few starting points in our lives, ladies. With marriage comes a lot of changes, and some of those changes relate to money.
Ah, money. It keeps me up at night, because I never seem to have enough of it. Mr. Cream Puff has much more of it than I do, but he’s in debt, too. Combined, we have over $30k in student loans, most of it mine. I feel responsible for every penny of it.
Every couple deals with money issues differently. My co-workers and I had a discussion about this the other day, when one of them asked, “when you don’t have any money, do you ask Mr. Cream Puff for some? Do you have a joint banking account?” My answer to both of those questions is “no.” Mr. Cream Puff and I keep our finances pretty separate. However, a lot of couples deal with their finances differently–some share everything, and some split everything right down the middle.
Money troubles are the leading cause of divorce, and many women are completely out of control when it comes to how money is spent in their marriages. I am of the opinion that we women need to empower ourselves when it comes to money. I am totally ignorant about what changes happen money-wise when people get married, but I think it’s important to figure out. For example, what happens to our credit scores if we keep our maiden names vs. if have the same last name? I personally don’t know the answer to this question. Pre-marital counseling is becoming increasingly common these days, but I’m starting to think pre-marital FINANCIAL counseling would be a good idea as well. What better time to figure out your long term plans for savings, retirement and buying your first home? These are the practical things about actually being married that are very important to consider.
Suze Orman’s new book called “Women and Money: Owning the Power to Control Your Destiny” is available for FREE on Oprah.com until 5pm PST on Valentine’s Day. Check it out, ladies. Let’s start our marriages off on the right foot.
Related Posts
23 Responses to “Get Your Act Together, Sisters!”
Thanks for the info……….I searched on the website and it really isn’t clear how to order the free book.
To answer your specific question, changing your name or keeping your name will not affect the credit score that you have. The same is true for your fiance. Even after your marriage, make sure that you keep credit cards, mortgages, and car loans in your name so that your credit score gets “credit” for paying them off responsibly.
It’s a good idea to know what the family law is in your state. For example, if you and your fiance decide to keep your finances separate, most states will not consider your money separate if it was mixed with money earned during the marriage. You could write a contract (prenup) in which you would both agree to how you will manage your finances during the marriage.
I would encourage you and your partner to be equally aware of and involved with making major financial decisions. I’ve seen to many women abdicate their financial responsibility when they marry. “Oh, my husband worries about those things,” they say. Suze Orman is right that this mentality is going to end up hurting a lot of women!
Learn more about family law and what your options are for money management in this very helpful book: http://www.nolo.com/product.cfm/ObjectID/B06329F9-5EA9-493A-8E519A16B9BD67B8/118/304/247/
Thanks for bringing up this important topic.
Here’s the link I think Miss Cream Puff was talking about:
http://flv.oprah.com/suze_orman_eng.pdf
Awesome! Thanks to c-girl and Mrs. Lemon for linking to the download! You ladies are quicker than I am! 
And thank you, c-girl, for answering my question! You are very knowlegeable!
By the way, Cream Puff, you are in California, which is a community property state. That means that unless you have a prenup specifying otherwise, any money earned by you or your partner during the marriage will be considered community property, which means it would be split 50/50 in case of a divorce. This would happen even if you deposited your paychecks into separate accounts and paid bills separately, and one of you, say, gambled all of their paychecks away. The gambler would still get 1/2 of all money earned by either person during the marriage.
Assets acquired prior to the marriage and inheritance would remain separate property, unless they are “comingled” with community property funds — if there is mixing of community and separate property, then it gets much trickier.
If you don’t like California’s laws, consider a pre-nup specifying an arrangement that you and your partner prefer.
I think this is a really important topic that all too often gets lost among the craziness of “what color garter should I choose? ACK!” The FI and I have will have a joint account for common expenses like bills and groceries, and then separate accounts as well so he can go buy his video games and I can indulge in my craftiness. Each week, a set a mount of our paychecks will go into each of these accounts, the rest, in the joint one.
Wow, c-girl, I’m super impressed. Are you a lawyer or an accountant? Or just really well-informed? I’m super impressed!
pattyb–that’s exactly how we’re doing it, too. I would hate to have to have either one of us “ask permission” to buy stuff using money we’ve each worked hard for!
This is pretty interesting. I’ve been handling both my fiance’s and my own finances for almost two years now. I can’t even tell you the last time he’s even looked at his own bank account, because I decided I wanted to take over the financial responsibility. I’ve set up our current budgets, post-wedding budgets, even found out how much we could afford in mortgage payments each month so we could buy our first house! Though it’s a pretty unique situation, I love it, and keep my fiance involved in every decision and update him on our budget status. But I’ve found that some girls look at this situation as “unfair” to me, which I find pretty ridiculous. Some of his coworkers have even chastised him for “forcing” me to handle the finances! Strange to see how different viewpoints are when it’s the woman handling the money instead of the man (aka the “moneymaker”)
yes.. definitely.. i feel both parties should be totally active in their financial responsibility whether it be paying a debt down or keeping up with your credit scores. i am big on credit scores. even when i was in debt few years back, i always made sure i paid on time so my credit does not get hurt. i have instilled that habit into FI too because before he met me, he had no idea how to take care of his credit. now we are both above 720, maybe more since i haven’t checked it since last july, but having a high credit score not only determines your ability to be able to take out a loan for your home or car, but helps with getting a low interest on these loans. so def agree, be aggressive and active in your finance and married life will be a breeze (well, among other things. ) =)
Brooke–you go, girl! My mom handles all the finances in my parent’s marriage, except for the investments, which my dad handles. For some reason, he REALLY enjoys researching mutual funds! 
I’d like to publicly herald the wonders of online joint checking accounts, and keeping all charges to our check card or our bank credit card that shows up right there. We can’t hide anything from each other, and either one of us can log in at anytime to see what the other is spending. We’ve both questioned spending habits by the other, which I consider healthy since we’ve only been at this for 7 months.
It’s also helped us realistically track our spending habits, so can accurately budget our next steps in life (home, vacations, etc).
I attend a small, private college, which means they can modify the list of required courses (three PE credits? Are you kidding me? My third was BOWLING). One is “Marriage and Family Seminar.” I love it because it’s taught by a married couple who keep it fun and very informative. Next week is the session on finances, and I can’t wait! I need the help…
I don’t know the name of the main book we use off the top of my head, but I’ll email you the reading list when I figure it out
The first thing my FH and I did was pull credit reports. We’ve decided to use our wedding fund to be debt free. I would suggest seeing a lawyer and an accountant. We have set up a family trust.
Dave Ramsey has been a HUGE help in us getting out of debt. http://www.daveramsey.com/ We will make our last payment a few days before our wedding and will invite our guests to do a debt free scream with us.
My mother has always handled the money. FI and I have already decided that I will handle the money - as he can’t actually seem to pay the bills on time - EVER. He has his own company, and pays himself pretty well, but its just not important to him. Luckily he realizes that is a problem, and wants to do better, and looks at that as one advantage of me as a partner - I’ll take care of him in that area. If you have some assets already that you do not want to be community property - for whatever reason - it is particularly important to understand the law. C-girl is absolutely right - there are significant issues about how you handle your assets. And hopefully it will never be an issue. But it is an issue that needs to be discussed. In our particular case it has been discussed a lot - because I’m all for a community property approach to whatever we work together to earn, but I don’t believe that he has any right to any part of my current assets, should we end up apart for any reason.
Very interesting post and comments. Communication is going to be the key to solving financial issues within marriage. Education on these topics is a very important aspect as well. I have just started a blog addressing these pre-marital and newlywed financial decisions. Please visit and email me questions you would like me to address.
http://www.thedollardance.blogspot.com
This book was my valentines present from my sweetie! He is so cute. I love how good he is with money and I am working to be as savvy as he is.
$30K in student loans? THAT’S IT?! Hunny, you gotta take it easy on yourself! When I graduated college, I left with $26K in student loans and I was the person with the LEAST student loans in my group. Tuition was $39,000 a year alone, so my friends were coming out with six figure student loans!
I’ve been paying it off steadily (I only pay $4k of principle a year) but my husband to be? He graduated with close to $160K in student loans and over $20K in credit card debt! That’s what grad school does to you!
The best part of our relationship is that we don’t let money become an issue. We have joint bank accounts and I make good money as a consultant and it just so happens that he makes 4.5 times what I make (we’ve calculated this just for fun!). So while it may seem like we’re up to our ears in OUR debt (we never seperate one person’s loans or credit cards from the other’s) , we’re also paying them off on time and best of all, we each put our annual IRS max of $15,500 for our retirement accounts.
I think a problem many people have is that they focus so much on the debt load that they become consumed by it. Being smart about your finances doesn’t necessarily mean sitting down and paying a financial planner to tell you how to carry your financial load. It has a lot to do with your mentality around it and how you view money.
Just curious, are you guys planning to keep things “very seperate” once you’re married? You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.
if you think 30K in student loans keeps you up, try 80K and my hubby didn’t go to college, so it’s ALL MINE.
Mrs. Cream Puff, San Francisco Bay Area
Age and Occupation: 25, Illustrator
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 31, Merchandise Planner
Engagement Date: May 27, 2007
Wedding Date: August, 2008
Blogging Since: February 7, 2008
Venue: Ceremony at Crissy Field and Reception at the Green Room
About Me: I never dreamed about my wedding as a little girl because I was too busy playing in the mud or pretending to be Martha Stewart–but now that it's here, I'm having a fabulous time DIYing everything in sight! We’re planning a very fun multicultural wedding (I'm Jewish and Mr. Cream Puff is Chinese), filled with as many personal details as I can muster.
definitely important issues to think about!!
wow, that is awesome. where on the website is it available?