Need To Know
February 14th, 2008 @ 10:33 am by Mrs. Bubblegum
Okay, this is a short one…
But in the past week, I cannot stop hearing about brides making their bridesmaids sign contracts. Apparently, “You & Your Wedding” magazine is saying that one in five brides would consider this, so I. Just. Couldn’t. Resist.
A POLL!!!!! I think we can put together a fairly good sample size (though I make no claims as to the legitimacy - this is not a random sample).
To be clear, let’s say that there are some more “normal” things to expect from your bridesmaids - maybe you want them to wear their hair up, maybe you want them to wear a certain dress, certain shoes. But let’s say that we enter into “contract” realm when you would consider having your bridesmaids sign something saying that they will not gain weight, color their hair, get pregnant, etc.
That being said, how ’bout it?
Related Posts
25 Responses to “Need To Know”
Even though I wish my bridesmaids and my MOH would be more involved in my wedding stuff… A contract is not the way to go. That would be a disaster.
I already told them what dress they were wearing and that caused a whole commotion. They’re my sisters… so theres so much I can do… I know the limits. But a list of things to do (for each bridesmaid) is not a contact. And that is fine by me
On top of that my MOH asked me if it would be okay if she were pregnant at my wedding… i dont mind as long as she fits in the dress 
I dont think she will, but it was very nice of her to ask!
I guess I am in a way-I’m paying for everything on the day (dresses, hair, makeup, etc.) so technically they will be doing what I want them to do. It’s just easier for me and less of a hassleto do it this way. I’m willing to pay for what I want. I think an actual contract would be ott. though. As far as weight gain, pregnancy, etc- that’s none of my business…
Wow. A FIFTH of brides consider this option???
I’m sorry, but I’m taking the bait to respond. You choose the leading ladies in your life to stand up for you on your special day. That comes with trust, appreciation, gratitude, and honor. Yes, there are some flaky people out there, even those as the nearest and dearest to your heart. And you may worry that they’re going to throw a stink about hairstyles or protest about the dress you’ve chosen for them. But in the end, how much does that matter? Do you really need a contract to BIND them to an agreement to be your bridesmaid? That seems ludicrous. In general, if you don’t trust them to have your best interests at heart, don’t feel obligated to ask them. A bride is always in control of what she wants for her wedding day, but let that control start when she chooses her side of the wedding party. Not after.
Keep in mind, too, bride and bridesmaid are mutually responsible to each other. I count on my girls to help me, support me, and stand up for me. Well, you have to believe that I’m doing my best to keep them comfortable, look great, and keep their costs as low as I can. This is not a job they applied for, where they are the lowly ones that to hold them accountable, I need them to sign the dotted line. No they are INVITED to be a part of my special day, and therefore, I will treat them with the utmost respect.
Miss Bubblegum, what I appreciate about Weddingbee is you Bees finding topics to get real discussion going. Clearly, I have formed a strong opinion, and I do not mean to disrespect anyone by sharing that opinion. Thank you for posting this. Interesting topic, indeed!
I went for no, but only because there wasn’t a ‘hell no!’ option
That’s crazy……..if I were asked to sign a contract to be a bridesmaid, I’ll decline the offer and say “HELL NO”.
i couldn’t think of a more perfect example of a bridezilla.
A contract is not the way to go, because I feel that the bridesmaids are in your wedding as a favor to you (the bride), and not as an obligation, i.e., you are *inviting* them to be your bridesmaids, and not *hiring* them. Contracts are for employees, and not your dearest friends! I think it would be rather draconian, and cause unnecessary stress and controversy, to ask your bridesmaids to promise in writing to plan their families around your wedding, go on a diet, not cut their hair, etc. There are just simpler, gentler ways around these issues.
I’m not actually having bridesmaids, but my vote is no. Ew. Just…ew.
NO WAY would I make someone sign a contract. You’re basically asking these people to be at your beck and call for the next few months PLUS they’re putting in time, effort, and money to make you happy. If my bridesmaids were to dye their hair, gain/lose 20 lbs, get knocked up, or whatever else could happen, that is their own business.
If you think that your bridesmaids won’t be there for you… don’t force them into cooporating with a contract– just choose someone else who you think will be able to support you as a bridesmaid. By asking them to sign a contract, you’re tell them that you don’t trust them to be “up to your standards.”
I think the idea of a “contract” is beyond crazy! I asked my girls to be bridesmaids because I wanted the most important women in my life to stand beside me when I get married. Not because I wanted some models to look good (which my BM’s will - but that wasn’t why I asked).
But I also think matching hair/shoes/makeup is a little crazy too
Haha - Contracts seem a little crazy!!!
I will admit in my younger days I was clueless to what was expected of a bridesmaid. Well of course besides buying the dress and helping Not everyone reads the knot and knows the proper etiquette of a bridesmaid.
So depending on your age and who you’re asking I don’t think it’s a bad thing to ask in a way that says - “Hey I’d love for you to share my wedding day with me and be a bridesmaid, I realize it’s a responsibility and I will be asking you to purchase a dress (or travel to a destination) so if you want to think about it for a day that’s ok :)” Just in case the person needs to be clued in that a little bit of responsibility comes with the job. Some people just might not know!
On the other hand - you do know these people you are asking and you know their personalities. I don’t think your expectations should be too high - just be very thankful for the ways they do help you This is your big day, not theres - so priorities may differ.
I do kinda think any monetary obligations they will have should be made know while doing the asking (If they are going to be more than just buying the dress, like travel, hotel, hair, shoes, makeup, destination bach party) if they are over $200/300 or so.
And don’t be offended if some says no - it’s not that they don’t love you - they just might not have the money or time to give it 110%
This was very here and there - gotta work on my flow
The bridesmaids are doing the bride the HONOR of being in her wedding, not the other way around. Like maggie said above, they are not hired hands!
A contract forbidding weight gain, hair change, etc makes it seem like the bride is hiring actresses or, worse yet, buying ACCESSORIES.
Objectifying your dearest friends? Demanding services “or else?” Overblown sense of entitlement? Self-centered to the point of blindness? A bride like this may not be ready for the rigors of marriage if she can’t be realistic about what real friendship means.
Did you all follow the link and download the actual contract? It’s HILARIOUS. Heinous, but hilarious. “I will not gain more than 7 lbs” and “I will not fall pregnant”… I mean really, serious consideration of a contract for your bridesmaids is just plain psycho. Thanks for the laugh, Bubblegum!
This just reminded me of the episode of Bridezillas that I caught a few minutes of last night… this bride said that each and every one of her 15 (!!!) bridesmaids was “replaceable” if they didn’t do what she wanted!
The woman also said that her none of her friends were allowed to ever get to know her fiance because they might potentially steal him away… what the…?
Wow. That’s horrible and diminishes the meaning of having an honor attendant in the first place. I don’t buy the 1 in 5 statistic at all! Luckily.
The way I see it, there are two types of brides out there: those that pick bridesmaids based on friendship, love, and appreciation, and those that pick bridesmaids based on appearance because they want the wedding to be picture perfect. If you choose your bridesmaids based on the latter, then you are shallow and obviously someone gaining 10 pounds would be detrimental and against the entire reason why you picked them. If you’re that kind of bride… then frankly, I would probably not even be friends with them in the first place, so I certainly wouldn’t be in the wedding party.
I’m the former kind — I chose my friends because of who they are, not what they look like or the way they behave. I trust them to act appropriately at the wedding, and I couldn’t possibly care less if they gain 50 lbs, dye their hair, cut it short, become pregnant — it is THEIR life and they can do what they want. I love them for who they are!
So what’s the “or else” consequence of breaking a contract… “or else you’re fired?” the bridesmaid is out of the wedding? They’re supposed to be making these promises so they keep their dibs on the neckace + totebag bridesmaid gift or something?
Isn’t that the BRIDE’S loss then? that the BRIDE now has one less friend/relative standing by her side. Is the potentially failure bridesmaid supposed to really get distraught over “breaking” these promises. good grief.
Another vote for NO.
I gave a contract to my Matron of Awesomeness. She is contractually obliged to keep trying to get pregnant, to keep me sane when both sides of the family are driving me bonkers, and to joke around with me about how crazy everything is. I wrote it in the spirit of these actual crappy contracts, and she loved it. After she signed it, I gave her a sash (think: Miss America) that had her title on it in sparkly letters.
I am SPEECHLESS. If I were told to sign a contract, I’d drop out of the wedding!
Hahaha. Great poll. I think beyond dictating that they wear a matching dress (which is already almost stepping over the line) I really thing “making” your BM’s do ANYTHING is ridiculous. If my BM’s want to rock an 80’s crimped hairstyle and wear lime green pumps, its up to them dude, I’ll be the one pointing and laughing, AND there will be pictures to last a lifetime to blackmail with.
I’m thinking no. Definitely Bridezilla.
How could you enforce the contract? Kick her out of the wedding party if she doesn’t comply? That would throw off the symmetry of the bridal pary… oh the horrors!
I hope that a bride would trust whomever she choses to be in her wedding. If you need a contract to obtain that trust, then that person is probably not the best option for a bridesmaid.
I agree with Ms. Cream Puff… If I were asked to do the same, I’d say **** you!
~Ash
Mrs. Bee… I can’t see the poll results. Am I the only one?
Mrs. Bubblegum, Exeter, NH
Age and Occupation: 24, Actuarial Analyst
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 24, Ressearch & Development
Engagement Date: February 9, 2007
Wedding Date: May 2008
Blogging Since: November 2, 2007
Venue: Dunegrass Golf Club
About Me: I can be summed up by the four things I love most: kitties, cheese, math, and Mr. Bubblegum. I am knee-deep in DIY projects to keep wedding costs low but quality high for the special day when I get to marry my bestest friend.
I definately say no. Your bridesmaids are there to spend your special day with you and to be by your side. They are not there for you to boss around. This is a wedding, and not a business transaction. If you have bridesmaids who are such divas, and they will not wear the dress you like, or the shoes you like, then maybe you need to pick new bridesmaids. If they gain weight, or get pregnant, so what? They’re only human