Weddingbee Blog

Finding an officiant was one of the last things on our list, which may be contrary to other couples, since many plan their wedding based on the availability of the officiant. Initially, we were hoping Mr. Canary’s aunt would officiate. She is a very spiritual person and has a very close relationship with Mr. Canary, but with all the hassles of getting the right documentation and paperwork in New York… it wasn’t worth it to stress out Mr. Canary’s aunt or us.

So we started another vendor search. This wasn’t as painful as I thought it would be since a lot of folks seem to want non-denominational ceremonies as well. What we did encounter was MASSIVE sticker shock. Prices for these services were all across the board.

I called up a few officiants and asked about their process and quotes. The thing that annoyed me the most was that many of them didn’t publish their prices on their sites (I think that’s all across the board in this industry). We’d get the spiel and then the price, which for many was close to $1,000! Maybe I’m naive, but I honestly did not want to spend more the $500. Neither Mr. C and I are religious and we knew we didn’t want a long ceremony (30 minutes, tops!) so how could we validate $1,000 for 30 minutes!

After calling a few, I finally set up an appointment with Rev. Alma Daniel who is based in New York and was one of very few officiants whose price tag was under $800. She asked me to tell her my real budget and I gave her the number, and she said she was willing to work with it, but it’d probably be best if we met first. So Mr. Canary and I trekked over to her apartment and didn’t know what to expect… but we would have never expected fun!

From the minute we stepped through the door, Alma was a welcoming presence and we felt her warmth. When we sat down, she already had typed notes (major points in my book!) with all our basic info and continued to grill us on other aspects of our relationship. She asked us really insightful questions and I surprisingly was very comfortable opening up to her. I was also touched to hear a lot of Mr. Canary’s answers. I have vowed not to cry at my wedding, but I will probably break that one! I could feel the tears coming on already and this wasn’t even anything too sentimental! Alma just asked, “Mr. Canary, what do you love about Miss Canary?” Mr. Canary’s answers were so sweet and heartfelt, the ice queen in me was almost a blubbering mess!

She also really made us laugh and we could speak very candidly. We asked her if she ever thought a couple wasn’t going to make it? And she told us a hilarious story. You’ll have to ask her to tell it to you.

After meeting Alma, we realized it does require more than 30 minutes worth of work to produce a very meaningful ceremony. What we liked about Alma’s process was that she asked about the number of out of town guests and where they were all coming from. She wanted to include them in her welcome. She also prefers that we face our guests, “They didn’t come to look at your behinds the entire time, you know…” and that they participate in some of the responses. No singing or hymns, just simple “We do’s.”

We opted to write our own Personal Remarks, which are separate from our vows but will really inject our personalities into the ceremony. Alma would manage the entire process, she has very thorough “forms” and worksheets to help frame this part.

At the initial meeting, even if you don’t end up booking her, she’ll read out loud and review several readings and passages to find your preferences. She has many traditional and modern options that she’s written herself. This way she can give you a sense of the tone of the ceremony she’s creating. After you book and sign a contract, she emails you the readings so you can further hone down what you like. I really liked the interactive aspect of her process.

I am so excited to have found a fantastic, energetic, and warm officiant, and Mr. Canary and I can really envision our wedding ceremony as thoughtful and spiritual experience despite not being religious. Now, I have to get cracking on my personal statement and make sure not to leak it to Mr. Canary.

And I will try my best not to sob…

More info on Alma here.

How did you decide on an officiant and how involved are you in creating the ceremony? Are you planning to write your own vows?