Wedding Blog
…what I really, really, want….
Mr. Penguin and I have been cohabitating for quite some time now. And over the years, we’ve bought all the cheap necessities we will ever want or need to fill our home. Everyday stoneware from Ikea? Check. Balloon stemware from Ikea? Check. Prep and Mixing bowls from Ikea? Check. Lowball glasses from….Ikea….you get the idea.
Now that we’ve completed our registries, I’ve noticed a bothersome pattern: The majority of the things I’ve registered for are quite pricey. I mean, over the years we’ve bought everything we need to live a normal, day-to-day life. Essentially, if it’s affordable, we’ve bought it. What’s missing from our kitchen, really, is just a nice set of pots and pans, some great cutlery, and china for entertaining. The problem with all these items though, is that they are big ticket items. It’s beginning to make me wonder:
Is it better to register for things you only truly want? Even if they are all in a higher price range? Or is it better to add items to your registry that satisfy all price ranges, even if they are things you don’t necessarily need?
I don’t intend to “upgrade” most of my beloved crap from Ikea now that I’m registering and getting married. I think there are amazing deals on really great looking stuff there, and I don’t see why I should replace perfectly decent everyday glasses/plates just because I’m getting married. I’m the kind of person that would rather go without something than settle for something that falls below my standards, so, with the exception of two things in our kitchen (cheap pots and knives), everything we own I love, and don’t intend to replace.
I feel like this is one of the giant Catch 22’s of getting married: If I register for the things I REALLY need (Dining table, Fine China, Knives, Pots and Pans), guests will balk at the lack of “affordable” options on our registry. BUT, if we register for lower ticket items, most of which we already own, isn’t this entirely wasteful?
I feel like most couples that have lived together for a while before they’ve gotten married have to be facing a similar dilemma. Because for shame, you return items on your registry in order to buy something you truly need, and for shame, you don’t register for anything in the $50 and under price range.
I realize this post is lots of words, no eye candy, so here are my most coveted items that we’ve registered for.
Kate Spade Belle Boulevard Fine China
Henckles Twin Cuisine Cutlery
All Clad Stainless Steel Pots and Pans
Barbara Barry Bed Linens
Photos all from Bloomingdales.com
So, I ask you this again:
Is it better to register for things you only truly want? Even if they are all in a higher price range? Or is it better to add items to your registry that satisfy all price ranges, even if they are things you don’t necessarily need?
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I think it’s always good to have some small things, or at least a lot of choices. But then again, I am dying to register at Crate and Barrel (we are going to the registry event next week!) but I just realized there is only 1 in my home state! Sadness. But I def think you should register for what you want, not what you think they’d like!
PS. I have the Henkles santoku knife - and it is delicious! Mm full tang…
Add gift certificate options. Also, if you are feeling bad you can register for some lower priced things and then just exchange them yourself–and nobody has to know 
oh–forgot to add that on some registries if you purchase the unpurchased items within a specific time period you get an additional discount–so maybe exchanging isn’t a bad idea after all!
i completely agree. i already have crappy stuff — there’s no need to register for it! we registered for china open stock though, so that gives guests some lower priced options.
I go back and forth about registry in general. My FH and I have been living together for three-ish years (we live in an IKEA showroom, don’t know how I existed pre-IKEA) and aren’t sure we should register at all. My family has expressed resistance to several of our alternative ideas, but I think if we register, it will be for things we need.
I had the exact same problem. But then I realized I could register for the china pieces, as opposed to the place settings. That way, someone could buy a $30 plate instead of a $140 place setting. That helped the situation a little. You can do the same thing with the knives, too.
I think you might want to try to incorporate non-traditional items in—we’re registering at REI because we’re cyclers and campers, but there are an awful lot of things there that are great to have, but relatively cheap–there are also things that I think people are more willing to go in together on, like a tent, or a couple of paddles. It’s more fun for the friend crowd I think to give something a bit off the regular registry list. Other ideas for reasonable gifts:
Board games
favorite restaurant gift certificates
charities
cloth napkins/table cloths
Movie passes
I know some of these are hard to register for, but if you’ve got a blog (which you must, since you’re a bee), acknowledge that the bloomingdale’s stuff is traditional or something and then direct people to other places.
In short, I guess I do think it’s important to register for all price levels—but I think it’s ok to register for more random, but ultimately useful, items.
I am using this as an opporunity to upgrade some of our old stuff. We have plates from my folks and mismatched glasses. I’d like to have some nice stuff.
I’ve got some hig ticket items on our list too. People can go in on theirs together. I’m also putting other things on our registry that we want like a better DVD player.
I agree with misschickie! Register for things at a range of prices, and then take those less expensive items back and exchange them for the things you really want. And you can also ask those people you can be really direct with (like your mom and BMs) to spread the word about what you really want and encourage people to buy gifts as a group.
Unfortunately, I think you’ve gotta have some filler. I didn’t want to register for those picture frames (I already have a TON) but the FMIL asked “where are the picture frames? where are the candle holders?” after we completed our registry. I guess people expect these things. They like seeing them, and they like giving them. I think people will have a ‘tude if there are only $100 and up items on your registry.
That was my first response too when we started. I have a perfectly good collection of mugs and glasses and plates. And a collection of cooking utensils. But my sister and mom kept reminding me that most of what your register for is for the llooonnnggg run. Beyond just hubby + me… our hypothetical children and their pals, casual dinners with new neighbors. We still aren’t adding fancy china or crystal or sterling silver, but I’m more willing to choose a whole new set of everyday plates (with enough to have a full dishwasher plus extra) that I’ll be happy to use for EVERY occasion and a few “fancy” accessories like candle sticks and nice serving utensils and serving bowls. That’s also why we’re registered for more than 3 sets of sheets and extra pillow cases. If *I* were to buy sheets we’d just get the daily special at Costco but this is the chance to lightly stock up on higher quality bedding/linens that actually coordinate. My parents were still using sheets they received as wedding gifts in 1974 till recently… they had PACKAGES of sheets still unopened even but then bought a new size bed.
Agreed! If you register for cheaper things at Bed, Bath, and Beyond like we are - when you return the items - they give you cash. We are then going to take that cash and buy the larger pieces from our Macy’s Registery with our 20% off completion coupon post-wedding. Definately piecemilling your china will help!
We are in the exact same boat, and starting our registry process on Sunday. I have no clue what to do. So, uh, I realize that’s entirely unhelpful. Just wanted to show some solidarity.
I veto the idea of returning things for more expensive gifts. I know if (as a person with limited mucho dineros) I went and bought someone something from their registry and then found out all they did was return it for cash, I’d be hurt, mainly because there’s something in picking out something you think someone likes and wants, and then the work of making it a pretty present. Besides, if there isn’t something on someone’s registry in my price range, I will find something to give that is - even if its not something they actually registered for. (Shock and horror, I know.)
I think a lot depends on who are your guests and what are traditions in your circle of family and friends. If a lot of your guests are parents’ friends who are well established and accustomed to these prices there shouldn’t be a problem. Also, people may want to pull together for bigger ticket items or give you money/gift cards. I don’t think there is anything wrong with registering for what you want.
then again, you can register for a few cheaper items even at nice stores like W&S or C&B, eg smaller size LeCreusets, Emile Henry bakers or small electric appliances are in 50-100 ranger, which I think is reasonable
be sure to have lower priced items on your list. I think it’s incredibley selfish of the bride & groom to have a $100 pillow case as the lowest priced item on the registry! seriously- a wedding is not meant to fulfill your wish list for a dream house.
Miss Penguin! No shame in the Kate Spade china! I’m a huge KS fan…so when/if I ever get engaged..that’ll be the first thing on my registry list!
Yes, you should register for things you really want, but you need to add small things too. Add some towels or extra sets of sheets, (don’t forget that guest bed or air matress needs some too!) dish towels and some neat little gadgets that are cooll and useful. And be sure to add some wooden spoons and nice spatulas. Gift cards are great too! This gives a better price range selection for your guests. You may have plenty of towels and sheets now but they will eventually wearout and you will need to replace them. Thsi way you can have them instorage or use them just for guests. Wooden spoons and rubber spatulas need to be replaced every 4-5 years if you are not hard on them. Since they do wear out it doesn’t hurt to have a few extras. Also, why not add another registry to Amazon or Barnes and Noble so that you can add some cookbooks, travel books for the honeymoon, home improvement books, how to buy a house, etc. These are all things that can be added and that you can “want” even if you don’t “need” it right now. Also add a tray or two. We all seemt o forget them but they are so useful for bringing stuff to the table, eating in the living room & making a centerpiece!
pengy .. register for things you truly want because it’s not everyday you get married! and wedding gifts normally are expensive compared to normal bday ones.. i told my sister that i registered for china and she’s like what.. why? bc i want to! i want to have a wedding china and i don’t expect all my guests to buy me the whole set.. if they don’t, i believe the stores give you a discount to clear the list if you want.. anywho .. my vote is go for it, but still have low price items as well on the list for a full range of prices for guests to choose from. good luck!
I was just talking to Mrs Spider this morning about registry stuff, and she says she SEVERELY regrets not registering for Fine China…just a hot tip from a married Bee! She also shat on the knives that I want, so I’m switching up to Wustoff
I wish we had lists like they do in France…(my FI is French btw)…
Where you register for things…but the catch is that people CONTRIBUTE to items (or they can purchase the whole thing too)…but if they say contribute $200 towards your entire china…and another person does the same and so on…soon you will have your china. This makes sense…I just don’t know why stores haven’t caught on to this yet?!?
I don’t know what happens if it doesn’t add up to the total amount…I guess you can pitch in the rest or get a credit towards something else?
But I think it is a great idea! Can’t wait to set up our French Registry!
I think it’s definitely better to register for things you NEED, rather than just things you already have to keep a low price point. I know that if I’m giving a gift to a couple, I want it to be something they’ll really use, not just something that will be stuck in a box if the one they have breaks someday.
I think even with pricier items, you can find individual pieces at lower price points. Sure, our 5 piece place setting for china is $145. But an individual soup bowl is $55. If someone doesn’t want to spend a lot on a gift a $55 price point would suit their needs (before anyone calls me selfish, we both come from families which are extravagant gift givers, and our reception is super formal black tie expensive, so $55 would be a low price point in terms of gifts for those invited). We also know some of our friends are going to chip in together to get a gift — though there isn’t one on the registry, a couple college friends already said they want to get us a Wii and assorted games (yay!) and another group of my own friends from high school keeps bugging us to register for a couch because they want to get us a big piece of furniture.
I think you should register only for things you need. A registry is only a suggestion and people will get you what they want to get you anyway, spending less if that’s what they choose to do.
It would also be wasteful to end up with a whole houseful of “upgraded” stuff when your current stuff works just fine!
If people don’t want to spend too much they’ll give you gift cards at the store you register for. Then you can put their gift card towards what you really want. My husband and I racked up quite a few gift cards between my shower and the wedding. It was enough to complete our place settings and get the china that wasn’t already purchased!
I say, register for what you really want, don’t pick some token low-cost items just for the sake of having them on your registry.
Here’s the thing…if you don’t have a range of prices of things that you actually want, you’ll get things that you definitely don’t want. There are some people who absolutely will not give money for a wedding, and if there isn’t something on the registry at the right price, they’ll just pick something that they would like. You can always register for stuff like DVDs, books, etc…
I think all those items you have pictures of here are *definately* things you should keep on your registry– these really are the most typical registry items these days. Most guests won’t think twice about them.
You can always add a few gift card options–in different denominations if that’s possible.
Otherwise, take a leisurely walk around Crate and Barrel (or wherever you register) and I bet you’ll be surprised by how many items will fill in the gap between things you need/ (higher tickets items) and those things you’ve already purchased for yourself. Maybe there is a gorgeous set of napkins or linens that will compliment your china, etc.? You get the picture.
I wish registries could be set up a year AFTER the wedding because I didn’t have a good idea of what I would need at all. In retrospect, I think I should have registered for better quality things versus inexpensive filler things I really liked at the moment but are not long-term, built-to-last items.
And yes Pengy- go with Wusthof, you will NOT be sorry. I have the entire line almost.
Argh, I know the frustration! Love Tanya’s description of the French system — how do we set THAT up??
I am firmly in favor of inexpensive gifts, in part ’cause I’m from the Midwest and wedding gifts just aren’t as lavish there. (Or at least they weren’t when I was growing up….) I can’t help but see people with $$$ items as greedy, and I know my family would feel the same.
In terms of finding small gifts, we wound up registering at Target because it’s so easily available nationwide, and I’m also using a central registry that lets you choose things from ANY website (www.alternativegiftregistry.org), so the choices are broader. Good luck!
register for what you want, but maybe you can get your friends to form a few groups so that a group of friends can chip in together for a pricier item rather than each of them getting a less expensive item.
Gotta Say I agree with the Spider - those Henckels Knives are HEAVY - you wouldn’t be happy with them Pengy! If you are willing - check out the Japanese Knives - they are even lighter and sharper!
Register for what you really need/want! But what about setting up a registry somewhere else, like Amazon? You could register for more non-traditional things, like boards games.
Haha, oh my gosh Jessica, I dont feel like I even deserve to be in the same ROOM as some of those Japanese knives, they’re so nice! I love them. Maybe just one for the collection
If you register at Macy’s they’ll give you cash for the items that you return. If you register at Crate and Barrel you only get store credit. My friend is only asking for cash because they’re poor and want to be able to pay off the wedding. This may seem rude, but i guess in asian cultures it’s more acceptable. I think if people see that there isn’t anything on the registery that they can buy, or everything is bought up, they may resort to cash, in which case, you’ll be able to use the money on things you want to truly buy 
Pengy - you’ll be fine! I promise, and you’ll LOVE them. You totally deserve them anyway - just don’t cut yourself! I can’t count the number of times I’ve stabbed myself in the palm at Williams-Sonoma.
My sister did the exchange route. She only needed some of the bigger ticket items but registered for some small/cheaper stuff too. When she didn’t get all the place settings for her formal dinnerware she had registered for, she exchanged the small stuff and got everything she *really* needed.
Don’t ask for things you don’t want. Undoubtedly, you will have people that give you things off-registry that you don’t want/need, and you will have a hard enough time returning all of THOSE things!
We were kind of in the same boat, so here’s what we did. We started a free registry at honeyfund.com. Yes, I know technically it’s to register for your honeymoon, but it’s basically the same idea as Tanya mentioned above. You list the items you want (you can even link to them) and then you list the total price, and then divide that price into smaller, easier-to-swallow increments. That way, if someone can only afford $20 worth of gift, they can buy one “share” of a specific gift.
I would sign-up at a place like that, and in the box where you can write an intro, tell people exactly what you told us: you have a household of things in perfectly good use, and because you realize the things you’re asking for are on the pricey side, you registered here (as opposed to the actual stores the items come from) to possibly help alleviate costs and to encourage people to purchase gifts in groups.
Another thing to think about is this: those people who want to get you something from the registry but can’t afford high-ticket items will most likely give you a check or cash with the knowledge that you’ll put it towards something you want. Don’t give people an out to buy you a cheaper item if you really don’t want it. In my opinion, it’s better to get few things from the registry and lots of cash/checks than it is to run all over the place returning, recalculating, and repurchasing.
Putting things you don’t want for the sake of appeasing everyone is really only creating more work for yourself!
Another option: registering for your honeymoon. I’ve been seeing it more and more at the bridal fairs. It makes sense–you know you’re going, and you know you’ll need money for activities, restaurants, shows, etc. Don’t know exactly how it works but a lot of travel agencies are on board with it. Guests can put money on things you can do at your destination.
I agree that registering for giftcards is a great way to have buying power at your favorite shops, and you don’t have to go through the hassle of returning/exchanging stuff. We all know what a pain that is!
That said, definitely complete your ‘dream registry.’ (As my gf lovingly calls it) This is your wedding–when dreams come true right? =)
Kim and I plan on registering at comic, toy, art supply, camera, and tool stores, we really doubt that we will be getting much of what’s on the list. We really don’t need new furniture (ok maybe the couches could be replaced) and frankly don’t have the room for big stuff like that. The plan is to have a blind bank account that people can deposit into because what we both really need is money to get out of debt and to help heal the wounds that are known as the cost of the wedding and honeymoon.
We’re not even sure if it will work, but that way if people don’t want to get us/can’t afford the rocking machine they can give us money which will either go towards it or you know that whole pesky debt thing.
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Mrs. Penguin, Northern California
Age and Occupation: 27, Weddingbee Editor in Chief
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 30, Doctor of Physical Therapy
Engagement Date: January 29, 2007
Wedding Date: June 7, 2008
Blogging Since: September 14, 2007
Venue: Winery in the Gold Country
About Me: I love the Spice Girls, dogs with underbites, bean burritos, making messes, high fives, avoiding showers, crossword puzzles, blogs, weddings, and blogs about weddings!
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