Wedding Blog
Oh DMV, how I despise you. You make me wait for an hour to be seen on a beautiful Friday afternoon, only to be rejected for a new ID. My Social Security card is not enough to convince you that I don’t want to keep my middle name, no, I just want my First Maiden NewLast. It seems simple, right? After all, the SS office had no problem with it.
On Friday, I went to the Santa Monica DMV location, armed with my certified marriage license, my Social Security card, and my Name-Change form. My dad and I sat there amongst the herd, anxiously awaiting the moment G189 would be called. And waited. And waited. I went over the name form to make sure I entered everything correctly, and finally! I was called up. Thinking I was looking stylin’ with my hair down and my makeup camera-ready, I calmly strode up to the counter, only to be told that I can’t change my name to First Maiden NewLast. Why, you ask? Because my CA marriage certificate lists my name as First Middle Maiden, and if I want to change it, I must add the middle name to my other names. Now, I really don’t want a four name name, ya know? That’s okay for other people, but I really don’t need all those names. When I told her that I have the Social Security card to match what I wanted, get this- she told me to go back and GET A NEW CARD. Are you out of your damn mind? I have to change my name AGAIN?
This morning I called both the Social Security office and the DMV, and was told that what the DMV said has to be right, although the Social Security woman said it doesn’t make sense. My LEGAL name with the Social Security office is First Maiden New Last, why can’t that be enough to change with the DMV? Well, since my previous LEGAL name (on my marriage cert.) has the Middle in it, I must add that. To add insult to injury, I was also told that it’s just easier not to change my name with the DMV. The woman actually made a face when she said that I really shouldn’t change it to “that”. Where the hell do they find these people?
As of right now, I’m stuck. I don’t know what to do, go to the SS office to add that bastard middle name, or go back to the DMV, request a supervisor and point out that on my marriage license there wasn’t a place to put “Name after Marriage”, which seems to be pretty common in Los Angeles- so obviously it would have my OLD legal name. I’m really feeling quite frustrated, and I must say I love the Social Security office- they were so easy to deal with- compared to the TWO DMVs I’ve had to visit.
Anyone have any horror stories or advice?
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Poor Kiwi! I changed my last name at the California DMV to First Maiden NewLast with no problem about 3 months ago. I went to the DMV in Brea if that helps. The lady I went to said I could change my name to any name found on a legal document. Sounds like you just got a confused DMV person, I would definetely suggest requesting a supervisor as this type of change has definetely been done before! Best of luck to you!
No advice but now I am dreading going through the name changing process. No wonder so many people put it off! Sorry for your troubles!
I can’t believe such a small, and obviously insignificant, discrepancy is a problem. Stupid DMV! I guess they are commited to upholding their wretched reputation. 
Any chance of getting the marriage cert re-issued with the the correct name?
Leaving your name on your driver’s license will mean that if you want to get plane tickets, you’ll have to get them with your old last name and use your driver’s license to board the plane, or else you’ll need to change your name on your passport and use that to fly.
If they’re being such a pain about this, you do have the option of getting a court order to change your name to exactly what you want (First Maiden NewLast). Sure, it costs a few hundred bucks, but then you get the name you want for the rest of your life. Once you have a court order, the DMV will change your name to whatever the court order says your name is.
Is it possible for you to go to a different DMV in a different part of California that may have less stringent rules?
There is also a Nolo Press book that may help.
No advice but its not necessarily the DMV, it’s the PERSON you get. My mom works for the DMV in Santa Paula (far from you) but she gets flowers, cards, letters, etc. from people that she has helped because of her GREAT service.
Laura, at this point, I’d be glad to go to Santa Paula- I totally agree with you about that “Not necessarily the DMV” part- it just happened that the four people at two DMVs were not very nice to me. One even told me that my SS card was wrong, and if I wanted to change my name on my ID I’d have to get a court order. A COURT ORDER!
No advice, sorry, but horror stories galore. I made the mistake of going to the DMV BOTH to change my name AND to get my CA license converted to an MA license.
I came armed with every document imaginable, and in the end, the sticking point was that they needed proof of my MA address, with my new name on it. As in, mail from a utility company with my name on it. As in, “the other side of your new social security card, from the FEDERAL GOVERNMENT, with your new name and address on it, isn’t good enough, we need a stupid cable bill.”
I finally ended up taking advantage of my lawyering skills to argue them into submission, because damn it, I’d waited 2 hours and wasn’t going to wait again the next day!
(And don’t forget the pointless debate we had over why CA doesn’t have your married name on your marriage certificate. Me: “Because I wasn’t married when I filled out the information!” Them: “You should’ve put the new name down anyway.” Me: “But it wasn’t my name then!” Them: “Well, California shouldn’t do it that way.”)
Yeah, that’s nuts. I’m in Atlanta, so I’m not really much help, but I had no problem at all changing my name to First Maiden NewLast at the DMV… my social security card actually has all four names (the three above + Middle) but my DMV people actually asked what combination of names I wanted on my license. On the Georgia DMV website- and, I thought, on the national SS website, it specifically states that you can have any combo of your old name and your new last name that you want.
Kiwi - I totally feel your pain. I was told the “court order” thing, too… by social security in Illinois! I’ve been married over a year and have been negotiating having the four-name name that I didn’t want. This post (and Laura’s comment) is giving me new hope that I just need to go to a different office and get a different person until it works. DON’T just stick with the name you don’t want… SS gave me a name I totally didn’t want the first time, and when I got my card I cried. So I went back and accepted my weird hybrid name, even though I’ve technically still got my old middle name (which, like you, I want to replace with my maiden name) and two last names.
Why do they make this so hard?
I am sorry about your woes. What is weird is that I got my name on my CA Drivers License based on what it said on my SS card and what they at DMV told me that legal name changes coincided with the Social Security Name change. Weird. Hope going to another dmv office helps. The one I went to is in Nor.Cal.
I’m scared to go to the DMV because of incidences like this. I’ve changed my name on my SS and passport but still afraid of the DMV. I think I might just bite the bullet and go this Saturday. 
Go to a different DMV office. SS is a FEDERAL agency - I would NOT want my license to be different from my SS card! Plus, good luck getting on a plane without the correct name on your ID! Just go to a different DMV office and take your new SS card is my advice!
Oh, the LA County DMV is HORRID.
I have currently a hyphen in my name. When I moved from WA state back to CA, I showed them my old DL from WA and they were like, “I need MORE proof that you have a hyphen in your last name” wha? GOOD LORD. Plus, they said they WILL NOT hyphen last names.
It’s ridiculous. They are super, duper strict and now that I’m in the OC, I wonder if I’ll have the same problems when I get married?
Sorry you’re having such issues, Kiwi. Maybe Santa Paula is the way to go? Roadtrip!
since the legal name change and new social security card came AFTER you were married, shouldn’t they acknowledge the more recent and binding legal document?! If it happens again, demand a manager. There’s no way that lady was correct. Poo on her for making you waste an afternoon inside.
Ho.Ly.Cr.Ap. And no wonder I have been putting off the name change thing for 5 months… I’m just dreading the hassle. After reading the above, I may just keep my name as-is!!! Hrmmm… arghhh!
DON’T SCARE ME! AHHHHH!!!
I am a member of AAA, and I’m hoping that since they have DMV services there, I can get the new license there whenever I get married and change my name to First Maiden NewLast, especially considering I don’t have a middle name!!
AAA has AAA employees working their windows, not DMV people. Maybe I’ll have to change it back near my parent’s house in Norcal.
Kiwi– that sucks! I’m getting scared now because I plan to hyphenate my name. Looks like it’s a court order for me…
I’ve been told by several of my recently married friends in California (where I live) that you are legally able to change your maiden last name to your married last name - but if you wish to change any other part of your name (including your middle name), you need to pay the $$ and get a court order. From what several of my friends have experienced, this is the way it works in Cali.
Here is the webpage explaining some of the Cali law regarding changing your name:
http://www.courtinfo.ca.gov/selfhelp/other/namechangeadult.htm
Kiwi - I am a SoCal gal and when I got married, I changed my name to First Maiden NewLast and didn’t have a problem. I got my new SS card, and changed my passport as well. I don’t remember having a problem with the DMV - I think I went to the one on Washington Blvd. I agree with the PPs who said you should request a supervisor. Good luck!!
I just want to stick up for the DMV here. Having worked there over the summer I can see both sides of this story. “These people” you are speaking of, are very over worked. They get calls non stop asking very stupid questions that if people took 2 seconds of out their “busy lives” they would be able to answer on their own. Not to mention the hundreds of people that storm through the door all pissed off just because they are at the DMV. And a lot, asking very stupid questions. I think the worst are the ones who come in for their permit. They have already called to find out what they need to bring in (two forms one id, one has to be a birth cert.) … they come in, with no birth cert. And then bitch and moan “well I am already here, I don’t want to have to run all the way back home, whine whine whine.” None of this helps you, so let me say this. Demanding to talk to a supervisor is going to do nothing for you except get them to talk about you after you leave. If the clerk told you you can’t change it before on your marriage cert, that’s final. I’d imagine it would be easier to change your marriage cert. Sorry
Oh, I had to read this this morning… I’m off to the DMV in NYC today to try to do exactly this. But didn’t I read a Weddingbee post a while back from a bride who had the opposite problem (they wouldn’t let her have all 4 names on her license)?
I think sticking up for the DMV is bound to be a lonely cause. This will be my second trip since getting married; I made sure to research what documentation I needed and brought it all with me the first time — I had the form filled out and everything — and then when I got there (after I stood in the first line for half an hour) I noticed a sign saying the requirements had changed and now I needed a SS card too. If anyone at the DMV had taken 2 seconds out of their “busy life” to update the website, I wouldn’t have wasted my afternoon.
I understand it must be frustrating for you all. And the website, is not up the anyone at the dmv, that is done by the county clerk.
Instead of going to the DMV next, I’ve been advised to change my name on my passport first. The passport agency will not care how you want your name to read as long as you send a copy of your marriage certificate. Once you get your new passport, the DMV will have a harder time arguing with changing your name as stated on your SSN and passport. Good luck.
I used the one in SM when I had to do this and had no problem if that is of any help. In fact, I left wondering why the dmv gets such a bad rep. Hubby or I have used that office several times and haven’t had any problem. Hope you get to the bottom of this swiftly. What a nightmare!
Kinda reminds me of my experience with INS… It involved early mornings (I’m talking, waking up at the crack of dawn mornings), long, long, long — long lines and still no answers. I’ll have to share with you one day …
Good Luck with your quest.
Update: back from the DMV in NYC, and FWIW I had no trouble making this change, aside from the usual ridiculousness. There was a lot of that. Oh, and as it turns out, I didn’t need to show my SS card! The website wasn’t wrong; the signs at the office were. Thanks, DMV!
Hi! I went to the DMV in Fremont, CA (Northern California) this morning and had no problems at all. I made an appointment and finished within 10 minutes. I didn’t have my actual SS card, but brought the temporary statement from SS just in case. DMV didn’t even look at it. Most of my girlfriends, including myself and had no problems with the First Maiden Newlast. We all did it in Bay Area DMVs. Best of luck on changing it. It really varies from place to place, person to person.
Wait until you have to change it for health insurance.
According to health insurance for the past 4 months my name is the following:
First: Husband’s last
Last: First-middle names (hyphenated…which btw, is nowhere in the SSN card)
Amazingly enough for me SSN experience was a 5 min thing…plus 20 mins of waiting.
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Mrs. Kiwi, Los Angeles
Age and Occupation in 06: 27, Bookkeeper
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 27, P.E. Teach/Coach @ private schools in LA
Engagement Date: March 31, 2006
Wedding Date: November 3, 2007
Venue: Radisson Hotel
About Me: I'm a bookkeeper who failed high school algebra. I'm currently living in Los Angeles, literally a street over from where I grew up with Mr. Kiwi, my honey of three years. We have a jumbo mini-dachshund (seriously, he's huuuuge), and we're planning an autumn themed wedding on a shoestring, paid for by ourselves. The wedding date is my late grandma's birthday, I needed her there somehow, and that seemed like the best way for us. I can't believe I'm a Bee! I couldn't be more proud!
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