Here’s My Card
February 22nd, 2008 @ 4:40 pm by Mrs. Kiwi
You’d think that 3+ months after the wedding I’d be all done with any issues and repercussions, right? Not so much. Something has been bothering me for a few weeks now, and I’d like to see what your opinions are on it.
We had a person in our wedding, we’ll call her “Maddie”, I’ve known her all her life, and loved her like a sister (she’s 7 years younger than I am). Recently she began to date a guy that is disrespectful, condescending and rude, and talks down to everyone he knows, especially Maddie. He’s even gone so far as to insult her parents. He’s convinced Maddie to drop out of school and start working at the cult-er, JOB he works at. That’s all back story, though.
Here’s the deal: this boyfriend was not invited to the wedding. He’s very creepy and possessive of Maddie, and he doesn’t get along well with any of our friends and family, as he’s always saying and doing something incredibly rude. There was no way I was going pay for him to eat when friends of ours didn’t get invited due to the money issue. Anywho, he showed up at the reception anyway, took a seat at the table designated for my boss and friends, and made himself at home. We didn’t notice what was going on until we saw him there.
I found out a few weeks later that he had given my boss his card, and said he wanted to meet with him to see what his company (he’s only 20) could do for us, all the while never explaining what the actual job was. I received phone calls from Maddie asking me for my boss’ phone number so the boyfriend could talk to him. I told her I can’t do that, and she called a few more times. Somehow the BF found the number and called my boss and scheduled an appointment, managing to drag me into it and somehow leave me out of the loop at the same time.
When I tried to explain to Maddie how it’s uncomfortable for me, she got mad. The real part I guess I’m angry about is the fact that the guy came uninvited to the wedding (and the rehearsal dinner, which we EXPLICITLY told him he was not invited to- Mr. Kiwi’s mom was paying for it!), and decided to hand around his business card to anyone who would take it. When that didn’t work, he then tried to use me to help these contacts pan out, all the while knowing it wasn’t my responsibility to help him land customers at his pyramid scheme job.
What do you think of networking at weddings?
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22 Responses to “Here’s My Card”
Wow. That is horrid. I would be mortified.
How terrible! You should let your boss know right away that you do not endorse this guys business, and that he was in fact a wedding crasher.
I would be livid. Don’t people have any tact?
this was appalling…i would still be pretty ticked off myself..
i think i would mention to my boss, that the young man that he met at your wedding was an uninvited guest. let him know that you know very little of the univited guy’s business and therefore can not back up or disclaim any promised he may make.
as for networking at weddings….i guess it depends on the crowd. if it takes place, it should be low key and not in your face, like this guy seems to be.
I’ve exchanged cards at weddings before, but not as part of a hardcore sell at all– more like, hey, let’s keep in touch kind of thing. In fact, at my brother’s wedding over the summer, they seated my BF (who is an animator) with a friend of theirs in the same industry so they could meet and talk shop.
What your friend’s boyfriend did is not acceptable at all. I would’ve had him removed from both events, but I am heartless that way.
This was not just networking; this was incredibly rude and manipulative behavior. I have no problem with guests networking with each other (good for them if my wedding brings them a prosperous business relationship!) - but that is not what happened here.
You need to make it clear to your boss that the young man in question was uninvited and that you do not endorse him or his business.
Finally, I am very sorry but your friendship might be close to over. Hopefully, at some point, she will wake up and leave him, and may need your non-judgmental support at that time. Clearly, she is blind right now. But I’m not certain the friendship will last that long. She has disrespected you several times in this story, sorry.
it’s TACKY!!!! what a jerk. and i am sorry but Maddie should have been a better friend.
I agree with GetMarried4Less in regards to letting your boss know that you do not endors this person and know very little about his business. If he asks why you would go out of your way tell him that he came uninvited to your wedding and rehersal dinner and that you do not think he is the best influence on your friend. Simple and honest but not really defaming his character horribly.
Ad for networking. I happens. If people meet for the first time at a social event it is inevitable that a discussion of professions will come about. It is an easy way to start a conversation with people you do not know and a way to find common ground other than the weather (this gets boring after a while) while avoiding hot button issues such as religion, politics, etc. And since you try to seet people who have things in common together it is inevitable that some bnet working will happen. In short as long as it’s not sleazy, impolite or pushy then it’s ok.
I agree with Amanda–this isn’t about networking. And it’s clear that he’s not getting the message to back off, so you’re going to have to go the route of talking to your boss and explaining that you’re very embarassed by this whole situation, but you have nothing nice to say about him or his company and you recommend he steer clear of this gentleman. It’s a very awkward position to be placed in, but your boss will understand that it wasn’t your doing.
This is why I’m bringing my taser to the wedding! That is awful that anyone would even think to do that. Its even worse that “Maddie” wasn’t embarassed out of her socks.
If you’re a professional, networking comes with the territory and is essentail to your career. I don’t, however, think people should use intimate gatherings, such as weddings, as a platform to advance their career/business. It’s one thing if you strike up a convo with a guest that turns into a discussion about your profession/business. In this situation, I think it’s perfectly fine to offer a business card or contact info, if asked. Your friend’s boyfriend stepped over the line (several times). Your wedding wasn’t his chance to promote his business, especially if he wasn’t invited. Unfortunatley, he seems too young and arrogant to appreciate his mistake. Point blank; he’s a tool.
As far as your boss, if the situation makes you or your boss uncomfortable, I would simply explain the situation to him. Any boss worth working for will understand. The most important thing is to preserve your working relationship.
I would also have a serious talk with your friend. Doesn’t sound like she’s in the best of relationships right now.
Ooh. This makes me think that wedding bouncers might be a good idea for those uninvited “guests”. People should make a biz outta THAT!
How annoying! Tell your Boss that you have nothing to do with him and he doesn’t have to be friendly for your sake.
Networking at Weddings is wierd, especially uninvited guests.
Oh I forgot to add…
If he’s willing to crash a rehearsal and a wedding in order to network with someone he finds valuable to his business, then I question his work ethic. And that’s something the boss might like to be aware of.
girls need to be careful….my mother once told me that a man can make you or break you…in other words, he can literally ruin your life….in this case, Maddie doesn’t seem to be aware of what’s going on……Hopefully she’ll wake up and see the light of day….sheesh…
I know someone exactly like that; of course, I wish I didn’t know him.
To answer the question about networking at weddings… I would have to say that if the nature of your business comes up (ie: one guest is having an aweful time selling their home and another needs one… or one guest has a timeshare property and another is looking to vacation) then it is all in good fun. However, when the conversation turns more business-oriented than casual mingling, then we’re charting in questionable territory.
As for this guest, I would have to say that more than anything- he is young and immature and perhaps lacks a bit of couth. I believe that I speak for so many when I say that many of us have been Maddie. It is tough- and a hard lesson. If she is a good girl with a strong head on her shoulders and has a good strong family support system then I am sure that she will eventually grow out of this phase….
As far as her being upset- is sounds like she may be a tad bit young and immature as well. She sounds as though she’s drinken the koolaid and no matter how rationally you explain that the behavior was inappropriate, she’ll take it offensively. From my own experiences on various sides of this fence, I would suggest that you not push the issue too hard with her as it will just distance your and her relationship. If he is controling and influential in her life then avoiding conflicts with him is a good idea- instead, I suggest exposing her to others who are her age doing healthy, normal activities… perhaps a cute boy with good intentions or better yet, a cute boy in college who can show her how much fun it really is to stay in school and take part in all the chaos and mayhem of university life….
Good luck on all sides- and as hard as it is… let this one go. Chances are that your boss and guests will not be responsive to this wedding crasher… and those that are will not blame you for it. Don’t let his prescence overshadow the delight of your day!
EEK!
1) Maddie - I agree with everyone. She is acting her age, which is unfortunate. Until she has this guy out of her system, your friendship is in jeopardy. She needs to see things from your perspective, but until that happens, I would stay away.
2) Maddie’s boyfriend - I also agree with everyone. His behavior is immature at best. His arrogant and unprofessional behavior (especially if he is passing off coming to your wedding as your endorsement) could place your job in jeopardy.
I think it is really important to clearly state to your boss the situation and clearly state that in no means do you endorse him in any manner. And any use of your name in his discussions with your boss is without your consent.
You should explain to Maddie that he may be jeopardizing your job and it is not appreciated.
The ball is then in Maddie’s court.
Mrs. Kiwi - I have a question for you. I was going through some of the archives - and i saw that you have keratosis pilaris - and you bought KP solution. I was wondering if it worked for you….??? I was thinking about getting it I’ve been using the Eucerin creme -but havent seen results… so i’m wondering if KP solution works.
My email address is sarah (dot) zehner (at) gmail (dot) com… thanks!
Stories like this one is why my fiance’s sister said she’ll be at the door with the guest list checking everybody in.
If they where not invited they cannot get in.
My sympathies sister.
Talk about nerve!…. I see nothing wrong with networking if it somehow presents itself in a casual non rehearsed or planned fashion…. Wedding crashing and overall jacka$$edness however are beyond wrong! He sounds like a real character. I agree with a previous comment about telling your boss that you do not vouch for this “individual” separate yourself from that situation. I feel sorry for your “friend” though. I don’t know what her story is or what she lacks that would allow her to fall for someone like “mr. wonderful” but she is in trouble. Anyone that would be disrespectful to the people you love and care for, and “convince” you to drop out of school and better yourself is controlling to say the least and probably an abuser. I think she needs an intervention.
Mrs. Kiwi, Los Angeles
Age and Occupation in 06: 27, Bookkeeper
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 27, P.E. Teach/Coach @ private schools in LA
Engagement Date: March 31, 2006
Wedding Date: November 3, 2007
Venue: Radisson Hotel
About Me: I'm a bookkeeper who failed high school algebra. I'm currently living in Los Angeles, literally a street over from where I grew up with Mr. Kiwi, my honey of three years. We have a jumbo mini-dachshund (seriously, he's huuuuge), and we're planning an autumn themed wedding on a shoestring, paid for by ourselves. The wedding date is my late grandma's birthday, I needed her there somehow, and that seemed like the best way for us. I can't believe I'm a Bee! I couldn't be more proud!
Holy cow…so rude and and and disrespectful and a lot of other words that probably aren’t appropriate here. Does your boss know he crashed the wedding?
Networking happens at weddings…but it’s usually vendors making contact with other vendors if they haven’t worked together before. Maybe even a certain degree of networking happens between guests…if it’s not forced, coerced, crashed, and slimy.
For instance, my boss’ wedding had quite a few guests from the university where he works. As I was setting up, he introduced me to a particular dean. At that time, I was considering a university and this contact would have been great to have. He’s the only person I know who would do something like this, but I figured it was his wedding, he can network people if he wants to.