Mrs. Kiwi, Los Angeles
Age and Occupation in 06: 27, Bookkeeper
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 27, P.E. Teach/Coach @ private schools in LA
Engagement Date: March 31, 2006
Wedding Date: November 3, 2007
Venue: Radisson Hotel
About Me: I'm a bookkeeper who failed high school algebra. I'm currently living in Los Angeles, literally a street over from where I grew up with Mr. Kiwi, my honey of three years. We have a jumbo mini-dachshund (seriously, he's huuuuge), and we're planning an autumn themed wedding on a shoestring, paid for by ourselves. The wedding date is my late grandma's birthday, I needed her there somehow, and that seemed like the best way for us. I can't believe I'm a Bee! I couldn't be more proud!
The Answer
February 27th, 2008 @ 11:47 am by Mrs. Kiwi
As someone who regularly questions every decision she makes, whether it be her lunch, the book she’s purchasing or a pair of shoes, I did my share of questioning the marriage. I had no doubts Mr. Kiwi was an absolutely fabulous man, but I feared the choice we were making in marrying. To be honest, I have no idea why I did that, perhaps because unlike buying a pair of shoes or a book, this is something I couldn’t return (or undo) easily. Marital strife in your family can do that to you, I suppose.
I tend to think that the weeks leading up to the wedding are the most stressful and anxious, causing you to either grow closer to your intended, or show you what happens to your coupling when it’s under duress. Luckily, I passed that test, instead of tearing apart our relationship, the stress brought us together (in disgust for the friends and family who were behaving quite alarmingly) and love prevailed.
In full disclosure, I must tell you: those weeks leading up to your wedding are full of choices to be made, items to drop from the lineup, even people to drop from your life. Don’t fear if you’re even reconsidering your fiance, it’s only natural- when everything else seems to be hanging from a thread (in the case of some alterations, literally), you have to wonder if the other things will remain. If your doubts get too overwhelming, take a break from all the planning and take a “me” day. Read a book, take a bath, sit in the park. Do anything you can to just remember what your life will be like when the wedding no longer hovers over all you are doing.
I’m thankful that it didn’t come to that with Mr. Kiwi and I. When the programs had to be printed at Kinko’s the night before the 9am wedding, Mr. Kiwi took care of it. When we had to deliver all the reception stuff to the hotel the afternoon before, Mr. Kiwi did it. Did I see him the night before the wedding? Yes, because although we upheld some traditions (not seeing the dress before the ceremony), this was one I couldn’t go without. The morning of the wedding, as I was awake at 5am, my nerves were nothing to do with my marriage. It wasn’t until recently that I thought about that. After focusing for months on the possible marriage, when it came down to it, all I did was look down that aisle at my future husband and smile, knowing that I had made the right decision. Okay, and I did think a teeny bit about not falling as I walked.
Point of the story: I think it is okay to question things. It’s your brain’s way of making sure you know exactly what you’re getting into.
11 Responses to “The Answer”
Thank you for that.
Mrs. Kiwi, your situation sounds so much like my own.
Questioning things means that you’re concerned and aware of what’s going on around you. I think it’s good to question. (I tend to do it, a lot)
I’m getting a little stressed now that I’m at the 2 month mark. But I think my stress is connected to anxiety.
Speaking of questioning, I’m doing the same thing you did about your dress. *sigh* I know that I like it, but maybe I could have done a bit more research, even if I am a plus size gal?
Yes, thank you for that thoughtful post Mrs. Kiwi. I’m at the two-month mark and questioning everything but the stress has brought us together too and I think that’s a very good sign.
I’m not engaged yet. I believe my bf will propose next month or so. However I always find myself rethinking and reassesing. I think it might also because of my family background. However my bf always tries to reassure me. Hes sooo good to me i feel bad for questioning
How is it like now that you are married. Are you kinda like “what was I so worried about?”
Joyce, it is JUST like that. Now I’m sitting here going, huh, I had nothing to worry about. I really am a very lucky girl, I think.
My dad asked me the other day if I was having second thought about getting married (our wedding is about 4 1/2 months away). I’ve known I was going to marry FI since very early in our relationship. I told my dad it was too early for me to have second thoughts. I expect those closer to the wedding! Thanks for reminding me it’s natural.
thank you so much for this post, mrs. kiwi! it’s crazy how much stress a wedding can put on a betrothed couple…it makes you wonder why so many of us go through it!
aww, what a sweet entry.
i love that you’re sooo honest with your feelings on here.
befor ethe proposal i questioned myself about our future together…..fairly regularly. i sensed an impending proposal and i just wanted to really “think it thru” before i was actually asked.
now that my wedding is 8 months away, i am pretty sure that all of the stress and anxiety i am enduring is purely wedding related.
i am not concerned about our relationship at all. and i feel confident that we are both going to give ourselves to this marriage wholely. making it as great as possible.
I’m glad you posted this. I’ve been questioning the same things, lately, but I know that it is only natural.
I mean, come on, we’re promising ‘until death do us part’. I don’t ever want to get divorced, so is this really what I want? Is this marriage best for both him and I?
Anyway, thanks for reconfirming that it is our brains way of letting us know what we’re getting into. I’m excited to be married!
Great post. Thank you for sharing your experience.
