Ballot Box
Feature Launched: August 1, 2007
About: Readers helping brides in making a decision.
The Imperfect Gown
February 27th, 2008 @ 6:04 pm by Ballot Box
Greetings, Wedding Bees!
I’m a 36-year old bride-to-be in Portland, OR, in the midst of many a gown shopping adventure. I have some photos to offer, all of which feature gowns that are probably not quite right… I beseech your advice.
My Aunt recently mailed me two family wedding gowns to try on. I was tremendously excited by the prospect of wearing a family dress. One is hers, which I believe is from the early 90’s, and the other is my Grandmother’s, which was custom-made of silk satin on Newbury Street in Boston in 1941. Most of my friends have taken one look at these and know that, while it would be great to wear a family dress, they are both too dated. (The problem with my Grandmother’s is that, because the 80’s so heavily borrowed from the 40’s…it looks totally 80’s!).
Check them out… Please ignore the need for alteration for a moment and focus on the styles. Do either of these work for you?
Here is Auntie’s.
I’m making that face to symbolize the huge, sassy tulle at the bottom. It’s awesome, but maybe in too much of an early Madonna way? My aunt rocked it, to be sure. I just wonder if I walked down the aisle in this, if reactions would generally be, “WHAT is she wearing?!”
Here is my Grandmere’s.
I’m sure the puffy sleeves and the dress overall looked immensely fashionable in 1941. But for me, it would have been more appropriate for my junior prom in 1988 than for my upcoming wedding. But what if I did it up all swing-era? A couple friends have given resounding “no’s”.They don’t like the puffy sleeves, or the conservative neckline, or the waistline and where it hits me (kind of high). Could it get a total makeover somehow?
The next three photos are of a luscious brushed silk satin Watters gown I bought from Brides Against Breast Cancer a few months ago. It’s a simple, elegant A-line with just enough detail and a big enough train to make it sweet and romantic. Please judge:
Charming, right? Would accept a variety of interesting accessories?
Ok. Now that you’ve seen those… here’s a photo of the type of gown I’m actually still looking for. It’s the flowy goddess thing. This particular one is a bit too Roman-costume (the sample is also too small, so imagine it sitting up a bit higher).(Kudos to La Belle Reve Bridal Salon in Bellevue, WA! My consultant Olga was a doll, and the store is beautiful.)
I think this shape is flattering…I’m an 8, and lots of dresses make me look bigger (unfortunately including the flapper-y lace one behind me). This one is slimming, I think, and I love the flowy fabrics. The wedding will be indoors in the fall, so the trick is to find a flowy yet formal gown. Now, I have sewn a few things, and I might attempt to make something like this myself out of silk charmeuse and chiffon.
Having seen all these, is it a definite no for both family dresses? Which direction do you think is best? Thanks for your help!
Sincerely,
Guest Bee, Portland, OR
71 Responses to “The Imperfect Gown”
I like the idea of wearing the funky dresses, but in reality, you look a lot better in either of the “new” dresses. I like the Grecian one best.
Another idea is to find someone to custom sew you a dress using some of the material from either of the family dresses.
Oh….I love the idea of wearing your Grandmother’s dress from the 1940’s….would she let you change the sleeve perhaps??
Altough the thought of wearing a family dress is lovely, I do think they are dated! (Unless you’re willing to do some major alterations like taking the sleeves off the first one to be off the shoulder or even strapless and then taking out some tulle of the bottom - it’ll be like a Molly Ringwald-Pretty in Pink creation! although we all saw how that dress turned out)
Saying that, I think the last one looks DIVINE on you!
I was going to say the same thing as Maude. Is it ok for you to use their dresses for material and have a gown custom made for the look you want? If not, I would go with one of the new ones!
I think you definitely look better in the new dresses (love the last one). The old ones would need a lot of changes, which seems a shame.
Hope your relatives aren’t too offended if you don’t wear theirs. One way to explain it is that, when you tried them on, you realised they were so quintessentially ‘of the moment’ … that you decided you wanted a dress of your ‘moment’. If that makes sense.
… and unless you were just going to add a tidy piece as a token, I don’t really like the idea of cutting up an old dress … reminds me of that moment in 27 Dresses where her sister hacks up her mother’s dress.
the first one maybe could get some modernizing and look okay. the 2nd one I ma having trouble seeing well because of the angle and lighting….no idea if you could change it up. You already own the 3rd, so obviously you like it. But, I really like the last one on you!
I kind of like the Aunt’s dress, like maybe if you changed the sleeves! But the last one you look most comfortable in! I’m no help.
you look so pretty in the Watters gown!
A Portland bride, me to! I love the last dress but I also think with little altering the first one would look great to. I should look at La Belle Reve, since I have not had any luck yet in Portland. Good Luck.
I like your aunts dress if you made it sleeveless or strapless. I am not a huge fan of your grandmothers dress unless you changed the sleeves and the neckline but it sounds like you can’t change it.
that being said, the new dresses are very beautiful. i like the grecian style better on you - i agree its flattering and its a bit more modern.
something like this is sort of like that (and incredibly affordable):
http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/2920433/0~2376776~2374327~2374331~6014155?mediumthumbnail=Y&origin=category&searchtype=&pbo=6014155&P=1
also really pretty and simple - maybe you could embellish with a beaded trim around the bust?
http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/2927913/0~2376776~2374327~2374331~6014155?mediumthumbnail=Y&origin=category&searchtype=&pbo=6014155&P=1
good luck!
Auntie’s dress with shortened sleeves (to maybe one or two inches) and less tulle on the bottom… could actually work.
But the last dress was definitely the best.
I like that roman goddess dress on you. The one above was also very nice but less interesting. And the top two just don’t do you justice. Although i’m sure back in the day they were lovely.
Why not cut grandma’s dress to be strapless? Then it kinda/sorta looks like the watters gown.
I like the one you bought. It has more form to it and might photograph better, though the grecian one might be more comfy…. Tough call, but you already have one, I guess it’s up to your budget. Try putting the one you own up for sale and seeing what you can get for it and then go buy something you love, not just like w/ the proceeds. Or, maybe I’m just in the poor person frame of mind…. you could always wear the one you have AND another one that you like too. Neither of your family dresses look reconstrucable unless you totally cut them down (like in 27 dresses).
Maybe you could change into one of both of the vintage gowns during the reception? Similar to what some Chinese brides do. Of course, this might eat up valuable time.
Both of them really represent the era they come from but wearing them as-is might look a little too costumey?
I like the 3rd dress best. :\ But it is YOUR wedding, and if you aren’t happy with it… shop on! I don’t think either of the vintage dresses are right.
I like the one you already have. The Grecian goddess one is beautiful, but it reminds me of maternity wear-think Jessic Alba at the Oscars. I don’t know if it is just from being around old Asian people, but your guests might think you’re expecting! You have a fantastic figure and you should show it off!
I love the grecian one on you - its gorgeous, but it does look kind of summery to me.
You could definately make auntie’s strapless and tame the tulle into a cute mermaid. Hard to see what you could do with your grandma’s.
The one you bought is very nice as well.
It would take a lot of alterations, but you could try to make your auntie’s gown into something like this:
http://weddings.theknot.com/odb/themes/gowns/DetailView.aspx?type=4&id=28858
I like the one you have. But I love the top of your aunt’s dress. I guess it’s not your style but your grandmere’s dress is lovely. If you could alter the bottom of your aunt’s dress, that would be my choice.
The family dresses….you should listen to your friends. The Auntie’s one isn’t horrendous, but it is definitely dated. Your grandmother’s….should remain your grandmother’s.
The draping of the last dress is gorgeous and it’s a beautiful and unique style. I do not think it looks like a maternity dress at all. I also don’t see what would be wrong with wearing that dress indoors in the fall….Portland isn’t Minnesota; it’s not like it’ll be 20 degrees. 
If you need to see more greco-roman-style gowns, you should post on the Dress board of the Knot. Those ladies have tons of suggestions for every wish.
I actually really like the “80’s” dress - but I would want to alter the sleeves to be an off shoulder thinner strap - and nix the long sleeves. Is this possible?
I too have a family dress that I was encouraged to wear. I believe it was first worn in the late 1880s or 1890s, and has been worn by someone every generation since, including my mother, her mother, her mother, and if my mother is correct, her mother as well. My mother looked stunning in it, but that was because she was gorgeous and would have looked great in a burlap sack. I had to wait to break the news to my mother in person that I was not planning on wearing the dress, which she took surprisingly well. One thing that I would suggest is, if there is such a thing, suggesting to wear something that all of your relatives wore to their weddings, or seeing if you could borrow something from each. That way you are honoring your family while still allowing yourself the opportunity to wear the dress you want.
Incidentally, I think that the flowy goddess dress looks lovely.
You could take your aunt’s and have the tulle removed, hem it shorter and wear it to the after party - a little more sassy but still bridal looking.
Have your gramnda’s hemmed to knee length and sleeves shortened or removed and wear it with fabulous heels to an engagement party (or any pre-wedding party)
I vote #4, its stunning!
You could definately alter the family ones though! and Moondance has a great idea about using them for other events if you’re able!
No offense to your grandma or auntie, but no to both their dresses (though the one worn by your aunt has a great body and can be really pretty with a lot of work).
hmmmm……..if its not possible to remake one of the family dresses into something you would love……then i would keep hunting.
i would look for the goddess dress you want.
My dress is flowy and airy but not too roman - here it is:
But without the belt:
http://grapefruitmoon.typepad.com/kristinjane/2008/01/the-great-minne.html
I can let you know all the details if it’s something you might be interested in.
Oh my goodness!!! Look at all these comments??? How are you going to make a decision??? You know what?? You have to go with the dress that you feel the best in…..remember, it’s YOUR wedding dress.
lou, I was thinking of that same moment. Cutting up family heirloom’s makes me twitch (I also happen to be the family packrat, so grain of salt here), but of the two I’d rather you cut up the aunt’s 80s gown. Not many people I know have family gowns from WWII. The material rations (silk for parachutes) were tough on brides.
I can see your Aunt’s dress working if the sleeves could be altered (halter? cap-sleeve?) and some of the tulle poofiness reduced on the bottom…follow your gut instincts. It’s your wedding–I’m sure the final result will be beautiful regardless!
I like the dress you already own and the grecian style one. But you can totally rock your aunt’s dress as well. I like the bodice material from the picture. Sleeve depends on your setting. Maybe you could alter the bottom half of your aunts dress to be more flowy (I don’t the sharp pointed ends on the bodice). But if you want to save on alot of alterations money and trouble, I say stick with the one you already own.
As soon as I saw your post, I knew I had to respond… I also think it is wonderful of your family to offer their dresses, but you want something that will make you feel beautiful. I love the last dress the best, but if you are not sure keep looking, you want to feel radiant. You can always sell the watters dress later. Best of Luck and Happy Wedding!
I like the third dress best, but I think it would be very cool if you could make the 40s gown work.
I love the Watters gown- I think the material just glows, and the cut is very flattering on you. The grecian dress hides your curves too much.
The last dress definitely hides your curves too much, and I agree with the other poster who said it might not photograph very well. Good luck on choosing you’ve got a great figure and a beautiful face!
I love your grandmother’s dress! I think if you found someone good you could easily make some alterations to modernize it. You would look stunning! (ok, so that’s a given, but you know what I mean.) I also love the idea of a unique gown with history, it’s so much more personal.
I’m also going to agree that that particular grecian-style dress hides your curves too much. You’ve got gorgeous curves, show them off!!
Good luck!
(The full disclosure: I am very partial to the retro styles - which does not include the 80’s, so I am slightly biased.)
I like your Aunts dress and the Watters Gown.
If alterations are doable on the aunts gown, I would say cut the sleeves, get rid of the triangle darts where the tulle begins. I think the dress would be lovely, honestly - dated schmated.
The Watters gown is stunning and would be safe and elegant. Not as fun as your aunts. Good luck - you are very pretty, you can pull any of these off.
Every woman deserves her “gown.” Both your Grandma and Aunt got to pick their dream dress on their wedding day, so do you. My FMIL offered me her wedding dress (she does not have any daughters) but she understood that it’s important for me to find the dress of my dreams. She was not offended and in fact helped me find my dream dress at a bridal store.
You just have to go with what you really can picture yourself in. If you wear one of the family dresses, but regret it in the long-run, you’ll be disappointed. I think the newer dresses flatter you much more, anyway.
I need some help planning my wedding as well. The wedding is in less than four months, and I still have a lot to do. I post on a blog here: http://soontobemisses.blogspot.com
Take a look at it, and leave some comments to give me your opinions, please. :]
I like the top of your aunt’s dress. A good seamstress can probably do something great with it.
I also think you look great in the Watters gown.
I LOVE the last one on you!
The other ones are not as flattering.
I like the possibilities (mermaid, strapless) of the first dress that other ladies have mentioned.
Grandmere’s dress is a bit too much of a treasure to cut up–it’s amazing material, and being custom-made for her… it should remain intact. I don’t think it’s flattering on you.
The third dress has GORGEOUS material, but aside from the back, it’s underwhelming.
The goddess style, done correctly, is unusual and really lovely. I vote for the goddess.
Is it possible to have the long sleeved gown turned into a little bolero? It could be dyed to match your current gown.
I vote for Auntie’s dress. Do something with the sleeves — I’m envisioning off-the-shoulder — and I think it could be gorgeous!
I love the dress you bought it looks beautiful on you. Your aunt’s dress also looks very nice on you too. but if I had to choose one I would go with the one you bought
I like the last dress featured from the bridal salon.
The last dress actually made me gasp. It is stunning. Third is nice… but thats it. It looks like every dress you see on every bride. You can work the Grecian thing… Go for it! And show us pictures!
Absolutely the Watters gown! It looks so good on you.
i’m really not a fan of the grecian thing… kinda looks like a pregnancy dress to me. but that’s my personal style. my favorite dress is number three, because it’s traditional/classic but still a little unique. i definitely see potential in your aunt’s dress as well… if the tulle was removed… i love the top, particularly if it was cut off the shoulder!
I love the Grecian style. And it looks totally gorgeous on you. And that high waisted style is totally in fashion now, as well as being hugely classic. I agree that if you are short and curvy it can make you look a little preggers, but your photo looks like you have the right proportions for it!
I am sure that most women save their dresses for years with the idea that somebody else will eventually wear them… and its really nice of your family to offer, but that doesn’t mean that you have to. My sister wore my mom’s dress, and it looked great on her. I would never consider it, because its just not my style (and it wouldn’t fit without lots of alterations). And I know my mom would rather see me in my own dress than see me cut hers to ribbons.
i like the last dress the best! its gorgeous!
I like the look of the Waters gown on you best.
I think your aunt’s would look good if the sleeves were cut so that only thick straps went hung from your shoulders and the extra poof with tulle was taken out from the bottom of the dress.
Hi!
Your aunt’s dress is sort of the like the trendy form fitting, mermaid skirt dresses from the Oscars…..minus the sleeves and some fitting issues. A good streamstress would be able to make it with thin straps, take off some of the tulle, and get the dress to hug your curves.
But, if your dream dress is a goddess dress … which you look great in ….. and the Watters dress is also beautiful …. wear what you love!
I love your aunt’s dress! I would either make the sleeves shorter or get rid of them and make a very wide neckline with the straps just about to fall off your shoulders. For the bottom of the dress, just get rid of the triangles and I think it will all of a sudden look very modern.
Here are my choices in order:
1 - 4 - 3 - 2
The only reason that granny is last is because I could not figure out exactly how the dress looked.
I LOVE both of the vintage dresses but for different things. Could you find someone to hack up both dresses and make a new one? Perhaps use the lovely lace and drop waisted top of the first, take off the sleeves so its either straples or a v-neck sleeveless and sow it onto the awesome satin bottom of your grandmothers.
I LOVE the last gown! So flowy and surreal. I also love your Watters gown! I was actually going to purchase the same exact one last year for the same reasons… simple embellishment and lovely train.
I definitely think you can do something with your aunts dress! I’m thinking of making it a strapless sweetheart neck line and taking out some of the tulle at the bottom so its not so poofy. I also love the grecian dress on you. Maybe you can wear your aunt’s dress (if altered) for your ceremony and the grecian for the reception (like a party dress).
I like the Watters dress best. It’s elegant and it shows off your curves. I’ve never liked what I call “pregnancy dresses” like the last one, that only have definition under the bust, but if that’s your style, then go for it. You should be happy with your dress (but I’d still suggest having a few darts or cutting the chiffon a bit slimmer at the waist so you have some shape).
Perhaps you could use some of the material from both of the family gowns to create your own. You could copy some of the style of the empire gown and use the lace from your aunts dress for the top and the silk from your grandmothers for the skirt. Perhaps adding some gathers to make it fall nicely and then trim the hem with more of the lace. If you like the tulle you can always use a little at the top in pleated fashion peaking out above and below the bodice.
If you are really set on the grecian dress look for Matthew Christopher’s gown “Josephine” I absolutely loved the dress but am really too short to pull it off!
I actually like your Aunts dress… It’s a little funky, but if the wedding is put together just so it could really be great HOWEVER, you do have your heart set on a particular style (the last dress), and you should definitely make that happen… When I got my dress I was sick of bickering with my pushy family (mom/sister), so I caved in to keep the peace and ended up with a dress I didn’t love. I know now more than ever that the dress I wanted would have fit my theme so much better. My dress was beautiful, but not “THE dress” - Good Luck
I love the watters one. Simply beautiful!
I actually like the first dress. You look very pretty in it, I think all you need to do is to update it a little bit (maybe make it strapless?). BUT I have to say the last dress is just gorgeous! YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL in it!! =)
I like the last one the best. It is so flowy and a little different from most of the dresses you see people wearing.
WOW! I’m loving all this feedback! So fun. Ladies, thank you! Many of you have the same excellent vision for my Aunt’s dress - a vision I would not have seen on my own.
Kristin: Your Vera Wang gown is incredible. She is a genius…don’t know if I can afford a Wang gown, but I can try to make something like it or find a sample.
With your help, I’m leaning toward one dress for the ceremony (Auntie’s or Watters) and a flowy one for the reception. I will post more pictures when I make progress.
You Wedding Bees are the best!!
Definitely a “No” on both family dresses. They are very outdated and I think the amount you would spend on altering them or transforming them into something modern, you might as well buy a new dress. I do, however, like your goddess style dress.
Cymbeline all the way, no question. Found one on ebay - Link below.
T=I prefer your aunts dress on you as it suits your shape and you certainly don’t look 36 more like 26 . i think if you took out the sleeves of your aunts dress it would look very now as that is the style of the moment. love the other dresses but prefer the first one,it would look beautiful with the lace just capping your shoulder.
