The Language Of Love
March 3rd, 2008 @ 8:27 am by Mrs. Cupcake
This weekend, Mr. Cupcake and I attended a Marriage Preparation Workshop at the church where we’ll be getting married. We didn’t really know what to expect, but we were pleasantly surprised by how much we enjoyed the day’s events.
After lunch with six other couples who are getting married at the church this year, our workshop began with Betsy, a professional marriage counselor/therapist. The day focused much less on religion than it did on marriage and the issues that newlyweds face. The four main topics were:
• communication
• spending habits and financial planning
• family of origin
• sexuality and intimacy
I found the communication topic to be most interesting. According to a handout that explained Dr. Gary Chapman’s “Five Love Languages,” the five ways we communicate in relationships are through:
- Quality Time
- Giving undivided attention
- Talking and listening to one another
- Being free from all distractions and focusing on being together - Words of Affirmation
- Words that build up or encourage one another
- Verbal compliments and kind words - Receiving Gifts
- Visual symbols of love — purchased, found or made - Acts of Service
- Doing things you know another person would like you to do - Physical Touch
- Holding hands, kissing, embracing, sex
Betsy had us rank our own love language priorities, as well as what we thought our significant other’s priorities would be. For myself, my priorities are:
- Quality Time
- Words of Affirmation
- Physical Touch
- Gifts
- Acts of Service
For Mr. Cupcake, I thought his priorities would be:
- Physical Touch
- Quality Time
- Words of Affirmation
- Acts of Service
- Gifts
When we compared our lists, I was totally surprised to find out that our “love language” priorities are actually exactly the same. It was refreshing to hear that spending quality time together is his favorite thing, too, over “Acts of Service” (how un-romantic is that?) which finished last for both of us. It looks like we’re made for each other, after all!
What are your “love language” priorities with your Mister? Do you think/know if his are the same, or very different? If different, how do you make it work?
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5 Responses to “The Language Of Love”
There is an online test. I had my FI take it as well as myself. It surprised us that we are the complete opposite of one another. I ranked a 10 on Physical Touch and FI a 1. We joke when I want to hand hold or sneak a kiss that I’m a 10 and he a 1…. But he understand that that is what I need as a language of Love and he has been giving more to me to show his affection.
we took it during our pre-marital counseling course at our church, but we both got different results each time we took it. honestly, i don’t even remember mine anymore except the top one, but i think we both ranked quality time as first. however, our other top ones were quite different.
because we had been together for quite awhile before getting engaged and married, we had already somewhat learned each others’ languages and adapted, without knowing they were necessarily called that and what we were doing. for example, he shows a lot of love through acts of service, and i now totally swoon when he runs errands for me, changes me oil, etc. it can totally be romantic, as any manifestations of any of the languages can be if you learn to recognize and appreciate them, as gary chapman goes on to say in his book.
here is the test online, for those that are interested in taking it 
http://www.youthnetsouthampton.org.uk/breakout/lovelanguages.php
Hmmm actually I do think Acts of Service are romantic. It’s nice when your significant other does a chore you dislike, to make your life easier To me it just means he’s thinking of me and trying to ease my load. I like that. But then, Acts of Service is in my top two love languages!
Mrs. Cupcake, Philadelphia
Age and Occupation: 27, Graphic Designer
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 29, Construction Project Manager
Engagement Date: February 10, 2007
Wedding Date: September, 2008
Blogging Since: December 7, 2007
Venue: The Desmond Hotel in Malvern, PA
About Me: Mr. Cupcake and I hit it off at a Halloween party and immediately began a long-distance relationship. After two years, he moved to my neck of the woods, and a year and a half after that, he proposed at the “place we fell in love.” I am a true perfectionist who enjoys designing and creating more work for myself, so wedding planning is my perfect outlet. Mr. Cupcake and I are both old souls, and we hope to weave that aspect of our personalities into our wedding day.
i’ve actually pruchased Dr. Gary’s book and have went thru it….but my FI hasn’t yet bc we are still working on another book together.
at the end there is an assessment to help those who are not clear about what their love language is.
i took it once. twice. three times. and was startled that each time i ranked the exact same.
i appear to be tri-lingual with Quality time/Acts of Service/ and Physical Touch each scoring the same exact amount.
every.single.time.
not sure how easy or difficult this makes it for my FH to love me, but we are working thru it. i have learned to be more vocal with my needs and better understand his. which is Quality time.
btw: Great book if you want to get more into those 5 love languages.
glad to hear your premarital counseling went great!