Miss Magnolia, Atlanta
Age and Occupation: 28, Public Affairs and Government Relations
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 28, Lobbyist
Engagement Date: December 1, 2006
Wedding Date: January, 2008
Blogging Since: September 6, 2007
Venue: catherdral ceremony/private club reception
About Me: Mr. Magnolia and I are thrilled to be planning an evening, winter wedding for 200 people in Atlanta. We both work in politics and share a love of University of Georgia football, pop culture, and good food! I'm a runner who adores wedding magazines, bad reality television, and a
good glass of wine. Most of the time I like to think I'm pretty organized, but between wedding planning, house hunting, and a full-time job, I'm being put to the test!
But You’re Married!
March 4th, 2008 @ 6:30 pm by Mrs. Magnolia
Lately, I’ve noticed a strange kind of reasoning coming from my husband. I’m a girl, I struggle with my weight, I break out from time to time… basically, I have the same superficial concerns that you’ll find in many young women - single, engaged, or married.
Except now, when I whine to Mr. Magnolia about my favorite jeans being too tight, his response is, “But you’re married…” On our trip to Wal-Mart this weekend, I snatched up some ever-helpful Oxy 10, and he asked, “What do you need that for?”
“To help clear up my skin,” I replied. You can guess his response:
“But you’re married…”
I don’t know about you guys, but I don’t look at a wedding ring on my finger as a reason to “let myself go.” First of all, I have a corporate job that really prefers me to look put together, and second of all, it’s not really about looking a certain way for other people. I like it when I know I look good. And yes, I like to look good for Mr. Mags as well! I didn’t start running to “catch a husband,” and I don’t plan to stop now that I have one! Similarly, I would prefer to keep my skin clear, because it kind of grosses me out when I’m overtaken with pimples.
Be honest - is there anyone out there who thinks she just might (even if inadvertently) “let herself go” after the wedding? Or do you think your husband has/will do so? Anyone who thinks MY husband will do so? 
*Please excuse any errors in this post…I’ve typed it on my blackberry while stranded at the DC airport.*
25 Responses to “But You’re Married!”
WOW you blogged for us at the airport! High Five Mags!
A small part of me wants to let myself go after the wedding. Haha, okay maybe not, but I dont think Mr. Peng will let me. I love taking care of my skin, nails, etc, but I guess the hardest part will be hitting the gym 4 days a week like I am now to prep for my wedding dress. The obvious solution is for me to get a new wedding dress every 2 years so I can have some sort of goal like that. Not too bad of an idea, right? Haha.
I am all with you! I feel the same way! But I think it’s cute that your husband doesn’t think you need to do anything because he thinks you are perfect as you are.
Ahh yes. My FIs friend calls it “fat and happy”. What men dont seem to understand is that we dont worry about our looks for them. We just want to look better than the girl standing next to us! As far as I know, marriage doesnt mean you crawl in a hole or only hang out with guys…so yes, after the wedding I will be as superficial as I was before.
I guess I think I probably need to work harder. Not that he doesn’t think I’m great anyway, but now there will be someone around ALL THE TIME. While its nice to know that he didn’t really notice when I put on (and then took off) 10 lbs when I tore the ligaments in my ankle, I feel icky when I don’t take care of myself. And having FI around all the time is a very good reason to feel good - so that I can take full advantage of enjoying having him around all the time! Actually I know he feels the same way - he actually got a physical for the first time in years, and has started working out more - for his health, he says, since he wants to be with me as long as possible.
We look at our married friends who have kind of let themselves go, and our married friends who haven’t, and I think the second group is happier (with themselves and each other). We hope to be that way.
My FI has already gained about 10 pounds since he met me LOL. I certainly don’t intend to let myself go just because I’m married ! I will continue to do the things with make me feel good and boost my confidence ! Plus not only men judge you on how you look ! The whole world makes assumptions on how well you are put together !
oh this is always on my mind.
i’m a plus size girl. always have been…and when FH started dating i stopped going to the gym everyday and cuddled with him more…and he wined and dined me and cuddled me and i happily gained quite a lot.
now, i’ve been working at getting that excess weight off. and have conquered nearly half of it so far.
but even thru the weight gain, i always dressed nice, hair nice, face nice.
i have no intention of “letting myself go”. you wont catch me out in baggy sweats with my hair pulled back in a ratty pony tail looking a mess.
i’d love to keep my husband interested after the newlywed haze has worn off. 
I also wanted to say how impressed I am that you were writing from the airport.
Mr. P is always asking me why I am getting “all dolled up.” Regardless of where we are going, he always thinks that I am spending too long getting ready and that I look pretty “without all that stuff.” He seems to think that I should have tossed my makeup and switched to full time sweatpants after he proposed. I like looking nice. We’ll see what happens after we have kids
I think for me I got comfortable with my man. We are not yet married, we are getting married in November. But he has lived with me for 3 years now. And let’s just put it this way …. I’ve again about 50lbs since we’ve been together. Now I am trying to work out and get healthier again because well I want to look hot in my wedding dress haha, and I want to look better for myself and feel better about myself. When I ask FI to work out with me, or not eat an entire large pizza because we have a wedding coming up and if we lose weight our sex lives will be better (that’s medically proven) and since we’ve stop having sex and are now waiting until we are married, sorry but I want really good sex. His response is usually, “well you already love me how I look, I don’t need to change”.
When we got back from our honeymoon, I was the heaviest I’ve ever been. Bleh. Happily, I’ve lost the “party weight” (from wedding-related feasting, stress, lack of workout time and then delectable honeymoon meals) and managed to get into something of an exercise routine since we’ve settled into married life. The hubs likes it when I exercise because I sleep better and stay in a good mood. That I look better than I did when he married me is an added bonus.
Well i think i am the only bride who actually stopped working out once i got engaged. I ran out of time. I am just now getting back into the gym before the wedding. But hemoraging $$$ for this wedding is taking its toll on my usual “upkeep”. I have sacrificed jeans, dresses, shoes… getting my hair done NOT nearly enough anymore- and all for wedding things!
I feel like i will be more put together AFTER the wedding since i will have money again : )
Great post! And a constant issue for us - we’ve been married for 10 months now
Let me preface this my saying I met my husband in Jan of my crazy athletic goal year. I wanted to get a ‘Rockstar’ medal from this racing series I do - so I ran 4 1/2 marathons and 1 marathon in that year. Meaning I RAN and worked out all the time!! Think gym rat. We got married in the April of that next year - so that’s the only me my husband knew. The reality is that even though I’m always doing something athletic/active I do go thru cycles. Just cause I don’t go to the gym for 3 months doesn’t mean I’ll never go again.
So between that year burning me out and the 4 month wedding planning craziness - I fell off that horse! Now that we are married I just can’t seem to get back into my routine. Heading to the gym at 5am is much different when you’re leaving someone behind in bed! I feel like I also have all these new tasks as a wife and things I need to get done
He’s pretty frustrated with my lack of gym motivation because he doesn’t want us to ‘go to pot’. Like really frustrated. (We both feel strongly about eating healthy and working out to take care of ourselves) Which of course I’m a girl so I automatically think “You’re not going to still love me if I gain weight!”. None of which is true - but it’s a vicious cycle of the mind!!
I do not want to let myself go. I’d definitely like to get these lumps back to being curves!! I just need to find that motivation! Hopefully the warm weather will help! Plus we’re going to be signing up for a MS Bike Ride so we’ll have to train for that! We both have love handles we’d like to get rid of!
I want to echo Mrs. Violet that I think it’s cute your hubby doesn’t think you need to”take care” of yourself now that you’re married.
Next time he says that, you should just say that you want to make him look good, that he is married to such a beautiful, inside and out, wife. But most importantly, you are taking proper care of yourself so that you will live to be with Mr. Magnolia as long as possible, like suzanno’s husband says. =)
oops I meant suzanno’s FI.
Kudos to Mrs. Mags for blackberry-ing/blogging!
I will 2nd jhearta’s comments and think I’ve gotten busier after the engagement and been taking care of myself less. I’ve been doing my own color and nails (and quite infrequently, I might add).
I think I have a FI with a different point of view though. FI’s mom is basically a trophy wife. I don’t think SHE would ever let me “let go of myself”. And FI loves when I look hot or nice. I admit he most frequently arrives home to see me with no make-up, sweats, and ready for bed (but he also gets home very late from work).
Oh-back to the topic - don’t think I can let myself go. FI loves the mani/pedi, waxes, hair done, sexy heels, etc.
i’m with jennilee. my insecurities come from comparison of self to other girls, not from acceptance by S.O.
maybe his encouragement of “letting yourself go” is his strategy for reducing risk of you getting stolen by another man!
[…] Magnolia of WeddingBee talks about a strange post-wedding phenomenom. Seems like her new husband thinks she needs to worry less about her appearance now that […]
Your husband is suggesting you should let yourself go?! I would be worried he was doing it as an excuse to let himself go!
My FI has distinctly said to me, “I like when you get your nails done.” So I guess he doesn’t feel the same way as Mr. Magnolia. We like getting dressed up every so often for things. I don’t plan on “letting myself go” but I do know that I will be much busier than I am now since I’m going back to school so I’ll have less time for gym, etc. In some ways, I think FI is sort of amazed and intrigued my girly things. Occasionally he’ll be like, “Wow. Your earrings match your shirt!”
i’ve gained weight since my wedding. it wasn’t on purpose. and i didn’t intend to let myself go. but with life continuously going on and the stress of work i really have let myself go. and since i’m one of those emotional eaters - food being historically a great source of joy for me - i just ate for the enjoyment and didn’t really pay attention to my waistline.
my husband is very nice. he probably wouldn’t care if he didn’t see that i felt so affected by it. but i think he also kind of misses the more slender svelt version of me but won’t say it outright to me.
all my friends responses have been who cares about how you look, you’re married.
but honestly there is this little thing in my head that wants to do it 1. for my own vanity. 2. because i told myself before i had kids i’d get myself to fit body again.
I don’t get it. I know some women let themselves go after marriage but that ususally coinsides with having kids and progressively less time so they become the last priority. I think everyone should take care fo themselves no matter what type of relationship they have, engagement, dating, single, married, divorced it doesn’t matter being healthy and confident because you look and feel good is a trend that all women should follow no matter what stage of life they are in. You can tell the women who have done this all of thier lives. They are in thier 80s and look amazing. My grandmother is one of those women. she looks liek she is in her 60s and is taking up golf and water aroebics and still making new friends.
The boy and I have been together for over 6 years now and living together for the past 4 (getting hitched this July). We’ve actually lost about 20 lbs each since we met and have started taking better care of ourselves. I think part of it is that we want to be healthier and live longer now that we’re together. And I was a little bit insecure and an emotional eater before we met, but am just a lot more comfortable with myself and happier now and don’t need food for comfort anymore. It’s odd, but I think we’re both trying to better ourselves for each other, not the reverse, and I don’t see that changing once we get married.
yeah i don’t think i would let myself go.. i mean i was already saying to FI to get me a treadmill bc I plan to walk when and if i was pregnant to keep fit and run right after.. but that’s a bit ahead of myself. even before or after the wedding, i’ve always kept up with my looks making sure i have enough moisturizer and now with the sun, making sure i have on spf before going out. i want to age well.. =) to me, looking good makes me feel good and in turn gives me a boost of confidence. so carry on mrs mags! =)
I keep, and will keep, my body image in check through healthy living, and keeping up with makeup and fashion. I enjoy that. My fiance knows that is part of “me” and would never question it. I’m very surprised by your husband’s reaction… did he really think that your efforts were just to get him to marry you? Sheesh! We do this for ourselves, too!
I’ve always struggled with my weight and my DH knows this. So while he’d love if I lost a few, he loves me just the way I am.
He, on the other hand, has gained weight. Lots of weight. Even though he’s put on a few (20!) pounds, he looks great. [He’s 5′7 and 130 pounds]
Fresh clean skins, Get a deep cleasing facial as often as you can and drink lots and lots and lots of water atlreast 62 oz. a day!
Your whole body will love you for it.
Cheers to everyone looking great after marriage!
