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Mrs. Penguin, Sacramento Age and Occupation: 26, Video & TV Producer/Director/Editor Fiance's Age and Occupation: 29, Doctor of Physical Therapy Engagement Date: January 29, 2007 Wedding Date: June 7, 2008 Blogging Since: September 14, 2007 Venue: Winery in the Gold Country About Me: I'm a silly mess of a girl who, above all else in this world, LOVES the Spice Girls. I eat sushi at least 3 times a week, and feel guilty about how much it costs the other 4 days a week. I love designer jeans and cheap accessories. I don't like sweets, but I love the UCLA Bruins!
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In Good Company

March 4th, 2008 @ 9:31 am by Mrs. Penguin

So, as mentioned earlier, my first visit to the wedding dress went as smoothly as could be expected. Aside from the dry heaving earlier in the day, I made it to the bridal shop intact and excited. But, back at home, I left behind one important component to the typical dress visitation: My mom.

Since my dad and I run a small business together out of my parents’ home office, I’m around my mom and dad Monday through Friday. Aside from the typical bumps in the road that every close knit family experiences, we’re a pretty tight and peaceful bunch. My mom and I are very much like sisters. But with sisterly love comes a sort of “brutal honesty” that in certain situations, leaves a sour taste in my mouth. My mom LOVES to pick apart my appearance, and most of the time I welcome it with open arms (after all, it’s a two way street, and we both like to tease each other).

But I’ve just bought the most expensive dress I’ll ever own, for the most important day of my life as of yet, and the LAST thing I wanted to hear when I went to try it on was, “You’ve only got four months left to lose that fat ass.” Which was pretty much the rolling narration on the day that I had originally bought the dress. Back then, I hurriedly bought the 5th dress I had EVER tried on, and anxiously closed the book on dress shopping. In hindsight, I should have left her at home then too, but on the bright side, I’m still 100% in love with my dress. Whew!

This time around my friend Michelle, who is also getting married in June, and Mrs. Lemon accompanied me on my first dress visitation, and instead of being a nervous wreck this time around, I actually enjoyed my experience. I didn’t turn bright red like I did the first time around, and no one mentioned the fact that I’ve got dumps like a truck.

I tried to hide the fact that I was visiting my dress from my mom for a while, but she eventually asked me where I was going, and I didn’t want to lie to her. I could sense that she was a little hurt that I didn’t want to bring her, but I really couldn’t bear to feel distressed this second time around at the bridal shop.

Because sometimes, you just need a little positive reinforcement.

Who closest to you is your worst critic? Do you find yourself leaving them out of certain aspects of your wedding planning or do you embrace the criticism?

18 Responses to “In Good Company”

1.
scarlet16 says:

Your post totally hit home! I love my mom dearly and I know she criticizes me because she doesn’t know any better but sometimes it just hurts…

I still haven’t decided if I’m going to take her to my first fitting. The thing is she used to be a seamstress and her knowledge would come in handy.

2.
Peihan says:

My mom is also pretty blunt about things sometimes, and her tastes are pretty different than mine too =) Since we’re paying/planning for things ourselves, and she hasn’t shown any interest, it hasn’t been a problem. The only person who has (or will) see me in my dress before the wedding will be my fiance. Well, and the girl who’s making my dress, of course =)

I looked back at your dress though, and you look fantastic!

3.
Guilty Secret says:

Great post. I am agonising over this at the moment. I’ve only been dress shopping once, with my mum and my little sister. I promised my big sister she could come the second time. But now I don’t want her to! She is very opinionated and thinks she knows what suits me best but her sense of style is… erm… weird! Any advice, bees?

4.
Jenny says:

Oh man my Mom pisses me off sooo much when she criticizes me. She will criticize anything that is “expensive”. She tried to get me to buy a $400 wedding dress from china town (she negotiated gloves and tiara). Her and my Dad yelled at me for a full day and night just because I didn’t get that one (bear in mind that that was only the SECOND dress that I had ever tried on). So I think it’s a great thing that you left your Mom at home if she’s going to stress you out. I’m just worried that she might stress you out on your wedding day :(

5.
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Miss Canary says:

I totally hear you Miss Penguin. Though my mom (and the rest of my family) has let up a lot since I told her that constant reminders that people are fat or not in YOUR ideal may give them psychological problems or start stuff like anorexia and bulimia. But surprisingly, my mom has been super supportive about all my wedding items and especially my dress.

6.
jfs says:

My mom is my harshest critic but also my best friend. I sympathize. She’s brutally honest but in the end its much appreciated. I would have done the same thing and not bring my mom. I could just see her asking the seamstress if I lost any inches in the waist. Um no. It’s actually embarrasing that my mom can kick my butt at the gym so I can’t “tease” her back necessarily. Best of luck!

7.
lindsaywillman says:

my mom, who is not a little lady herself, is my harshest critic. in fact, we’re fighting over this little detail right now. she’s very opionated and even picks on celebrities who fluctuate a pound or two.

i’ve been sick the past few years and have been unable to maintain my weight. so wedding dress shopping was a horror for me. i only went to one shop - david’s bridal. it was my first time wedding dress shopping. i took my mom. she cried the whole time i was trying on dresses, and not because i was getting married, but because i just didn’t look good in them.

i eventually had my dress made for me by a local seamstress. a HUGE disappoinment. i loved our wedding but hated my dress. our wedding was the one time i had an excuse to wear that big, white dress and i passed on the opportunity.

so don’t let your mom bother you, or talk you out of a dream dress. you’ll definitely regret it in the end. if she’s not your support, find a great girlfriend, or go solo. it’s your day - enjoy it!!

8.
GetMarried4Less says:

i understand this….i naturally wanted to share everything with my mother but couldn’t quite take her contant criticism on every idea or choice i made.

i took her with me my first 2 rounds of dress shopping. i now wonder if i have fulfilled my daughterly duty and can go without her form here on out. its cruch time. i need to find my dress within the next 8 weeks. i dont want to continue to try on dresses bc she likes them when i know they are not to my taste.

9.
Cara says:

Oh yes! my Mum is driving me mad at the moment. When we went wedding dress shopping together she put me off my favourite dress by telling me how it showed off my ‘bony chest’ and I ended up with a dress that covers my chest altogether! She also hates weddings and thinks they’re a waste of money has made a point of telling me this about once a fortnight for the last year. Leaving them out of it is the best idea!

10.
sarahblueeyes23 says:

I didn’t post - when you showed your wedding dress pictures. I just wanted to say that I LOVE your dress!! It looks gorgeous on you!! It is so unique and classy! I like it a lot

11.
cbkj says:

My mom is my worst critic also. She was with me during both my dress shopping trips and laughed hysterically whenever a dress could not quite glide down my lady lumps. It got old fast. When I decided on a custom gown she was there also

12.
Linda says:

I am my own worse critic. My mom isn’t around to critize me but I can hear her voice in my head!

13.
calibride says:

Aw, I totally know what you mean. My mom is always brutally honest w/ me as well.

14.
suzanno says:

Ugh. My mom is the same way. Which is frustrating to me, because believe me I know when I look bad in a dress… Our first dress shopping experience was awful. Luckily I have a built-in communication mechanism, called The Little Sister. After explaining to her that I thought I might just shop with FI in the future - he thinks I look great in everything, and I can figure out when that’s not really true - she had a little talk with mom. Our next dress shopping experience was totally different. It actually never occurred to me to take anyone with me for fittings - not sure why that’s necessary - but I’m not the kind of girl who normally runs with an entourage anyway.

15.
dreambml says:

Sadly, my mother is also very critical of me….though I am somewhat glad to see there are others? We actually got in a huge (me, hysterical) fight recently…..I vented on all my frustrations that have to do with the way she treats me….I mean, I have her body! Somehow she must think I would miraculously get the shape of a victoria’s secret model or something…..I mean, I know much of it is my fault and there is absolutely many things I could do about - but wha happened to “a mother’s love is unconditional”, or simply the fact that your mother should be the last person to ever insult you??? For some reason I still make her come with me though - secretly I do want the brutally honest opinion I think ; )

16.
pinky says:

When my mom does this I just tell her that she sounds like grandma. That generally does the trick hehehe…

17.
star_rotor says:

I know I’m a little late on this one, but I appreciate the post. Would like to hear if you decide at some point you talk to your parents about not wanting ‘constructive criticism’ in the stressful days right before the wedding.

18.
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Miss Penguin says:

Hi Star! Thats a great post to consider! My mom and I actually have super similar taste, so I really respect her criticism in planning details…I just dont always like to hear about my big ole butt all the time :)

Once I hit the “high stress” point, I’ll be sure to blog about that!


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Mrs. Penguin Mrs. Penguin, Sacramento Age and Occupation: 26, Video & TV Producer/Director/Editor Fiance's Age and Occupation: 29, Doctor of Physical Therapy Engagement Date: January 29, 2007 Wedding Date: June 7, 2008 Blogging Since: September 14, 2007 Venue: Winery in the Gold Country About Me: I'm a silly mess of a girl who, above all else in this world, LOVES the Spice Girls. I eat sushi at least 3 times a week, and feel guilty about how much it costs the other 4 days a week. I love designer jeans and cheap accessories. I don't like sweets, but I love the UCLA Bruins!