Wedding Blog
I am super, SUPER fortunate to have future-in-laws that I not only get along with, but really, really like! Just the other night, I had a quick question for my FMIL. Mr. Toucan was out playing trivia with his work buddies, so I decided to just call her up myself. The “quick question” should have only been a 2 minute phone call, but we ended up chatting for an hour and a half!
So tell me, how’s your relationship with your in-laws/future in-laws? Do you get along, or are FMIL Toucan and I freaks of nature?
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I LOVE my future in-laws. Before we were even engaged, they sent me Christmas presents and other random care packages, always invite me home with the FI, and refer to us as “the kids”. It doesn’t hurt that I have running in common with the FFIL and that FMIL and I both work in schools.
I get along pretty well with my future in-laws… But wedding planning has made me very bitter towards everyone, haha. I just don’t like when they try to take over wedding plans, or when anyone does for that matter.
Mine are great. In fact, I think I talk to them more than FI does. I’m actually going to see them next week. They live in Florida and my family is going down for vacation, so we’re going to have a first parent meeting - and FI is going to be in California!
You’re lucky, that’s definitely a blessing. I wish I have another set of parents to get close to.
My MIL passed away and my FIL (I don’t even like using that term) is a major jerk. Let’s just say that the wedding could have not taken place because of his actions. I basically told my husband that his father is not allowed to call our house or have any contact with me.
My future in-laws are so similar to my parents so we get along great. I’ve heard how so many people can’t stand their MIL and I feel so lucky that I love mine.
My Future In Laws and family members in general are fantastic. They truly are the modern day brady bunch…complete with annual family trips, get togethers, and all 7 of our “family dogs” get to go too! What more could a girl like me ask for?! As for my FI’s Future In Laws (my family), we give new meaning to dysfunctional! So I think I got the better end of the deal, but let’s not tell him that!
I feel so lucky to have wonderful future-in-laws. Both FI and I are close to our parents, so it’s even better that we are close to each other’s parents. =) My fmil just sent me coupons to Michaels and Joanns because she thought I could use them!
My MIL recently married, so it’s been nice having her understand the whole newlywed thing. But other than that, she’s off doing her own thing so we don’t get to talk too much. When we do, it’s a long conversation of everything we’ve been up to and what we’re excited about. She did make me cry once though and not in a good way. 
They lying, they hate you. Come marry me instead, my parents are nice and used to little asian girls like you! Muahahaa
I live a few minutes from my in-laws and they frequently babysit for our dog. We are over at their house a few times a week- usually just for a few minutes, but sometimes we end up chatting for awhile. She has been very interested in all the wedding plans and it has been fun brainstorming with her. I feel very fortunate that we can be so close!
umm sad. am i the only one here who has issues with the F-Inlaws. they have stated many times how they are glad they dont have ANY role in the wedding and have not asked us anything that we are doing… we are constantly trying to involved them, but the most i have gotten is a enthusiastic ” oh”.
i think the engagement has made it worse since their level of caring is just not there : (
Maybe I’m the only one… or maybe others are hesitant to post about their issues…. but there are some problems between my FMIL and I. My fiance’s father passed away when he was 12 and so he is very close to his mother. We had a really great relationship until it became apparent that we were going to get engaged.
Since then she has become kind of possessive and weird about everything. It is very obvious that she sees this as “losing a son” instead of “gaining a daughter”. There have been multiple fights between FI and her over dumb things, and she has been talking to the rest of her family, and it has gotten back to me.
The past few months I have REALLY been struggling with this - after a comment was made at Christmas. Someone said that he was just marrying me for my money. (my parents have money - but i’m in school and really don’t have any). Anyway - it was really hurtful - and just one of a number of things that has been said behind my back. It is difficult for me, because my family never talks about eachother behind anyone’s backs. If we have a problem (which we rarely do) we say it to their face. But his family is so close-knit that they see eachother all the time and are always talking about everyone else negatively - I guess to try and create something interesting to talk about.
This weekend I finally decided that I have to forgive her for the things she has done to hurt me - and I need to try to pay more attention to her, so she feels more like she’s gaining a daughter and not like she’s losing a son.
We are going to speak with our Marriage Counseling mentors tonight about this - I hope they have some advice. If anyone has any advice - it would be GREATLY appreciated!
Consider yourself very lucky to have such wonderful in-laws! We’re not inviting his parents to the wedding, that’s how bad it is…It’s sad, but his mother has chosen her alcoholism over us, and his father is content just being an enabler to her. This is not what I envisioned my in-laws to be like, especially since we’re both so close to MY parents. But such is life. Enjoy your in-laws!
I am very lucky. My FILs are wonderful. they have been very welcoming and have treatedme like part of the family fromt he very first. My FFIL and I often share dinner while my FMIL is at work and my FI is playing softball. We have developed a great relationship. I have been told they are exstatic that my FI is finally getting married (he turns 40 this year) and that people never thought it would happen (we have guests willing to travel just to see for themselves that it is going to happen).
I will be the second DIL of a potential 4 (plus one soon to be ex Son in Law). They have are interested in the wedding but are very careful not to impose or push for anything. They primarily want us to be happy.
Eh, I’m not a huge fan of mine. His mom especially annoys me to no end! It’s not that she’s mean or anything, she just has NO fliter and no sense of what’s appropriate to say and what’s not appropriate. At all, ever. Fortunately they live 2 states away, so I don’t have to deal with this much
sarahblueeyes — you sound like an incredibly selfless person! i hope that making that extra effort pays off, and that the external counseling can reinforce to your FI his role in easing relations too!
My IL’s and I get along pretty well. We’re all a bunch of easy-going, roll with the flow type people. On the other hand, DH doesn’t get along great with my parents. My mom has had a hard time letting me go (I’m the baby of the family) and it irritates him. It irritates me too, but I’m used to it. LOL.
I’m having huge issues with my FMIL, she just doesn’t get me at all. She also doesn’t try to make an effort to get to know me no matter how much I’ve tried to get to know her. We’re VERY different people and she just doesn’t accept that I’m not like her and neither is her son.
I wish we had a better relationship, but I feel like I’m expected to pretend to be someone I’m not to be able to talk to her. That’s something I just can’t do, honestly.
Ugh, I had always envisioned having a great relationship with my in-laws since both of my parents had a great relationship with their respective in-laws. Unfortunately, that doesn’t seem to be in the cards for me.
My future in-laws are very different from my parents (who happen to be my best friends). His mom is so overbearing and definitely perceives me as taking her son away from her.
It doesn’t help that there are some major cultural/religious barriers and his family is constantly asking me when I’m going to learn their native language (since that’s all they speak when they’re in a room together even though they all speak English and know I don’t speak their native language). His parents don’t believe in giving cards or presents for holidays even though my family is HUGE on the gift-giving. His mom is a quasi-health nut and thinks that I prepare totally unhealthy food even though I am an excellent cook and make delicious (healthy) meals.
I’m very serious about practicing my religion (FI and his family are not religious at all but culturally label themselves as Jewish). Our ceremony is going to be at my church, and FI has already told me most of his family won’t go because they refuse to step in a church. Um, glad that they care more about their closed-minded religious beliefs than seeing their relative get married!!
I could go on and on but I’ll stop. After 7 years of dating, we’re finally civil towards each other but I doubt the relationship will ever be anything closer than that. Sigh. Needless to say, I’m very envious of people who have great relationships with their in-laws.
Well, neither my fiance nor I talk to our respective fathers but there is no ill-feeling there (as there would be if we did have to talk to them). I’ve never actually met my future FIL. My MIL is fantastic, she is friendly, chatty, makes quilts, bakes pies. If I was in any way domestic maybe I would feel competive, but this way I help her with Excel and she cooks us wonderful meals when we’re in town. However, the only reason we’re having a wedding (instead of eloping) is because my fiance’s younger sister eloped and his mom would have been crushed to not be able to attend a wedding of one of her children. Sigh. Maybe we can do a vow renewal alone on the beach.
I am definitly not a huge fan of my MIL, i wish i could have someone like my mom as mine, but i didn’t get so lucky.
it’s so bad, i keep hoping my husband gets a job in a different province ( we live in Canada ) so that I dont have to see or speak again.
Good for you all!! My MIL is a totally FREAK!!
or even a total freak!
My future in laws are great! They treated me as if I was their daughter before we even got engaged.
My FIL’s feel like they’re losing their son instead of gaining their daughter.
I am very blessed to get along very well with my future in laws. As a matter of fact, I feel like I am gaining some form of stability just by being married into their family. They are one of those couples that are still truly in love after many years of marriage. My family, on the other hand… yikes. While I love my family in all its craziness, I can’t help but worry about how things will turn out with a step mother who barely lets me speak to my father, let alone how it will work out for them to be at my wedding. Does anyone else have problems within their own family??
My FFIL passed away just before we were engaged. He was a sweetheart, but seriously senile. My FMIL is a nice lady, and likes me, but has these lists of stuff I am supposed to fix about her son… My FBIL is great - I like him a lot - and we get along nicely. My FSIL is just psycho. She acts like SHE was planning on marrying my FI - she has a tendency to freak out, shut herself in a room, and cry whenever we are in the same house. Thank heavens she lives three hours away. We actually visit friends really near where she lives a lot, and never call her. She refused to come to his first wedding, and I’m hoping she refuses to come to ours too.
I’m very fortunate. My future in-laws are amazing. My sister keeps telling me that I lucked out and that I have the best in-laws out of all 5 siblings… I’m truly grateful for their love and support.
i think mr. bee and i are both lucky in that both our parents are pretty laid back. they also live far far away (mine in la, mr. bee’s on a remote island in the philippines) - i wish they lived closer!
I love my future parents-in-law. They’ve always been kind and open with me and when my FH proposed, she called me the next day to welcome me to the family.
I’m still waiting to find out how my future parent-in-laws feel about me because I have not met them in person. I have talked to them on the phone, and everything seems ok - but only time will tell! lol. I am very excited though to meet all of them in September when we will be visiting for 2 weeks while my fiancee is home on R&R from Iraq. Don’t worry - I’m not nuts - we’re staying in a hotel!
My FMIL is being an absolute nightmare. (I am just writing this in solidarity with the other girls who are having troubles!)
My FMIL and I have gotten along wonderfully the entire time my fiance and I have been together. That is, until we actually decided to get engaged. Ever since then she has done everything in her power to try and sabatoge our relationship. The worst of these offensess is unforgivable. My fiance works out of town and asked her to write a check each week on his account and take it to the jewelry store where my ring was on layaway. For five weeks she said she did and when we went to pay off my ring and pick it up no payments had been made. We almost had to postpone our engagement because of this. My fiance has always been a so-called “mama’s boy” and neither of us could believe she was capable of that kind of betrayal. We are going on with our engagement regardless but I’m unsure exactly how to act around her now. Even now she’s super sweet to my face but I’m always wondering what kind of underhanded things she’s planned next.
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Mrs. Toucan, Boston
Age and Occupation: 25, Full-time Research Assistant, Part-time Graduate Student
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 25, Actuary
Engagement Date: February 18, 2007
Wedding Date: June 7, 2008
Blogging Since: November 07, 2007
Venue: St. Catherine of Genoa, Jin Asian Cuisine Restaurant
About Me: I’m a Gemini to the extreme. On one side, I’m a girly girl. I read countless bridal and fashion magazines, and have an obsession with keeping up with the latest Hollywood gossip. On the other side, I’m a sports fanatic. Despite being a full-time bride-to be, full-time research assistant, and part-time student, I’m also a full-time Red Sox fan from spring training to October, and a full-time Patriots fan from mini-camp to February. I devote almost as much time researching my for fantasy football team as researching for our wedding!
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