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Some of my fondest memories growing up are those of my relatives’ nuptials. When I was four, I was the flower girl in my uncle’s wedding. I performed my role beautifully until I got to the end of the aisle and refused to let go of my uncle’s leg. My mom eventually had to wrestle me away — ahh the beginnings of co-dependence 
When I was eight, I was the guestbook girl in my cousin’s wedding. Clad in a teal and white lace dress/monstrosity, I felt like the most beautiful girl in the world. I didn’t realize at the time that guestbook girl is an utterly thankless job because everyone knows how to sign a guestbook. But I relished my position of importance and danced the night away in my patent leather mary-janes, skirt swirling to the beat.
With those memories still fresh in my mind, I’m so excited to invite children to our wedding. I know the issue of children at weddings is often wrought with mixed feelings- the NY Times recently published a very interesting article on the subject. And I completely understand why some people may not want children at their weddings. Children can sometimes be loud, messy, and easily bored. Not to mention the added expense of all those dinners– sometimes it’s just not in the budget.
But I can’t imagine my wedding without a gaggle of baby cousins and the children of family friends. Weddings felt so magical to me as a child and I love the thought of sharing that feeling with our little ones. I don’t mind if a baby cries during the ceremony– it might even be good luck! And I don’t mind if our formal reception is overrun with children– these are little people that I love and care about and nothing makes me happier than surrounding myself with them. It’s okay if it’s a little chaotic
What are your thoughts on children at weddings?
image courtesy of lovetoknow.com
The more the merrier for me! We had tons of nephews/nieces and cousins, and it was really just fantastic. I have to say, a few of my favorite pics involve the kids who are really willing to do anything!
Cute post!
I agree with you completely! Even though I totally get the concept of a formal adults-only event, an important part of a wedding to me is the big jumble of all the generations - kids included. If anything, I was disappointed we didn’t have MORE kids at ours!!
I don’t think there are going to be too many tots at ours…only one of my friends has a child (he’ll be 4 at the wedding), and only one of my family friends has children - but everyone knows they are horribly ill-behaved and no one ever wants those kids invited to anything, so I won’t feel bad about not inviting them, either. The bf has a few friends who have kids but they will all be under 2 years old at the wedding so they won’t be coming. So no kids for us. (I am breathing a sigh of relief…I don’t want little kids there and thankfully it won’t really be an issue for us!)
i agree with you 1000% percent! i am so happy to have someone that shares this view bc everyone else i have come across does not!
we’re having LOTs of kids at our wedding too…we can’t imagine our big day without having the little ones. For a few of our guests, we’re inviting the parents because we can’t imagine not inviting our little guests. =)
I, too, have great memories of being a flowergirl and also attending the weddings of my cousins when I was little.
There will be a lot of kids invited to my wedding. I think it will be about 30 total on the invite list with about 150 adults. I have quite a few nieces and nephews and a lot of my friends have children. I get a few odd comments about having kids there from people at work or my FSIL, but the way I see it, children are just as much a part of the family as anyone else and have they every reason to be there celebrating with us.
After a long discussion, we will not. My nieces and nephews (no kids in my family yet) are ill-behaved and their parents turn a blind eye to it. We’re having our wedding at a historic plantation we both fell in love with and it is full of period furnishings. If they were better behaved children, the more the merrier. But I would be completely stressed out the entire wedding waiting for a crash of a priceless antique! I think what sealed the deal was at a family wedding when those said children ran into one of those champagne fountains and broke each and every crystal champagne glass….ouch, I don’t want to know what that cost…
We made the decision to not have any mini attendants, but won’t exclude child guests. Within our families and friends there just aren’t any children we are very close to. We have a couple of friends who are expecting, but all of our cousins are over 10, with the exception of one terror cousin of the groom. There’s just no one we feel like we should honor of the right age. Children will be welcome, but I don’t anticipate many coming.
We’re having a little dilemma with this issue actually. We really want to have children, but our guest list is way too huge, so we’re thinking about only inviting the children of the family members we are closest with and friends who are traveling very far or have very young children they can’t leave alone for very long (one of my bridesmaids will still be nursing…not that her baby will take up any more room). However, I’m afraid we’ll offend others by not inviting their children. We haven’t decided what to do yet…
Three cheers for remembering what a wedding is all about!! A celebration!! Glad to hear someone else wants to include the entire family!! And as a side note most places are happy to reduce meals or even provide lower cost childrens meals!
I’m all about weddings being a celebration, but we’re making our ceremony for those over 10 years old and are providing babysitters to watch those under 10. FI’s boss’ child is deemed “Spawn of Satan” and at 6 years old cries any time he doesn’t get his way. I just can’t even imagine the reaction of FI if SoS starts to cry or whine during our vows, and the parents do NOTHING to make him stop. They think it’s cute. The reception, whatever, if they cry or whine or are bored, that’s the problem of the parents. We’re offering babysitters for those who are bringing the kids. I feel the reception is more a celebration than the ceremony anyway.
Like you, I think they are the most memorable part of any event! We dont know that many children at this point in our lives, but the ones we do, were excited to share our day with. Our friends should get crackin and make me an aunt!!!
I was disappointed that we had so FEW kids at our wedding, because I have similar memories of being 6-10 years old and enjoying sugar-fueled dance-a-thons at family weddings. We’re on the cusp of a generation, though, so only a few of our friends and families have little kids. The kids who came danced mightily, however, to the point that one of the three-year-olds fell asleep on the dance floor toward the end of the evening! sooo cute.
Maybe it was because they were so small, but we didn’t have to pay much to feed the kids: they either shared from their parents’ plates or had kiddie meals that were considerably cheaper than the adults’ entrees.
Miss Jasmine,
It’s great that you are excited about having little ones at your wedding. Not only will their joy and excitement be contagious to other guests, but also they will provide opportunities for some wonderful photos. As far the behavior problem goes, what if one of your adult guest gets drunk and misbehaves?
We are inviting our friends’ kids, where we think we also have a relationship with the kids or they are friends of my FI’s kids. That generally works out to be the well-behaved ones, because their parents have them around when there are parties, and they socialize with the adults - which is why we know and love them. Or they are kids who end up at FI’s house with his kids a lot.
We do have friends whom we know have kids but we barely know their names. They never take their kids anywhere, they shuffle them off to a sitter when they have parties, and FI’s kids aren’t friends with them either. In those cases, we are inviting the adults only.
In our case the “kids” end up being mostly teenagers, but there are a few younger ones.
For family, we are inviting our aunts and uncles and their kids (our first cousins). We are not inviting our cousins’ kids. That actually works out with our general philosophy, because for some reason although me and at least some of my cousins were pretty close growing up, we aren’t anymore, and I have never met most of their kids.
I completely agree with you and I wonder if this is sometimes a cultural thing (You and I are from similar cultures, but I know many others are the same in regards to this). At any wedding I have ever been to, there are many kids all dressed up and partying with everyone else until midnight.
I too have such fond memories of weddings as a child. All the fanciness was so exciting! We also do a lot of dancing and we all learned the dances as little kids at weddings.
We had lots of kids in our wedding and at our wedding and it made the day that more lively and fun.
I did have to ask my 7 yr. old niece to stop sliding across the dance floor on her stomach in her floor-length flower girl dress.. but I digress.
my mom will be stressed out if there are squirming, screaming, wiggly, ill-behaved babies. I won’t be able to handle it if SHE’S stressed. So we’re trying to figure out how to make them absent from the event. Or at least get them a side-room to congregate in with sitters.
For those who are having babies around… where do they sit at the reception? Our reception room will be rather full of tables and there won’t be many extra chairs. So I don’t even know where they’d park a stroller. Do the babies sit on parents’ laps the whole time? Wouldn’t the parents be happier to hire a baby sitter and not lug around the rugrats for an evening of dress-up and adult conversation?
I can’t tell you how many times I cried that we would not be able to fit my neices and nephews in the reception room (our guest list was bulging). Looking back on our wedding, and photos, etc I would have done ANYTHING to fit them. They could have sat in the hall for all I care just to have them there. My advice to you: Invite them, and Enjoy them! There’s nothing more magical than the expression on a child’s face at a wedding and the joy and memories it will bring them. Something I regret not having a memory of.
The funny thing that is happening to OUR guestlist… We were really excited to invite lots of kids to the wedding. We love kids, and we want a more casual feel anyways.
But all of our friends and relatives are deciding to come WITHOUT them. If Mom and Dad want to have a fun night out alone… we’re certainly not going to stop them…
I never would have guessed…
I loved being a flower girl and ahve good memories of sliding down the banister at my uncles wedding in my long dress. I can remmeber danicng with my great aunts and uncles and just all around having a ball as a kid at weddings. I wouldn’t want to cheat my nieces and nephews of that experience and those memories. I can remember when my youngest uncle was married and they would not allow children at the reception, including the flower girl. I was in my preteens a the tiem and I can remember how appalled my family was and how unincluded we (the nieces and nephews - all 6 of us at that time) felt. And truth be told we all have the least amount of reltionship with that aunt and uncle.
Between us we 7 nieces and nephews and 1 littlebrother under 10 that will be in the wedding (otherwise, how do you pick?). Also, our bridal party consists of thier parents and of people who have or will have (2 are pregnant) young children as well. Only one of my 6 bridesmaids is childless (my youngest sister) and 3 of the 7 groomsmen have children. We will have a minimum of 23 children invited to the wedding (although some parents may choose to leave them home). About half of these children are out of town guests and many of our guests will be making a mini vacation of the wedding due to the distance.
What’s more fun than watching litlle girls twirl on the dance floor in thier pretty dresses or dance on thier dady’s feet?
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Mrs. Jasmine, Chicago/LA Age and Occupation: 25, Attorney Fiance's Age and Occupation: 26, Attorney Engagement Date: March 24, 2007 Wedding Date: June 7, 2008 Blogging Since: September 20, 2007 Venue: Hotel on the westside of Los Angeles About Me: I'm a happy-go-lucky, imaginative spirit trapped in the body of a lawyer. I love reading, shopping, dining out, and exploring my beloved adopted city of Chicago with my fiance. We're planning the wedding of our dreams in my hometown of Los Angeles and we're excited to incorporate our cherished Indian/Pakistani customs and traditions.
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