Wedding Blog
It’s been a challenge trying to plan a wedding from 500 miles away. Each weekend trip back to Maine must be carefully planned for maximum vendor-visiting potential. (I believe it was Miss Lovebug who coined the appropriate term vendor bender.) I really wouldn’t have it any other way though- I can’t imagine getting married anywhere but my home state.
When Mr. Tiramisu and I first announced that we’d be getting married in Maine, everyone was pretty excited about it. My family was delighted of course, and even his family was into the idea of traveling to a place many of them had never been. One of the things we heard a lot of was how smart we were to get married in a place where things would no doubt be less expensive. This was even one of the pros that we discussed when we made our decision.
It was the blind leading the blind when Mr. Tiramisu and I made our budget. Neither of us had done this before- how were we supposed to know what to expect?! We thought we’d be fine with the budget we came up with in the end, though. After all, we were getting married in Maine, and Maine, being so far away from civilization, so cute in its country bumpkin-ness, is the land of reasonable prices, right?
It turns out that’s not the case at all. I should have figured it out when all of the venues we visited mentioned that Maine was a “great place for your destination wedding!” “Spent your childhood summers visiting Maine? Why not get married here!”
Great idea Maine.
Let’s bring in all those city folk (this is how my cute Nana refers to anyone not from Maine) with their big budgets and ruin it for the rest of us! I tried to explain that Maine was my home state. I would be having a regular old hometown wedding, not a fancy destination affair. I must have screwed up the secret Mainer handshake, because no one mentioned any discounts.
I’m sure it’s no New York City, but on the other hand, small towns make for little competition between vendors which can drive up prices even more. Anyone else run into this? Is there really no where left in the country (the world?) where one can get a deal once the w-word is uttered? And in such a spread-out society, everyone has a least a few guests traveling long distances to attend…
Just how “destination” is your wedding?
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mine is almost 4000 miles away in ITALY! its a scary thought, but im looking forward to it!
Mine was in Australia!! almost as far as yours is Remi… but i must say it turned our fabulous! you just have to relax and realize that it’s you and your husband’s day no matter what!:)
I’ve heard of people calling vendors and getting cheaper price quotes when they say “party” vs. “wedding” for the exact same services/products..
We’ve always intended to plan ours in our verrrrry small town in the extremely northern corner of California–and while every city person I talk about that to always thinks it will be cheaper- not so! Generally what I’ve found is its not much cheaper, just way fewer choices offering more out-of-date options… at similar prices to their city competitors!
Its enough to seriously make me think about planning our wedding where we live now–and making everyone else travel to us, to a city we have no special ties to–just for ease & savings.
(but no, we’re too loyal to the landscape of our little hometown to really change our minds)
Our wedding is destination for everyone else… we settled here almost two years ago for my FI’s job.
We’re having a much, MUCH nicer wedding here in Utah then we ever could’ve on the same budget in Virginia/DC (where my parents live), luckily!
our wedding destination (New Orleans) is a few thousand miles away from where we live now (southern CA), and man is it a pain in the butt to plan! Vendor bender is right… i don’t even want to think about how many vendor meetings I have to schedule for our second (and last!) trip to NOLA before the wedding.
This is too funny….I too am getting married in my home state of Maine! I couldn’t dream of getting married anywhere else! We now live just over the border in NH, but before that we lived in DC - we loved Annapolis!!!
When my FI and I started looking at Maine venues, we too had total sticker shock!! $5000 facility fees!!! HOLY COW!! Our dream was a coastal wedding, but had to compromise a bit and are planning a “near” the coast wedding at Clay Hill Farm. There are reasonable venues/vendors out there! You just have to hunt for them! You probably have seen these links, but I thought I’d share anyway! Good Luck!
http://www.seacoastbride.com/
http://www.eventective.com/USA/Maine/
http://maineweddingassociation.com/
Oh, man. We got married in his parents’ back yard…which happens to be in the kind of resort town that has $6500/night hotels. His family didn’t understand why we didn’t reserve a block of rooms at said hotel (you know, the more reasonable $500/night rooms, maybe), and after the umpteenth time they asked, I just told them, look: most of my family isn’t even coming because it’s so expensive, and the ones that are want to stay in a Days Inn.
And I do believe that the reason we had so much trouble with our caterer is that I’m a “here’s your check, now cater” kind of bride, and he’s used to the type-A New York and Boston power-brides with the giant binder and the three tastings with the whole sorority. Because based on the weddings I’ve seen around town, that pretty much describes the folks that usually get married there.
I’m getting married soon and I have had to plan from North Carolina and I’m getting married in my hometown of Phoenix, AZ. It’s been a huge stress and I am glad to almost be done with it.
I hear ya! I’m getting married in a small college town (where we both went to school) some 500 miles away from the big city we live in now. Initially, we chose the college town because of its meaning to us AND we thought it would be much, much cheaper than the big city affair.
WRONG. Sure, it’s a bit cheaper in some areas (the reception being a big one), but nearly every single vendor has to be brought in from the nearest city because there are virtually no local resources — this not only adds on travel fees, but the vendors are priced for the city, not the college town.
Add to that all the costs we’ve incurred traveling to/from for vendor meetings over the last year and I think we could have had the same wedding in our local big city w/a lot less stress!
i am also havign a hometown wedding in a rural part of New England and everyone says the same thing! It is so not so!! Between the lack of competition and the city folks coming there for summer homes and destination weddings or parties the costs are the same where I live in the Philly burbs! The main thing is that the choices are a lot smaller. With my last name everyone in the area now I’m a local but still the costs are high and no discount in site!
My DH and I got married 800 miles away from where we were living because my grandmothers aren’t up to traveling. We got married in a town where none of our relatives lives with an international airport (for his relatives). It was interesting. “Vendor Bender” is a great term to describe how we planned our wedding. Once a decision was made, we tried not to change our minds.
We ended up spending less than half than the “average” wedding costs in that city, but only because I was willing to cut a lot of costs when necessary. (Found a photog we liked for $750!)
How “destination” was our wedding? Most everyone had to travel at least an hour to get there, half of them had to fly. But cost wise (minus our vendor bender trips) it was less than an average wedding in the area.
We planned 300 miles away from NYC to Burlington, Vermont. We kept it small and cut facilty fees and rentals by hosting our reception at a restaurant — no tent, no location fee, no rentals = big money saver.
I think you could certainly try the “party” angle and get more honest quotes that way especially if you’re not hosting the wedding and reception at the same location. Don’t give up but you might have to change the dream vision somehow — less people, no favors, what have you. GL and keep us posted. I did it — I know you can too. You can see my budget post here: http://www.weddingbee.com/2007/08/28/how-to-build-a-wedding-budget/
My wedding isn’t destination to me - it’s my home! But my home is the midst of Minnesota’s lake country, where all the land that isn’t filled with water (lakes) is covered with golf courses and resorts. I love it, but I experienced sticker shock a couple times.
We’ve managed to make do, and I’m still looking forward to having the wedding of my dreams. We’re doing a lot of things that I love, and yet save money anyway - such as not hiring a DJ (because it would take up a lot of mileage and I generally dislike DJs), having the ceremony at my parent’s house, having the reception at the restaurant of a resort, instead of a specially catered room at a resort.
good luck!
P.S. I’m visiting Maine on my honeymoon!
I think it’s important to note that it may be the part of maine you’re marrying in that is expensive. A coastal wedding would be expensive in any state. I am from maine and planned my maine wedding last year and ended up spending 1/3 of what we would have spent for a similar wedding in Massachusetts.
hi mrslilja, what did you think of Clay Hill Farm? I’m thinking of having my wedding there next year and would love an honest opinion. Thanks!
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Mrs. Tiramisu, Annapolis, MD/Maine
Age and Occupation: 26, Eye Doctor
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 26, Project Manager/Real Estate Management grad student
Engagement Date: May 15, 2007
Wedding Date: July, 2008
Blogging Since: March 4, 2008
Venue: Oceanfront lawn and tent
About Me: I was born and raised in Maine, now living in Annapolis, Maryland and planning a hometown wedding from afar. I’m nothing short of obsessed with wedding planning, and am loving the do-it-yourself madness that has now taken over my life! As for me, I’m a craft-loving, martini-drinking, girly-girl who loves traveling, photography, my schnauzer, and above all, spending time with Mr. Tiramisu.
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