You know what’s really funny in a not-funny-at-all sort of way? The fact that today, at the Super Stressful Five Week Mark, all I want to do is indulge in the one heavenly habit I’m trying desperately to shelve until after the wedding.Behold, my crackpipe:

O, Cuisinart Automatic Grind and Brew, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways…
1. You, along with your sidekick C&H Pure Cane Sugar (in the Easy-Pour Carton), give me the much-needed jolt to my bloodstream necessary to make 280 charity token pogs.
2. Your programmable automatic start option allows me to awaken to the sweet scent of your java juice, even if it’s at 1:00 pm, after a hard night of playing Musical Seating Chart.
3. With enough caffeine, I know I could rule the world. Or at least my tiny corner of it.
Now, let’s talk about the ways I hate thee…
1. You stain my teeth. Not cool, Automatic Grind and Brew. Not cool at all.
But I have a powerful weapon in my arsenal!

Yes, with this sturdy plaster mold of my chompers, I will bash you to bits, never to lure me again with your delicious drip-drip-drip song!
Ok, maybe I won’t do that. I’ll just use the nifty whitening trays that came along with the scary mold:
Anyone else trying to temporarily quit coffee/tea for reasons of nuptial photographic vanity? Anyone got any good tips for how to do it? I’m dying here…
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