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Mrs. Milkshake, Seattle/Vancouver, BC Age and Occupation: 23, Pharmacist Fiance's Age and Occupation: 25, Pharmacist Engagement Date: May 2007 Wedding Date: August 2008 Blogging Since: December 6, 2007 Venue: Victorian Mansion About Me: Despite the fact that I’ve invested many long years of my life studying the sciences in college, I’m glad to be out of there and I would never do it again! I’m super artsy at heart - I run an indie craft site, I grew up shooting and developing my own film, doing jazz and ballet, and the whole gamut of art classes. I’ve been called a Jane of all Trades… but I was also told many years ago not to make my passion my career because it’d suck the fun out of it. Hence my choice of day job. We live in Seattle but are having our wedding in Canada to be fair to all our family and friends.
About Mrs. Milkshake

This photo is me attempting to figure out how well my camera would do in the restaurant lighting, and my disclaimer that the rest of the photos in this post are 18A (aka Rated R).

The First Of My Friends Is Getting Married... :  wedding bachelorette party vancouver 2331506 DSC_5762

My first girlfriend is getting married, and after rsvping to a night at the Cheesecake Factory, I discovered I was indeed a bachelorette party virgin. I left the house mildly thinking: “gift…? ….blender?” My thoughts should have occurred 24 hours previous when I was in the Capitol Hill area of Seattle, land of the sexually uninhibited. Or even 2 hours prior when I could have made a larger-than-life penis out of vinyl, or at least one of my infamous sperm ’n egg coin purses or vagina pouches.

The First Of My Friends Is Getting Married... :  wedding bachelorette party vancouver 2334805063 9e410b1133 vag

And I should’ve had a better concept because everyone from Vancouver remembers being 12 years old and walking to the back half of the gift boutique San Francisco at the mall to discover penis shaped pasta and underwear for two. Here’s a tame photo of our group of girls…except her sister is sipping from a mini penis straw with crooked balls that the bride was too mortified to look at nevermind suck on.
The First Of My Friends Is Getting Married... :  wedding bachelorette party vancouver 233150601 DSC_5766

And then we each took turns donning the ridiculously protective eyewhere to prevent any mishaps like this one below:
The First Of My Friends Is Getting Married... :  wedding bachelorette party vancouver 2332334 DSC_5780
The First Of My Friends Is Getting Married... :  wedding bachelorette party vancouver 2331509 DSC_5779

The First Of My Friends Is Getting Married... :  wedding bachelorette party vancouver 233233401 DSC_5777The bride, being a pretty young, conservative, Christian, while is normally pretty loud and outgoing, was quiet and embarassed at the gifts (see top photo, left). Along with a 6 foot whip, a froofy, feathery hot pink wand, and a few other things, she received edible underwear that I want to describe as a yellow fruit roll up in the shape of Back to the Future’s flux capacitor, but it didn’t quite have…straps to go over the hips. Photos below the top one are post-bellini-and-pina-colada when she lost her inhibitions about touching the penis waterbottle, came face to face with the term “tea bagging,” and then voluntarily dunked her face in her whipping cream for the money shot.

One of her sisters, who was responsible for most of the phallic gifts, is also Christian and normally wouldn’t dream of walking into a sex shop, had gone back the next day to purchase aforementioned 6 foot whip, and also to drop off a personal sized pizza, soda, and salad for the clerk as a small cheat for his diet….he broke down and started bawling in appreciation, saying that no one, friend nor stranger, had ever done anything so sweet for him before, and insisted on giving her something. Despite her protests, she walked out of the store with a complimentary $70 video. The good Christian sister got into the car and was mortified to discover that (duh!) the guy had given her a porn video! But it made for a good laugh at our table. :)

Tags: bachelorette-party, vancouver |
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6 Responses to “The First Of My Friends Is Getting Married…”

1.
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GetMarried4Less

HILARIOUS!!!

looks like you guys had a great time!

 
2.
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Julie

for some reason i find your post to be hilarious today! i think the $70 porn story was the icing on the cake

 
3.
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kaymarie

i think the best part of this story is the nice gesture on her sister’s part.. it’s so nice to do those little things for people, they can mean so much!

 
4.
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Nicole

Wait, I don’t get it. I LOVE it, but why was her sister putting the moves on the sex shop guy? It reminds me of Amelie. She’s intrigued but then runs away and is so mortified when she calls and the other sex shop lady asks if she’s “shaved.” Is it bad that’s all I remember from that movie?

 
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Mrs. Milkshake
Mrs. Milkshake

Mrs. Milkshake, Seattle/Vancouver, BC Age and Occupation: 23, Pharmacist Fiance's Age and Occupation: 25, Pharmacist Engagement Date: May 2007 Wedding Date: August 2008 Blogging Since: December 6, 2007 Venue: Victorian Mansion About Me: Despite the fact that I’ve invested many long years of my life studying the sciences in college, I’m glad to be out of there and I would never do it again! I’m super artsy at heart - I run an indie craft site, I grew up shooting and developing my own film, doing jazz and ballet, and the whole gamut of art classes. I’ve been called a Jane of all Trades… but I was also told many years ago not to make my passion my career because it’d suck the fun out of it. Hence my choice of day job. We live in Seattle but are having our wedding in Canada to be fair to all our family and friends.

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