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After my bridal shower, my mom hung out with our neighbors in the living room while my friends and I wound down from our high-noon drunkenness and tried to nap. I overheard our neighbors (a married couple) talking about how they were dying for their daughter to get married. She and her boyfriend have lived together for a couple of years. Our neighbors really like their daughter’s boyfriend, and aside from the fact that he doesn’t share their religion, they couldn’t be happier for them.
It got me reminiscing on my parents feelings about my marital status, pre-engagement. I honestly don’t think my parents cared if Mr. Penguin and I ever got married. Granted, they would probably change their minds around the time that they thought I should be making babies, but until then, they were pretty happy with Mr. Penguin and I “playing house.” My mom knew that Mr. Penguin was “the one for me” but she still thought I was young to be getting married, so she encouraged me to make sure I could live with his weaknesses (and he with mine) before making any major commitments.
Mr. Penguin and I ended up getting engaged about two years after we first moved in together.
Were your parents dying for you to tie the knot before you got engaged, were they indifferent, or were they opposed?
My mother was pretty opposed, since we were “too young” even though we had been dating over 5 years. My father had to point out that they were already married at a younger age than when I got engaged, so it (temporarily) kept m mother’s mouth shut.
I think the bigger opposition came from knowing that we would be living apart for the first few years of marriage while he does his residency and I finish my Ph.D.
My mom’s biological clock is on ‘grandmother’ and has been for some time. From the time we did the ‘meet the parents’ thing, my mom has been in a big hurry for us to be married. That sentiment was only heightened when my aunt unexpectedly and suddenly passed away. The next day my mom told me, “I’d have you and Erik married with a baby in 6 months by sheer force of will.” (I reminded her of the biological impossibility of that, but to no avail) She’s all too aware of how quickly life can change and she wants to be around to see us married and starting a family.
At first they were like, get married, get married. Now, they know we’re both in it for keeps, and it’s not as big of a deal to them.
My parents were rather apathetic, but their biggest gripe was that we not live together until we’re at least engaged, which we did albeit under their roof!
My mom was fine with us “playing house” (she and my dad figured that in our rather-seedy college town I’d be safer living with a guy than with a bunch of women, and they trusted me, yadda yadda yadda), but she did say shortly after we moved in together that she wanted us to get married within 5 years, since moving in together represented a big step in our relationship or something. I had no problem with that, lol, but it seemed rather arbitrary, especially since we moved in together while we were still in college and she has threatened me my entire life with putting me in a convent if I tried to get married before I had finished school!
We met when I was 20 an he was 22. We wanted to get married so badly, and his parents were supportive (they got married when she was 19!) but my parents were opposed at first… they thought we were too young (they didnt get married until they were in their 30’s). We waited 2 years until we were done with school, and my parents were okay with that. I still was a young bride at 22, but by the time we got married, everyone was really supportive.
My brother has been with his girlfriend for 7 years now and they bought a house together last year. Both sets of parents really want to get married, so they have a lot of pressure to deal with.
Keeping in Mind that I am in my early thirties and he just turned 39 when we got engaged and we are the oldest and second oldest of 5 each by a significant number of years. (only one marriage on his side)
My parents never mentioned anything but I know my Dad couldn’t wait. He is ten times more excited about this wedding than I am. He an FI get along famously as do he and my FILs. My mother is not very enthusiastic about the wedding. In fact we just had a fight about the whole that issue. I think because she is/was not happy in her marriages she feels that we won’t be happy in ours. (Personally I think the opposite. I think I learned a lot of lessons about settleing issues and establishing patterns form the start regarding our relationship form the way hers have gone.)
My FI’s parents couldn’t wait for us to get engaged either. Because my FI is in his late thirties they never thought he would get married and now that he is they couldn’t be happier.
Mr. Jasmine and I had been together about three and a half years before we got engaged and my parents were having a serious fit about it. Mr. Jasmine even had to write my dad an email letting him know that his intentions were good and that an engagement was on the horizon. Luckily, that smoothed things over quite a bit.
blah, my parents didn’t want me to get married until i’d “returned” to the catholic church. unfortunately for them, that’s never going to happen. =/
i’m 26, my hubby is 31…we’re both atheist, we knew it was right and didn’t see any reason to get married in a church (it felt really dishonest).
so we ended up going to vegas for a simple, cheap wedding, because our parents ranged from apathetic to snarky/sarcastic to slightly malicious at times when we’d talk about having a normal wedding.
we told both sets of parents where and when the wedding would be (a month in advance) and told them we’d love them to be there…both sets declined. we’ve been married almost a month and my parents haven’t said a word to me about it (i’ve seen them twice) and my mom hasn’t even looked at our wedding pictures. 
it sucks that religion drives such a wedge between families…i know my hubby and i are both really hurt by our parents’ refusal to even really acknowledge our marriage.
I’m 24 and have been with my fiance for 4 years, living together for about 3 1/2. When we first met my father didnt really approve because he had shaggy hair, the piercings and tattoos, and he thought that he couldnt possibly be good enough for me. My dad has finally gotten to accept that my fiance is very good to me, and very loving and supportive of all my goals and plans. We just got engaged a week ago and my dad wasn’t exactly overwhelmed with joy. He just said, “Congratulations.. I hope you know what you’re getting yourself into”. Thanks for the support dad. But then again no ones ever been good enough for dear old dad. My mom just wants me to be happy, and she knows we’re happy together so she was thrilled when I told her.
Liz thats horrible. I tend to find the more religious people are the more close-minded people are. I’ve never been a religious person and I dont want to get married in a church either. That’s made me a little hesitant to tell my future MIL about our wedding plans because I think she may prefer us to be married in a church too “before god”. blah
yeah, it’s made me really sad, because i think my husband and i are good people, and we love our families despite our differences…i really feel like our parents are missing out on good, solid relationships with us both.
i love reading weddingbee, even if it’s drives home that i missed out on showers, shopping trips with mom, dancing with my dad, etc…it makes me happy to see other girls out there who get the experience of supportive families for their marriage and wedding day. 
It’s strange. my dad pushed for it when I started staying over my his place. Then we moved in officially. Dad was eager for it, and Mom thought I should see if there are other fish in the sea. It’s odd because Mom does like FI, and I can only imagine that she said that to me to keep me from moving out. Nonetheless, I was pretty upset with her comment. After 9 months of officially living together (5 years, X months unofficially), he proposed, and when Mom found out, she spilled the beans, and she was excited about it too! So cute and so strange. Ah, I love my mom!
Yes and no. My mom kept sending me clippings of wedding announcements from my hometown paper after we’d been dating for a couple of years. However, once we moved in together, they were pretty cool. I found out after the fact that my grandparents were hounding them non-stop about when there would be a wedding. What an awful place for them to be, and I have total respect for the fact that they didn’t turn around and give us a hard time.
they were dying ……… and urged us often. i think it’s both way for his parents and mine. i dont think his parents pushed or asked as much. but the old schoolers like my aunt and his gma, they were pushing it hard.
My Fi is the second boy I have lived with (the shame!). So when we moved in together just as BF/GF my mom and I had a great talk about what I was doing and was I playing house? I knew that my man would be with me forever as my partner and I shared that with my mom. She was supportive and respected that. Of course when I told her that we were getting married she was over the moon!
My parents were kinda opposed. They’ve grown to love my bf now though, but at first, it was possibly the scariest moment of my life telling them, and then my grandparents. My mom folded her arms and wouldn’t look at me, and when I told my dad, it was complete silence, and then an “I don’t think you’re ready.” My grandfather put his head in his hands, and didn’t say anything. My grandma was uber happy for us, though. One diamond in the rough, I guess. I largely choose not to look back on this period of my life, up to and encompassing the engagement party that followed 8 months later.
Even though my parents are okay with my brother and his gf maybe living together, they’re super against it for me. If I would have moved in with him, I probably would have been disowned.
Probably because we were 30 and 31 when we started dating, our parents were immediately expecting to get married. The first Christmas after we started dating, his parents were flabbergasted that he wasn’t planning to propose. Same thing for my birthday, and the next Christmas, and the next birthday…
My family’s pretty solidly Christian (his, not so much), but I never heard a peep out of them when he moved in–again, probably because of our ages. I had expected my dad to be uncomfortable with the idea, but he didn’t seem to have any trouble with it.
My father died ten years ago, but I am sure he would have been opposed to the fiance and I living together “in sin”. My mom wasn’t happy when I got engaged because she wanted my life to be as miserable as hers had become. But everyone else was really happy for us.
My parents were just like yours. Though, when we revealed the news of our engagement, they were absolutely joyful.
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Mrs. Penguin, Northern California Age and Occupation: 27, Weddingbee Editor in Chief Fiance's Age and Occupation: 30, Doctor of Physical Therapy Engagement Date: January 29, 2007 Wedding Date: June 7, 2008 Blogging Since: September 14, 2007 Venue: Winery in the Gold Country About Me: I love the Spice Girls, dogs with underbites, bean burritos, making messes, high fives, avoiding showers, crossword puzzles, blogs, weddings, and blogs about weddings!
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