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Okay, I am getting married, but as I read about everybody else’s planning process I’ve realized that I’m not doing a lot of what many brides-to-be seem to be doing. I know there is nothing wrong with being different, but I’m starting to wonder… am I missing out???
Here’s a list of my unbrideish things:
Asking the bridal party: Everyone did cutesy cards or something extra special to ask their bridesmaids. I did none of that. It was practically a ‘wanna be my bridesmaid? yes, well good’ end of story. My bridal party already think I’m nuts for doing all these DIY projects, I can’t imagine how they’d react if I gave them a pop up card or something like that. 
Engagement photo session: Before I started reading weddingbee… I didn’t even know people did this. I find it really neat especially if you are hiring the same photographer for your wedding because it gives you an idea on how they work. But nope, we didn’t do this. More money for something else…
Save-the-dates: I went ahead and made electronic versions of a STD but I really don’t think it was worth it for me. I won’t have guests coming from far (exception for my good friend from Toronto) so it wasn’t really necessary. Also I didn’t do it all the way (meaning I didn’t have everyone’s email address) so come think of it… there was really no point.
Engagement party: This is something very popular with Italian weddings… I mean it’s almost as big as the wedding itself, but I didn’t feel there was a need. So we didn’t have a party, a supper or a get together. They’re just gonna all meet at the wedding. Hope that goes well.
Registry: It’s very simple. We won’t have one. Mr. Flamingo and I have decided this and it’s one thing we will stick to. We’ve been together for 4.5 years and have been living together since for 4, so we have everything we need. (Exception a BBQ - which we will most probably get anyway). If anything, it would be nice to receive monetary gifts to pay for our future home.
So what un-brideish thing are you doing or should I say, not doing?
i’m not having a bridal shower. my bridesmaids are willing to throw me one (as is my mom) but i said no. IMO, no point in having my friends/family spend more money on me!
A girl after my own heart =)
I’m not wearing a white dress, no veil, no wedding party, no giving the bride away or bouquet/garter toss. And our cake will be from Ben&Jerry’s! We did decide to do a fairly normal (secular) ceremony since we thought a handfasting would weird our older relatives out too much.
Traditional stuff we are doing is mostly the rings I think, though they’re all custom made and designed by us.
Miss Flamingo, I’m 4 for 5 with your list. I didn’t do save-the-dates, an engagement photo session, and I actually didn’t even ASK my bridesmaids to be in my wedding. It was kind of like, “Oh, you’re getting married? We’ll start looking for dresses!” My BMs are my two best friends and we’ve talked ad nauseum about being in each other’s weddings. It felt more natural than me gluing my fingers together making a card for them (which would totally happen).
We also didn’t do an engagement party because A) our friends and family are spread throughout the western seaboard and B) for us, it just didn’t fit our personalities. We’re very low-key and don’t generally like parties, so it would feel forced to have a big soiree thrown for us.
Good for you! I kinda wish I didn’t have a bridal party…not that i don’t love them, just that picking colors and dresses has been the most pain staking process.
We are skipping some traditional wedding things too, just not our style.
…just be prepared to get a lot of stuff you dont really want as wedding gifts. People dont really like to give cash. I cant imagine handing a $50 bill to my friend as a wedding gift, and I’m Asian! (in most asian cultures, money is the standard gift)
Also, the engagment session gives you the opportunity to get to know your photographer. Most photogs include the E session for free, because they like to become comfortable with the bride and groom BEFORE the big day. Its not simply done just as an extra “wasteful” thing. You dont really want to be “feeling your photographer out” on your wedding day…and neither does he/she.
Peihan 17, I see you on Indie Bride all the time! Well, that’s just because I stalk the Wai-Ching forum. *…*
My most “un-bride-ish” trait is that I’m not into being a bride as most women usually are. I could care less about the cake and flowers, but I do enjoy crafting all the tiny details that people overlook anyways (it’s the best part!).
Also, I’m not wearing white and I actually like carnations. Sadly, that can be taken as not very bride-y and tacky.
I think your list is fantastic!
Here’s mine:
no bridal shower, no STDs, no E-pics, no B-pics, no ring boy, no favors, no guest book, no garter toss, no bouquet toss, no bridal party introductions at the reception, I didn’t want fancy transportation either, but DH did 
Oh, we’re also not doing the bouquet toss or garter thing. I can’t think of anything more horrifying than 200 people watching while my fiance goes up my skirt and pulls a garter off with his teeth.
no engagement photo shoot here (although we might have a friend take a picture for the announcement in the local paper - as per FMIL’s request)
No engagement party here (Until the Bee I thought that was only for the wealthy)
I just sort of said: “You know your one of my girls right?” to my BMs. (Although I’m thinking about the card thing anyway because all but one lives far away.)
We are going back and forth on the registry. If we do register it may be at Home depot or something because we are buying a fixer upper this summer and could use the materials (plus they have the kitchenaide mixer I want too - this being my only major wish list item for a registry since I can’t justify spending that kind of dough when I can use a hand mixer.) Not a very bride like store is it? but we are both in our thirties with all the necessities and I have china from my family as well as silver I found at an antique store years ago.
Unfortunatly the Save-the-Dates are a neccesity because I would totally skip them if I could, especially since most of my guests have never even heard of them. Almost half of the guest list is from out of town and will need a save the date to get room at the Inn (very limited places to stay in our area!).
I hope you aren’t asking for money on your invites. I saw the most beautiful invite the other day and it asked for cash gifts. Printed directly on the direction card. Horrifying.
i’m the same way! only i did sign up for a registry because we need so much stuff, even though the fiance and i have been living together pretty much from the day we started dating.
i’m seriously considering giving out 40 oz bottles of olde english malt liquor as wedding favors. of course, i”ll wedding it up by wrapping them in paper bags and tying them with pretty blue ribbons and if i’m so inclined, write everyone’s name in pretty, girly cursive on the bags.
my bridesmaids think i’m crazy, but whatever. 
I feel the same way… It seems like there are a lot of things I’m not doing that other brides are:
- no engagement party (none of my other friends had one either)
- no Save the dates
- no engagement photo session
- no asking the bridesmaids, they all just assumed their roles
- no cake tasting/food catering tasting (its a small town, so I’ve been to weddings with the same vendors, no need to worry about taste)
- no day-of-coordinator
- I didn’t research any other vendors or venues (because of the small town thing, only so many places to get married, get flowers…)
Great post! We did away with numerous wedding-related extras as well.
My list includes: No bridal shower, No registry, No fancy transportation, No favors, No ring boy/ flower girl, No guestbook, No out-of-town bags, No seating arrangements, No menu cards/ escort cards/ table numbers, and so forth.
A friend threw us an engagement party, but it was very lowkey. They served White Castle and Popeyes and it was awesome. We’re so classy. haha
I’ve just taken the whole anti-bride stance of whatever was something me or my fiance don’t care about we let the “professional” handle. We’ve told our ceremony musician to just pick whatever music he wants.
And for really different we both love halloween so we’re going to wear costumes to the reception, and my matron of honor is going to re-wear her wedding dress so she can be the Bride of Frankenstein.
Wow. I had no idea there were so many unbrides hanging around! It’s great to know we aren’t alone. In my wedding there will be no STDs, no engagement parties, no bouquet toss, no coordinator. I caved on the shower thing but made my BMs swear that there would be no shower games.
Just a thought on the registery though, my FI and I are in the same boat (even matching in years). Mainly we registered because we worried about odd gifts. My mother convinced us by pointing out that several family members collect odd things and might be tempted to give us something from the collection.
No groom, no bridal party, no engagement photos, no engagement party, no shower, nobody is tossing anything, no being escorted down the aisle, and no veils. Ahh, that felt very liberating to say! NOOOOOOOO! Ahhh. Thank you.
No bridal party - just our two kids standing up there with us, if they are OK with it. Nobody’s giving me away (I’m 34, fer chrissakes), but I do want my son to walk down the aisle with me. No tossing. No engagement party or bridal shower. No STD’s. No veil. No train or bustle or big poofy skirt on the dress (tea length, probably). No tiara. No table numbers (I’m envisioning one long rectangular one, plus another smaller one for all the kids). No roses or calla lilies (I hate them both). No special transportation. No registry, unless we decide to do a honeymoon registry, which is a distinct possibility.
Great post- no one should feel compelled to do anything because it’s tradition. As for myself I’m going fairly traditional almost to the point of run-of-the-mill, but because I like just about everything “standard”. However, I know if it wasn’t me, I wouldn’t have a problem droping a single thing!
But what’s this about an Italian engagement party?! I want one! I’m marrying an Italian, and his family has never heard of one… I was super bummed for a bit, since party in Italian directly translates to loads of incredible food and a never-ending supply of drinks, but whatever. I’m over it!
No engagement party, no bridal party, no garter or bouquet toss, no table numbers or escort cards, no church, no candles. There were more NOs, but my sister and mom keep conspiring against me with FI. We are having a giant birthday cake, as we are getting married on my only niece’s first birthday.
Interesting post. I live pretty far from all of my bridesmaids and so I thought it might be best to call them rather than design an elaborate bridesmaid newsletter. No bridal shower for me and no bouquet/garter toss (mostly because I didn’t want to “single” out any of our friends!), and no engagement party. When it came to dress shopping, I bought the first dress I laid my eyes on and never went back.
We decided to do an engagement shoot because it was part of our wedding package and it was a good experience becoming comfortable with our photographer.
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Mrs. Flamingo, Montreal, Canada Age and Occupation: 25, Graphic Designer Fiance's Age and Occupation: 30, Nursing Student Engagement Date: December 2004 Wedding Date: June 21, 2008 Venue: Imperia Hotel (modern chic hotel) About Me: I am a passionate designer who loves anything pretty. I heart all paper products (eco-friendly of course). My passion revolves around anything considered glamour; vintage and modern. In my free time, I love reading Martha mags, designing jewelry and making a pit-stop at Starbucks for a chai latte. I'm also a chocoholic at heart and my family drools over my homemade truffles.
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