FOA

April 3rd, 2008 @ 4:12 pm by Mrs. Cream Puff
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When I was a little girl, I was very shy. In our old family videos, I am always hiding behind my mom or running away from the camera. I remember always feeling embarrassed for some reason. Over the years, I pretty much grew out of my shyness. For the most part, I’m a pretty social person, and in some cases I don’t even mind being the center of attention. But when it comes to this wedding stuff…well, let’s just say that’s another story.

My shyness about wedding-related attention mostly comes out when the topics of bridal showers or bachelorette parties come up. I am positively terrified of my bridal shower. Well, there are actually no plans for a bridal shower yet, so I guess I am terrified of my theoretical bridal shower.

First off, I am really, really bad at accepting attention from people. I feel really bad about anyone going out of their way for me, which is why I’ve done almost all of the planning myself and haven’t asked anyone but my mom for help. I feel bad about my bridesmaids having to pay to fly across the country for me. I feel bad about them having to buy dresses (which I can’t afford to buy for them, or I would have). I just don’t like the idea of people feeling obligated to do things for me, even though I’d do it for them in a heartbeat. The idea of inviting people to take part in a party where everyone brings me presents is terrifying to me. The idea that I actually have to open said presents while everyone stares at me is even worse. And to even get to the inviting people/presents part, someone actually has to volunteer to throw me the party to begin with. Which, of course, also makes me extremely uncomfortable.

It’s funny…if one of my friends were getting married, I’d be thrilled to throw her a party, and I’d tell her she was an idiot if she felt weird about it. But unlike me, I don’t think any of my friends are really into the whole let’s-get-creative-and-have-a-super-cute-themed-shower, you know? I feel like it would be an obligation for them, not something they’d be super excited to do. Which kinda makes me sad, if I’m going to be totally honest. I have such mixed feelings!

Am I alone here? Are any of you guys having issues with being the center of attention? Anyone else out there not entirely sure someone is going to want to throw them a shower? How are you coping?

Tags: bridal-shower, san-francisco |

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38 Responses to “FOA”

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Member

sassygirl (message) 111 posts, Blushing bee

I’m pretty sure no one will throw me a shower but I am fine with that. My Mom doesn’t know anything about this stuff. My friends are mostly guys and I am the first of my friends to get married. My SIL and MIL definitely won’t because weddings aren’t even huge to them (lots of people in hus culture don’t get married). Also it just seems weird to be getting gifts at a shower and also at the wedding?

4/3/08 @ 4:20 pm (reply)

Guest

Carrie =)

Miss Cream Puff, I think we were separated at birth! I, too, was super shy growing up. I’m much better now, but the whole center of attention is really starting to worry me. I was asked yesterday who I wanted to invite to my shower. Yikes! I’m really concerned about people coming for me and how I’ll feel about it. Advice would be appreciated! =)

4/3/08 @ 4:22 pm (reply)

Guest

JenniferB

I totally get it! I have no words of advice or anything helpful here, but I am with you sister.

4/3/08 @ 4:24 pm (reply)

Member

stargazerlily (message) 942 posts, Busy bee

My friends in general, I think are into it…my MOH, who is like, a man (in a totally hot way), is really NOT into it. But she busted it out hardcore and I’m so proud of her!

I have major center of attention issues and it really bugs the crap out of my friends I think. I need to grow a pair and enjoy the attention Alas, I cannot. Lets just say I cant WAIT to be on the other end and throw the soirees. Its gonna be so so so fun!

I think you just have to keep in perspective that they do it for you cause they love you, and you’ll do the same for them! It gets me through. Even though I kind of wanted to barf a couple times the morning of my shower. It will be nice to get back to being “just one of the gals” and not “the bride” come June!

4/3/08 @ 4:24 pm (reply)

Member

jma19 (message) 496 posts, Helper bee

Ok, then I must be the third in that little separated at birth party because what you just said is what I’ve been trying to express to everyone. It’s why I DO NOT want to register, because that just invites people to buy me crap, and I don’t want that. I told my people that I didn’t want a shower because they’re already coming to the wedding and buying me a present then, I don’t need ANOTHER one for a shower. If there was some way I could get around not being the center of attention on our wedding day, I’d totally do it.

4/3/08 @ 4:25 pm (reply)

Guest

I’m okay with most of the wedding-related attention, but I agree with your shower anxiety. Since two of my bridesmaids live cross-country, it falls solely on the shoulders of the third to host my shower. I know she wants to host it anyway, but I hate that it looks like an obligation for her!

4/3/08 @ 4:26 pm (reply)

Member

GetMarried4Less (message) 911 posts, Busy bee

i am sure that i will have a shower…..but i personally am scared that no one will be there except my bms and my mom….primarily bc i am sooo shy, i only have a handful of friends. all of whom i have asked to be bridesmaids.

sigh…..

i’m not sure how i will feel about being center of attention. i will probably want to melt and soak into the carpet.

this is all depending on my broke bms to actually throw me a shower….which i kinda hope they do but am a bit terrified of too…..

4/3/08 @ 4:29 pm (reply)

Member

jilian (message) 783 posts, Busy bee

We are exactly the same!! That’s one of the reasons I chose a small intimate family wedding - I was not looking forward to being the center of attention!!

Since we only had a 4 month engagement - I luckily got out of having any showers woohoo!

I did have a ‘girls’ weekend - but it sooo didn’t revolve around me! We just had a blast hanging out! Something cool that my friends did to avoid the whole ’sitting down for 20 (or more) minutes and opening presents while people start at you’….. they’d give me a present right before we started every meal (in place of a prayer - kinda funny cause it was usually lingerie - heck yeah God encourages some sexiness!) - and then at random other times during the weekend. Someone would just pipe up - I think it’s time to open a present. It was fun. Each present had it’s own time in the spotlight (vs being thrown in the pile and onto the next one) - and it was fun to pace them throughout the two days.

Funny last night a bunch of us were out for half-price wine at a local restaurant. My friend was a little tipsy and was all giddy “Don’t we have a big event to prepare for this summer?” I looked at her like she was crazy - NO CLUE what she was referring to. Then she said “Isn’t someone turning 30 in June” I just started laughing and said we don’t need to celebrate that. I have no problem turning 30 - I think each birthday brings new adventures and each year is better than the last, the number doesn’t phase me - but a party in my honor - NO THANKS! I’d much rather enjoy a candlelit dinner for two at home.

Ironically I’m currently planning her surprise engagement party for the end of the month

4/3/08 @ 4:32 pm (reply)

Member

missbean (message) 528 posts, Busy bee

That’s definitely me! I was the poor child who stood there petrefied during ballet recitals because I was too shy. I definitely understand - I really don’t like to be centre of attention. I think once my bridal shower comes around I’ll probably get through it with my face blazing.

I’m sorry, but I don’t have any helpful advice on what to do if no one throws you a shower. When someone does, (I’m sure that they will!) perhaps suggest instead of sitting in someone’s house watching you unwrap presents and playing silly games to do some activity that you really enjoy doing. Or instead of presents, have each of them write out their favourite recipies, bring pictures to make a scrapbook, write a letter to you, etc.

4/3/08 @ 4:39 pm (reply)

10.

Guest

cuddlebug910

You are so not alone. I have the added fear of meeting about half the people at one of my planned showers for the first time. Accepting gifts and congratulations from strangers?!?! Ewww!!! Glad to know that I’m not alone either!

4/3/08 @ 4:40 pm (reply)

11.

Guest

Lucy

I’ve got center-of-attention issues too and the way I made the shower better for myself was to have the hostess request that guests bring a favorite recipe in lieu of a gift. That way, at the shower, we all played a few shower themed games, hung out and drank mimosas together, and I avoided the whole awkward present-opening show. Plus, now I have a collection of family/friend recipes that I think is really special to have!

4/3/08 @ 4:43 pm (reply)

12.

Member

alli (message) 437 posts, Helper bee

that is so like me too! especially opening presents in front of everyone, that’s always made me feel pretty awkward.
I’m having 3 showers and am really nervous about all of them, even though one is all of my female family members (8 people).
Being center of attention is not my thing!

4/3/08 @ 4:43 pm (reply)

13.

Guest

Sabrina

I totally feel you. My wedding is coming up and I totally feel the way you do. The aniexty of having to be the center of attention and the pressure to “entertain” everyone.

I think I have gotten better at letting people help as the wedding preparation went on. I had a few freakouts and I totally vented to my BMs. I told them how I felt and how I was because i felt bad about not letting them be “involved” in my wedding planning etc. After my vent it just made me appreciate them so much more. I still feel bad about asking them to do things and I still have a hard time letting them in, but I have learned a lot so far. My bacholerette and bridal shower are coming up and I am nervous about it. I think I just need to relax and let things flow, but that’s easier said then done.

Anyways, I wish you the best of luck in your situation. It’s not easy and it’s hard to be “selfish” but it is expected so you may want to take advantage of it for a bit. You don’t want to take too much on yourself or you will go nuts!

4/3/08 @ 4:43 pm (reply)

14.

Guest

Jennifer

I am the same way with being the center of attention. Therefore we only had 1 shower and it was a couple’s shower and I made my FI open all the presents. That way there was more attention on what he was doing and I could just sit there and smile and thank people. Our shower wasn’t terribly large either which made it easier since there weren’t too many eyes on us!

4/3/08 @ 4:47 pm (reply)

15.

Guest

jennyt

one of the things i am hoping is done at my shower is that the present givers open up their own presents and show the bride to be. i think this is a really good idea because it keeps people engaged and is a chance for you to sit back and not be in the spotlight. i have been to bridal showers and i always hate sitting around watching the bride open up boxes…. plus, i think that it will be fun to see people get excited about their own presents.

regardless of what happens - just try to stay calm, smile a lot to show people you truly are super thankful, and have a couple drinks to calm your nerves! good luck

4/3/08 @ 4:48 pm (reply)

16.

Hostess

suzanno (message) 2,683 posts, Sugar bee

I was absolutely sure there would be no showers or big bachelorette parties. And I was good with that - relieved actually. And now it seems they are coming out of the woodwork. Luckily its mostly small groups of friends in random parts of the country saying “Hey! You’ll be here in June? We should totally take you out for a mini-bachelorette thing!” Which I assume will be just girls having drinks and dishing. Unfortunately my best friend and my sister have also gotten it into their heads that some kind of Vegas weekend is a great idea, which seems like an awful lot of trouble and expense to me. And some of my cousins have decided a lingerie shower would be fun. Now that is truly horrifying. I do not want cousins and aunts buying me sexy underwear. No way, no how. That’s like drop-through-the-floor embarrassing.

4/3/08 @ 4:49 pm (reply)

17.

Member

SoCalBeachGirl (message) 398 posts, Helper bee

I am MOH in a wedding this May, and the bride decided that she did not want us to host a shower because she is not comfortable with the attention, and I completely understand.

My BMs rallied and threw an awesome shower for me. They divided up the responsibilities & costs which made me feel better that not one person was bearing the burdon.

I have to tell you, it’s pretty surreal to be in a room with your closest girlfriends from all facets of your life. I was glad I did it. It gets even better at the wedding when all facets of your life and your FI’s life come together.

4/3/08 @ 4:50 pm (reply)

18.

Guest

lynn

Hi CP!
Yes I have totally been there! I love being around people, but I hate being the center of those said peple… that’s why I’ve always been the biggest party planner/photographer of our friends. I love throwing these big parties for my peeps and taking pictures during these parties, cuz that means I’m not in those pictures. However, now that I’m a bride, i a little bummed that nobody has even offered to throw me an engagment party or bridal shower… especially since I always done it for them…. hmm… i feel maybe they’ve always dependent on me to do it? anyways cheer up, your wedding is going to be so awesome!

4/3/08 @ 4:53 pm (reply)

19.

Guest

kgr

I feel your pain. I was really nervous about my shower because I always feel awkward as the center of attention but I ended up having a great time. It was a wine shower so everyone brought a bottle of wine with a story of why it was special to them and why they were giving it to me. It made it more like a party for everyone because the stories ranged from hilarious to really sweet. My friends also knew I didn’t want any games and so it was more like a big gabfest with all of my closest friends and didn’t feel so showery.

4/3/08 @ 4:55 pm (reply)

20.

Guest

endb

Hontestly, in general I like being the center of attention. But when it comes to bridesmaids doing things for me w/the wedding — showers, bach parties, buying b’maid dresses — I feel SO very guilty. I don’t know why — I was in 2 of the 3 ‘maids’ weddings, so I’ve done this all for them, happily.

Might help if they were a tad more enthusiastic about it all. I have causal friends who seem to be more excited for the showers, wedding, and other wedding decisions than my bridesmaids!

4/3/08 @ 5:01 pm (reply)

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