Mrs. Cream Puff, San Francisco Bay Area
Age and Occupation: 25, Illustrator
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 31, Merchandise Planner
Engagement Date: May 27, 2007
Wedding Date: August, 2008
Blogging Since: February 7, 2008
Venue: Ceremony at Crissy Field and Reception at the Green Room
About Me: I never dreamed about my wedding as a little girl because I was too busy playing in the mud or pretending to be Martha Stewart–but now that it's here, I'm having a fabulous time DIYing everything in sight! We’re planning a very fun multicultural wedding (I'm Jewish and Mr. Cream Puff is Chinese), filled with as many personal details as I can muster.
FOA
April 3rd, 2008 @ 4:12 pm by Mrs. Cream Puff
When I was a little girl, I was very shy. In our old family videos, I am always hiding behind my mom or running away from the camera. I remember always feeling embarrassed for some reason. Over the years, I pretty much grew out of my shyness. For the most part, I’m a pretty social person, and in some cases I don’t even mind being the center of attention. But when it comes to this wedding stuff…well, let’s just say that’s another story.
My shyness about wedding-related attention mostly comes out when the topics of bridal showers or bachelorette parties come up. I am positively terrified of my bridal shower. Well, there are actually no plans for a bridal shower yet, so I guess I am terrified of my theoretical bridal shower.
First off, I am really, really bad at accepting attention from people. I feel really bad about anyone going out of their way for me, which is why I’ve done almost all of the planning myself and haven’t asked anyone but my mom for help. I feel bad about my bridesmaids having to pay to fly across the country for me. I feel bad about them having to buy dresses (which I can’t afford to buy for them, or I would have). I just don’t like the idea of people feeling obligated to do things for me, even though I’d do it for them in a heartbeat. The idea of inviting people to take part in a party where everyone brings me presents is terrifying to me. The idea that I actually have to open said presents while everyone stares at me is even worse. And to even get to the inviting people/presents part, someone actually has to volunteer to throw me the party to begin with. Which, of course, also makes me extremely uncomfortable.
It’s funny…if one of my friends were getting married, I’d be thrilled to throw her a party, and I’d tell her she was an idiot if she felt weird about it. But unlike me, I don’t think any of my friends are really into the whole let’s-get-creative-and-have-a-super-cute-themed-shower, you know? I feel like it would be an obligation for them, not something they’d be super excited to do. Which kinda makes me sad, if I’m going to be totally honest. I have such mixed feelings!
Am I alone here? Are any of you guys having issues with being the center of attention? Anyone else out there not entirely sure someone is going to want to throw them a shower? How are you coping?
38 Responses to “FOA”
I’m pretty sure no one will throw me a shower but I am fine with that. My Mom doesn’t know anything about this stuff. My friends are mostly guys and I am the first of my friends to get married. My SIL and MIL definitely won’t because weddings aren’t even huge to them (lots of people in hus culture don’t get married). Also it just seems weird to be getting gifts at a shower and also at the wedding?
Miss Cream Puff, I think we were separated at birth! I, too, was super shy growing up. I’m much better now, but the whole center of attention is really starting to worry me. I was asked yesterday who I wanted to invite to my shower. Yikes! I’m really concerned about people coming for me and how I’ll feel about it. Advice would be appreciated! =)
I totally get it! I have no words of advice or anything helpful here, but I am with you sister.
My friends in general, I think are into it…my MOH, who is like, a man (in a totally hot way), is really NOT into it. But she busted it out hardcore and I’m so proud of her!
I have major center of attention issues and it really bugs the crap out of my friends I think. I need to grow a pair and enjoy the attention 
Alas, I cannot. Lets just say I cant WAIT to be on the other end and throw the soirees. Its gonna be so so so fun!
I think you just have to keep in perspective that they do it for you cause they love you, and you’ll do the same for them! It gets me through. Even though I kind of wanted to barf a couple times the morning of my shower. It will be nice to get back to being “just one of the gals” and not “the bride” come June!
Ok, then I must be the third in that little separated at birth party because what you just said is what I’ve been trying to express to everyone. It’s why I DO NOT want to register, because that just invites people to buy me crap, and I don’t want that. I told my people that I didn’t want a shower because they’re already coming to the wedding and buying me a present then, I don’t need ANOTHER one for a shower. If there was some way I could get around not being the center of attention on our wedding day, I’d totally do it.
I’m okay with most of the wedding-related attention, but I agree with your shower anxiety. Since two of my bridesmaids live cross-country, it falls solely on the shoulders of the third to host my shower. I know she wants to host it anyway, but I hate that it looks like an obligation for her!
i am sure that i will have a shower…..but i personally am scared that no one will be there except my bms and my mom….primarily bc i am sooo shy, i only have a handful of friends. all of whom i have asked to be bridesmaids.
sigh…..
i’m not sure how i will feel about being center of attention. i will probably want to melt and soak into the carpet.
this is all depending on my broke bms to actually throw me a shower….which i kinda hope they do but am a bit terrified of too…..
We are exactly the same!! That’s one of the reasons I chose a small intimate family wedding - I was not looking forward to being the center of attention!!
Since we only had a 4 month engagement - I luckily got out of having any showers woohoo!
I did have a ‘girls’ weekend - but it sooo didn’t revolve around me! We just had a blast hanging out! Something cool that my friends did to avoid the whole ’sitting down for 20 (or more) minutes and opening presents while people start at you’….. they’d give me a present right before we started every meal (in place of a prayer - kinda funny cause it was usually lingerie - heck yeah God encourages some sexiness!) - and then at random other times during the weekend. Someone would just pipe up - I think it’s time to open a present. It was fun. Each present had it’s own time in the spotlight (vs being thrown in the pile and onto the next one) - and it was fun to pace them throughout the two days.
Funny last night a bunch of us were out for half-price wine at a local restaurant. My friend was a little tipsy and was all giddy “Don’t we have a big event to prepare for this summer?” I looked at her like she was crazy - NO CLUE what she was referring to. Then she said “Isn’t someone turning 30 in June” I just started laughing and said we don’t need to celebrate that. I have no problem turning 30 - I think each birthday brings new adventures and each year is better than the last, the number doesn’t phase me - but a party in my honor - NO THANKS! I’d much rather enjoy a candlelit dinner for two at home.
Ironically I’m currently planning her surprise engagement party for the end of the month
That’s definitely me! I was the poor child who stood there petrefied during ballet recitals because I was too shy. I definitely understand - I really don’t like to be centre of attention. I think once my bridal shower comes around I’ll probably get through it with my face blazing.
I’m sorry, but I don’t have any helpful advice on what to do if no one throws you a shower. When someone does, (I’m sure that they will!) perhaps suggest instead of sitting in someone’s house watching you unwrap presents and playing silly games to do some activity that you really enjoy doing. Or instead of presents, have each of them write out their favourite recipies, bring pictures to make a scrapbook, write a letter to you, etc.
You are so not alone. I have the added fear of meeting about half the people at one of my planned showers for the first time. Accepting gifts and congratulations from strangers?!?! Ewww!!! Glad to know that I’m not alone either!
I’ve got center-of-attention issues too and the way I made the shower better for myself was to have the hostess request that guests bring a favorite recipe in lieu of a gift. That way, at the shower, we all played a few shower themed games, hung out and drank mimosas together, and I avoided the whole awkward present-opening show. Plus, now I have a collection of family/friend recipes that I think is really special to have!
that is so like me too! especially opening presents in front of everyone, that’s always made me feel pretty awkward.
I’m having 3 showers and am really nervous about all of them, even though one is all of my female family members (8 people).
Being center of attention is not my thing!
I totally feel you. My wedding is coming up and I totally feel the way you do. The aniexty of having to be the center of attention and the pressure to “entertain” everyone.
I think I have gotten better at letting people help as the wedding preparation went on. I had a few freakouts and I totally vented to my BMs. I told them how I felt and how I was because i felt bad about not letting them be “involved” in my wedding planning etc. After my vent it just made me appreciate them so much more. I still feel bad about asking them to do things and I still have a hard time letting them in, but I have learned a lot so far. My bacholerette and bridal shower are coming up and I am nervous about it. I think I just need to relax and let things flow, but that’s easier said then done.
Anyways, I wish you the best of luck in your situation. It’s not easy and it’s hard to be “selfish” but it is expected so you may want to take advantage of it for a bit. You don’t want to take too much on yourself or you will go nuts!
I am the same way with being the center of attention. Therefore we only had 1 shower and it was a couple’s shower and I made my FI open all the presents. That way there was more attention on what he was doing and I could just sit there and smile and thank people. Our shower wasn’t terribly large either which made it easier since there weren’t too many eyes on us!
one of the things i am hoping is done at my shower is that the present givers open up their own presents and show the bride to be. i think this is a really good idea because it keeps people engaged and is a chance for you to sit back and not be in the spotlight. i have been to bridal showers and i always hate sitting around watching the bride open up boxes…. plus, i think that it will be fun to see people get excited about their own presents.
regardless of what happens - just try to stay calm, smile a lot to show people you truly are super thankful, and have a couple drinks to calm your nerves! good luck
I was absolutely sure there would be no showers or big bachelorette parties. And I was good with that - relieved actually. And now it seems they are coming out of the woodwork. Luckily its mostly small groups of friends in random parts of the country saying “Hey! You’ll be here in June? We should totally take you out for a mini-bachelorette thing!” Which I assume will be just girls having drinks and dishing. Unfortunately my best friend and my sister have also gotten it into their heads that some kind of Vegas weekend is a great idea, which seems like an awful lot of trouble and expense to me. And some of my cousins have decided a lingerie shower would be fun. Now that is truly horrifying. I do not want cousins and aunts buying me sexy underwear. No way, no how. That’s like drop-through-the-floor embarrassing.
I am MOH in a wedding this May, and the bride decided that she did not want us to host a shower because she is not comfortable with the attention, and I completely understand.
My BMs rallied and threw an awesome shower for me. They divided up the responsibilities & costs which made me feel better that not one person was bearing the burdon.
I have to tell you, it’s pretty surreal to be in a room with your closest girlfriends from all facets of your life. I was glad I did it. It gets even better at the wedding when all facets of your life and your FI’s life come together.
Hi CP!
Yes I have totally been there! I love being around people, but I hate being the center of those said peple… that’s why I’ve always been the biggest party planner/photographer of our friends. I love throwing these big parties for my peeps and taking pictures during these parties, cuz that means I’m not in those pictures. However, now that I’m a bride, i a little bummed that nobody has even offered to throw me an engagment party or bridal shower… especially since I always done it for them…. hmm… i feel maybe they’ve always dependent on me to do it? anyways cheer up, your wedding is going to be so awesome!
I feel your pain. I was really nervous about my shower because I always feel awkward as the center of attention but I ended up having a great time. It was a wine shower so everyone brought a bottle of wine with a story of why it was special to them and why they were giving it to me. It made it more like a party for everyone because the stories ranged from hilarious to really sweet. My friends also knew I didn’t want any games and so it was more like a big gabfest with all of my closest friends and didn’t feel so showery.
Hontestly, in general I like being the center of attention. But when it comes to bridesmaids doing things for me w/the wedding — showers, bach parties, buying b’maid dresses — I feel SO very guilty. I don’t know why — I was in 2 of the 3 ‘maids’ weddings, so I’ve done this all for them, happily.
Might help if they were a tad more enthusiastic about it all. I have causal friends who seem to be more excited for the showers, wedding, and other wedding decisions than my bridesmaids!
I feel the exact same way! I was always super shy growing up and I feel horribly guilty about having showers and getting gifts. Tomorrow is my work shower and Saturday I have a family shower and I really feel like I could vomit just thinking about everyone staring at me. I just know as I’m opening presents I’m going to sound like a total idiot! “A serving bowl! Yay!!” (insert me clapping my hands in happiness) “A salad spinner? AWESOME!” I know some people I work with might be like, “Tears? For a gift card? Seriously? Huh. The wedding stress must be getting to her.”
I’m actually not having a shower, and I’m totally OK with that. My bridesmaids are scattered literally around the world, and I live several thousand miles from any other woman who would throw me one. It’s wonderful enough that they’re all coming here for the wedding!
There was a point at which we were going to have a shower thrown by FI’s mom, and I was going to insist that it be a couple’s shower for attention-fearing reasons. We ended up not doing it at all, which suited me just fine. But would the couple’s shower idea be one that you’d consider?
@endb:
Your ‘maids have that problem too? One of mine, whom I considered to be pretty close before my engagement, has been critical of me getting married just about the whole time I’ve been engaged (this has nothing to do with my FI). I haven’t figured this one out yet and I don’t know how to address it. Wedding is mid-May. How are you dealing with their lack of enthusiasm? This has really brought me down. I know my shyness and natural avoidance of conflict doesn’t help…
Oh my goodness I felt-and feel-exactly the same. I had 2 bridal showers already and I am really dreading the wedding day just because of the attention factor. I really don’t have any tips other than to make sure your friends are very supportive. Maybe pop an anxiety pill or have a shot beforehand!
You are definitely not alone! I was also really shy when I was younger…and I’m still not a fan of being the center of attention, especially in big group settings! I know that I’ll have to deal with being the center of attention on our wedding day, but I’m ok with that because FI will be sharing the attention.
I’m much more nervous about my bridal shower & bachelorette party though. I tried to convince my bridesmaids that we could just combine both parties into one low-key dinner, but said I needed two separate events. So…I’ll probably have a very small bridal shower with just a single group of friends (the idea of a big party with many groups of friends and family who don’t know each other just isn’t appealing to me) and a small dinner for the bachelorette party.
Some of my BM’s had never been to any showers and were not planning to throw me one, but I guess after talking with the rest of the BM’s they changed their minds. I also do do not like being the center of attention, but we are having a couples shower so I won’t be the only one opening the presents.
I think every bride has felt this way - the joy of planning the best day of your life is mixed with anxiety and guilt over your loved ones going out of their way for you… I resisted the shower-throwing hoopla at first as well, and then I realized that by making an issue of being the center of attention, I was running the risk of appearing ungracious, and I was only ramping up my own anxiety about it! Though I’m still a little uncomfortable with being “showered,” I have found that by making a conscious effort to just accept the love, I’ve actually relaxed about it a lot - I’m even looking forward to it - gasp! Oh how our perspective changes
I’m claiming another separated at birth spot- I so agree with pretty much all of that post. I’m ok with the standing up in front of a bunch of people part, it’s the one-on-one interaction that is keeping me up at nights. I can’t mingle to save my life. We’re working on the guest list now and I’m torn between having a very small list (like, immediate family only) so I can be relatively comfortable with everyone, or having a very large list so I can bop around and say hi to everyone but not have to worry about failing the more in depth small talk. I’m also on the guilty train about anyone coming at all, just to see us get married- all that travel, etc.
Wow! It’s like you were reading my mind! I can totally relate! I’m definitely NOT looking forward to having all eyes on me on my wedding day. But I’m going to take it with a grain of salt and try to enjoy it while I can.
Thank you so much ms. cream puff for this post — I, like many other readers, feel the same way about center of attention issues!
I am not getting a shower. I have a small bridal party, my mom doesn’t know about these things… I was really bummed out but also partly relieved at not having all eyes on me. Unlike other people, I tend to be awkward when I am the center of something.
Miss Manners says that you are in NO WAY obligated to open gifts in front of everyone. Yes, I looked that up because I am pathologically adverse to being the center of attention (bodes well for wedding day, huh?). If you don’t want to open the gifts, don’t!
I’m a Leo so I am a complete attention whore BUT, I feel the same way. I hate asking people to buy a dress and shoes and travel, etc. I feel like it is a huge pain to have my sister plan my shower, make the invites and be a mother and a wife. But she wanted to so I went with it. I am still uncomfortable about people helping me do anything but that is because I am a control freak and nobody touches my stuff but me!!!
It is totally normal Miss.CP. I’m glad that there are others that feel this way. Just the thought of people staring at us at the wedding makes my face turn red!
Miss CP — you just typed my inner (until now unconscious) monologue.
I wondered why I was having so much ’shower-terror’, mostly because I myself am so excited to host parties, so why wouldn’t I want to be the subject? Now I feel MUCH better! Thanks!
Miss CP let me start by saying, every post you write, is what I am thinking/worrying about. And apparently I am not the only one who feels that way! I too feel weird about being the “bride and groom” at the wedding. I mean one of my favorite parts of a wedding is to see the bride and groom’s reaction to everything, so that will be funny. The thing that has helped me is a few friends have said that they were so wrapped up in seeing their husband while walking down the aisle they didn’t have time to worry about everyone else. Hopefully that will be the case for us too! Good luck!
PS have someone you trust ask the bridesmaids if they are planning to throw you a shower, maybe it will just be a gentle reminder…
I too have dealt with once-crippling shyness. We skipped the shower because almost everyone I know lives out of town, and no one in the SAME town! But I was worried a bit about the center-of-attention thing for the wedding.
And as it turned out, it was SUCH a joy to have everyone gathered together for the big event — after all, they’re not strangers; they’re the people you care about most in the world. Every new face we saw, it was like, “Hey, it’s you! And it’s YOU! And YOU!!!” There was no reason to be shy because we were simply awash in love. I imagine that any shower or other pre-wedding events would be the same, just a smaller scale.
Have you considered looking at it another way?
Think about when you go to a party, how much you love picking out a present, giving it to your friend and seeing their face light up when they open it. There’s a lot in it for you, right?
So, at your party, just think how much fun you are letting your guests have! They want to spoil you, so in actual fact, *you* are doing something for *them*! Good luck
Ha! I too grew up super shy! I broke out of my shell a little bit more (now that I’m in my 20s) I do feel uncomfortable when some friends are talking about my bridal shower. I feel bad enough that some of my BMs have to fly in from out of state, pay for their own shoes and dress. I hate it when people stare but being that I’m the Bride there will be a lot of staring as I walk down that aisle that will seem like it’ll never end! My FI on the other hand is the opposite. He LOVES attention. Maybe I’ll have him walk down the aisle to me instead. LoL
Wow! I’m so glad I took the time to read this post. I am having my shower this Sunday and I have been getting nausea every time I even think of it. I keep thinking maybe I’ll get really sick and wont have to go, or a bus will run me over..but so such luck. I didnt register hoping that my BM’s would get the hint. Also..no such luck. They are throwing me a shower at a nice place for a lunch, but its a fairly small crowd and the people are all mixed..some family that are old fashioned and some friends..wild and crazy. The mix of the two types of people in the same room makes me want to die. Hopefully we can keep the conversation going and not talk about something embarrassing with my mom and old Aunts there.. Ugh! Good luck to you all who have to go through these feelings.. my advice is have a shot or two before you go!!
