This month will mark the third year of Mr. Hum and me living together. That’s right ladies, for over a thousand days, the Hummingbirds have been “shacked up” and “living in sin.”
The plan at the time was definitely not for us to move in together. It had been discussed before as kind of an “Oh, you know, someday . . .” thing, but Mr. Hum was living with roommates and I lived in the world’s tiniest bachelor apartment, so it didn’t seem like it was going to happen for at least another year.
Then, one day, at the end of April, I got a call on my cell. He was completely sick of his roommates and wanted to know if it would be cool if he came to stay with me for a while.
Saying yes was a little bit scary for me since I had never really lived with anyone before, but as Mr. Hum sounded desperate and since he spent most of his time at my place anyway, I agreed. So, the next day, he came with a duffel bag full of clothes and his computer in a tupperware container (he was in school for animation at the time and needed his computer to finish up a major term project) and voila! I had a live-in boyfriend.
Of course, our timing left a lot to be desired, as not only did Toronto have one of the hottest summers ever (over a month of days were almost 100 degrees or hotter), but with no air conditioning and only one openable window, my tiny bachelor felt even smaller. Plus, with me working 9 to 5 and Mr. Hum being a night owl, our different schedules became pretty noticeable. Extreme heat + loss of sleep = One grumpy Hummingbird.
However, in spite of the issues that came with sharing a living space with another person, we managed to get through it all together and made the decision to officially get a place together that September.
For me, our ability to get through those first cohabitating challenges together were essential, and I don’t think I would have felt fully comfortable agreeing to marry someone I hadn’t lived with before, especially since we learned a lot about each other in those early months.
This has no doubt been covered before on the ’Bee, but I’m curious what this crop of readers thinks - Living together before marriage? Yes or No? Tell me what you think.
(Picture courtesy of cartoonstock.com)
Yes for me.
Mr. Penn and I have been together for 9 years. We got our house together last January (a few months before our 8 year mark). I was dead set against it at first - I wanted so badly to be engaged first. I told him he had one year from the day we moved in to propose or he moved out and the house became mine. If marriage wasn’t in his plans, (or at least within his plans for the next year), then he could get a house himself and I would move in when we finally did get engaged.
Well, 7 months after moving in together, he proposed. By the time we are married we will have been living together for over a year and a half.
I say yes. My FI and I got engaged this past January but we’ve been living together for over 2 years. It was just the natural progression of things. I was over his place all the time. He asked me to move in repeatedly but I thought it was too soon (we’d only been going out for 4 months). When he brought up the argument that I was throwing away money on rent since I was always over, I was sold and moved in 2 months later and we’ve been living happily together ever since 
I think living together is perfectly okay. My FI and I have been living together since August, and we’re getting married this June. I can’t imagine not living with him, and it’s been great getting to know him this way before marrying him.
I have a condo all to myself, and he’s living with roommates. We are in the process of buying a house… he’ll move in first, and I’ll move in after the wedding.
yes!! i think it’s great prep for wedding planning and being married overall. when you live together, face the same challenges, owe the same bills, and get to see each other all the time it really feels like a team effort. it’s functional and really fun. we even just got a puppy together!
my family is great about it; they just want me to be happy. his family is extremely conservative and would never be ok with it, so we just don’t bring it up in front of them. that bums me out, but those are things that he has to deal with, otherwise they’ll always see me as overbearing and pushy.
Yes here too. We were in a similar boat - he was sick of his roomies, and I was just finishing up school, so we decided to make the move.
I am all for it as well.
Mr. Cherry Pie and I have lived together for almost four and a half years now and it’s been completely worth it for us. I can understand the romance of not living together before marriage but for most people today it’s not practical to live separately past a certain point.
My feeling is that whether or not you live together, everyone should establish a solid life of their own first. Nothing scares me more than seeing people do the “traditional” thing and move out of their parents’ house into a home with their spouse. It’s charming to learn how to live on your own and wonderful to live together but doing both for the first time I think is too much to handle these days.
I always thought no, but then moved from Ottawa to Toronto to be with him and couldn’t afford my own place, so it turned into a yes. Thinking back, I wouldn’t have done it different, because it let us be really sure we could be together on a day-to-day 24/7 level. Once he started talking about buying a house, though, I made it clear that I didn’t want to buy a house with him until we were married because I wanted there to be some major life events left to experience as a married couple - it felt kind of anticlimactic coming back to the same old apartment after getting married, but moving to our first house together made it seem a lot more real.
We’re in the minority — we waited until we were married to move in together. We’re christians and felt really convicted to do it this way.
We had been around each other enough to know the other’s habits, quirks and living style, and we had many conversations about our expectations in pre-marital counseling, so we didn’t feel a need to test things out first.
I’m glad we decided to wait. The anticipation of it was so much fun and it made for a really exciting newly-wed stage after we got married because everything was brand new and exciting. We were so excited to get back from our honeymoon so we could set up our apartment together. We didn’t have a hard adjustment period either… we both had realistic expectations, so there weren’t any suprises.
Almost all of our friends have gone this route too and it’s worked out well for them.
A yes here as well…Mr. Luna and I have been living together for about a year and it has really helped cement our relationship. I really don’t think we’d be engaged yet if we weren’t “living in delicious sin” now.
Gary and I had been living together for about 6 months before he proposed. By the time we walk down the aisle we will have been living together for 2 years. I’ve known for a long time that I would never ever even think of marrying someone who I had not already lived with.
We won’t live together for religious reason, although I think we both wish we would for practicality’s sake.
we moved in after dating for 4 years… we got engaged this pass january and are now approaching our six year anniversary.
we will be living in sin for 17 more months…
I think it’s essential to “try someone on”. You don’t usually buy shoes without trying them on and walking around to make sure they fit, and a husband is a thousand times more important not to mention very difficult to “return”. This is a lifelong marriage you are signing up for, and if you can iron out the smaller, potentially dealbreaking issues before marriage - you’re only saving yourself some could-be problems down the road.
My fiance and I didn’t really want to live together before getting married - partly because our families are conservative and partly because I think it’s nice to have that transition. We had both lived on our own or with roommates, so it wasn’t like we were living with our parents. But circumstances made it much more practical for him to be a roommate rather than try to pay for his own place. We do have a 3rd roommate though, so once we are married we will be living truly “on our own” for the first time.
I never thought that I would want to live together before marriage, but as others have said, circumstances arose, and that’s the decision we made. We both feel it’s the best decision we’ve ever made! I knew I loved him before we lived together, but something about merging our lives completely sealed the deal!
We are not living together before we get married. It is not for religious reasons or anything. For me, it is important to have something to differentiate being married and not married (besides the marriage certificate), so I prefer to wait. And I never wanted the risk of entering into a lease or buying property without the protection of marriage. Also, I don’t think it is necessarily cheaper to live together, because you could both just have roommates and achieve the same thing, really.
We’re only moving in together a month before the wedding when we move to a different city. For us, this is the best way. I can easily see how for others it wouldn’t be (for instance, my MOH will be moving in with her boyfriend soon with no ring on her finger).
I’m not worried about the growing pains that come with moving in together. We communicate well and get along (something that I had not had in previous relationships). In preparation for marriage, we have started sharing some bills and chores, etc. For instance, we have a kitten who lives at my house, and it’s FI’s duty to empty the litter box when he’s over.
I’m really looking forward to getting married and moving in together all at the same time. At the same time, I think it is really important to talk openly about who does what chores and how the bills are going to be paid BEFORE you move in together, whether you’re married or not.
Mr beanchar and I met, had two dates in two days and then he left for an out-of-town project for six weeks. We spent HOURS on the phone (oh the bills!) during that time and were pretty much inseparable when he returned.
Once his lease was up, it just made sense for him to move in to my house. I had lived with someone AND been married before, but it was his first time shackin’ up. And in his allergies to pets (I have 2 dogs and a cat) and the poor thing was a little shell-shocked at first.
When we moved to Italy the next year for his dissertation research, we lived in a TINY apartment and that was when we really learned that we were a great couple– but ONLY if we kept the lines of communication open. With only a bedroom, kitchen and bathroom in the little attic flat, there was no where to sulk off to, so we had to talk it out.
Now– seven years later– mr beanchar has developed immunity to “his” pets and we keep the communication going with scheduled meetings to keep issues from building up, but I know that sharing a roof before we got hitched (last spring) was crucial to the strength of our relationship.
We have lived together for 9 years before we got married (3 weeks ago, yay!) I would have preferred not to “shack up” though. Although financially, it was more practical, I don’t think it would have made a difference to “learn him” before we were married. It is an advantage to get used to someone before you’re married, but I dont think it’s necessary. If you’re new spouse has quirks and annoying habits, you’ll treat it just as you would anything else in your marriage - you will communicate and compromise. You don’t have the newness of exploration and settling in right after marriage when you have been living together, which I think is kind of cool. I guess basically, there’s advantages and disadvantages in both situations.
Big yes–I’ve been living with my partner for five years, and we’re still not engaged! For us, marriage isn’t necessarily the biggest step; we (clearly!) aren’t treating a wedding as the point at which it’s “official” that we’re spending the rest of our lives together.
My FI and I have been living together for 6 years now. He moved to Minneapolis to be closer to me and what started off as him just staying for a couple months while he found a job & place turned into 6 years. Luckly my roomates at the time didn’t mind. We did leave with other roomates for the first 1 1/2 before we got our own place.
We’ve been living together for a year and a half, dating for two and a half, and are in the process of buying our first house together. I know I couldn’t get married without living together first because, God forbid we were incapable of living under the same roof, I would need to know that before we took the next step. We’ve been living together in a small apartment for a year and a half and haven’t killed each other yet, so now that we are buying a house two and a half times the size of our apartment, I think we’ll be okay!
By the way, we’ve put off getting engaged until after we close on the house so we wouldn’t have the outstanding debt when we applied for a loan. I would definitely like to be engaged before we both sign the deed to our property, but I know we’re both in this for the long haul and understand why we are waiting.
Fh and I have been living together since August. It felt more practical to us (even though now each of has to commute to work in opposite directions) but in the long run it saves us money (and we could find out if we could truly live together). Plus i don’t think I would want the stress of work, getting married and moving all in the same month.
We have not lived together, and I have to say, I think I know him better this way. Our relationship has not yet been physical and because of that, we’ve grown to be super close as best friends… we know each other very well. I think it makes the process of moving in together and the honeymoon way more exciting. We’ve never been physical so we’re excited about that (and i mean, with anyone) and I know that it’s been amazing in our relationship. That being said, I realize a lot of people do live together, but my mom always said, “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free”. It’s just how I was personally raised. My sister, however, lived with a man while they were dating, got engaged and finally broke up… now she’s having to deal with a lot of legal issues and a broken heart… I think that’s enough for me to see I made the right choice.
yes yes yes to living together! I think it makes soooo much sense. I’ve heard sooo many nightmare stories about the excitement of being newly married coming to a crashing halt upon realizing each other’s home lives are fully incompatible.
The most important determinant in cohabitating or not is that your and your partner’s intentions and views of cohabitation align. Do you see cohabitation as a lead-up to engagement/marriage (i.e., try him or her on for size and if things go well, then get engaged and get married)? Or do you see cohabitation as being a result of engagement/marriage (i.e., move in because of the marriage commitment you’ve made or will make in the definite, near future)? Or do you see cohabitation as an alternative to marriage (for instance, see Truc’s comment #23)?
Research (see http://marriage.rutgers.edu/Publications/swlt2.pdf for a review of current research in the field) demonstrates that cohabitation prior to a formal commitment to marry greatly increases the odds of divorce. Is this because cohabitation is inherently bad? I don’t think so. The problem more stems from disparities in partners’ views of and expectations for cohabitation.
For example, imagine that a man who views cohabitation as trial-run for engagement/marriage (or as an alternative to marriage) moves in together with a woman who views cohabitation as a reflection of the commitment she’s made—but that commitment as of moving-in is unofficial (she moves in with the expectation that engagement/marriage will happen at some soon-ish point, but it hasn’t happened yet).
If this couple gets married, divorce may be more likely for them for several reasons. Did they marry because of pressure from their families, because of pressure from the woman on the man (or vice versa) to marry, because it seemed like the natural “next step” for their relationship (and they didn’t want to break up and do all the work of dividing their lives), or because they were ready to make a life-long commitment to one another?
If they had been living apart (and thus been more inured to the pressures described above), they may never have chosen to marry. But after cohabitation, marriage becomes a more likely—dare I say, easier—possibility. Thus their relationship has a higher potential for divorce because without cohabitation, their marriage might never have or should never have been.
So to me this just demonstrates the importance of talking with your partner about what you specifically expect from moving in together. Just my two cents.
Yes. By the time we get married it will have been 3 years.
I am very very happy we have experienced this before getting married.
I think there is really no need to live together before marriage. I understand it is more affordable, convenient, fun, etc for a lot of people, but the bottom line is that real marriage is about COMMITMENT, not compatibility. And I don’t think “incompatibility” issues can be resolved by living together before marriage. Everyone gets on each others nerves sometimes…its all about learning to compromise and put others before yourself and accept people for who they are.
no cohabitating for us. It is important for us to get to know each other without the physical aspect and deepen our relationship that way. Plus both our parents would go crazy, and we both respect our parents wishes very much.
We did not, and I am very very glad. First of all, it would be weird to live with a guy you aren’t sleeping with
I really enjoyed the newlywed period that came after the wedding as we set up house together.
In all honesty, I was so in love with my husband, I don’t think any amount of annoying habits would have kept me from marrying him.
Actually the newest research shows that living together doesn’t increase your odds of divorce.
Turns out it was actually economic - poorer people used to live together and poorer people have a greater chance of divorce.
Now that its so socially acceptable and people of all age brackets live together before marriage, the odds of divorce are the same.
Which to me says, there’s no inherent advantage to doing either. You should just be true to yourself.
What Jennifer (#31) says does have a point though. I know several people with arranged marriages. When I talked to them about it, they just say that the ideas going into marriage are different in their culture. They know they are going to stay together. Neither want to be miserable. So they work it out. And often love eventually comes.
Not what I would want. But the “just have to make it work” is important I think.
Ah! Found the link!
http://client.norc.org/jole/SOLEweb/8197.pdf
Since I live in sin myself, I’m greatly relieved. 
I am very very pro-cohabitation. We weren’t even going to get married at all due to various political and social problems with the institution, but the we decided that we needed to be the change we wanted to see in the world. Even if we hadn’t decided to get hitched, there is NOONE else in the world with whom I would like to live so much as my fiance. It’s like a sleepover every night! *And* he does the dishes…
When my boyfriend and I moved in together, we discussed what we thought it meant for our relationship, and we both saw it as the first step towards getting engaged. I really think going into it with similar attitudes is key — if one person thinks this is the first step towards marriage and the other doesn’t, heartbreak can’t be far behind.
I have many friends who subscribe to the “why buy the cow?” theory, but my own theory is “why buy the cow when you don’t know what the milk is like?” I have some strange quirks — no stranger than anyone else’s, really, but I don’t think I truly believed my boyfriend could live with my quirks until I saw it in action. I would have been way too scared to marry him without giving him fair warning of what I’m like before I’ve had my coffee!
We are definitely not living together before we are married. We’re both Catholic and were brought up very strictly that way, and we’re also waiting for our wedding night, so it would be odd to live together. Although this is the minority these days, we are both very happy with it.
I’m really looking forward to it, once we’re married-my FI is excited about it as well, making a home together as husband and wife
Big Yes. Heaven forbid you learn that he makes the most massive disgusting poos (the kind that stain the toilet) or farts incessantly through the night, or doesnt know how to clean up after himself after the wedding.
Just kidding, maybe you can get over that stuff (although the toilet stained poos? Freakin sick.)
My mom always said that she wished she had lived with my dad before they married. Not that she would have reconsidered marrying him, but more because she would have made the conscious decision to “live with his flaws” before getting engaged…rather than saying “God, if I would have known this about you before we got married, I would have never married you”
I know that sounds totally bitter, but my parents are really cute and have been together for 30 years and love each other dearly. Its just very surprising to me that she was really supportive of me and Mr. Peng doing a “trial marriage” by moving in together. I think we both think of it as “knowing what youre getting into” rather than “living in sin”… ya know?
You gotta stare at that mug for the rest of your life, you better be DAMN sure on all counts that you want to
Being a Christian, it was the right choice for us not to live together before marriage. It’s a part of our beliefs, and we can honestly say it’s a great question to answer to each other (not having to admit to living with other people before, since they weren’t THE ONE.) This was a first for us, and we are extremely proud of our decision (as well as our families).
FI and I had been living together for 3 years when we got engaged. We moved in together mostly because I made a huge move from California to Montreal to be with him–and it made sense for us to move in together. However, going from a long distance relationship to living together definitely took some adjustment. Not that I would have done it any other way!
We bought a house together after we had been dating for about 3 years, and about 8 months before we got engaged. It was a good decision for us, although clearly living together is not for everyone.
I do understand that people have objections to living together for various reasons, but is it really necessary to say”Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?” I
I definitely think that goes both ways now. I mean, why assume that the woman is the one who wants marriage? As I saw somewhere on IB, why buy the pig when all you want is a little sausage?
well, i’m in the minority apparently…….
we will not have lived together by the time we get married. we will marry near our 5.5 year anniversary.
we’ve spent the nite together before and taken several vacations together…..lots of counseling too, so we are both open honest communicators.
i’m looking forward to the excitement of moving in together. to me….if we were shacking before hand, the wedding would seem less cermonial and more of a big party. and perhaps even a little bit of a let down when we came back home………
but thats just me….different strokes, different folks!
In reply to cs in #34 and #35, what an interesting article! But I think you meant that now that people of all socioeconomic brackets (not age brackets—people under 35 are dramatically more likely to be cohabiting than those over 35) live together before marriage, the odds of divorce as a function of cohabitation are equalized. (Poverty is still a big risk factor for divorce.)
Perhaps though cohabition and divorce are still correlated, but not causated. Both might be symptoms of a lower overall commitment to marriage as a life-long institution. The divorce rate has skyrocketed across socioeconomic conditions in the past 50 years. Thus even those in the high income and education brackets are more likely to divorce in 2008 than similar people would have been in 1950. As attitudes toward breaking marriage commitments relaxed, so too might have the attitudes toward making marriage commitments, such than an in-between commitment like cohabitation developed into a widespread practice.
@MCB: Of course, the whole cow/milk analogy really only works if you haven’t had sex and developed a style. My cousin tried to convince my family that she had “special quirks” that she needed to test sex before marrying someone. I haven’t had sex, therefore I’m not aware of any quirks I will have, so I’m not going to have an issue with my husband about whether or not he can provide for those quirks. So, really, would you know about those quirks and be worried about fulfilling them if you had never had sex? Maybe, but more than likely, no.
So I’ve noticed that most of the women who have said they won’t live together before marriage have also said they are Christians. That doesn’t mean that there aren’t Christians out there that are living together, in fact I’m curious as to how many of your are Christians (or another religious affiliation) living together.
We’ve been together for 7 years and living together for 4. So long as your partner doesn’t have outrageous living habits, and both people are willing to compromise, I don’t think living together will save any “bad marriages” or be the reason otherwise committed people call it off. However, learning to live with another person in your bed, in your bathroom, in your closet, etc… can be very stressful, in ways that living with a roommate doesn’t even come close to. That said, we’re glad to have discovered those aspect of each other as part of the natural evolution of our relationship. Personally we feel that our relationship now (being engaged) is as strong and in some cases stronger than many others who are married, and we don’t foresee anything in our relationship changing simply because we are married (other than taxes & legalalities.) It seems that most people feel more comfortable making a lifelong committment after cohabitation, but really nobody can tell you what is best for you & your relationship. Incidentally, I was raised Christian, my parents are fine with my choices, and my conscience is clean.
@ Becca, I don’t think that MCB was saying her quirks were sex-related.
Of course, the whole cow/milk thing only works if you view women as property to be bought and sold, and as powerless in the relationship.
Oh, and BTW, I am a Christian who lived with my now DH before marriage.
In response to #45, I previously replied (#22) and I am a Christian. Congratulations on being a virgin, by the way. I think it’s commendable to give the gift of yourself to your husband, knowing no one else has ever “had it”. My belief definately plays a part of why I would recommend not living together before marriage, but it’s not the only thing. I just know too many people who have also done it in addition to myself, and I can see the potential for becoming comfortable and stuck. The cow/milk analogy fits in a lot of circumstances because what would be the point of getting married if you are already performing all of the duties of a wife or married couple? I also understand that it DEPENDS ON THE COUPLE and what arrangements they’ve made going in. If it’s already been discussed that marriage will eventually be the next step after living together, then that’s that.
Our Pastor, who I have to be clear - didn’t condone our situation, did tell us during counseling that we actually had a SLIGHT advantage because we had been living together. To me, in the end, I would have married him even if I didn’t know ahead of time if we were compatible to live together. Technically, we’re actually not - we’re like Oscar and Felix from the Odd Couple, but we love each other enough to find the middle ground and would have done so even if we were living together for the first time right after the wedding. If you’re marrying someone, you’re obviously compatible to them in some kind of way. Communication and compromise is what you need, not a “trial run.”
The Mr. and I have been living together for a few months now and it has been great. He cooks, I clean, etc. We are in law school together so we save a lot of money. I was really nervous at first, but it just works.
the man and I have lived together for almost 2 years. it has been totally worth it, in that the first year of our marriage won’t consist of me having second thoughts about his sloppiness. LOL
We both have our share of oddball habits and the like, but it has been good for us and we save a lot of money.Although, I am always a little nervous about revealing the fact that we cohabitiate to people, since we live in Oklahoma (people here are uptight about “family values”).
Honest question - For those of you that lived together before you got married, what was different about being married?
OMG, I love this question! I’ve had so many people (pre-wedding) tell me that:
1) you guys are already practically married anyway, nothing’s going to change.
2) you guys have been together for a long time, getting married just makes it legal.
So, I didn’t anticipate anything being different, and I downplayed my excitement about getting married for a while because I felt like I wasn’t entitled to make a big deal about it. But, its not true. The biggest thing that changed, suprisingly, was our attitudes and we didn’t even realize it. My husband goes above and beyond now because I’m his wife, and vice versa. You’re love is intensified in some kind of way. You make different allowances, your tolerance changes a little, and you look at him/her through different eyes. It’s like, even though you think you’re giving your all to your relationship, you find out that there’s more that you have in you to give that you didn’t even realize was there, which is a nice thing because otherwise, why even get married if nothing changes?
Also, to me, there’s more security. We were together a long time before we got married (9 yrs), but honestly, either one of us could have bailed any time, not that you can’t when you’re married, but I think you have a tendency to try to work things out more. I thought we were together before, but it becomes more of a unified “we” thing after you’re married.
@ Chelsea (44)
Yup, I meant socioeconomic brackets.
(reminder to self - don’t hold a conversation and write a comment at the same time)
@ Becca (just because of your comment - not you personally!)
It is possible to have preferences or quirks without having sex before. Maybe you want to kiss during sex and he doesn’t or vice versa. Maybe only certain positions give you orgasms and those are positions he doesn’t find as satisfying. Maybe you are one of those women (the majority apparently) who can’t orgasm from intercourse alone and your husband doesn’t believe in doing anything but that. Maybe you have different expectations about oral sex. Pre-mature ejaculation issues. Differing sex drives.
Now, if you are both willing to go into marriage with your eyes open and willing to compromise to please your partner, these are all things that can be worked out (or at least most of them).
the 15th of this month marks our 2nd year anniversary living together… even though we pretty much spent every night together since we started dating. it just kind of happened though. my lease was expiring so i took my cat, computer and clothes and moved into his tiny bachelor (wow. weird, we kind of have the same story). we didn’t really make a big deal out of it.
i am all for living together before a marriage. it’s definitely nice knowing all the little habits and dealing it before tying the knot. also, co-habitating is a good way to gauge how well you work together as a couple in any situation… from love, to sex, to financial choices and chores. i think it just gives a more realistic perspective to married life.
between his family, our faith, our financial situation, our unemployement except for summers and our own personal choices before we even met each other, we won’t be living together before marriage. for us, i think it’s the best choice. although i can’t say the major reason is that we’re christian- then i’d have to apply that to premartial sex and my arguments for seperate habitation would be totally invalidated!
My fiance and I were together for 5 years before we decided to live together. The last 2 year before I moved in I was staying at his house at least 2 weeks a month. One day we just decided that I should just stay and not leave lol. This June we will have been together 7 years. Also, I don’t think because we live together before marriage that it takes away from the newness of “setting” up house. I can’t wait to say to my hubby-to-be “can you believe it, this is the first time we will sleep in this house as husband and wife”. I am sooo excited!
@ Becca — OMG! I totally didn’t mean sexual quirks. I was talking about my insane neatness. I can’t stand crumbs or drips on the kitchen counter and I wipe it down two or three times a day, and if there are gobs of toothpaste on the sink I have to clean it RIGHT NOW. That kind of thing.
My mom has similar quirks, and my dad was always mocking her behind her back. They are divorced now; I’m sure the mocking and the divorce played a lot into my uncertainty about whether my boyfriend would still love me when he found out that I do things like open all of the windows before I cook fish, even during the winter (I don’t like it when the smell lingers behind in the room). Now I know, and I can marry him knowing that he really does love me despite my odd living habits. He’s even started wiping the kitchen counter himself
But I will say that I have a lot of friends who for religious reasons did not sleep together or live together before marriage, and they are all very happy. I would never say that EVERYONE should live together first. Do what feels best and most natural for your relationship!
Wow! What a response!
When I first wrote this post, I was a little concerned that people on the other side of the fence might not respond, so it’s nice to hear from so many of those in opposition.
Anyway, kudos to all you ladies, yeses and nos, for doing what is right for you.
[...] Living In Sin by Miss Hummingbird [...]
[...] eight months before Mr. Hum’s roommate drama happened and he moved in with me. As I mentioned in a previous entry, the move-in was a bit of an adjustment, but for the last three years that we’ve been inhabiting [...]
bk7Fdl re re re
GAV GAV
Mrs. Hummingbird, Toronto
Age and Occupation: 25, Publishing Coordinator
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 24, Videogame Designer/Cartoonist
Engagement Date: May 4, 2007
Wedding Date: June 28, 2008
Blogging Since: September 18, 2007
Venue: A garden wedding followed by a tented reception on Mr. Hummingbird's father's property.
About Me: I’m a pop culture loving, vintage obsessed foodie living in Canada’s biggest city with my fantastic fiancé and our lovable fluffy cat Bettie. I’m stoked to marry my best friend and to throw what I hope will be
the most fun and colourful party of our lives.
Yes to living together. I think that FI and I learn so much about each other during our times living together. I wouldn’t want to get married and realize, oh well we don’t really co-exist together well. Just my thoughts.