(Picture courtesy of www.igougo.com
No matter how much marketing Tampax, O.B. or Always do,
getting my period will never make me feel like
joyously skipping through a field of flowers.
People always tell you what a joy it is to be a woman and three weeks out of every month, I completely agree with this statement. I love the fact that my body has nice curves and that I have the option of getting all dolled in a dress or a skirt to show off my legs.
However, on that fourth week, when good ol’ “Aunt Flo” comes to town, I deeply envy all the men I know.
Much to my chagrin, Aunt Flo and I are old bedfellows at this point as I was lucky (or unfortunate) enough to get my first period when I was 10 years old. In a serendipitous twist, it all happened a week after my fifth grade class had its first health lesson, or as I like to call it, “The Southern Ontario Sex Ed Special.”
Whether or not they still do this to unsuspecting preteens, I cannot say, but back in 1992, our class was forced to watch, co-ed, a neon coloured film called “Changes” before being introduced to “Bernie” and “Bernice.”
Life-size cloth cutouts, their surfaces were covered with Velcro, so that, as the Peel Board certified sex-ed instructor talked about our changing bodies, she could rip off and smack on body parts to aptly demonstrate what these changes would look like.
Unfortunately, Bernie and Bernice had already seen their share of bewildered elementary schoolers, so by the time they got to us, they looked a little mangled. Plus, their Velcro was severely gummed up and wouldn’t properly hold their assigned body parts, a fact that we became aware of in the middle of a vague discussion about what was going to happen to us “down there” (this was the fifth grade, remember, so there was no talk of what those parts were used for, only that they would become different).
As though it had somehow been carefully orchestrated, in the middle of what was actually a reasonably somber moment (we had all finally stopped giggling over the word “penis”), disaster struck and Bernice’s left boob (a flesh colored beanbag) and Bernie’s boy bits (a pair of stockings stuffed with cotton and shaped to look like male genitalia), fell straight off, leaving them the victims of the first (and thankfully only) felt mastectomy/castration I’ve ever been witness to.
Needless to say, the second they hit the floor, we erupted into gut-clutching laughter and the lesson was over. But like a character in a cheesy after school special, five days later, I realized I probably should have been paying attention when I got my first “monthly visitor”.
In spite of how “magical” everyone insisted this turn of events was, it made me feel like hell as my cramps and headaches doubled me over in pain. My mother tried to cheer me up, telling me what a beautiful change this was and that we should talk about it, but I remained mute and eyed her suspiciously from under my blankets. You said I could go swimming and horseback riding with this stupid thing but it’s all a lie! I thought angrily as I lay in bed with a heating pad pressed against my abdomen.
Slowly, I began to discover why some people referred to it as “The Curse.” Not only did it hurt, but it was often highly irregular (ranging anywhere from 20 to 40 days between periods) and seemed like it went on forever (10 days at a time). It was only five years later, when I finally went on the pill, that I gained any control of my cycle and started to feel like a normal person again.
However, recently, I’ve started to experience pain again as my pharmacist switched the brand of birth control I was on. For the first month, I did not notice a change, but for some reason, the second completely took the wind out of me and left me nauseated and reaching for my trusty old heating pad again.
I plan to switch back next time I get my prescription refilled, but on the off chance my body doesn’t automatically react to the switchover and I’m laid up like this the week before the wedding, I need some advice from the Hive - what do you do when you’re suffering through Aunt Flo’s visit? Do you drink teas? Do you eat or avoid certain foods? Do any of those over-the-counter remedies actually work? Share your secrets!
(Also, to help some of you ladies out that are dreading the red sea will interfere with your big day, go check out mymonthlycycles.com. It’s a period calculator that will help you figure out when you start and when you’ll end.)
I too was cursed at the young age of 10 and have struggled similarly ever since. My advice is Advil. Not Tylenol. Not Motrin. Not Pamprin. Not Midol. Advil. Every 4 or 5 hours. Take it with some crackers and 7up. Also, eating something like crackers every few hours will keep your blood sugar a little more regulated and that helps me from getting quite as nauseated. And don’t wait until it starts hurting. Start taking the advil the day before.
And finally, those thermacare wraps are amazing when you can’t sit in bed all day with a heating pad on your stomach. They do keep your very warm though, so I would wear lighter clothing than usual so you don’t sweat to death.
I think I read this in Salon.com, and it seriously has made a difference in my quality of life! Buy something akin to Thermacare lower back heat wraps (http://www.amazon.com/ThermaCare-Lower-Wraps-2-Count-Boxes/dp/B000FKJN5S, although I just get mine at my local drugstore). If your cramps are really bad, wear it turned backwards, on your lower stomach instead of lower back. It’s like wearing a heat pad all day. I’d recommend wearing pants rather than a dress, and not something truly skintight, but it’s virtually undetectable under clothing. Also, if you wear it all day, shift it around a few times or try it out with a thin layer of clothing (a camisole or something) between the pad and you, because a couple times I’ve noticed that the spots on my skin where the heating elements are turned a bit pink, but it has worked SO well for me!
PS: They have specific Thermacares for cramps, but the adhesive annoyed me; that’s why I prefer the lower back ones (it’s a velcro band around your waist–much more secure, at least for me)!
I just skip the placebo pills and start the next pack immediately to avoid Aunt Flo altogether. My doc asks me to let her come visit every third pack, but said it was really up to me. I don’t miss her or her painful baggage at all 
I go with tea, and hot water bottles if they get unpleasant, but the pill really changed my life regarding this. I used to be crying-on-the-bathroom-floor in pain. Now? It’s inconvenient, and I crave red meat. That’s about it.
I tend to get anemic during that time, which is probably why BRS and others crave red meat. An iron supplement will do. I take a nice long bath or use some aroma therapy because it helps me relax and not be quite so worked up even though I’m in pain. Also, as difficult as it is to get started, once I’ve been doing something physically active, yes, even horseback riding or swimming, it seems like my uterine and back muscles can release because others are working.
Miss Hummingbird (and others)–you mentioned irregular cycles in your post. Have you been checked for PCOS or other possible causes of irregularity? I was irregular too until I went on the pill and remained regular on it for 9 years. However, after coming off the pill and unsuccessfully trying to conceive I was diagnosed with premature ovarian decline–which is essentially premature menopause at the age of 28… which means no babies 
In any case, irregular periods were a signal from my body and I had no idea since the pill masked what was really going on. So please, if you haven’t already, ask your GYN for a blood test to determine possible causes so you can be better prepared for trying to conceive and also, just as importantly, for your own health.
I take Midol. Get a massage. And wait the 2 days before it’s over.
I take evening primrose oil during the rest of the month and that usually helps with cramps. (So as opposed to spending the day with tears in my eyes I am just having a mild to medium pain (depending on how religiously I took the oil pills.))
I’m also allergic to wheat and caffiene, so if I consume anything related to those, it gets so much worse! On a side note to that, if you experience really heavy and long periods, it could be because you have an intolerance to things that you’re eating - allergies and intolerances can really mess your body up.
I haven’t had a period since 2003 thanks to Depo Provera. I don’t know if I’ll ever want to get off of it.
Advil Liqui-Gels are the BEST! Nothing ever worked for my cramps before I was introduced to those beauties! I have recommended them to many friends who have had the same great experience!
I can’t recommend any painkillers as they’re probably all different in the US but eating anything whole wheat is good for pain, eating more as it takes a huge additional number of calories to have a period and omega oils and vitamin B definitely help.
Cutting out sugar, caffeine and alcohol is vital for me.
I also find that water soluble painkillers work faster and better.
Periods suck.
After seven years (!) of blissfully short and sweet periods on various forms of hormonal birth control, I switched to a copper IUD. I got it in September of 2006 and while I appreciate the simplicity and cost-effectiveness of the device and I do like keeping my body hormone-free, I sometimes want to yank the thing out and go back on the pill.
By sometimes, I mean about 2 weeks of every month. Now, instead of 3-day light periods, I have 7-day heavy periods. I had to switch from tampons to a Diva cup just to keep myself from having to carry extra protection everywhere. And the cramping! And the mood swings!
It’s gotten better over time, but it still varies from month to month. At least my cycle is regular… but guess what?
I’m DUE DURING MY WEDDING WEEK.
That is not acceptable.
Mr. Cherry Pie is a nurse practitioner and so he was glad to bring home a 3-month sample supply of a familiar pill for me. I’m going to start taking them earlier in the summer so I can get used to the hormones and skip my period for my wedding. I hope they don’t make me fat or break out, but given previous experience, I doubt they will.
Did you know that if you’re on a mono-cyclic pill (as in all the same pill for 3 weeks followed by a week of placebo pills), you can safely skip your period for months at a time? This is the philosophy behind Seasonale and several other pills. I used to do it when I was on the pill and having a period was inconvenient for me– i.e. if we were going backpacking or something.
The best way to avoid serious cramping and discomfort in my experience is to drink lots of water before and during your period, and take advil regularly. You can take 400 to 600 mg safely every 6 hours for your cramps (according to Mr. Cherry Pie).
Good luck!
We just did the reproductive system in anatomy and I learned that the bleeding you experience while on the pill is not actually menstration but withdrawal bleeding from being off the hormones in the pill. Weird, eh?
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/150975/top_5_natural_remedies_for_relieving.html?page=2
I found this link on the top 5 natural things to do to relieve cramps or dysmenorrhea. Bulk barn sells alot of the Yogi teas as do many health food stores and regular shopping centres. Hope that helps!
We just did the reproductive system in anatomy and I learned that the bleeding you experience while on the pill is not actually menstration but withdrawal bleeding from being off the hormones in the pill. Weird, eh?
5 Natural Remedies
I found this link on the top 5 natural things to do to relieve cramps or dysmenorrhea. Bulk barn sells alot of the Yogi teas as do many health food stores and regular shopping centres. Hope that helps!
I’ll try and keep this short:
1) Traditional Medicinals Organic Raspberry Leaf Tea for the cramping. Follow the directions and steep longer than your average tea. It’s amazing.
2) Thermacare heating pads if you can’t find the tea - they’re a bit pricey but they are portable.
3) Advil. I used to take this before I found the tea.
I never had cramping until after high school and then wham… debilitating extreme pain the first day of each period. I didn’t like having to take advil each month and the only thing I dislike about the tea is that it doesn’t taste fabulous and you have to wait for it to steep (so 15 minutes for the tea then maybe 15 minutes for it to kick in but that’s about how long in total it took for the advil to work.) I think it has minerals your body may be lacking so the results may vary from person to person. Without the advil or the tea I would be in pain all day.
I also just bought a divacup to replace my tampons with. I can’t say from experience yet but some other people report less cramping as a result of the switch.
This will sound weird but the thing that has helped me the most has been switching from tampons to the DivaCup. (http://www.divacup.com/)
It took a little time to get used to it, but it was well worth it.
Ok this might sound a little strange but my doctor told me about it and it helps (not to mention being a good thing anyway). Something about the internal clenching of an orgasm really really takes the edge of period pain. I don’t know when you get your cramps but if it’s a day or so before it can help.
I am on seasonale - and though I get the same terrible cramping and pain that I always have (literally have cried from period pain in the past) - I only get it once ever THREE months! Its the best thing I have ever done. I know not everyone can do the bc thing - but for me it is perfect. And you should ask your dr about skipping for wedding/honeymoon time. I used to do this before I got on the seasonale.
Just skip the last week of your pills and start the new pack and you skip your period.
Regular exercise before and during my period actually works awesome for me.
Trust me, it is the ABSOLUTE LAST thing I feel like doing during that time - my cramps just make me want to curl in a little ball in a cave. I’ve found that if I can get myself up and even just walk really slowly on a treadmill for 20 minutes I feel so much better.
Just last month I managed to get myself to the gym for the whole week leading up to and then the week during my period, and I actually remarked to myself how much better my symptoms were.
Like CDD above, I don’t ever have a period because I skip the placebos. I read an article in Marie Claire or something by a gynecologist who talked about how unnecessary periods are unless you are trying to get pregnant. As Best Lady pointed out, you aren’t actually menstruating, just bleeding.
I have heard arguments that you should have a period in case your birth control doesn’t work or you miss a pill and you get pregnant but I am not sexually active, so there is no way I could be pregnant, and even if I was I don’t drink alcohol or smoke so if I did end up pregnant I wouldn’t be harming my baby accidentally.
Eliminating my period has been really amazing for me. I would recommend it to anyone! Thank you gynecologist at University of Washington who wrote an article for a women’s magazine, you have really made my life a lot better!
I have extremely debilitating cramping during my period and I have found that there are two things that really work for me.
1. If your period is regular, begin taking your preferred pain killer 2-3 days before your period is due - usually two pills a day is enough - and the cramps really do feel a lot better.
2. Ginger is a miracle worker - ginger ale(I prefer Canada Dry) , ginger tea, ginger with sushi. I swear, it sounds like an old wives’ tale but it is AMAZING.
Geranium and lavender essential oils massaged into abdomen and/or lower back are wonderful…especially before bed. Or a few drops in the bath help too. I also use Midol, but find it makes me feel weird, so prefer to skip it if possible.
divacup/mooncup/keeper/lunette. my menstrual cup is the BEST thing that ever happened to me. EVER. if you don’t have one, buy one. they’re pretty easy to get online and you will never have to deal with pads/tampons again. they are good for the environment and make periods much less of a hassle and less painful.
i avoid tampons (something that close just makes my cramps a thousand a times worse!) and lay in the fetal posistion for the first day and a half. thankfully flo only vists me 4-5 days a month so i can usually get by with the pain ok those few days! and i’m going on some sort of contraceptive soon to (hopefully) ease the cramps– i don’t know about you ladies but cramps for me means shaking in pain and not being able to walk! i totally agree with your statement “what a joy it is to be a woman and three weeks out of every month”.
Taking evening primrose oil really helped me, also helps your skin! a bonus! But take it everyday, not just before or during Aunt Flo’s visit.
Also, midol or advil work well if you start taking them a day or two before it starts.
If you have serious pain or other serious problems, I highly recommend skipping periods. Some people have mentioned Seasonale, and other options that let you go a few months at a time. But my GYN says even those every-few-month periods are biologically unnecessary, so I’ve been skipping ALL my periods for several years.
In my case, I switch Nuvarings every 3 weeks without an off week, but, as someone else has mentioned, any monophasic hormonal birth control would work. No periods in 3 years = NO mensrual migraines, NO agonizing day-before depression, NO crippling cramps!
i agree with everyone who’s mentioned the diva cup. it’s amazing and has reduced my cramps to almost zero. it feels so clean, it doesn’t tear up the inside of your body like tampons do, and it SHORTENS your period a lot of the time!
Ditto evening primrose oil, exercise, and drinking lots of water - all of which will help more if you practice regularly, rather than just during your period. Also, go to the Chinese medicine section of your local health food store and get Jia Wei Xiao Yao Wan, which is also sold under the name Free & Easy Wanderer. Start taking it a couple of days before your period (when you start getting that sort of heavy feeling). There is also an absolutely magic acupressure point on the sole of the foot - about two fingers behind the ball of your foot and just inside the bone that leads back from your big toe, and it helps to have your FI or a friend apply the pressure, as you have to press quite hard - if you can’t find it yourself I’m sure any local acupressure/ acupuncture practitioner can show you.
I drink tons of water to stay hydrated. It seems my muscles don’t cramp up as much. Also, lots of ibuprofen. I’ve heard to stay away from salt as that will also dehydrate you and thus crap up more (even though it’s what I crave!!). I went to a chiro for a few years and the first time I was on her table she said “you have bad cramps with your periods don’t you?” she worked on that part of my spine and then they were gone! Until I stopped going….bad bad girl! So good luck and try that!
Therma care heat packs when out, heating pad when in, feet up when you can, pamprin, and a little caffine. I was laid up just last week. I got caught up on a lot of blog reading because having a warm laptop in your lap also feels pretty good. Then my headache kicked in and that fun was gone too. I also enjoy sitting on the edge of my tub soaking my feet. I can’t have a hot bath, but my feet can.
TheKeeper/Mooncup definitely helps
So does heating pads, eating regularly, and moving gently.
Don’t skip periods without talking to a dr. Especially if you smoke, you could be at risk for dangerous blood clots.
One of the reasons I’m planning my periods now, is so that when I get closer to the wedding, I’m going to pick a no-flow week!
Mrs. Hummingbird, Toronto
Age and Occupation: 25, Publishing Coordinator
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 24, Videogame Designer/Cartoonist
Engagement Date: May 4, 2007
Wedding Date: June 28, 2008
Blogging Since: September 18, 2007
Venue: A garden wedding followed by a tented reception on Mr. Hummingbird's father's property.
About Me: I’m a pop culture loving, vintage obsessed foodie living in Canada’s biggest city with my fantastic fiancé and our lovable fluffy cat Bettie. I’m stoked to marry my best friend and to throw what I hope will be
the most fun and colourful party of our lives.
Too much caffeine can make you hurt worse, I always cut way back during, and it does help.