Maybe it makes me a bad bride for saying this, but I hated wedding dress shopping. Now I normally LOVE shopping, but this feels different. First of all, I hate final sales! What if I change my mind? No, that’s not allowed? Maybe it was the pressure of finding this monumentally significant piece of clothing, or maybe it’s that wedding dresses play by different rules than any other items of clothing that I’ve ever been in the market for. Then there is the whole issue of sizing. Dresses are usually made so that you’ll need a size (or several) larger than normal. What if they tell me that I can’t have the dress I want because they don’t make it in my size? Okay, that didn’t happen, but it does happen to someone and that sucks. And finally, why are 95% of wedding dresses strapless? I never go strapless and I am not going to do it for my wedding either. It’s pretty easy to weed through the dresses when you rule out everything strapless.
photo from virtualtourist.com
Back in January, I went to a total of four bridal gown shops in search for the dress and only actually tried on dresses at one place. The first two were in L.A. I went with my mom and a childhood friend. Thank goodness they were there to pull dresses off the rack for me because I sorted through the racks and came out empty handed. The first dress I tried on was fantastic and it made my mama cry, but I thought it was too expensive. I tried on maybe 4-5 other dresses, which were all nice, but not as nice as that first one. The next day I insisted that we go to David’s Bridal because I wanted to find an inexpensive dress. I really wasn’t feeling it there and bolted like a scared deer without trying anything on.
Bolting deer photo from http://www.tpwd.state.tx.us/
When I got back to Vancouver I decided that I wanted to buy my dress from a consignment store. I called around and no place had a non-poofy, non-strapless dress. Defeated, I dragged Miss GB 2.0 to a couple of bridal gown stores. When the sales associate caught wind of our summer wedding date, she all but clutched her pearls as she exclaimed that I needed to order soon, no this week at the latest, in order to avoid rush fees. She told me to start pulling dresses and to go into the dressing room. I felt trapped (again, imagine a petrified woodland creature) and told Miss GB 2.0 that we should make a run for it. I know, I know, I am a terrible bride.
Am I alone with this? Is anyone else not loving dress shopping?
I feel you. I found the salons intimidating, and the dresses prohibitively expensive. I was SO GLAD I found a perfect dress on ebay.
I loathed shopping for a dress. My first stop was a david’s bridal (I know, don’t tell me) and the coordinator kept putting veils and ugly shoes and tiaras and stuff all over me, and the whole experience was a little souring.
Then I tried a few boutiques, where most of the dresses I liked were not available in my size. The salesperson there just held them up in front of me saying “we can order it in your size and alter it.” Um, NO WAY am I buying a dress I can’t see myself in first. Seriously.
My solution? I’m having my dress made by a seamstress. Not only is this option cheaper - $70 (!!!) instead of the $400 - $1,000 dresses I was trying on - but much more meaningful than an off-the-rack dress. I picked out the fabric and the detailing (some beaded trim), gave Barbara (the seamstress) a sketch and some photos of dresses I liked, got measured, and ta-dah! I’m done.
Awesome.
My wedding dress has sleves…only because my Mom is making it! I am actually surprised how many don’t have sleeves!! Good luck! There are a few “modest bride” stores out there…meaning they have dresses with sleeves.
I’m totally with you - I hated dress shopping. At first I thought I wanted a simple, non-strapless dress with very little embellishment. The first store I went to had this crazy lady who was waaaaay too pushy with coming into the dressing room, and kept showing me dresses that had crystals vomited all over dresses. I also wasn’t able to fit into any dress - despite the fact that I’m about a size 12 - I couldn’t fit into any of the teeny samples.
Then I went to David’ Bridal in San Diego and had a MUCH better experience - given that they have all their samples in different sizes.
I finally went to a dress store here in Canada and had a FAB experience - the woman helping me was great, brought me only dresses I would fit into, could pick out my taste right away, and was very helpful - not pushy or offering too much opinion. I ended up loving 12 of the 15 dresses I tried on with her.
So I was in the same boat - hated it at first but once I found a place that was more my style, it went a lot better!
I definitely said I would NEVER get a strapless gown but you know what - wedding gowns are constructed totally differently from a normal strapless shirt or dress. They have boning so the weight of the dress actually sits on your hips. I, of course, bought a strapless dress and feel really comfortable in it.
If you loved that first dress why not look on it online or on preowned wedding dress website or call Netbride or RK bridal - the price may be dramatically different.
Also, I got my dress at Running of the Brides and it was superchaotic but really fun. If you just want an inexpensive, good quality dress and are not too picky on embelishment you can definitely find some great deals there.
I too was very intimidated shopping for a bridal gown. I live in NYC, which has perfected the fine art of excess and snobbery. When I called Kleinfeld bridal for an appointment, the receptionist asked for my address and gave a little sniff when I told her I live in Harlem. Her response:
“Just so you know, the cheapest dress we sell is 1800″
I felt offended, but decided to keep the appointment anyway and employ a little stealth. I used the appointment as an opportunity to find my ideal dress (Monique Lhullier, priced at $3600). I then ordered a knockoff version online at bridaldress4u.com for $550. The dress did require some alterations, but overall I was very pleased by the result.
I hear you! That is why I am making my own. Well, that and I want a red dress. It may take some blood, sweat, and tears, but at least I won’t have to go to David’s Bridal (blech!).
My first dress shopping experience was DB, and I went right home and to bed with a migraine for the rest of the day. It was horrible. They didn’t care at all what I wanted - just wanted to sell me as much as possible of what they had. (You know, “This is very popular this season!” As if that would be a reason for me to like it.)
The following weekend we went to a very small local boutique. When I called for the appt I really liked the woman - she asked a lot of questions about what I was looking for, my personal style, my thoughts about my wedding style, my price range, etc. She ended up showing me 8 dresses, 6 of which I would have had no problem wearing, and of course one of which was THE ONE. She didn’t show me a single thing out of my price range, or try to talk me into anything.
It is true that if you are ordering a gown made, it can take several months. I ordered mine in early February and it will ship April 25. I would go ahead and tell them right up front (when you call for the appt) what your date is, so that they know not to show you anything you absolutely can’t get. I also would run like crazy from anybody who makes you feel uncomfortable. It should be a fun experience, and a good salon should make it fun!
I think that custom made (using a seamstress) is a good idea if you really know what you want. I probably could have done that, as I actually ended up buying a dress very similar to most of the photos I had printed and torn out of magazines. But it was really great to try the dress on - just to confirm that it looked great - before laying out the money. Maybe if you can find something you really like in a store, and its not available in time through them, you can have something similar custom made.
I ordered my dress from White House Black Market. They have a couple of really cute dresses online. And the price is just right. I waited to order mine until I had a $50 off coupon just to make the deal even sweeter. And it fit perfectly, i just had a friend hem it to length for me and that was it. I tried several gowns at bridal shops, but I just couldn’t justify the price. So I went for the cheaper route and I LOVE my dress.
I hated it. The dress was just not one of my priorities, and I just didn’t like the experience. I went to a David’s and tried on tons of different styles to see what I liked and looked good on me. I went to a posh salon and tried on beautiful dresses that didn’t look like me, and that had price tags I couldn’t justify.
Then, I did what I always wanted to do (but now felt like I could, because at least I had looked…) and ordered the Jcrew dress of my dreams online. I know how Jcrew sizes fit me, their clothes are well made, and they make petites, so I didn’t even have to get it altered. (though I did add some antique family lace later). For me, that was perfect.
I hate the prospect of dress shopping so much I’m avoiding it all together, lol. My mother has been dreaming of making my wedding dress pretty much since the day I was born, so of course that’s what I’m going with. At first I considered going to try on dresses just to see what looks nice, and then I read so many horror stories that I’ve been completely turned off. So I have to finalize my design by August so she can make a mock-up for me in cheap muslin to make sure everything fits before she sets to work with the real fabric.
I went into it hating it and being totally reluctant, but it helped a lot that I took one (just one!) bridesmaid with me and we made a day of it, planning to hit 2 stores with a lunch break in between, and then seeing if we were up for a third. (It took a few days like this for me to finally decide.)
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Once I started trying them on and seeing that *some* of them looked ok on me, it wasn’t so bad. I think I was terrified that nothing would fit (I’m not a bridal size 
or that everything would look terrible. But then it became fun to try on every style, even if we thought they’d be awful, because when else do you get to put on a huge ballgown, or something dripping with beading and lace (though one of those types of dresses was enogh).
So I guess my advice would be to take someone you have fun with (Miss GB 2.0 if you enjoy shopping together), and don’t take yourself too seriously. If you are anxious about finding the right one right away, it will make you overscrutinize and/or get frustrated quickly. Of course it helps if you have a good sales associate - if you don’t like the one you have, maybe tell them to give you some time, and then talk to the next one who comes along. Good luck!
Hah! I went dress shopping with my only BM that lives in-state, and actually emailed my MOH to let her know that David’s Bridal is one of Dante’s circles of hell! The sales lady was extremely rude to my friend and kept picking on her (”you didn’t tie that bow right” and “let me lace up the back because your friend won’t do it right” etc.) We were so happy to escape and had to have some stiff martinis afterwards! I have to venture back out this week and find something, but would rather stay home and scrub toilets….
I feel for you, Miss Gingerbread. I went through the same thing, and the dress ended up being a big regret from our wedding day. My advice is to try J Crew, Neiman Marcus, Nordstrom, edressme, Joan Shum on Etsy, or Bluefly. I found that the bridal shop I used was short on customer service once the dress arrived and I didn’t like it (the proportions were never right). They know we won’t be repeat customers, right? The other stores have more to lose by not working with you. If you do use a traditional bridal shop, try to get some recommendations from area brides. Good luck!!
ebay baby!
I agree. I just do not identify with a big white dress, so finding “the one” seemed like an impossibility. I just went with one that was more fun and interesting than the herds of others and not overly expensive, and I got lucky and found mine at a consignment store. It meant a lot to me to recycle and not support the megabridal monopoly if possible.
Nice to know the DB near me isnt the only one with RUDE people!!
That was actually my only bad experience with dress shopping. I hit every store in a 200 mile radius.. but I had a good time and found several dresses I would be happy in so my most difficult thing was choosing. Then - i picked my dress and found out that as a company - CASA BLANCA ROCKS!!!
I found this great dress that I loved, in my modest budget, but it was strapless - so im playing with fabric scraps etc and the saleschick then delivers the WONDERFUL news about Casa Blanca…. when I order it, they measure me and make the dress to MY meseaurments! I wanted the back to dip a little lower - no problem! I wanted it to be off the shoulder - no problem! Its being made to MY length (me - flat foot - no shoes) to my neckline and back specification. AND I could have changed the bodice or the skirt if I wanted!! Even though they are photographed and sampled as a whole dress - its a pick all your parts and they’ll make it process.
Oh - and ALL my customization added a grand total of $100 to the cost of the dress. SCORE!
I wen the custome route too, after a less than inspiring visit to the local bridal salon. The owner kept trying to put me in things that had little flowers and bows all over them. Hey, I’m short but I am the BRIDE, not the flower girl– not to mention a second-time bride over 30 Ugh.
I found a seamtstress through a referral from the local upscale fabric shop and I had a totally wonderful experience with her.
The whole process took two months and I ended up with a dress that was perfect for me.
i definitely dragged my feet on the dress shopping thing. mostly bc i am a plus size bride and i had heard of the demeaning way some salons treat us ‘fluffy brides’.
I went to DB on my first shopping excursion. I heard they had several samples in several sizes. And they do. Just not in any of the dresses I would be interested in. They carried only the most matronly plus size dress samples at the DB i tried.
I left from my 1st dress shopping experience feeling huge and fighting back tears. (i’m a size 18)
A month later, I knew i couldn’t put it off anymore and chose a smaller, local shop. They had tons of options, but just not what i envisioned myself in.
I ended up making the trip a Bridal Mart. One of the biggest bridal warehouses in the Southeast. After an exhausting day with one lone bm. I found it.
So glad i dont have to do THAT ever again. 
i feel the same way…. but ended up finding a nice dress at DB. you might want to check out their galina line. (mine is from that line.) good luck!
I despise dress shopping and hated even more the idea of going to a bridal warehouse (doesn’t the name say it all?), or even a boutique. So, I just refused.
Instead, I ordered dresses online at Nordstrom and had them delivered to a Nordstrom in Texas where my fiance’s parents live. When my parents came to visit, my future in-laws and my parents and I went to the Nordstrom. They had the dresses waiting in a huge dressing room with a sitting room and offered everyone espresso and water. All of the dresses were under $700. They had pre-accessorized each dress with jewelry and shoes without me asking and brought new shoe sizes up constantly as I was trying on items. It was my first and only dress shopping trip and I found the perfect Nicole Miller dress for under $650. They returned the rest of the dresses immediately at customer service. Impeccable customer service! The mothers and fathers got to be involved in the process (my dad has wonderful fashion taste….).
Not for everyone, I suppose (especially those who want a more traditional dress), but I can’t emphasize how much I adored this option. So no-stress.
I didn’t care much for it either. having looked at a few mags, photos online, and visiting one store, I despaired that I’d find what I wanted. After my mom talked to her alterationist and got an estimate (my mom was well appraised of what I was looking for) the deal was basically sealed to go custom.
oh, I guess it’s Mrs by now. but yeah, I was also anti strapless, and I still don’t understand what made the dresses I tried on cost as much as they did. Anyway, my custom dress was very affordable and exactly what I wanted.
I totally understand. After I was engaged, but before I was ready to start looking for my own dress, I went with an engaged friend to find HER dress. Something about seeing so many racks of beading, satin and lace brought back my inner tomboy who despised anything feminine. It just looked disgusting.
Sometime later I went to Saks with a friend and I knew the dress was The One even on the hanger….I just knew what I wanted. And thank goodness I didn’t have to deal with any sales people with the exception of saying “can you please let me try THIS dress on?”
It was super frustrating - after 7 shops I was done. It felt like I needed to make a choice, so I ended up getting a dress that was pretty, but not entirely me. I think that if I were to do it over again, I’d try on styles that I liked, then went online to finish up the shopping. There are some great deals on Bridepower.com that are pretty appealing both to your patience and budget! 
Good luck!
Thanks for sharing your experiences! It’s nice to know that I’m not alone. So it sounds like custom made, ebay, and non-bridal store (e.g., Nordstroms, Saks) were popular among us relucant gown shoppers 
I did end up searching on ebay for the first dress I tried on, but had no luck. I’ll tell you where I did end up getting my dress in my next post.
I DETEST it!
yech. not a fan of dress shopping. love shopping in general, even love browsing through pictures of wedding dresses–HATE the experience of shopping for a wedding dress.
eager to hear your solution!
Okay, someone needs to say this:
ATTENTION BRIDAL GOWN DESIGNERS: SOME PEOPLE JUST DON’T LIKE STRAPLESS DRESSES. THE SOONER YOU ACCEPT THIS, THE HAPPIER WE’LL ALL BE.
That felt good.
Loved the shopping, hated some of the girls who worked at the stores. I mean, I understand you’re all blase after seeing forty million gushing brides walk through your store but could you hide it a little? The worst was The Bridal Gallery (in Vancouver), the chick got visibly more and more pissed each dress I rejected. I finally had to pretend I sort of liked one and needed to think about it so I could escape. She must have worked on commission.
P.S. I’ll sign your petition for more non-strapless gowns. The one I bought (Lisa’s Bridal) is strapless but I’m adding my own, thankyouverymuch. Works like a dream!
I’m feeling so much better now that I’ve read all of these posts! I was really starting to worry that something was wrong with me because I have hated every minute of shopping for gowns….
I have been to 8 bridal shops (including DB), plus department stores (Saks, Neiman, and Nordstrom) in 3 cities (Nashville, Chicago and LA). I haven’t enjoyed it at all and actually felt sick to my stomach a couple of times because of all the pressure! I am a little flexible on the amount I spend, but refuse to throw away a huge wad of cash, so I’ve tried on gowns from $500 to $2000. There have been 3 dresses I liked, but each had something that bugged me. It frightens me a little to do this, but I think the next step is going to a seamstress and sketching up a design that has all the elements I love. Has to be a better experience than what I’ve been through so far!
@Angie: “They know we won’t be repeat customers, right?”
The bride probably won’t be a repeat customer, but the store might still lose business by treating her poorly. If a bride spreads the word to her newly engaged friends that the salon where she got her gown is a nightmare, they won’t want to visit that salon. I’ve definitely asked around and been warned away from a few local places that I was planning to visit. I wish the salons would take a “bigger picture” view of their customers!
And let me join the call for more non-strapless options. Come on, designers! Throw us a bone here.
Oh, I can *totally* identify!!
The first dress store I went to, I freaked out. I tried on the first dress, looked in the mirror, and jsut about fainted. I didn’t even dare step outside the dressing room until I was on the second dress. The people in the stores were mostly nice, but it was all so intimidating - I’m a Goodwill shopper and *not* a girly-girl at all! It might have helped if I’d had someone to bring along (to help me calm down, mostly), but it didn’t work out that way…
I finally bought my dress from David’s. It’s nice, it looks pretty good on me, the FH likes it…But I don’t *love* it. It’s not *the dress*. Personally, I think there is no such thing.
I have a really hard time making decisions, so I really hate the finality of choosing a dress. Right after I bought mine and was leaving the store, I broke down in tears thinking I should’ve picked the other one.
Oh, and I second (or third or forth or whatever) the motion against strapless dresses. I wound up with one, but only because the few dresses with sleeves looked *awful*!! Now I’m frantically trying to tone my rather sizeable upper arms in a matter of months.
And they say this is supposed to be the happiest day of your life? Honestly, I’d rather it was all over…
I ended up buying my dress at David’s but it was a horrible experience. I had imagined an intimate setting with a consultant pulling dresses for me that would suit my body and style. Instead I waited an hour past my 11 o’clock appointment and dealth with a consultant that was too busy with her other appointment to bother with me. Luckily my sister and mother braved the crowded store to pull dresses for me and I ended up buying the second dress I tried on. If you don’t mind giving up the “experience” david’s is fine for a bride with a budget! I feel you though…..I don’t want to have to do that again!
i live in vancouver and i did not enjoy my dress shopping experience either… i spent a day visiting numerous shops across town in an unsuccessful search for a non-strapless dress… at the very end of the day i wound up at sandra sung’s studio downtown… we arrived right before she was about to leave but she quickly got me into a few of her dresses and although none of them were the ones for me - i knew i had found someone i could work with… i went home did some research on dress styles that appealed to me and went back with an appointment… i ended up choosing a dress that she had designed as a strapless but had it made with straps and a slightly different neckline. The dress wasnt cheap but it was still less than a lot of pre-made dress price tags I saw!
Mrs. Gingerbread, Vancouver
Age and Occupation: 32, Psychologist
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 33, Software Engineer
Engagement Date: Sometime in the fall of 2004
Wedding Date: July, 2008
Blogging Since: March 24, 2008
Venue: Rainforest wedding, beachfront restaurant reception
About Me: I recently moved to Canada from Southern California. Trying to plan a wedding in a new city, not to mention a new country, is tough, but the fact that we can get legally married here more than makes up for it! The wedding will be an opportunity for most of our family and friends to see our new city for the first time so it will be both a wedding and a reunion. Besides my future wife, I am also madly in love with a good bargain, Swedish pastries, Tivo, and my two dogs and calico cat (in no particular order).
I HATE dress shopping too! I felt so defeated that I didn’t find my dress after trying on over 10 of them. It makes it even worse if you just tried on a dress and the girl next to you will try it on moments later and she seems to look better than you do in it.
Before I went shopping, I had pictures of what kind of dress I liked (A-line). As it turns out, the A-lines made me look so odd shaped that I was panicking. My sister told me to try in a mermaid style (which I always hated) and what do you know, it accentuates my body WAY better! So ladies, when you go try on dresses, keep your options open. What may look ugly on a hanger might not look so bad once you tried it on.
Also, for the price that us brides pay for our dress, you would think that they at least have just the hem the correct size for you when it finally does arrive 4-6 months later so that you don’t have to pay for a lot of the alterations!