Wedding Blog
What if… ..
your biggest fear about getting married wasn’t about fitting into your dress, or making sure all of the pew bows were tied properly, or that that you’d remember the choreographed dance steps to your first dance? I wish I could say that my mind was preoccupied with programs and favors and ribbons (oh my!) but unfortunately it wasn’t as simple… it was all about NOT being sick on my wedding day.
I was hesitant to write about this before the wedding, mainly because I wanted to avoid any sort of loyal attention to the subject. Certainly wishful thinking would come through on the big day as long as I kept happily not-thinking about the big “s” word happening… and I have a feeling that I’m not the only one out there to battle chronic illness and have the same thoughts floating in my head.
Just to clarify, I, along with 3-6% of the US population, suffer from fibromyalgia. I was diagnosed 10 years ago when I was 17 when my athletic body melted into uncontrollable pain and spasms, and I’ve been fighting to ignore the pain everyday since then. My pain is mostly in my neck and upper back, and while everyday my muscles are rock hard and I’m constantly stretching and popping things, on bad days I can’t get out of bed as my pain migrates to other areas to inflict harm on new territory. Lots of other fun stuff comes along with the FMS, like tension migraines and IBS, but the suffering really comes from the day-to-day struggle to just keep moving and shrugging off the pain.
My personal history with chronic illness has shown that I always make it through the stressful events in my life, such as final exams, job interviews, performances, etc., but sadly I usually collapse into a heap hours later to awake from a fog days later. My big worry was that I would survive the actual wedding ceremony, but the second I started to let loose on the dance floor, I’d start to feel weak. Or perhaps I’d be fine all day but have a horrible honeymoon on account of the preceding weeks of stress. Let’s just say I had plenty to worry about, and there really wasn’t much I could do but have things around to make sure I was comfortable, relaxed and out of pain.
So I did my best to plan that things went well, everywhere from avoiding all caffeine all day long and making sure that I bought a wedding dress that sat on my rib cage and hips instead of draping on my neck and shoulders. And in the end…. I survived. In the follow-up to this post, I’ll go through of what I did to “set-up” for success… but for now, I just want to leave all of those worrisome brides with a glimmer of hope… that someone who wanted to be anything but her sick self during her wedding made it through with flying colors!
Perhaps the responses to this post will help us realize that we’re not alone out there and that others are facing the same BIG issues… and I hope everyone has as much “healthy luck” as I did on my big day! So good luck to my fellow sickies out there… I’ll be personally cheering you on from the other side!
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This post was great! My FMIL has fibromyalgia, and she’s also worried that she won’t be able to deal with all the noise and hubbub of our wedding…I’m sending her this post to cheer her on!
I’m so, so afraid of collapsing into a flare of my Crohn’s Disease for my wedding day. I’m glad I’m not the only one out there.
I get debilitating migraines from stress and obsessing over things. I worried about getting a migraine on my wedding day and I ended up with one. 
If I could do it again, I would have relaxed the week leading to the wedding!
This is different, but also a source of worry on the day. My FBIL has severe autism and is greatly bothered by certain noises, lights, and sense of space. and when he’s stressed out, he has very very bad days (yelling the same phrases over and over again, pacing, issues with personal space). He’s come through on big days in the past, and we tried to plan our ceremony and reception sites with this in mind, but we’re all a little worried that he might have a bad day on the wedding day (and it’s important to my FI that he’s his best man - without many of the traditional duties of the title). I love him to death, but would be sad if FI’s parents were distracted or if FI was distracted during the day because he needed to take care of his brother. But, that’s part of what being a family member means, I guess. I just know that our ceremony may not be the solemn and quiet one that many couples have and I’m cool with it.
Great post, Lemon! I admire your courage to write about something so personal. I’ve done a little bit of research on FMS (as part of my job), so I have a very small idea of the daily struggles you face. I hope other brides in similar situations see this post. You truly are a source of inspiration! 
This a great post! Sometimes us brides don’t want to talk about it for fear of jinxing it.
But my biggest fear on my wedding day is getting sick too or a zit the size of Mt. Everest!
I have Chronic Fatigue, and while a year ago I would have been just as worried about surviving my wedding next month, I have been in much better health because of a new doctor. Honestly, I cannot praise the Fibromyalgia and Fatigue Center enough for their amazing work in turning my life around. I haven’t had first hand experience with their Fibro treatment, but I know they have had tons of success with treating it and changing people’s lives, so I recommend the to everyone. I found them through my scholarship advisor who also has Chronic Fatigue and chronic Epstein-Barr, and it was the best help she could have given me.
I promise I don’t work for them, I’m just amazed with my quality of life compared to when I started treatment a year ago, and so I want to share it with anyone they could possibly help. fibroandfatigue.com is their website, they have something like 16 centers across the nation, and I honestly cannot say enough good.
I’m so glad you survived your wedding, and I can’t imagine 10 years of suffering with fibromyalgia. You truly are an inspiration and I hope your story helps other brides suffering with chronic illnesses
Thank you so much for posting this, Mrs. Lemon. I, too, suffer from incredible neck and shoulder tightness and pain and very intense migraines as a result of a severe concussion. It’s not fun at all, but I’m so very thankful that you had no real physical problems on your wedding day! What a wonderful gift!
Awesome post! My fear is not as serious as the others, but I’m hoping and praying I dont have a panic attack during the entire day (which happens when I’m surrounded by a lot of people in a closed space–maybe slight claustrophobia?). It’d be awful to have to run out of the ballroom in the middle of the reception and not return for about 20 minutes.
Mrs. Lemon, my younger sister is 17 and was finally diagnosed with fibromyalgia about a year ago. She sounds a lot like you–used to be a star volleyball player before this got the best of her, but still succeeds at everything else only to collapse afterward. She’s tried a few different diets and medications but nothing has really helped. How do you deal? Any suggestions?
I have IBS and it’s been undercontrol with medicine for over a year now but that’s no gurantee it won’t come back out(as I’ve often found out) on stressful or exciting days. All I can do is hope for the best and carry meds with me the day of. I don’t think people realize how these chronic syndromes can affect your entire life and how you work, play, enteract with others, etc.
I’m really glad you made it through your wedding day without suffering. My finace and I have CFS and it’s a huge worry how we’re going to get through the day. We’re spending 5 days at our venue before the wedding, having a relaxing holiday so that hopefully on the day we will be relaxed and well. It is scary though.
Thanks or posting this, it’s good to feel like less of a freak for worrying about this!
I feel silly even posting this, since it’s mental rather than physical, but my fear is having a panic attack while walking down the aisle/saying my vows. I have Panic Disorder and usually get panic attacks when I feel like I can’t escape from a situation (which would be this one! Definitely can’t excuse myself to calm down.). I also get freaked out when all of the attention is on me…self explanatory in this situation!
Anyway, I’m hoping the excitement of the day will override my panic disorder and I’ll make it through happily!
sillyinphilly - I’m dealing with an autistic brother as well. He’s not involved with the wedding at all - currently he’s violently opposed to the wedding, so at this point I’m not sure we’ll be able to have him there at all I hope your FBIL will be able to fully partake in your day - that’s great that your fiance wants to include him no matter what!
I stumbled upon the link to your blog on theknot.com.
I’ve been thinking about this since I got engaged. I have FMS as well, and I’m determined to feel healthy (not just on my wedding day, but in general.)
My mother is my inspiration. She has FMS, and had a series of heart attacks a couple of years ago. When the doc told her to exercise, she was in tears at the thought. She started walking for 10 minutes a day, worked through the pain, and now walks for about 30 minutes every day with little-no pain. Her struggle with FMS has all but disappeared, and I’m so grateful to have her as an example!
Oh, and - Janger - I have anxiety as well, and it’s not silly to mention at all! It can be a very physically debilitating condition. I wish you lots of luck.
Thank you for posting this. It’s so nice to know that I’m not alone in my worries!!! Another IBS sufferer here. I know the big day will be stressful, which only makes the IBS worse. Just hoping that I’ll be able to relax enough to make it through the big day!
JangerToBe, I have panic disorder and have the exact same concerns as well! I almost always have a panic attack when I am feeling trapped. It can be so frustrating sometimes, especially when people don’t think that it is a real or serious condition. Please don’t feel silly for talking about panic disorder. Talking about my condition has helped me see how many people suffer from anxiety, depression, and panic disorder as well. Sharing is the only way we can make it less taboo to talk about! I’ve helped several of my friends and family members who suffer from mental illnesses get some form of help just by sharing with them my experiences. So thank you very much for sharing with us, and never feel silly about it.
I have been practicing meditation and relaxation for four years now, so I am hoping that it will pay off on my wedding day. Even my FI comes to meditation class with me sometimes! Knowing that I have his love and support is going to give me strength.
Mrs. Lemon, thank you so much for posting this! I really thing it is wonderful to be able to share these kinds of concerns with other women. Sometimes we feel so alone when we are worrying about our illness.. it does feel better knowing that we aren’t alone. I look forward to reading more about what you did to “set up” for the big day!
Thanks Angela! I think growing up with a brother with special needs really shaped my fiance into the kind of guy that he is - super caring and selfless. Good luck with your own brother, too. I hope he’s able to attend your wedding in the end.
I wuv you so much Mrs L! Your ability to smile through the worst of times is so amazing. You deserved the perfect day and I’m so glad you got it!
Thriftsiren and Chelsea, thanks for the kind words! It’s pretty incredible how many people suffer from anxiety issues, but luckily mine has gotten better. I’ll be crossing my fingers for no nerves on the big day! Good luck to you both
Your post made me cry..I have CFS/ME and Fibro and am thankful for you to write this posit and bring some awareness to it.
Wow, Lemon, I had no idea! I’m so glad you made it through the day okay! I suffer from chronic migraine headaches. I’m scared about the wedding, too, especially because there are so many stressful things leading up to the day of. This is why I’m trying to get so many things done ahead of time.
Thank you for this post! I have been reading about all your planning on the bee since day one! I also have Fibro & CFS. I have 2 weeks to go. I keep wondering how am I going to pull this all off? I had a bad attack a few nights ago. I thought I better get my diet in line or I will die the day of the wedding. I have alot of DIY to ect left. I lways pull through somehow. I have said to my fiance more then once “I hope I dont sleep all during our honeymoon!” Thats my fear missing my own honeymoon. I know I will go into overdrive the day of. Like you I tend to not talk about it ect. I can not thank you enough. I dont feel so alone!
I totally understand. My partner has fibro as well as neurally mediated cardiac syncope- meaning she feels dizzy and faints all the time. I actually just did my BFA fine art photo thesis on hidden disabilities and how women’s chronic illnesses are not taken as seriously by the medical profession. Kudos to you for speaking out and letting people know this a serious disease worth taking seriously. Did you hear the whole new fibro drug controversy and how the NY times totally was talking like it was ‘in women’s heads’. UGH! I was so pissed off. But reading posts like these make me smile.
Great post Lemon!
My mom has fibromyalgia too and please don’t take this as another person’s suggestion on how so deal with your pain, but she has had MUCH success in managing her pain on The Blood Type Diet, so I have to tell anyone I meet w/ fibromyalgia.
I told two girls in one of my classes (one for her MIL and one for husband) both have tried and see a significant difference in their pain when they stick to the diet.
That aside - I am so happy you’re wedding went off w/o a hitch!
I’m a bridesmaid with multiple chronic illnesses (including FM - what a shock that there are so many bees with this illness!), and I’m so glad that your day went well. Our stories sound so similar: I was 15, a competitive dancer & dance instructor, and then… crash. I’m going to be 29 this year, so it’s almost half my life now, living with this Damn Disease. And my biggest fear is that I will be too sick a month from now to do all the things I want to do at my sister’s wedding. I’m just doing what I know works, and keeping my fingers crossed that nothing unexpected happens.
Baghdad Bride, I really hope you see this! I’ve had debilitating IBS for the past 3 years, and I am TERRIFIED of having an attack on my wedding day, or honeymoon (I have post-infectious IBS which began after a bout of food poisoning on my first trip ever abroad). What medications do you take to control it? Also, your name suggests that perhaps you, or a loved one or husband, are serving in Iraq (in which case, please accept my utmost respect!)- I can only imagine that the stress must make your IBS so much worse. Does it?
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Mrs. Lemon, Los Angeles/Monterey
Age and Occupation in 06: 26, Graduate Student (Public Policy)
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 29, Environmental Consultant
Engagement Date: April 7, 2006
Wedding Date: July 7, 2007
Venue: Rosary Chapel & Monterey Marriott, Monterey, CA
About Me: My FI and I met online, but we like to tell people that we met at a "cookie shop" which is the technical location of our first encounter. He proposed exactly 1 year, 1 month and 6 days after our first date (it's the only part of his proposal speech that I remember), and we're planning long-distance from Los Angeles for a July wedding in my hometown of Monterey, CA. I have a passion for all things "cool, cute and quirky" and I enjoy video games, reading blogs (WeddingBee, trashy celeb, consumer & political) and crafting in my spare time, if I have any!
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