Wedding Blog
I must say, if there is one thing that puzzles and amuses me, it is what possesses guests to add additional people without checking with the couple. Or even at least our parents. I mean this in the most objective way possible.
One of the most time consuming aspects of creating our invitations was customizing our RSVP cards. Due to our capacity constraints (the room physically cannot hold more than a certain number of people), we followed our parents’ suggestion in trying to be as specific as possible. I spent hours printing numerous RSVP cards for two people, for one person, for families of three, four, and five. So imagine my amusement to receive this in the mail the other day…
What on earth?? People are crazy! OK, I’ll be honest. In addition to being surprised/perplexed/amused, if you indulge me for a second, I must admit I was the slightest bit annoyed. We had several friends who kindly and respectfully asked us if they could bring a date or a child or a relative, which we assessed on a case by case basis and tried to accommodate as best as we could. Given that, I suppose it just really surprises me that some folks will just assume it is OK when we made it pretty clear 
…?
Anyway, now having gotten over the initial shock 
, we need to figure out what to do. I’m thinking I’ll have FMIL call this person and have her handle the situation, since it is her guest. My only fear is that she will just go with it and allow this additional person to come (our guest list has already expanded incredibly).
Did this happen to you? How did you handle the situation?
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We just got an RSVP in the mail for…wait for it…TEN. The “couple” is a guest of my FMIL and I called her and said, “They RSVPd for TEN!” She laughed and said, “Oh, they must be bringing their kids, their spouses, and grandkids!” I live in a smaller town in the Midwest, and honestly I’m probably lucky they even RSVPd, but it still shocked me. We’re not paying by the head so financially it’s not a huge deal, but I honestly couldn’t believe they did that!
My heart started pounding when I read this! I’m scared to send out my invites now… yikes!
this is slowly becoming my worst nightmare and we haven’t even made the invitations yet. the save the dates are out and people are letting us know if they definitely can’t make it. the fmil is getting really excited because she thinks this means she can add more people before the invites even go out. not to be a brat, but he’s already got 15 more people than i do. sorry, i’m whining.
our solution: no to the fmil. and the fsil is in charge of calling people who make additions to their rsvp.
That’s pretty incredible considering how specific you were.
We invited everyone’s children and every single with a guest. Because we were pretty liberal with the guest list, I thought I’d avoid this problem. But then I got a call from *my brother* telling me that he was bringing along a friend of his wife’s. I find the whole thing pretty crazy.
This just happened to me too! I was so angry, especially since I know my parents will freak out (we are constrained by space and money). Initially, we only invited a couple, but then they asked about their married daughter. We felt bad and were honest, and said we had to wait and see. Finally, out of guilt, etc. We invited the daughter and her husband, only to find that they took it upon themselves to plan to bring there 3 year old child! We had even said that this was an adult reception! Babysitting or making arrengements for it is not my problem! I have enough on my plate without having to worry about another logisitic and more money out the window. When I was young and not invited, my parents called a babysitter. Anyone else with issues similar? How are you dealing?
Aaaargh. We are pretty sure (speaking as someone who hasn’t actually sent invitations yet) that we’re actually not going to accomodate extra guests, unless there is some extraordinary case. I am lucky that my mom is pretty good at maintaining order (FI has taken to calling her “The General” since seeing her in action with the wedding planning activities). So maybe she will call and set people straight for me. Most of the guest list is her family and friends anyway, so I certainly hope so. Although she and my dad are also paying for the food and drink, so I suppose if they want to let people bring extra guests then that’s fine with me. (Maybe I should have picked a smaller venue.)
That is so rude, especially when you were so specific. We are utilizing every last seat at my venue so now I’m scared to see what happens when I send out my invites, yikes!
It did happen to us and I applaud you for only being the slightest bit annoyed by it (I was really ticked!). I ended up contacting the person who included an extra on the response, and as diplomatically as I could- explained why only she was invited: intimate venue, limited guest list, parents paying so their rules, etc etc etc. Instead of responding to me, she called DH to tell him how rude and inconsiderate we were and that if her guest couldn’t come, she wasn’t coming either. Somehow we had a great time without them.
It really stinks to be put in this situation though. Planning your wedding is enough stress and you are trying to please so many different people. I hope the guests understand where you are coming from!
I am just praying that this doesn’t happen to us. I know that some of the less etiquettely educated people in my family and from my hometown are going to do this. We are just going to have to spread by word of mouth that we have a limited amount of seating (as well as a limited budget!)
We knew it would happen and it did….its inevitable!
We simply sent an email, stating the following…
We received your wedding RSVP and are so excited that you are going to be able to join us. Unfortunately, we noticed that you put down two meals on your RSVP and the invite is for you only, without a guest.
Easily the hardest thing about wedding planning is the invite list. We have several close friends that we are unable to invite due to limitations of our location. Out of respect for our families who are paying for this and respect for our many friends who we were unable to invite, we have to stay true to our invitation list without any exceptions.
Thanks for understanding
The kicker is “out of respect for our families…” Our guest emailed back, with numerous apologies, problem taken care of!
I’m really scared that this will happen to us, since I know I’d be absolutely fuming, and would probably be tempted to call them up and shout “What the f*** did you just do?!” 
If I were you, I’d send a reply saying, “well, if you’re happy to have 3 people to 2 seats, suit yourself!” 
I know that someone will either RSVP for more than just their family or just bring someone to the wedding. Most of our friends think this is an informal hoe down. We should be ok. I’m certainly not going to yell at people in my wedding dress. But I might gently explain to people that we won’t be able to accommodate extra people before I start getting those extras!
OMG! I am the type of person to call the guest and in a super sweet voice tell them that we only budgeting for 2 so that’s what we are putting down for you, just like the invitation said. And if they protested I would be firm. This is why the rsvp’s are coming to me instead of to my mom. B/c she would roll over every time. People have such nerve!
people are incredibly gauche. if i were you, i would under no circumstances capitulate here and let them bring additional people. you invited two, that’s the limit, end of story.
please, i would be *happy* to call these people on your behalf and give them a little lesson in etiquette. all kidding aside, though, i would be clear with your FMAIL that she cannot “just let it go”– give ‘em an inch, as they say…
I can’t believe that people are this insane!
I think you need to be firm. Tell you FMIL that she has to deal with the situation and that if these two extra people are coming, then she has to eliminate two others from her list.
I’m hoping none of my guests will be this rediculous…. arghhh
I can’t stand this level of rudeness. People just have no sense and no manners.
I’m dealing with something similar after sending out STDs. We’re having a (sort of) destination wedding and need to know who is coming before we send out actual invites to people based on who is staying on site and who isn’t. People were really lax and didn’t get back to us. We have our tasting this week (and they want an estimate) so I started e-mail the delinquents.
I e-mail my step-cousin to ask if she and her husband, her sister, and her mother and my uncle were coming. We aren’t inviting children (of which each sister has 2) and are only inviting significant others (not boyfriends of the moment).
When she wrote back she told me that my aunt and uncle were coming and her sister (who did not get a “+1″) and sister’s boyfriend-of-the-moment might come! The boyfriend isn’t invited! (She rudely asked if the guy could come to my sister’s wedding last year and after my mom paid for him- he didn’t even show! So she spent the evening hitting on men half her age!)
Then, she told me that she herself couldn’t come because her husband has to work that night (it’s 6 months away on a Saturday night and he already knows he has to work?!) and she doesn’t have anyone to watch her kids (13 and 8 yo). Then, even though I was explicit that no children were invited, she asked if she could bring her kids! She admitted it was unfair to other guests, but asked me to reconsider!!!!
I just didn’t write her back. And I’m sticking to my guns- there are lots of people I want to have at my wedding that I couldn’t invite because of $ and space constraints- I’m not paying for her kids.
We invited a couple , their daughter and son-in-law (cousins on my mother’s side) for a total of 4 people. The daughter took it upon herself to add an additional TEN people (including her ex-sister-in-laws daughters who I’ve never even met).
Once my dad got on the phone and told them that the invite was for them, and possibly two more - they got angry and all of them decided not to come! Better for us, because we were able to accomodate people who actually were respectful enough to ask about a guest and not just assume.
Surprisingly this didn’t happen with any of our friends. However, when it came to close family members (ie a few first cousins who never go anywhere without all their respective young kids), we gave in. Some of them are first generation immigrants who never have anyone besides a close family member babysit their kids and so would rather have not come to the wedding. And we wanted them there. Of course I should have known better. Luckily, kids meals cost less and there was room to add an extra table or two. To be honest, the addition of more little kids did add to the day’s enjoyment. My only advice is that if you know something like this is likely to happen with some potential guests, seriously consider whether you want to invite those people.
Agree with others — you, or your FMIL, have to call them an explain that the invitation was just for XXX and YYY and no one else. If you make one exception, you have to make a million — and this could just be the beginning!
We’re in a similar situation — we are at capacity with our venue (both church and reception site). You have to be firm, and the error in etiquette is theirs. I’m sure people will do this to us — esp. on FI side. But alas, no exceptions.
Well folks, as someone who had this happen on the RSVP card and told people that they couldn’t bring their children, extra guests, etc. and thought everything was okay? well well well–let me tell you–they all just showed up anyway! that’s right, the night of our rehearsal (we had invited everyone since it was a small wedding and destination event), additional people showed up and everyone expected us to just accommodate them! We had to have extra place settings at the wedding (that was when two OTHER people showed up for the reception)–ruined the seating arrangement, had to pay for two more $100/plate meals, etc. It just happens. Be prepared–all the calling in the world won’t change what people are going to do. It’s rude and callous, but I guess that’s how people without manners do things!
gahhh! I guess at least people are sending your RSVP cards back! I was told by my dad that I probably won’t get most of the ones from my relatives back - and that they assume I know they are coming!
But yeah, I agree with the above posters! Make no exceptions!
We didn’t get any mysterious add-ons (thankfully) to the wedding. All of our guests asked us beforehand. One recently had gotten engaged and another we forgot about the HS aged daughter at home (thanks FMIL!), they were so good about it that the brother who was invited + guest said he would bring her as his guest if need be! No, no, she’s invited.
What we are having issues with is that my entire extended family that has nothing to do with the wedding thinks they should be invited to the RD! We extended the invite to those OOT guests who were staying at the hotel the Friday night…these cousins live 10 minutes away. No! And I hope they don’t show up. I hate my aunts right now.
wow, i guess i should be happy that they didn’t add 10 at least!!
i’ll let you guys know what happens…going to call FMIL tonight. so funny though, right?? hehe i’m not so much frustrated as amused, but i am definitely worried about the space! basically, we are counting on some people to RSVP no…otherwise we’ll be in trouble! 
This happen to me. Our RSVP were also very clear as to how many people were invited. We got a call from someone complaining. I told this person ( one of our close friends)…that it was rude to ask to bring some one extra, and that there was a reason why we specify the number of people. Wedding are expensive and we can not invite the whole world. Our friend was not mad…he came and everyone was happy.
Yes, yes, yes! I am LIVID.
Our ceremony space (held in the same location but different room from the reception) is absolutely maximum capped at 175 people. We had our guest list worked out perfectly for that size — if we exceed the 175 people, we have to find a new place for our ceremony, which is not going to happen with 6 weeks to go.
Our RSVP cards were due back 2 weeks ago (still a lot of stragglers) but a whole slew came in right at the deadline with a total of EIGHTEEN UNINVITED PEOPLE! I actually took the time to personalize PER PERSON on the RSVP card — as in, the invite would say “Mr Daffodil” with an attending/decline checkmark, then “Miss Daffodil”, etc. You would think if, maybe, a NAME wasn’t there, people would presume they weren’t invited.
Not the case.
I don’t care if I’ve been a total bitch about calling people and telling them that NO, they cannot bring their daughter’s three best friends and their nanny to our wedding because they are afraid their daughter will be bored — WHO THINKS THIS IS ACCEPTABLE? I understand calling to ASK but YOU CANNOT JUST ASSUME THAT IT IS OKAY! I AM NOT GOING TO PANIC OVER TRYING TO FIND A NEW SPACE TO FIT ALL THESE PEOPLE — I WILL JUST UNINVITE ALL OF YOU!
**end rant**
I’ve got a better one.
We sent an invitation to a distant family member who called us and was “confused” as to why his teenage girls (who we barely know and live in another state) weren’t invited to the wedding. After my mom explained to him that we didn’t have room, he said that if they don’t come he won’t come. To which his mother told my grandmother (his mom and my grandmother are sisters) that he wasn’t going and the reason behind it. So my grandmother bullied my mom into inviting his children. It gets better….one of his kids couldn’t come, so the one kid brought her 14 year old friend. Seriously, WTF?
Oh yeah, here’s another good one…
Another person who is a highschool friend showed up with his mom and her friend. And he told 2 of his friends to show up and crash the party.
People crazy man.
I had a similar problem with our wedding with an old high school classmate. She and I hadn’t really spoken much at all in the 6 years since high school, but out of the blue she calls and asks where she and her boyfriend should stay for the wedding (we live in different cities). WTF? I had not intention of inviting her, since we’re not even remotely friends, plus I the one time I met her boyfriend he was a jerk. But I felt like I had to send her an invitation because she called. Of all the errors I made in wedding planning, inviting her out of a sense of last-minute obligation was the dumbest thing I did… but I was afraid she’d show up whether invited or not - like mrsbic here.
Not only were they the LAST people to arrive at the church (processional music was literally playing as she jogged up the aisle to get a seat - dressed like she was out to go shopping, not to a formal evening wedding), she insulted me at the cocktail hour (”that was the weirdest wedding ceremony I’ve ever seen… and what’s with this cheap beer?”). Um, it was a standard Catholic wedding Mass, and I’m paying for your beer (and it WASN’T cheap beer!) so don’t complain. They then proceeded to get very drunk and take suggestive pictures with the disposable camera at their table. Classy.
People who are rude and presumptuous before the wedding WILL be rude and presumptuous at the wedding. Tell your FMIL to call now and be FIRM. If they just don’t show because they think you’re being rude, you’re probably better off.
I’m sorry so many of us have horror stories about this. What is wrong with people?
By the way, I’m writing with a differnt sign-on name because I’m worried about someone stumbling across this and getting me in trouble. I’m a whimp.
RUDE!
I’m sorry you had to deal with that, especially since you went through all the trouble.
I’ve had some similar issues and we’ve just called to say that we’re extremely limited and the RSVP card was clear about how many seats have been reserved.
It may be cold, but they need to respect your situation.
I *hope* this doesn’t happen to me. I didn’t put certain numbers but I am just addressing the envelopes to those invited.
Unfortunately, people do stuff like this. Some people even bring additional people without putting it on the RSVP card. I would look at it like this: some people who RSVP and say they are coming end up not showing up for whatever reason. That makes room for additional people. I would also check my RSVP’s for the people who said they couldn’t come and see if that frees up some spots before addressing the issue with the guest who wrote in “3 persons” . Also, most venues will still charge you for plates that are not eaten.
I find these stories very amusing. It’s amazing how rude people can be.
RUDE!!!!!!!!!
I’m still staring at the RSVP card and wondering if this guest is completely clueless or incredibly brazen. Or maybe he/she learned some “new math” where 2 and 3 are actually the same number.
FI’s Aunt and Uncle added their daughter.
Two of my guests rsvp’d with a guest. The reason I didn’t invite them with a guest is because 1) one of them is my hair dresser and will be at the site at noon to do my hair. Is her guest going to hang out in my hotel room???? 2) The other is my old boss who will know a few other people there.
My mom didn’t freak out. She just said it is always assumed that people can bring a guest. Not to me. I really wish I would have done the “____ seats have been reserved for you.” Not like people wouldn’t cross that out and put whatever number they want but at least then I could point out the obvious to them. I loved getting rsvp’s at first and now I hate it.
Oh I feel your pain! That happened to us, and I simply had my mom, since it was from her list, call them and inform them that our space was limited and could only accomodate the Mr. & Mrs….so yeah, I had her deal with it!
I tried my best to accomodate everyone with an “and guest” but to add another person to the mix is just laughable. I’m sorry…but no. I wouldn’t feel the slightest bit guilty calling these people and telling them that there is only room for two
Good luck darlin! People are funny.
I have now had two separate instances of wonderful, well-mannered, etiquette abiding friends have displayed horrible wedding RSVP etiquette. I am now realizing that fabulous people, who are well versed in many types of etiquette, are somehow ignorant about wedding etiquette. It baffles me, but it is true.
For instance, FI and I had a great friend over for dinner last weekend. He is 30, a profession, well mannered… and when we ask him what he did last weekend, he said he SURPRISED his friends by flying across the country to their wedding. Our jaws dropped, “You just showed up at the rehearsal dinner?! Was there a seating card at the reception?!” He honestly did not see how his surprise was anything other than a lovely, wonderful gesture. Apparently he hadn’t been able to come, and at the last minute something got freed up at work, so instead of calling them, he hopped on a plane, flew across the country, and walked into their rehearsal dinner. He was so proud of how he was such a great friend and how surprised they were that we didn’t have the heart to tell him that was incredibly rude… but I am obviously transparent as he could see the panic in my face and he said he would RSVP to our wedding. Whew.
And then there is one of my closest friends, 26, professional, incredibly well educated, a fabulous hostess with impeccable manners - and she says to me “I can’t wait for you to meet Joe” (we live across the country from each other). I ask when am I going to meet him? - and she responds “At Tracy’s wedding.” I know for a fact that Tracy didn’t give her an “and guest” because they’d been dating for maybe 4 weeks. So I had to be the bearer of bad news - you can’t just bring Joe. She was livid with me. After calling a few more mutual friends and realizing I was right - he’s not invited… she apologized, and luckily the bride never had to get involved.
So that is my point - wedding etiquette is somehow not well known. Polite, kind, well-mannered people aren’t necessarily in the know about wedding etiquette. And that is what scares me and makes me so nervous to send out the invitations!
I will say that Miss Daffodil made “2 guests” rather clear, so this guest may not in fact be that well mannered in other areas of life. This is such a complicated part of weddings!
oh boy. where do i start? i had the same scenario, now i wish i had saved the postcard from our wedding. it was on our fridge for so long! ONE guest….RSVPed for 10 adults. 10? What the? I thought she was single? Who are these and does she think she can bring her posse? good thing we can laugh about it now.
hang in there!
If I were in your shoes, if I thought FMIL would just fold under pressure - I’d contact them myself. It seems things are pretty clear, you’ve been strict on the “Venue holds “x” people” I can’t imagine someone not understanding that if you explained it to them.
I’m DREADING this for myself in fact, I know it will happen when my RSVP’s start rolling in.
I think inviting additional people like that is so rude! They could have at least called first to inquire about adding a person. I don’t know what’s going to happen at our wedding since it’s on a military base and the guests have to check in with the MP’s. Maybe since they have to produce their ID I can submit a list of guests per invitations so that they don’t allow in extra guests. I don’t know. My biggest worry is that people will bring their children and our reception is strictly 18+. One thing I did do recently is have dinner w/ my sister-in-law whose family is NOTORIOUS for being late and for inviting additional guests. I casually mentioned that our budget was extremely tight (which it’s not really) and that we we’re having to limit our guest list to family and close friends. Then I kind of fibbed and told her they would be checking invitations at the gate and only the people on the invitation would be allowed in. I know, I know… horrible of me - but while we may be able to accommodate 10 more guests we know and love, we certainly do not want to accommodate friends of guests we don’t know.
We just started getting rsvp cards back and our guests adding extra people is something I’ve been very worried about. Our venue *could* accomodate the extra people, but it would mean putting tables on the dance floor. 
So far, we’ve only had one person rsvp for an extra guest: “nameof guest + DATE”. They don’t even know who they will be bringing, they just want to bring a random date. *sigh* This is a friend who’s close friends with a lot of my other guests and will not need to travel to the wedding.
I don’t think people understand how much each guest costs and how limited space is.
Miss Daffodil, if I were in your position, I would be LIVID. Not just mildly annoyed. I would definitely be calling this person myself and saying, “There is only room for two AS WE MADE VERY CLEAR BECAUSE WE HAVE SEVERE SPACE LIMITATIONS AT OUR VENUE — which two of your three do you want me to put down are attending?”
I wish you could see the look on face as I’m reading this. I’m completely dumbfounded that so many people out there think it’s acceptable to randomly invite additional guests to someone else’s wedding. I may eat my words later, but I have absolutely NO INTENTION of accommodating any such requests or rsvp’s. Period. If it’s one of my friends, I will call myself and explain. If they don’t understand, they can stay home. If it’s one of my mother’s or FMIL’s guests, they will have to call and explain why we can’t accommodate additional guests. I guess (and this will sound terrible) I will also have to explain that if they (FMIL) cave and allow additional guests not on the original guest list, then they will also be expected to pay for those guests.
I have already decided that any adult invited to the wedding will also be invited to bring a guest, regardless of whether or not they just met that person or have been dating for years. Unless, you’re 23 and surrounded by you college friends, no one wants to feel like the lone single person at a wedding.
As for the guy who decided to “surprise” his friends by just showing up after he rsvp’d no, all I have to say is “This is not a BBQ people! You must RSVP!”
Good Luck, I hope everything works out for you.
I had this problem and depending on who the invitee was related to (friend or family) either my husband, mother in law, or mom did the deed and ‘inquired’.
In the end, we had a 75% response of yes. Even that was like pulling teeth to get all the responses back in.
You guys are SCARING me!!! I am sending my invites out in a few weeks. The guest list has been the single WORST part of wedding planning. People forget that they are GUESTS and act like they are the reason the party is being thrown.
I’m with you, AKPM2008— I’m just sending out my STDs and am working on the assumption that most of my extended family won’t be flying out to Georgia from California– but what if they surprise me?! And FI’s family is notorious for this type of thing, which is why we scheduled the wedding 2 hours away from his hometown and have put the word out that the guest list is really limited…..god, now I’m really worried about this!
My sister had the same thing happen at her wedding. Originally we expected 250 people max…we ended up seating 300! They were literally rolling tables in from another room and onto the dance floor while others guests were already seated. Some folks just don’t think about the consequences of their actions.
I am amazed and appalled by these stories. Who knew that people could be so rude. Of course there is always the occasional misunderstanding but the nerve of these people to make so many assumptions! If we receive any uninvited RSVP’s, they will be followed with a quick correctional email. We are right at capacity for our venue and have had to leave friends off the guest list so there is no way that we would accommodate strangers over our real friends. No way!
Yeah, I’m finding it equally as strange that some people aren’t responding by the RSVP date set or are not sending the RSVPs at all. I’ve also have had people reply no and then call to change their minds or change whether or not they are bringing a guest or ask if maybe they can bring an extra person…
It is pretty amusing and you have to just let it go in stride in the end so that you can enjoy your day (and realize that some people do have extenuating circumstance, no understanding of social ettiquette, etc.), but I definitely have gotten a bit annoyed each time its happened–isn’t it pretty clear that weddings are usually planned, formal occasions and not bbqs that you can just drop in on?
Definitely have your FMI handle it, Miss Daffodil!
Now this is the one thing (that I can say as a newly married bride) I am happy to be done with - I’ve got a bit of a long one for you, but hope that you have better luck with the ol’ guest list debacle…
We had to hack our initial list down to accomodate our venue size as well… and of course we had the requests of invited guests bringing additional guests, but the weird thing is that it all worked out.
We had three lists so to speak the grooms side-family, the brides side-family, and our friends. If an RSVP got out of hand (or didn’t show up at all) grooms mom handled groom guests, brides mom handled bride guests, and bride handled friends.
Since we paid as three groups, we each were allowed 1/3 of the guest list, with a pay per person agreement for overages upto a certain point not to exceed 140 guests total.
The Bride family list got a little out of hand with the “but we have to invite so-and-so”, and the RSVPs coming back +4’s - BUT Brides mom decided to forgo calling any of the overindulgent guests, and decided to open her checkbook instead (WHICH by the way required an additional printing of custom invitations - If you have fickle parents make sure to order extra extra invites!!!)
On the contrary, we had a very different approach on the grooms side. Grooms mom was so determined to keep her list at the exact number alotted that guests were not allowed to bring dates, we had to pull a few people over to our ‘friend’ list to make the exceptions we deemed appropriate (like allowing dates for invited cousins with long-time boyfriends/girlfriends, or inviting cousins that maybe didn’t make the cut because “We had to invite so-and-so family friend that doesn’t know the bride and groom” instead)
The kicker is that a lot of the people that RSVPd for extra guests didn’t even bring their extra guests with lame excuses like oh “so-and-so had to work” - What? Mom paid extra for no reason? I changed my perfect seating chart to accomodate your uninvited no-show guests for what? I’m so happy that part is over for me, and wish you the best.
I figured out that the wedding planning stress and process is good practice for the struggles of adjusting to man-and-wife. My eyes are open to so many things now
[...] and personalized the R.S.V.P. cards as much as possible in the hopes of discouraging write ins (did Miss Daffodil’s post scare anyone else?). Also, since we wanted to do something a little fun with our response cards, we [...]
[...] and personalized the R.S.V.P. cards as much as possible in the hopes of discouraging write ins (did Miss Daffodil’s post scare anyone else?). Also, since we wanted to do something a little fun with our response cards, we [...]
I cannot believe people. I am speachless.
If this happens to me, I will be making a lot of phone calls, and I wont be nice about it.
for my wedding, a couple we invited out of courtesy wrote in their daughter’s name too. even though i was a bit upset, we decided to let it go. then they kept calling and asking if there were many single guys coming to the wedding and if we could sit their dtr with them at the wedding. then one week before the wedding, they called and said their daughter just got engaged…and by the way they all won’t be able to come. i was so shocked! they didn’t even have the courtesy to send a present or even a card. then a couple months after the wedding, they call and said their dtr called off the engagement and if we knew anyone for her. can you believe this?
wow, i hadn’t even thought about the scenario when guests who rsvp’d yes decide not to show up…i don’t know what situation is worse!
hehe you guys might be amused to hear that i received another rsvp card in the mail today where the guest took the liberty of adding another person. fate has a sense of humor!
Speaking of rude guests, I was a bridesmaid in this one wedding where some of the guests just sat anywhere and disregarded the seating cards. They ended up sitting at the bridal party’s table so we were just standing around for a while.
Because of this reason I am not abiding by some of the traditional rules. I am only sending actual rsvp cards to relatives who don’t have access to the internet. In my invites I have asked the favor of RSVP be emailed to me whether they are coming or not.
I know it is somewhat callous but if anyone tries to rsvp for more than those handwritte on the invite I will send a standard email reply “RSVP can not be honored because the names do not appear or the master invitation list, please make corrections and resubmit Thank You!” LOL and if they follow correct protocol I will email them ARSVP confirmation with additional information(Directions, Things to do, Accomodations, Etc. Some may be offended but they will get over it. They already think I am selfish for having a small weding!
The consensus seems to be that the guests are soooo rude and insensitive and the couple should be soooo livid. People, people, calm down. First of all, as a previous commenter noted, not everyone is schooled on the finer points of wedding etiquette. It doesn’t make someone a bad humanbeing worthy of your wrath because they didn’t RSVP or assumed they could bring a guest. Second, Bridezilla (or FMIL-zilla) rigidity about guestlists (NO children, NO dates, damn it I said 2 not 3!!!) is just unnecessary. Aren’t weddings supposed to be about bringing together friends and family and the shared experience of a joyful occasion? Not excluding people and pissing off family just so you can stick to your list and already expanding budget?
ha! I had a friend ask if he could bring his (male) roommate who I had never met…! And he was already coming along with his third roommate, who is a good friend of mine.
We had a friend that wanted to bring a guest. When we asked “Who?”, he said that he might have a date. This guy hasn’t had a date for 2 years and he expects us to pay for a date? Yeah right! We told him NO!
We had a friend that wanted to bring a guest. When we asked “Who?”, he said that he might have a date. This guy hasn’t been on a date for over 2 years! He expects us to pay for some random girl? Yeah right! We told him NO way!
We are worried that some of the people who RSVP’d won’t show since they didn’t show up for the bridal shower that they RSVP’d to. I don’t understand how people can say they are going to an event, then not show up. It would be one thing if they were young and stupid! But these are adults in their mid-40’s! You would think they would know better!
We have people that haven’t RSVP’d, but we know are coming because they are in the wedding. We are doing plated meals and need to know what they want to eat. Anyone that doesn’t send the response card back that’s in the wedding is getting the kids meal!!!
Or Christine has so much money it doesn’t matter right?? LOL!
We just had a friend call before the invite went out- and again after she got it- to see if her sister could come along in addition to her man. Her argument was that they need the extra person to pay for the room and also it’s her birthday that day so she wants her sister there as well as her date.
I’m flabberghasted. My Fiance already called and said no not once but TWICE- and both times she pressed on- begging. Saying her sister would wait outside (WTF??) or could eat her meal.
This is for real. I have not gotten involved yet and I’m still not sure what to say. But I thought of sending an anonymous letter with guest etiquitte.
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Mrs. Daffodil, San Francisco/Los Angeles
Age and Occupation: 26, Nonprofit Strategy Consultant
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 26, Resident Physician
Engagement Date: December 29, 2006
Wedding Date: May, 2008
Blogging Since: August, 2007
Venue: Church w/ floor-to-ceiling windows overlooking the Valley; Westin in downtown LA
About Me: I moved around a lot growing up, but consider myself a Southerner at heart. I love scrapbooking, dancing, doggies, and diet coke. I am all about personalizing everything and hence, I'm a DIY bride who is just loving the entire wedding planning process! Mr. Daffodil and I met in our college fellowship group and were "just friends" for three years before we started dating. We've been together for four years now and can't wait to get married in sunny SoCal, Mr. Daffodil's hometown.
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