Seriously?

Seriously?

April 9th, 2008 @ 2:08 pm by Mrs. Daffodil
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I must say, if there is one thing that puzzles and amuses me, it is what possesses guests to add additional people without checking with the couple. Or even at least our parents. I mean this in the most objective way possible.

One of the most time consuming aspects of creating our invitations was customizing our RSVP cards. Due to our capacity constraints (the room physically cannot hold more than a certain number of people), we followed our parents’ suggestion in trying to be as specific as possible. I spent hours printing numerous RSVP cards for two people, for one person, for families of three, four, and five. So imagine my amusement to receive this in the mail the other day…

Seriously? : wedding guest list los angeles Z140300 seriously

What on earth?? People are crazy! OK, I’ll be honest. In addition to being surprised/perplexed/amused, if you indulge me for a second, I must admit I was the slightest bit annoyed. We had several friends who kindly and respectfully asked us if they could bring a date or a child or a relative, which we assessed on a case by case basis and tried to accommodate as best as we could. Given that, I suppose it just really surprises me that some folks will just assume it is OK when we made it pretty clear …?

Anyway, now having gotten over the initial shock , we need to figure out what to do. I’m thinking I’ll have FMIL call this person and have her handle the situation, since it is her guest. My only fear is that she will just go with it and allow this additional person to come (our guest list has already expanded incredibly).

Did this happen to you? How did you handle the situation?

Tags: guest-list, los-angeles |

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70 Responses to “Seriously?”

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Guest

HJS

We just got an RSVP in the mail for…wait for it…TEN. The “couple” is a guest of my FMIL and I called her and said, “They RSVPd for TEN!” She laughed and said, “Oh, they must be bringing their kids, their spouses, and grandkids!” I live in a smaller town in the Midwest, and honestly I’m probably lucky they even RSVPd, but it still shocked me. We’re not paying by the head so financially it’s not a huge deal, but I honestly couldn’t believe they did that!

4/9/08 @ 1:53 pm (reply)

Member

missopie (message) 60 posts, Worker bee

My heart started pounding when I read this! I’m scared to send out my invites now… yikes!

4/9/08 @ 1:53 pm (reply)

Guest

kerri

this is slowly becoming my worst nightmare and we haven’t even made the invitations yet. the save the dates are out and people are letting us know if they definitely can’t make it. the fmil is getting really excited because she thinks this means she can add more people before the invites even go out. not to be a brat, but he’s already got 15 more people than i do. sorry, i’m whining.

our solution: no to the fmil. and the fsil is in charge of calling people who make additions to their rsvp.

4/9/08 @ 1:55 pm (reply)

Member

anna (message) 57 posts, Worker bee

i cannot believe people can be so rude.

4/9/08 @ 1:55 pm (reply)

Guest

Shawn

That’s pretty incredible considering how specific you were.

4/9/08 @ 1:56 pm (reply)

Guest

We invited everyone’s children and every single with a guest. Because we were pretty liberal with the guest list, I thought I’d avoid this problem. But then I got a call from *my brother* telling me that he was bringing along a friend of his wife’s. I find the whole thing pretty crazy.

4/9/08 @ 1:58 pm (reply)

Guest

This just happened to me too! I was so angry, especially since I know my parents will freak out (we are constrained by space and money). Initially, we only invited a couple, but then they asked about their married daughter. We felt bad and were honest, and said we had to wait and see. Finally, out of guilt, etc. We invited the daughter and her husband, only to find that they took it upon themselves to plan to bring there 3 year old child! We had even said that this was an adult reception! Babysitting or making arrengements for it is not my problem! I have enough on my plate without having to worry about another logisitic and more money out the window. When I was young and not invited, my parents called a babysitter. Anyone else with issues similar? How are you dealing?

4/9/08 @ 2:01 pm (reply)

Hostess

suzanno (message) 2,683 posts, Sugar bee

Aaaargh. We are pretty sure (speaking as someone who hasn’t actually sent invitations yet) that we’re actually not going to accomodate extra guests, unless there is some extraordinary case. I am lucky that my mom is pretty good at maintaining order (FI has taken to calling her “The General” since seeing her in action with the wedding planning activities). So maybe she will call and set people straight for me. Most of the guest list is her family and friends anyway, so I certainly hope so. Although she and my dad are also paying for the food and drink, so I suppose if they want to let people bring extra guests then that’s fine with me. (Maybe I should have picked a smaller venue.)

4/9/08 @ 2:01 pm (reply)

Hostess

Lillindy (message) 7,974 posts, Bee Keeper

That is so rude, especially when you were so specific. We are utilizing every last seat at my venue so now I’m scared to see what happens when I send out my invites, yikes!

4/9/08 @ 2:02 pm (reply)

10.

Member

psu01 (message) 123 posts, Blushing bee

It did happen to us and I applaud you for only being the slightest bit annoyed by it (I was really ticked!). I ended up contacting the person who included an extra on the response, and as diplomatically as I could- explained why only she was invited: intimate venue, limited guest list, parents paying so their rules, etc etc etc. Instead of responding to me, she called DH to tell him how rude and inconsiderate we were and that if her guest couldn’t come, she wasn’t coming either. Somehow we had a great time without them.

It really stinks to be put in this situation though. Planning your wedding is enough stress and you are trying to please so many different people. I hope the guests understand where you are coming from!

4/9/08 @ 2:02 pm (reply)

11.

Member

jnicholea (message) 115 posts, Blushing bee

I am just praying that this doesn’t happen to us. I know that some of the less etiquettely educated people in my family and from my hometown are going to do this. We are just going to have to spread by word of mouth that we have a limited amount of seating (as well as a limited budget!)

4/9/08 @ 2:06 pm (reply)

12.

Guest

DenverBride

We knew it would happen and it did….its inevitable!

We simply sent an email, stating the following…

We received your wedding RSVP and are so excited that you are going to be able to join us. Unfortunately, we noticed that you put down two meals on your RSVP and the invite is for you only, without a guest.

Easily the hardest thing about wedding planning is the invite list. We have several close friends that we are unable to invite due to limitations of our location. Out of respect for our families who are paying for this and respect for our many friends who we were unable to invite, we have to stay true to our invitation list without any exceptions.

Thanks for understanding

The kicker is “out of respect for our families…” Our guest emailed back, with numerous apologies, problem taken care of!

4/9/08 @ 2:10 pm (reply)

13.

Guest

lou

I’m really scared that this will happen to us, since I know I’d be absolutely fuming, and would probably be tempted to call them up and shout “What the f*** did you just do?!”

If I were you, I’d send a reply saying, “well, if you’re happy to have 3 people to 2 seats, suit yourself!”

4/9/08 @ 2:10 pm (reply)

14.

Guest

Linda

I know that someone will either RSVP for more than just their family or just bring someone to the wedding. Most of our friends think this is an informal hoe down. We should be ok. I’m certainly not going to yell at people in my wedding dress. But I might gently explain to people that we won’t be able to accommodate extra people before I start getting those extras!

4/9/08 @ 2:11 pm (reply)

15.

Guest

lilly

OMG! I am the type of person to call the guest and in a super sweet voice tell them that we only budgeting for 2 so that’s what we are putting down for you, just like the invitation said. And if they protested I would be firm. This is why the rsvp’s are coming to me instead of to my mom. B/c she would roll over every time. People have such nerve!

4/9/08 @ 2:12 pm (reply)

16.

Bee

Mrs. Daisy (message) 34 posts, Newbee

people are incredibly gauche. if i were you, i would under no circumstances capitulate here and let them bring additional people. you invited two, that’s the limit, end of story.

please, i would be *happy* to call these people on your behalf and give them a little lesson in etiquette. all kidding aside, though, i would be clear with your FMAIL that she cannot “just let it go”– give ‘em an inch, as they say…

4/9/08 @ 2:12 pm (reply)

17.

Guest

MsB

I can’t believe that people are this insane!

I think you need to be firm. Tell you FMIL that she has to deal with the situation and that if these two extra people are coming, then she has to eliminate two others from her list.

I’m hoping none of my guests will be this rediculous…. arghhh

4/9/08 @ 2:12 pm (reply)

18.

Hostess

rosychicklet (message) 2,606 posts, Sugar bee

I can’t stand this level of rudeness. People just have no sense and no manners.

I’m dealing with something similar after sending out STDs. We’re having a (sort of) destination wedding and need to know who is coming before we send out actual invites to people based on who is staying on site and who isn’t. People were really lax and didn’t get back to us. We have our tasting this week (and they want an estimate) so I started e-mail the delinquents.

I e-mail my step-cousin to ask if she and her husband, her sister, and her mother and my uncle were coming. We aren’t inviting children (of which each sister has 2) and are only inviting significant others (not boyfriends of the moment).

When she wrote back she told me that my aunt and uncle were coming and her sister (who did not get a “+1″) and sister’s boyfriend-of-the-moment might come! The boyfriend isn’t invited! (She rudely asked if the guy could come to my sister’s wedding last year and after my mom paid for him- he didn’t even show! So she spent the evening hitting on men half her age!)

Then, she told me that she herself couldn’t come because her husband has to work that night (it’s 6 months away on a Saturday night and he already knows he has to work?!) and she doesn’t have anyone to watch her kids (13 and 8 yo). Then, even though I was explicit that no children were invited, she asked if she could bring her kids! She admitted it was unfair to other guests, but asked me to reconsider!!!!

I just didn’t write her back. And I’m sticking to my guns- there are lots of people I want to have at my wedding that I couldn’t invite because of $ and space constraints- I’m not paying for her kids.

4/9/08 @ 2:15 pm (reply)

19.

Guest

davis2b

We invited a couple , their daughter and son-in-law (cousins on my mother’s side) for a total of 4 people. The daughter took it upon herself to add an additional TEN people (including her ex-sister-in-laws daughters who I’ve never even met).

Once my dad got on the phone and told them that the invite was for them, and possibly two more - they got angry and all of them decided not to come! Better for us, because we were able to accomodate people who actually were respectful enough to ask about a guest and not just assume.

4/9/08 @ 2:17 pm (reply)

20.

Guest

nopushover

Surprisingly this didn’t happen with any of our friends. However, when it came to close family members (ie a few first cousins who never go anywhere without all their respective young kids), we gave in. Some of them are first generation immigrants who never have anyone besides a close family member babysit their kids and so would rather have not come to the wedding. And we wanted them there. Of course I should have known better. Luckily, kids meals cost less and there was room to add an extra table or two. To be honest, the addition of more little kids did add to the day’s enjoyment. My only advice is that if you know something like this is likely to happen with some potential guests, seriously consider whether you want to invite those people.

4/9/08 @ 2:20 pm (reply)

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