Wedding Blog
Before Mr. Hum and I moved in together, I was pretty content to live by myself. In college, I had a roommate for a brief period of time, but it was an unmitigated disaster, and after 21 years of living with my parents, I wanted the freedom to come and go as I pleased, so single living seemed the best path for me. (Plus I could reenact the Old Time Rock ’n’ Roll scene from Risky Business any time I wanted!)
(Screencap courtesy of www.videodetective.com )
I lived alone for about eight months before Mr. Hum’s roommate drama happened and he moved in with me. As I mentioned in a previous entry, the move-in was a bit of an adjustment, but for the last three years that we’ve been inhabiting the same space, I’ve gotten so used to having him there that any absence feels completely unnatural. I mean, we’re definitely not like Linda and Paul McCartney or anything, but any time he’s gone for more than a night or two, I end up missing him terribly and hate sleeping in our bed all by myself*.
So since Mr. Hum is in San Francisco for work until Sunday night and since there are many other couples who have done the long distance thing on Weddingbee, I’ve got to ask - How do you deal with your significant others absences? What is the longest time that you’ve been apart?
A picture of me and Mr. Hummingbird the first year we were dating
(taken by our friend and soon to be wedding photographer Tom!)
*I suppose I am not exactly alone since I do have Beebs the Cat with me, but she’s so little, she barely rumples the sheets when she snuggles down next to me.
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Share this post: All By Myself
Aww, that photo is really sweet 
During the first year Mr. Jasmine and I dated, we were apart for eight weeks while each of us completed legal externships across the country from each other. It felt completely unbearable (i know, we’re such wusses). I hope we don’t have to spend too much time apart in the future.
I’ve never lived alone and regret not having that experience…although I do admit once my roommates were all out of town and Mr. Peng was away at Grad school this one weekend when I was still back in college, and I remember bolting down all the doors at night and sleeping with a knife under my mattress. Um…hello paranoid.
I’m insanely independant and enjoy my alone time (apparently, only in the suburbs…In LA I was very paranoid. I’m from a very small town.) When the FI isnt around I just chill with my family or spend a lot of time on the computer, and catch up on marathons of Americas Next Top Model, the Hills, and other shows that my FI wouldnt be caught dead watching I also eat a lot of stinky food that he doesnt like. I usually try to plan trips to see my out of town friends and stuff like that the weekends I know that Mr Peng will be away.
my FI and i have been apart for 7 months now.
before that he would have work related conferences where he would be away 5 days or more.
as a lonely veteran, I completely sympathize. But other than frequent phone calls and keeping yourself busy (going out with friends, shopping, doing things he dosn’t like to do as a couple) I have very little advice.
its sucks…..
If he were to be gone any longer, I would suggest webcams. This is how we survive.
Luckily my fiance and I haven’t had to be apart for longer than a few days. I think the longest we have gone without seeing one another has been two weeks…and that was when I was 17 and he was 19 and I was in another province visiting my Aunts and Uncle.
One really challenging time in our relationship was when my fiance had to commute from our Island - Vancouver Island to another Island - Salt Spring Island…30 minute drive to the ferry and 30 minutes on the ferry. Doesn’t seem like a crazy long commute, right? Well it is when the ferries only go every 2.5 hours. He would leave at about 6:30am and often not get home until 9pm - 7pm if I was REALLY lucky…then because he had to get up so early, he went to bed pretty early…it was really hard on us… I know that it isn’t the same as living cities apart - but it was tough!
After our first year together as a couple, my fiance and I were apart for 2 years while he went to grad school. When we finally moved in together, I was away for months at a time visiting families.. So I guess we’re apart a good half of the time since we started dating. It sucks but I got used to it.
Senior year of college, I was able to live by myself in a teeny studio that happened to be in the building complex directly next to my then-BF, now FI. It was great–we could see each other whenever we wanted, but we also were able to maintain our own spaces. When I finally moved up to be with him after an 18-month LDR period, we didn’t move in together until our leases came up, and after living with my parents for the duration of our separation this was a smoother transition into our ultimate cohabitation.
We’ve been living together for two years now, and I find it really tough to endure separations–since I moved, I think the longest we’ve been apart has been…five days? Keeping busy and being able to talk (either via phone or AIM) helps the time go by faster, but it still is pretty lousy.
My fiance’ and I started dating when he moved to Boston (I live in VA), so our first year and a half was long-distance! But we were never apart for more than 18 days at a time!
My husband and I survived an 8 month deployment while he was in the Navy. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through, but he is absolutely worth every minute and every tear. My best friend is getting ready to send her husband off for a 15 month deployment to Iraq so I’ve been thinking alot about advice to give. The most important thing is to stay busy and if possibly stay busy doing things that enhance your life and your interets. I don’t suggest spending hours scrap booking every date you guys have ever been on because it just keeps you focused on how much you miss the person. Consider volunteering somewhere. I worked on the weekends at my local domestic violence shelter and it was awesome! It kept me feeling like I was doing something important with my life and that time instead of feeling like I was in a holding pattern. I also spent a lot of time learning about myself and I feel like I am a better partner to him than I would have been if I hadn’t had to spend that time alone! Plus the distance and lack of communication sometimes makes you feel very appreciative of them and the time you have together!
my fiance is currently out hiking the appalachian trail, so we’ll be apart for about 6 months… while i plan some of the wedding. i too have a cute cat to keep me company, but it gets very quiet, so i suggest inviting friends over, even if its just for dinner, or taking a class to fill your time. having done the distance thing before as well, i know it stinks, but think how wonderful the reunion will be!!
we each take vacations independent of the other–and the first three years I worked 9-5 & he worked 3 midnight–YIKES! you find ways. it just makes it better when you DO get to see each other. now, after 7 years I use the time that he’s gone to clean and have my girlfriends over for a sleepover
My FI and I lived apart while in grad school - out of the 7 years between when we graduated from college and when we finished grad school, we lived together for one year. During the other 6 years, we were busy with school so we visited once a month or so, sometimes once every 6 weeks, and it was pretty tough. In the end (hindsight being 20/20 of course), I actually think it was good for us in many ways - we learned independence while making the best of the times we were together, we both built up incredible friendships with other people, and we learned to communicate well.
Not saying I would do it again, but if you can learn from it and in the end it makes you stronger, it’s better than nothing! And it has made living together in the past year something we appreciate to the fullest.
we’ve never really been apart for more than a week since we started dating, thats happened a number of times when one person goes on a trip. those times pass pretty quickly actually - its a short period after all… but he’s gone currently to another country because his father is ill with advanced cancer that was only recently diagnosed (was a shock to everyone, esp because it was so advanced.) so the heavy heart from that, plus the extra long distance - 13 hour difference - is currently very hard. (hes going to be gone for over a month.)
its nothing like being separated for weeks/months regularly and im such a pansy i probably couldnt handle that - but right now every day that we’re not together breaks my heart bc its another day that i cant physically be a support for him in this trying time… he’s busy taking care of everyone else, from his sick father to his distraught mother, but theres no one for him to lean on every night after the dust settles. bc of the time difference and the busy schedules we only touch base on the phone a couple times a day for maybe 2-3 min each… but for me hearing each others voices at the start and end of the day is very important for situations like these. its my only gauge of what his day has been like.
another way of dealing, of course, is booking a trip to go see him =] which im doing next week. so yea, i wasnt entirely truthful - we wont be separated for the whole of that month. im such a pansy….
sorry i rambled, i guess this ld thing hits pretty close to home right now, for various reasons =]
I’m actually right in the middle of a two-month trip to London and I miss my sweetheart like crazy! And I have to come back for six more weeks in June/July. I think it will make it extra sweet when I’m home for good, though.
Call us crazy, but we were apart for 2 years while dating, and now we’ve been apart since August for school. Those first two years though…no phone calls, no email, no anything, except for letters in the mail. (He was on a mission for church). It was so great for our relationship though, in a really weird way. Two years of not seeing each other made it extremely clear when he got home that we were getting married.
These past months of being apart for school haven’t been bad, we video skype most days, and we’ve had a few visits since August. Too bad it’s a 1400 mile distance, so we can’t drive to see each other each weekend, but it’s ok. I think it helps that we’ve never lived together (or slept in a bed together), so I still sleep in my bed at my parent’s house and it doesn’t feel like he’s missing.
After our wedding next month though, I say no more being apart!
During the 2006-2007 school year, mr beanchar taught at a college in another state, almost eight hours away.
Due to the expense of maintaining two households and the fact that we have three pets for whom boarding fees equal a night in a decent hotel, we were only able to afford to see each other about four times during that period.
Luckily Skype was offering free internet phone calls within the US then, so we were able to talk just about every night. And enjoy the fish-eye nasal elongation of our bargain webcams!
It wasn’t fun, but whenever I thought about all the people who have loved ones serving in Iraq, I realized I was so lucky that he was safe and I could reach him anytime I wanted.
I still don’t know how military families do it and my heart aches for them.
I’ve been in a long distance relationship for almost 3 years… we’ll have been in one for 4 years once he finally moves back home from being in the military. The longest we’ve gone without seeing each other is a long 9 months…
I’ll be so happy once this all ends! I am so sick of this whole never seeing each other thing!
I feel your pain! My fiance travels often for business. Tonight he is in another country. I am keeping myself distracted by renting some chick flicks and having a nice glass of wine. Oh, and baking cupcakes and eating them covered in GOBS of frosting.
We’re in the midst of a 7-month deployment, while I’m planning the wedding. It’s definitely not fun but it’s been a great chance to focus on spending time with my friends and family and have the single-gal life…at least as far as living alone is concerned! Before we moved in together we were long-distance for quite a while. But any time apart - be it days or months at a time - is tough because the reason you are together is because you want to be with one another.
I’ve moved between the states and Northern Ireland and then back to the states and then to Scotland for various things (school, research, etc.). It’s meant that my FH and I haven spent serious time apart, sometimes 5 months without seeing each other.
I also did my undergrad out of state, meaning we’d got a month or so without seeing each other.
As we speak, he is delayed in Chicago airport, on his way over to see me, and its killing me that he’s so far away. I can’t wait to get married and be able to have our own place, that’s *ours* that we decorated, that has our mess in it…sounds silly, but right now that’s my idea of heaven.
30 days…and I cried everyday on the phone…..
My fiance is in the Navy and we only see each other two weekends per month. In six weeks he is scheduled for a six month deployment. We talk every day that we can online and send each other emails when we can’t talk on the phone. it’s really hard sometimes, but we just do the best we can. I also live with family (my sister, her husband, and their three kids), so it’s pretty easy to stay distracted. Take the time to take hot bubble baths and relax, maybe do a little redecorating, or plan something really special for his return.
SIX years… we just kept thinking one day we would be together and be happy - if we gave up then we would be saying “i can’t do this for you I don’t love you enough to stand it” my mother also said something very Zen to me: “Your father left Vietnam to escape to America when I was pregnant with you and when we said good bye we had no idea if we would ever see each other again. he could have died escaping or when i made the boat trip i could have drowned. but for you and your FI you KNOW that once school is done and residency is over you WILL be with each other. that is more definite than where i was.” this gave me strength to last 6 years and on May 24th we will be married =)
We spent a full month apart when I had to move home for half a summer in between school years. Right now we live an hour and a half apart because he graduated college one semester before me and decided to save money for our wedding by moving home until the wedding.
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Mrs. Hummingbird, Toronto
Age and Occupation: 25, Publishing Coordinator
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 24, Videogame Designer/Cartoonist
Engagement Date: May 4, 2007
Wedding Date: June 28, 2008
Blogging Since: September 18, 2007
Venue: A garden wedding followed by a tented reception on Mr. Hummingbird's father's property.
About Me: I’m a pop culture loving, vintage obsessed foodie living in Canada’s biggest city with my fantastic fiancé and our lovable fluffy cat Bettie. I’m stoked to marry my best friend and to throw what I hope will be
the most fun and colourful party of our lives.
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