Important Words, Part II

I put myself out there a little bit in sharing the group blessing I wrote for our ceremony, so thanks so much for everyone’s enthusiastic reception. And, as promised, here’s the chocolate and wine ritual.

Premise: we’re having a secular ceremony, but I love the idea of performing a personally meaningful ritual – something to add an element of the sacred to our wedding, but that will still resonate specifically with both of us.

When we explained this to our officiant, she told us about a couple who built a ritual around the blending of chocolate and peanut butter. Seriously. We were incredulous, too, but she explained that it was a way for that particular couple to express the bond they were forming. She said something like that won’t work for people who find it silly and are only half-heartedly into it – but a couple with sincere intentions can inject meaning and gravity into any ritual they design. It’s a matter of being genuine about it.

Well, we were sold. And while it isn’t for everyone, I love the idea of bringing a slightly sensual element into the ceremony. Our officiant suggested another version – the chocolate and wine ritual. Chocolate would represent the sweetness of life, and wine, the bitter. An expression of a couple’s acceptance of the good and bad of marriage.

We loved it. Only, we switched it around, making it bitter, dark chocolate and a sweet red wine (both things we love). Enough background. Here’s the goods:

There will come in your life days of great sweetness, and days of bitter sorrow. There will be celebrations, and there will be tears. There will be triumphs, and there will be tragedies.Life holds indescribable happiness in store for you both – and unavoidable pain, as well.And so to symbolize your acceptance of this reality, today you will share the bitter and the sweet, just as you will share them in the years to come.Both of you, take and eat this bitter, dark chocolate. Taste in it the dark days which will rock your marriage and test its strength. It represents disappointment, illness, grief. Know that these hard times will come, and with them, the opportunity to deepen your bond as husband and wife.

Now, take and drink this sweet red wine.

Taste in it the sweetness and light that will fill your marriage with joy. Savor the fruits of this wine, just as you will savor every happiness that your beloved brings you. It represents shared laughter, your child’s first steps, your golden anniversary. Delight in it, as you will delight in your husband, your wife.

I know there are strong echos of the sacrament in there – it’s kind of unavoidable, when you’re taking and eating something while its symbolism is being described. But I really don’t think it’s in a bad way, like it’s some pagan perversion of … whatever.

Anyway, that’s how I managed to get candy and alcohol into our wedding ceremony. 😉 I also managed to get the phrase “lustral fire” into it…but that’s another story altogether.

Anyone else inventing a ritual for their ceremony?


Mrs. Lovebug

Wedding Date:
April 2008
Planning The Ceremony
The Toucans' Nest!
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  1. Guest Icon Guest
    Michelle, Guest @ 3:14 pm

    I love it. And I know your guests will love it too. Thanks for sharing.

  2. Guest Icon Guest
    danathebride, Guest @ 3:15 pm

    Oh how lovely! I lurve it a lot. Thanks so much for sharing, and please, share more!

    My favorite thing about it is that its kind of innocently sexy in a way that is appropriate for family but speaks deeply to the couple partaking in the ritual.

  3. Guest Icon Guest
    grace, Guest @ 3:15 pm

    i love this. i love that it’s a nod to a tradition that’s long been a part of weddings, but that it’s unique to you. you are doing a wonderful job explaining the significance of your chosen “sacraments” and it is apparant that you’ve put much thought and emotion into the words that you’re using for this part of the ceremony.

    that being said, my husband and i didn’t invent a ritual for our wedding, but we did opt out of the communion aspect and replaced it with a cord and veil ceremony that’s common in filipino weddings. since my husband is caucasian and ours is the first mixed race marriage for both sides of our families, i wanted to include something that i’ve always seen done in my heritage. so while we didn’t invent the cord and veil ceremony, we felt good about incorporating a tradition that’s meaningful to my family.

  4. Guest Icon Guest
    Michelle, Guest @ 3:17 pm

    Some conservative baptists, and some devout catholics might take offense, but I think its beautiful. And the wording! love it. I am a person of faith, and I align myself to the Episcopalian church… and i might steal this idea. It is very similar to the sacrament of communion, and thats not a bad thing. I’m very impressed.

  5. Member
    bonniebelle101 366 posts, Helper bee @ 3:27 pm

    Wow! How beautiful! Thank you so much for sharing!!

  6. Guest Icon Guest
    Brooke, Guest @ 3:32 pm

    I think this is absolutely beautiful. We are getting married outside and due to fire restriction cannot have a unity candle. I might have to steal the idea for my own ceremony to replace it.

  7. Member
    brendalynn 154 posts, Blushing bee @ 4:14 pm

    Thank you for sharing some of your ceremony wording with the hive!

    If you wanted to avoid the communion/sacramento echo, you might try using verbs like taste and/or share instead of the common take, eat. For some reason, just those parts of your ceremony really resonated the Christian ceremony to me…

  8. Guest Icon Guest
    Yvonne, Guest @ 4:28 pm

    Very sweet, thanks for sharing.
    Speaking of sharing: some time ago you posted a photo of Mr. Lovebug working ob tongue depressor. Did you get to finish that craft?

  9. Guest Icon Guest
    Miss Cherry Pie, Guest @ 5:34 pm

    This is an amazing ritual! I love it. I’m going to have to think about a version Mr. Cherry Pie and I can use in our ceremony. We’re writing the whole thing by ourselves, too. :)

  10. Guest Icon Guest
    L, Guest @ 6:33 pm

    I approve of your Whitehall Lane choice–yummy!

  11. Guest Icon Guest
    elizabeth, Guest @ 10:27 pm

    I’ve been in total awe of your whole production (and “production” should not be taken in a negative way–this is clearly a labor of love!) and this just seals the freaking deal. As a Catholic, I can see perhaps the most devout being mildly miffed, but seriously? This is genius! I love that you’re bringing in religious-oriented aspects but making them your own in a secular way. It’s wonderful! Just keep in mind that anything that is heartfelt and sincere will always trump, well, everything else if you’re following the beat of your own drummer.

  12. Guest Icon Guest
    LB, Guest @ 11:27 pm

    i love it.

  13. Guest Icon Guest
    One Lucky Day, Con’t: The Windy Pretty » Weddingbee » The Wedding Blog, Guest @ 6:40 pm

    […] We made our declarations of intent (at the bit about anyone objecting to our union, Mr. Lovebug hammed it up by throwing the crowd a dirty look), and then Melissa performed the chocolate and wine ritual: […]

  14. Guest Icon Guest
    One Lucky Day, Con’t: A Groom Worth a View » Weddingbee » The Wedding Blog, Guest @ 7:51 pm

    […] and candy for the wine and chocolate ritual, […]

  15. Guest Icon Guest
    A Star-Studded (Love) Affair: Oh, The Places You’ll Go! — Ceremony Part III | Weddingbee, Guest @ 8:39 am

    […] but I immediately dug her style and in particular, fell in love with what she wrote for her “wine and chocolate ritual.” I used her words as a jumping off point and wrote what I felt about the future good times […]

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