Mrs. Tiramisu, Annapolis, MD/Maine
Age and Occupation: 26, Eye Doctor
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 26, Project Manager/Real Estate Management grad student
Engagement Date: May 15, 2007
Wedding Date: July, 2008
Blogging Since: March 4, 2008
Venue: Oceanfront lawn and tent
About Me: I was born and raised in Maine, now living in Annapolis, Maryland and planning a hometown wedding from afar. I’m nothing short of obsessed with wedding planning, and am loving the do-it-yourself madness that has now taken over my life! As for me, I’m a craft-loving, martini-drinking, girly-girl who loves traveling, photography, my schnauzer, and above all, spending time with Mr. Tiramisu.
Rolling With The Punches
April 13th, 2008 @ 10:26 am by Mrs. Tiramisu
Weddings, I realize, are about more than just the bride. Of course there is the oft-overlooked groom to consider, but Mr. Tiramisu almost always graciously takes a backseat when it comes to wedding decisions. This leaves just: the family. Oh yes, just the family.
Before I go on a rant, please let me point out that I love our families. Mr. Tiramisu and I are really blessed to have, all combined, 2 moms, 2 dads, a stepmom, a stepdad, three brothers and four sisters that love us dearly and want to be involved in our wedding. And let me just take the blame right now- I admit I’m a control freak- and no where does it come out more than with planning our wedding. I tend to have a hard time considering any ideas that don’t come from my own little head (or at least stolen by me from someone else!). I have a picture in my head of every aspect of the wedding- from the save-the-dates all the way up until the good night snack. Have a great idea? If it’s not how I pictured it, it’s probably not going to happen (Miss Tiramisu horns sprout!) - or at least that’s how it was in the beginning.
Mr. Tiramisu’s mom has been nothing but excited about the wedding from the moment we got engaged. He’s the first child of five- and first grandchild of eleven- to get married, so actually there is much excitement all around. One of the first sticky issues to arise in the planning process was the rehearsal dinner. Miss Tiramisu’s brain said: “small casual gathering of families and bridal party! relax before the wedding! no pressure! maybe pizza? beer? on the beach? show up in shorts! it will be great!” FMIL Tiramisu’s brain said: “huge welcome party! invite everyone! lobster for all! bring on the champagne! fancy boat cruise? historic mansion? it will be great!”
I gave it some more thought, revisited the whole idea, and gave up a little ground. I had pictured maybe 25 people, but I was conceding to 40. Okay 50. But FMIL Tiramisu wanted to show everyone invited to the wedding a good time. We’re talking 240! In my mind this was a nightmare! No relaxing the night before the wedding! A logistical panic attack waiting to happen!
I couldn’t let go of my carefully conjured mental image long enough to consider the benefits of FMIL-T’s idea. It was Mr. Tiramisu who encouraged me to take a deep breath. We shelved the issue and I tried not to think about it for at least a month. At some point during that time I started to realize that (gasp!) a big welcome party might not be such a bad idea. After all, if Mr. Tiramisu’s parents wanted to pay for such an event, and if it really meant that much to them, why did I want to stand in their way? When else in my life was someone going to offer me a huge party, in my (and my groom’s of course) honor?
Now we’ve got a great party in the works- for an invited 240 guests, and we found a laid back place at which to host it. It’s in a barn - how casual and fun can you get? I can’t lie- if it were up to me I’d probably still be having the small gathering, but the moral of this story is that even the stubbornest of brides and FMILs can compromise.
Have you had to give up anything important (or even not-so important) to you in planning your wedding, or are you standing your ground? All I know is that everyone’s really excited about our rehearsal dinner turned lobster-bake-welcome-dinner, so I should be too! 
8 Responses to “Rolling With The Punches”
oh yes I can certainly relate. Let’s just say there have been very different expectations from the peanut gallery regarding the wedding (my vision: casual, fun, relaxed. peanut gallery: lavish, gilded, frou frou. Fiance: hates being stuck in the middle)
It has been tough. I try to compromise, but I too am very controlling when it comes to this stuff. I think it stems from the fact that we spend SO MUCH TIME thinking through everything, researching, planning, doing the actual leg work — that when someone butts in and says “WHAT ABOUT XYZ?? Aren’t you going to do THAT?” I take it as a personal attack on my taste. I. Should. Not. Do. This. But I do.
I think it’s great idea. Especially for such a large wedding. This way everyone will get to see you, say hello, and chat the night before and you won’t have to spend the entire reception making sure you’ve spent time with everyone. Especially key, if you have a lot of out of towners!
I was in the same boat. I wanted a very small wedding. Less than 50 people. I have only about 6 people on my side of the family that would come so I thought it would be easy to have a tiny wedding.
But my FMIL wanted to invite everyone and their brother. Since she and FFIL are paying for the entire thing< I did concede a bit, but not totally. She wanted about 160 and I got it down to about 110. Compromise 
I’m a vegetarian, but the only place in our venue’s town that’s both affordable and has a private room is a barbecue joint… So it looks like I’ll be brown-bagging-it for my rehearsal dinner! (It’s a small compromise to make for my mostly veg reception dinner.)
I won’t bore with my FMIL nightmares… let’s just say, I hear ya. I’m sure it will all be fabulous!
This seems to be a pretty common theme in the Hive. Sounds like you have a great attitude about it, and you’re right…when ever again will anyone want to throw a big party in your honor?
There are definitely benefits to inviting everyone to the rehearsal dinner, especially if it’s a destination wedding. I agree, though, that I wanted the night before to be a bit more relaxed since I knew there’d be a lot on my mind.
We opted to have a big post-wedding beach bash instead. The wedding was fantastic, but we really couldn’t spend quality time with all 175 guests, so the beach party afterwards allowed us to do this. We were completely relaxed since all the stress was over!
Best of luck.
Glad to hear you are seeing rehearsal dinner for the possibilities it has to offer. We are looking forward to a weekend of celebration and sincerly want the Tiramisu’s to enjoy it to the fullest. Let go of the “perfect wedding” and focus on having a great time. That is what we all want for you both.
XOXOX to you both and of course the Dunc-Dude
So, I’m a Maine-based gal myself and am dying to know what barn you’re using for your (way larger than planned) rehersal dinner. Any info you have would be soooo appreciated!
[…] it might be confusing for our guests to receive two different invitations for our wedding weekend (remember, we’re inviting ALL of the guests to the welcome dinner), requiring them to RSVP two separate […]
