Weddingbee Blog

My SIL (my brother’s wife) is from another race and culture than our family. There were certainly moments that reminded us that there were cultural differences, PARTICULARLY when it came to wedding planning. (See: “My Big Fat Greek Wedding” although my SIL is not Greek). But fortunately, there have really been no issues or headbutting between the families.

I think my brother had to win her family over a bit, but made it in because he’s the same religion as her family and the same profession as her father. Her parents immigrated to the US, so I think they just needed to adapt to the idea that their children would be marrying whites. Her siblings and cousins thank them for breaking down the wall - because none of them have had any issues with their parents protesting inter-racial relationships since.

My brother always dated girls of color, even down to his little grade school crushes; so my family was not surprised at all. But what did shock my family was how our friends and family reacted. I never thought I came from a racist environment — but I do! For example, when they became engaged, one of my mom’s good friends asked how we liked her, and my mom said we adore her, and her friend responded “but her skin’s almost black.” I picked my jaw off the floor, while my mom tried to explain that it didn’t matter. Needless to say, I have become much more aware of insensitivities and stereotyping since my SIL joined the family.

I am a white, blonde Catholic girl from Seattle marrying a black Rastafarian man (with long dredlocks) from St. Lucia! Interestingly, in our daily lives, we never really have had any major issues with anyone being rude or mean.

The only time I ever see it is when we are out shopping. People don’t put us together. They will ask us seperatly if we need help, even if we are standing next to eachother.

My family loves him because he is heads and shoulders above anyone else I have ever dated. His family is so accepting that I asked him once if race was an issue for them and he looked at me crazy, they just want him to be loved.

That is why it shocked me when my Great Aunt talked to my Aunt and said she wasn’t acknowledging our wedding (after receiving our STD card). My mom told me while I was at work and it was so shocking, I started crying at my desk. I know…she is from an older generation, she hasn’t met him, etc.

My mom said that my aunt explained what a great man he was and how good he is to me. And my mom said, “You know, when your dad and I got engaged, my parents sat us down and said, ‘what are we going to do about this religion thing?’” My mom was Lutheran and my dad, Catholic. My mom said she never would consider asking us, “what are we going to do about this race thing?” Let me tell you my mom is as conservative as you can get.

When I told my fiance, he said it was understandable because my great aunt is 80-something years old. He took no offense.

So, all I have to say is…people amaze me in good ways more than in bad.

With us it’s less of a race/culture issue (we’re the same culture) than it is a generational one–his parents are first generation /very traditional and want things to be a certain way whereas my side is more “Americanized” and these differing points of view have lead to our share of headaches. Sometimes it feels like that Fiddler on the Roof song about tradition. But we’re getting by fine–can’t win every battle!