The Ex-Effect
April 17th, 2008 @ 9:24 am by Mrs. Butterscotch
When Mr. Butterscotch and I got married, we never really had to have the talk of “so can my ex come to the wedding”. It was just a nonissue. But I always find it very interesting when a couple for whatever reason feels compelled to invite one of the ex’s.
This past Saturday Ivana Trump walked down the aisle at her ex husband’s estate, Mar-a-Lago. Now we all know that both Ivana and Donald have moved on from their 13 year marriage. Since Donald and Ivana have three children together, it is so nice to see them getting along as an extended family.
Now I am all for happily family time but this wedding was filled with unique moments A) Donald’s sister was the officiant B) Ivana had 25 (yep, 25!) bridesmaids and C) Donald had been remarried a few years prior on the same estate.
Here are a few more pictures of the wedding (check out that floral arch!!!).
Here is Donald pictured at his 2005 wedding at the same estate.
So where do you stand on having the ex coming to your wedding? What about the ex family at your wedding? Don’t get me wrong, if my nonexistent rich ex were to offer me his lavish estate for my wedding I would jump on that offer! But be honest… if your ex offered an amazing location for your wedding, would you take him up on it?
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35 Responses to “The Ex-Effect”
Totally depends on which ex it is!
According to people.com, when Ivana asked Donald for the estate he originally wanted to say “no,” but then realized his children were going to be a part of the ceremony. The Donald didn’t want his children showing up and being part of a wedding at some “sub-par” establishment, so he willingly agreed.
I wonder what she gave as bridesmaid gifts???!!!
My ex is actually the best man. In a strange twist of fate he be-friended my FI and introduced us 
So it can work if you have an amicable relationship. But if you aren’t actually friends but rather frenemies then I really don’t see the need. (I would never invite his ex to our wedding, or any of my other exs).
My FI and I are both still friends with our last serious boy/girlfriends before we met each other, and they were both invited to the wedding. Neither of them will be able to make it, but at least we tried!
Yes, exes are invited and with a guest. In fact, FI’s ex insisted on flying to NY from Hong Kong, when even many members of his family can’t make that trip.
I keep telling myself, it’s because she’s extra happy for us!
My FI’s ex is actually somewhat of a celebrity and she is not invited (he probably would not mind her being there; they were still somewhat friendly when I met my FI)… if she offered up her big estate for our wedding, I would not accept! If they were married once and had kids together, it might be a different story, but I don’t think having an ex involved in my wedding is appropriate. I think everyone handles this differently and has varying opinions about friendships with exes. All relationships are different.
My FI still friends with one of his exes. She’s been married since shortly after they broke up and has several kids. They became friends againa few years ago after not seeing or speaking to each other for 8 years. We see her occasionally and I would be happy to invite her to the wedding as they are just friends and there is no connection beyond that. However, he does not feel a need to invite her to the wedding. He thinks it would be awkward and that they are not close enough to invite.
I’m still friends with my ex - but he was not invited. I later found out that his parents wanted to be invited, so after my FI said he didn’t mind, I extended the invitation. However, when they found out it was out of town, they didn’t come.
I probably wouldn’t take an ex up on the estate offer but when there are kids involved the whole situation is a bit different.
And as for us…no exs invited on my side, he’s inviting a couple but none that would fall into the “serious” category (including his high school girlfriend who now has a whopping 5 kids!)
totally depends on the ex. but i have to say it’s amazing how someone can have all the money in the world and the wedding still look tacky.
“No” and “No”
My most serious ex is now studying to be a priest, so it’s a bit of a non-issue. I suppose if he had been able to offer the use of an amazing Cathedral for the ceremony, I would have taken him up on it.
Baghdad Bride, I’m with you… Ivana’s wedding looks kind of cheesy.
I think it really depends on the situation. I’m not inviting my ex and it would proboably not work out well but my fiance’s ex is a “grooms woman”. I’ve known them both since before they were dating and am more than happy to haver her there. Not that I don’t have moments every once in a while where I stress about it a little but she’s been nothing but supportive of us since the beginning and they are friends but thats all.
Wow, 25 bridesmaids!
My ex (my first serious boyfriend) and his girlfriend will be coming to our evening reception, but I split up with him a long time ago, so it’s no big deal. No exes on his side cos he hasn’t stayed in touch with any… which I’m quite glad about seeing as none are millionaires!
I will be inviting a couple of my exes. One I’m super good friends with still and the other I get along with as well. They’re both in my main group of friends and there’s no bad blood anywhere. One of them was super excited for me in fact! I suspect he’ll be helping with many DIY projects.
My FI has no problem with it since he’s friends with both of them now. His exes won’t be invited though because he doesn’t really like them anymore.
My husband’s ex-wife is one of his closest friends, and she and I are close. She’s been so supportive of our relationship from Day 1. We wouldn’t have scheduled our wedding on a day she couldn’t have come.
I dated a guy for five years, and it was the best breakup ever. We remain best friends to this day, and he actually introduced me to my fiancee. He’s invited, and will be singing at the wedding, too. None of my fiancee’s exes will be invited, I think.
My FI has a 4 year old son with his ex, and although her and I have never really talked about anything other than arranging transportation back and forth to each other’s house for the son, I’ve considered the thought of inviting her to our wedding. Our wedding is in Hawaii (we live on the east coast), so I’m not sure if she would actually come and I’m not sure FI would care or not if we invited her. I have no trust issues with her (or with FI) so it wouldn’t bother me either way. I mean he might have a kid with her, but he’s marrying me.
My FI’s ex will not be at our wedding. We never considered inviting her. We do not socialize with her. They do have two children; he has custody. Obviously we have some interaction with her as regards the kids, but that consists primarily reminding her that she actually has obligations under the parenting plan - this or that holiday is designated as hers, for instance - and occasionally saying hello when she picks them up. Not often, as generally she waits in the car in the driveway. The relationship is actually amicable, in that we don’t argue, but neither he nor I see any need to pretend to want to spend time in her company.
Whether the kids would like her at our wedding is immaterial. We did allow them to specify a couple of close friends each to be invited. But really, it’s not their big party, and it’s not their guest list - it’s ours. Obviously they will want their mom to be at their own weddings, at that’s just fine.
If you happen to actually be good friends with your ex, I think that’s fine too. We just don’t happen to be - and also don’t feel any need to pretend to be. IMO its important for the kids that we don’t talk bad about their mom, and that we don’t try to compete with her for their time or affection. None of that makes it necessary for us to be friends with her!
On that note though, not sure FI would like the thought of my ex’s being invited.
my girlfriend’s ex-girlfriend from college will be invited, and we’re attending her wedding this fall as well. they’re really close friends, and i really like her as well. i can how how it depends on the relationship though - she has another (more recent) ex that i can’t stand and would adamantly *not* invite.
My ex is going to be my Man of Honour since we are still awesome friends and he and Mr. NSTAR are pretty awesome friends too! I’m a lucky girl!
I’m still friends with one of my exes, but there is no way in heck I would invite him. It would just be too awkward. BF hates most of his exes, so I’m not concerned there. 
I think if things are amicable all-around, then it’s not an issue. I think having 25 bridesmaids is way more of a big deal! Talk about overdoing it.
My dad wasn’t invited to my mom’s recent wedding, but his sister and mother were. My mom is still very close with both of them, and even calls my nana “Mom” (her own mother died when my mom was 24, over 30 years ago). Although my parents got divorced 17 years ago, they were married for 15 years before that and that resulted in strong relationships within the families. My mom visits my nana regularly, and she even lives a few doors down from my dad’s sister! (That was more of a coincidence, but nonetheless funny.)
Actually, we’re inviting one of my FH’s exes. She might be flying out from TEXAS to come to the wedding.
I’m a little weirded out - but what’s more “Oh honey, this is GAME OVER for you” than watching me marry him!?
if my ex owned an estate like Mar-a-lago and he offered it up, heck YEA!!
the bf has long since instituted the “no exes at the wedding.” he’s not in contact with any of his and my own friendships with my exes have since fizzled.
I sure would take him up on it!
My ex is coming to my wedding and his girlfriend is letterpressing all of our paper goodies. We’ve become close friends again after years of drama.
But my fiance is NOT inviting his ex because he’d rather never see her again. I think that’s perfectly reasonable, although I was tempted to send her a Save the Date Card anyway. Heh.
I’m still good friends with one of my exes, but he lives half a country away so it’s not like I socialize with him and his wife much. But he and I do catch up on the phone a few times a year, and let each other know about the big milestone things that happen in our lives. I went to their wedding, and will be inviting them to my wedding. I’m not sure that my FI is thrilled, but he won’t fight me on it (although I think he’s secretly hoping that they won’t be able to come). I do feel bad for Mrs. Ex, though, because Ex will know my friends from high school but Mrs. Ex won’t know a single person there other than her husband.
I’m trying to follow a strict budget for our wedding, so if someone offered me a great, free location I’d probably take them up on it (with some exceptions).
FI and I don’t have to deal with the ex situation since we’re each other’s first relationship — makes that easy to take care of ;). But heh, two of our wedding party are each other’s exes , almost four, but we nixed one of my bmaids’ exes off his list. That’s what happens when you all go to college together =). But yeah, thankfully we THINK they’re okay now…it only took forever and we were getting kind of concerned we’d have to keep them apart the whole time!
Kind of cool, those of you who are still friendly with exes and having them help in the wedding too!
His ex is a really good friend of both of ours. She took our wedding photos as a present. One of my exs was there too. It totally, totally depends on the personalities though.
at this point my ex is invited. it’s been a looong time since we were dating, and we’ve been good friends since then. of course, i haven’t seen him or talked to him very often in the past two years… so when guest list crunch time starts, he may still get the ax. of course if he was loaded and had a nice place, he would definitely be at the top of the list and sharing his good fortune with us :p
Absolutely not.
I don’t see what the big deal is. I’m very close with two of my exes and am excited for them to come. I dated each for several years, and they are very important to me. FI has met and befriended both. He never dated anyone seriously before me, but is inviting several female friends he hooked up with on occasion. It’s not like either of us is going to leave the altar and run down for a quickie upon seeing the ex.
I had two exes at our wedding, and he had one. One of my exes was singing for the wedding, too. We talk to these people every day, so of course they were going to be there.
Though one of my friends and her husband had the fun of leaving for my wedding just as one of my other exes (whom I met him through them) surprised them by showing up unexpectedly at their place fresh from the airport.
“Hey guys! Oh, you’re all dressed up. Where are you going?”
“uh…”
Mrs. Butterscotch, Seattle
Age and Occupation: 29, Advertising Sales Assistant
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 28, City Worker
Engagement Date: September 24, 2006
Wedding Date: August 11, 2007
Blogging Since: June 19, 2007
Venue: church ceremony and private club reception
About Me: I am marrying my high school sweetheart 11 years after high school ended! I am a self professed shoe fanatic with a closet full of shoes and only two feet. Planning a wedding has been my fun project since he surprised me with a proposal in Paris. We are spending our last few months preparing for our big day by wrapping up all the small things, buying a house and best of all preparing to live together for the first time.
She’s invited…I don’t care…they used to be good friends.
She wanted to be the “best woman”!