Mrs. Flamingo, Montreal, Canada
Age and Occupation: 25, Graphic Designer
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 30, Nursing Student
Engagement Date: December 2004
Wedding Date: June 21, 2008
Venue: Imperia Hotel (modern chic hotel)
About Me: I am a passionate designer who loves anything pretty. I heart all paper products (eco-friendly of course). My passion revolves around anything considered glamour; vintage and modern. In my free time, I love reading Martha mags, designing jewelry and making a pit-stop at Starbucks for a chai latte. I'm also a chocoholic at heart and my family drools over my homemade truffles.
To Dance Or Not To Dance
April 25th, 2008 @ 3:44 pm by Mrs. Flamingo
There will be lots and lots of dancing at our wedding because my whole family loves to bust a move. But there is one dance I’m debating whether we should do… the famous money dance.
” The concept of “Money Dance” is that the male guests pay for the privilege of dancing with the bride, and by extension, female guests pay for the privilege of dancing with the groom. The money is to be used for the bride and groom’s honeymoon or to give them a little extra cash with which to set up housekeeping. ” source
I think the time spent dancing with our guests will be very precious, and the guests who aren’t interested aren’t obliged to participate. On the other hand, I don’t want to seem greedy.
I’m really curious, how many brides-to-be are considering having a money dance at their reception? If you’ve done it, were you happy with the outcome? Were your guests offended by the thought of asking them to dish out some more money?
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100 Responses to “To Dance Or Not To Dance”
I think it depends on your guests and your family/friends. If everyone knows about it and every wedding you’ve ever been to has had one, I think you can get away with it as “part of your culture/tradition.” But if it’s unusual for your area/friends, a lot of people are going to be really confused about why they have to pay to dance with you.
Yikes. Unless it’s embedded in your family’s tradition, I would skip it.
It is definatly part of our tradition and I will be doing it. No “yikes” about it!
I’ve never heard of it so if I were a guest I think I might be offended. BUT if this is the norm for your guests, then go for it if you want to do it! Or at least make sure to explain it in a way that makes it seem special and not just a ploy for money. Maybe if you like it as a cute idea, you could give people monopoly money or some sort of favor they could trade for a dance?
Also, we call it the dollar dance, and traditionally it is just the bride not the groom. I was thinking about having him dance too just to make it go faster, but I am really looking forward to having 30 private seconds with each and every guest. So we will see.
I think it would be ok if done in a tongue in cheek way.
Maybe more like ‘Who wants to dance with the bride and groom?! Donations welcome!’ … with a bowl for people to chuck money into on the way to the dance floor.
That way people can give money if they want to (and the older generation who understand the money dance probably will), but the emphasis is on the dance, not the money.
This is something that my family knows about. The only issue here is that the last couple of weddings, they didnt do it because they were much older (my dad got married)
Its been done in my family before… but since its been a while I’m afraid I will offend people. Maybe I should do a general poll at home to be sure.
i thought it was a fairly normal tradition? i am pretty sure all the weddings i’ve gone to have done it and it was considered normal, not offensive.
but, along the lines of treating your guests as guests and not expecting them to pay for things, i guess it is kinda tacky.
I think it’s a fun idea. I say go for it. It’s not tradition in my culture, so I’m not having one. However, the first time I heard about it was at a friend’s wedding (both the bride and groom’s families are from Mexico). I asked what it was, whipped out my $ and ‘paid’ to dance with the groom, then ‘paid’ to dance with the bride.
At their wedding I would say 1/3 of the guests had no idea what it was. They just asked another guest- no confusion, no pressure. I think the guests that had never heard of it got more of a kick out it than the guests who were expecting it.
At a lot of weddings you barely get to talk to the bride and groom- just a quick hug on the receiving line. However, while you’re dancing they’re all yours! I think it’s a really fun way for your guests to get a minute alone with the bride and/or groom.
In some cultures, this is the norm. In general, though, for the typical American wedding it is considered “rude” and/or “tacky”.
If this is common amongst your friends/family, you can probably get away with it. But be aware that any “outsiders” at your wedding might find it offensive. This is one of those very sensitive/controversial issues, much like putting registry info on invitations or asking for cash in lieu of gifts.
Personally, I’d “just say no” to the money dance. =)
@lou: I like your idea… but I have to find another word than donation - otherwise they will think it will go to the breast cancer foundation (we are giving donations as favors)
I personally would never do this, my friend did it at her wedding though and everyone seemed to think it was normal and participated. I just think it does seem greedy, sorry, why can’t you just dance with them for free?
I would skip it. Personally, I resent the “shake down” for money after I’ve already given the bride and groom a nice gift and likely paid for transportation and lodging to attend the wedidng.
Just a follow-up of how I’ve seen this done:
It’s not like there is a bouncer on the dance floor collecting the money!
The way I’ve seen it done is that people tuck or pin the money to the bride and/or groom. Some guests get really creative- in pockets, on the veil, shaped as a bow-tie, etc.
I REALLY doubt that anyone would be offended. It’s done in a fun, playful manner.
I dunno, one of our friends did it at her wedding and my fiance and I thought it was really tacky. We were already shelling out buku bucks for the flights, the hotel, the gifts, all that stuff to be with them and celebrate their love….and now we have to pay to see the bride for only a few seconds? For those of us who don’t have any money it kinda feels insulting and a little hurtful. On the other hand, the bride made a lot doing it, and maybe getting your richer relatives to donate just a little more is worth it. You are giving a lot to put the whole production on anyway. But I hope our wedding will be more about the romance and love between people, not the money.
I think if you’re worried about offending people, then you know you might offend people, so you shouldn’t do it. Can’t guests dance with you anyway? I think it’s tacky.
Only you know your guests, so only you can tell how it will go down. Maybe when it is announced, make an emphasis on ‘the tradition’ of the dance, for anyone that might not have heard of it.
I think Janna’s idea of a token is a great one, if you wanted to do it for the dance rather than they money. You could have little tokens on the tables at dinner (like Mrs Lovebug’s charity tokens), with a note saying ‘to be traded for dances’.
Personally, I couldn’t do it, because I’d be terrified of being stuck on the dancefloor with no-one willing to pay to dance with me!
p.s. on a completely different note, did anyone see the ‘new look’ weddingbee a minute ago? Me not likey! 
@Miss Flamingo: ‘Contributions welcome’?
This is the first I’ve heard of it, and it sounds rather offensive.
My sister had it done at her wedding and this is usually not normal in asian cultures, but everyone had fun.. the MOH just mentioned that they’ll be having a little competition to see who raises the most money - the bride or the groom.. I think in the end, it’s always good to just have a few seconds dancing with your guests. It’s not everyday you do this anyways. I’m still debating for mine as well.
I’m from the Midwest and the dollar dance (as we call it) is very common, as far as my experience goes. We had it at our wedding and made it a contest. The loser had to cook the first meal and wash the dishes, as well. We had our maid of honor and best man collect the money. We had a lot of success with it and everyone had fun! I ended up beating my husband by $0.50, thanks to one of my brothers 
Its a tradition in my family to have a money dance. If we DIDN’T have one people would be freaked out lol. I am having one and I think it’s all in good fun. I would say if people in your family know what a money dance is all about then there shouldn’t be any problem. If there will be more people who DONT know what a money dance is at the wedding then maybe skipping it wouldn’t be a bad idea. But in the end if it is something you want, and you think it would be fun then go for it. Your family knows who you are and that you would never expect them to give you large sums of cash because you were greedy. The money dance is just another fun event at the wedding. Hope this helps and don’t stress over it too much.
:o)
I’m surprised by the negative reactions to this. It’s traditional in some cultures, and I think it’s close-minded to jump to a conclusion and call it tacky when you are unfamiliar with it.
People should open up and lighten up about cultural traditions other than their own.
Yeah, I don’t want anyone stuffing dollars down the front of my dress. Brings to mind something completely un-wedding-like for me. I first heard about this from our event coordinator, who had it on his list of things to enquire about (bouquet toss? garter toss? dollar dance?) and I had to have it explained, as I have never (in 40 years) been to a wedding that did this. So I’m going to say I don’t really think it’s done in any part of the country where I’ve lived.
@melbride: I like the whole competition aspect. Adds that extra fun.
My family takes part in anything really- I know I might offend one or two guests but majority will participate.
This is part of our family tradition, I will use it for my wedding. Whenever I go to weddings I love the dollar dance. I make sure I take cash with me so that I can dance with the bride and groom. I have a great time dancing with them To tell you the truth, it depends if your family is familiar with it. For those that have never heard of it well take it offensive. It’s called the “Dollar Dance” doesnt mean you have to dish out a large amount of money to dance, a simple dollar will do
Wow… I’m shocked at all the negative comments about this. The “dollar dance” is not a part of my family’s tradition, but I recently attended a friend’s wedding where both the bride and groom participated… and it was so much fun! I was not offended at all. Quiet the opposite. I was more than happy to shell out a few dollars for a moment on the dance floor with the groom. It’s really light hearted. And no one is forced to participate.
To Rosychicklet, YOU GO GIRL!! I felt upset with some of the negative comments as well. It is within my culture to do this and for others to say rude things about it broke my heart.
I’m also from the midwest, and I’ve seen the dollar dance at every wedding I’ve been to (and that’s quite a few weddings). A lot of times the parents (or other relatives) of the bride and groom will go around handing out dollars to people to go up and dance, so it’s not like the guests are actually even paying (although there’s definitely no requirement even/especially from the parents!).
The only thing I don’t like is when it goes on too long. I know everyone wants to dance with the bride and groom, but since no one else can really dance while you are out there doing the dollar dance it gets boring pretty quickly for the rest of the guests.
A contest would be a good way to liven things up though. And you could put a time limit on it - whoever raises the most in 15 minutes or 4 songs or something.
Anyway, I think most of my family and friends would think it a little odd if a wedding dance DIDN’T have a dollar dance. But what everyone wants to do is up to them.
I’ve heard of this before…my fiancé went to a Filipino friends wedding where the did this - as is customary for them.
I’m not big on asking for money for things I am inviting people too (this includes inviting them over for a party but asking them to BYOB…or having them pay for their meals at the RD etc)…but I do have a gift registry 
so to me it is kind of (I said KIND OF) in the same idea as this…imho
We’re not doing it because I’ve never seen it done at a family wedding. However, I think I would love to participate in this at somebody else’s…it is voluntary…and likely entertainment for many of the guests…often a Bride’s dance card is pretty full on her wedding day, so who wouldn’t love to have a little dance with her (and the groom too I say go for. Everyone attending your wedding is there for you and to celebrate you two. If they are being downers about it, that is there problem…but I doubt this will be the case…I say bring on the money dance!
PS I also love the idea of using monopoly money You might end up getting some real cash in the mix too
I don’t like the “it’s my culture so it can’t be tacky” excuse. Lots of cultures justify horrible things in the name of tradition, but that doesn’t make it right. If your guests are fine with it, whatever, but I think asking people to fork over more money after they’ve paid to travel to your wedding and give you a gift is tacky.
I have to say, it’s in my culture, but I still think it’s kinda tacky. I have never understood what’s supposed to be fun about it for anyone other than the bride and groom. Sorry!! If you’re looking for a “contest”, why don’t you just have someone keep track of how many people dance with each of you? Anyway, if there’s a risk of offending ANYONE, which it seems that there is, then I wouldn’t do it.
If you are uncomfortable with the money aspect, but want to keep the social aspect, could you give people tokens or something that they could use to “buy” dances?
We planned to do this at our wedding. It’s tradition and EVERY WEDDING I’ve ever been to has done this.
I have to agree that I thought it was rude for the people who are not familiar with the tradition within a culture saying “it’s tacky” “shaking down your guests” “they paid for a present why should they pay to dance with you, don’t do it”. I believe a simple yes or no etc, would have sufficied.
She asked for considerations and opinions of people who have done it. Which leads me to believe she was asking for people to answer who are familiar with the custom.
Okay I agree that things that are part of cultures and traditions should be respected, so to that end, I say to each his own! But for the people who see this as common and are upset by the negative comments, I think you also have to recognize and respect that for others, asking guests for money is uncomfortable and could feel tacky.
Also, even if this was part of my tradition, I would feel nervous that for the other 100 people not in my family, they could be a *little* put off. I just don’t think I’d do it unless it was really the norm in my family/area. But no offense to anyone else!
There is a tacky way to do things (all things - not just this dance) and a not tacky way. Just because the concept of the dance is foreign to people I think they assume that someone is going around to each guest asking them to pony up. No one makes guests get in line, and the bride and groom are around all night to dance with otherwise. It’s just a fun thing that some people do. A lot of people take the oportunity to take a break, get a drink, get some fresh air, or whatever. No one is making them get in line and pay money.
Usually, I’ve seen it as a show of support from the friends and family of the bride and groom that they know that a start to married life can be rough, and that every little bit helps. And if people are having fun, then that is the important part. Not if someone from a wedding board thinks it sounds tacky without having ever experienced it.
I think that was very well said Grace.
I’m sure it’s different with different groups of people–but anytime that I’ve seen money dances at weddings, I’ve specifically heard guests do some muttering… (even from guests who I normally think of as role models of graciousness, I was suprirsed!)
But I don’t think the “it’s traditional in some cultures” excuse holds up, if it’s *not in your* own culture. And BTIM, if it’s not traditional in your family or culture or you FI’s family/culture, but you choose to do it anyway–then it’s not about you simply following tradition. It’s about you making a choice, and choosing to deal with the consequences (positive & negative)
In the area i’m from, in the dollar dance, everyone pays a buck, dances with the bride, then gets a shot and joins hands dancing around a circle. (This is all to a polka playing in a continuous loop). Then after everyone’s done, the groom has to come in and get the bride - with the burly guys trying to stop him, kind of like a rugby scrum, except no one gets hurt. It’s my favorite part of the W. PA weddings I go to. The “pay-a-dollar-to-dance” thing, though, not as much fun.
Is $1 that much? It is such a little amount that I think it’s not even worth being offended over. And you don’t have to give if you don’t want to. I understand that some people find it odd. But it is a little upsetting to hear some people call one of the long standing traditions in our area, offensive, icky, and tacky. No-one is trying to offend anyone.
I’m sorry but I think it’s completely tacky. My DJ suggested this for my fiance and I and honestly, I would be absolutely mortified if we did that. I’ve never been to a wedding where anyone has done this and I’m glad about that. I just think it’s something you shouldn’t do. People are already spending money to come to the wedding and give you a gift….I think that’s enough to ask of them.
Grace, “tacky” implies something distasteful or offensive. Whether a person finds something distasteful or offensive may very well be based on what is culturally acceptable to them. It’s undeniable that cultural norms dictate what is appropriate. Hence the saying, “When in Rome…”
The dollar dance isn’t a ‘horrible thing’ and doesn’t require any justification. In pretty much every culture, if you are close enough to a couple and their family to be a guest at their wedding, it is polite to honor and respect their traditions: whether it be tossing the bouquet, giving a gift, bowing your head during a prayer…
… or in this instance pinning a dollar bill to the bride’s expensive gown!
Dani,
Thats exactly how we do it! Also, a piece of cake is given out. The father is the last one to dance with the bride before the groom takes her away. My fiance hates the carrying away part so we are saying that we are not going to do it. But I have a feeling when everybody automaticlly makes a circle around me he’s not going to have any choice!!!
Is this really offending people that others think a tradition is a little tacky? I’m sorry, I don’t want to be rude, but there are probably things we’ll do that other people would think were weird and vice versa, but that’s why not every wedding is identical. People have different cultures and tastes - I respect that some people like the tradition and want to do it and I would never stop anyone, but I think it should be equally respected that other people are uncomfortable with the idea.
Like, I hate the garter toss - think it’s weird and a little tacky, but tons of my friends have done it, and they wanted it/liked it/thought it was funny and I won’t want it. No big deal - no one’s up in arms because of different tastes or opinions on a tradition.
to clarify my post, my calling it tacky was not to attack (or show offense to) the tradition at all. i have participated in money dances and had a great time - i would never consider it offensive.
i guess i would just consider it tacky (maybe tacky’s not the right word… cheesy?) in the sam way that i personally don’t want to do a garter toss or other such things.
Did you participate in the bouquet toss, or sit back and say how tacky it is. I think to be at a wedding and complain about how tacky the dollar dance is, would be the tackiest thing of all!
I don’t know of any particular cultures this is specific to. The majority of the weddings I’ve been to have been people that I consider to be my own culture, and two of them, one cousin and one friend, did the dollar dance and I’m just not a fan even though I did pay the dollar and dance with each of their new husbands. They made it a competition and the MOH and BM wore aprons with pockets to collect the dough. I think I’ll keep it out of my wedding. But I do like the tokens idea that some have suggested. That might give guests that wouldn’t have normally asked for a dance the go-ahead, and it’s spread throughout the night rather than a few songs in a row. More personal, a nice chance to spend quality time with individuals rather than whole tables at a time.
I’ve only been to one wedding where this one done, but I think everyone had a lot of fun doing it! I’d never heard of it before, but was more than happy to chip in an extra dollar for my friends (it was called the dollar dance there as well). Also, we didn’t keep it segregated by gender: after I danced with the groom I jumped in line to dance with the bride for another couple of bucks. I’m pretty sure we’re going to be doing this at our wedding as well, simply because it was so fun to be so goofy for awhile.
Candi - yeah…he’s gonna have to do it. I’ve heard the key is to not let them twirl you, or you’ll get dizzy. hehe.
But I love that it’s just one big community moment, where you end up holding hands with the random person next to you, and it’s really the one moment at the reception where everyone who’s able to dance is joined together.
In a side note, i’ve never seen an internet discussion about this topic without some people calling it tacky. To each her own!
I have enjoyed the money or dollar or whatever dance at every wedding i’ve been to where they’ve had one (maybe 25% of them). However, just the fact that it causes this much debate makes me feel it is absolutely not worth it, and I will definitely not be doing it at my own wedding. If people want to give me money, they will slip it in with a card. If people want to dance with me, they will come up and just dance with me. So why bother?
I have not yet decided if I will do it or not. I’ve been to a lot of weddings that did it and a few that didn’t. It never came off tacky. There will always be a few pretentious guests who feel it is their right to judge the bride and groom on their wedding, but who cares! These are the same guests that talk about the ivory (not white) gown and how well the silver is polished. When I’ve seen it done the bride had a small sachel or purse that the guests put the money in — no money down the front of the dress. Also, in most cases the bride and groom are spending well above and beyond per guest the amount that the guests are spending on gifts. On average, a couple attending a wedding spends between $75 - $100 on a gift; whereas, the wedding cost an average of $100 per person! The dollar dance is a way to spend time with the bride (and/or groom), and let them know that you appreciate all that they have done to make the night happen. You give what you have — .50, a dollar, or $100 — no limit, no minimum. Perfectly tailored for each guest to share what they are willing to part with. (also, you can’t assume that every guest has paid for hotel and airfare)
Hmmmm… I didn’t really know about this concept, but I’m thinking it might be a good idea. However, I’d put a little spin on it and donate all the money to cancer research in memory of my fiance and I’s relatives who have passed away from the disease.
I’ve never been to a wedding with a dollar dance, so I couldn’t tell you if its tacky or not, but if you don’t care about the money, but treasure the time with your guests, could you do a “well wishes” dance, or something along those lines? You could hand out note cards that your guests could write a short, sweet note to then hand to you in lieu of a dollar, in exchange for a dance.
One suggestion to make the dollar dance seem less money-grubbing…why not donate the cash to your favorite charity?
Miss Flamingo-
Is it part of either of your actual cultures? If it is, by all means — go for it, but make sure it includes all the cultural aspects. It’s a big part of German/Dutch heritage, and it’s traditional for the Maid of Honor to wear a big kitchy-looking apron and stuff the dollars in the pockets of the apron. If you have some way to tie it into your culture, then do it.
If it’s just something that people have done in the past but there’s no explanation of why, I would skip it. I’ve been to weddings where there is no tradition and where bridesmaids actually walked around and solicited guests to dance by dragging them up there and going on and on about how the couple needed money for the honeymoon — I was truly repulsed with the display of greed. If there isn’t a clear reason as to WHY you would be doing it, I cannot imagine that anyone would miss the dollar dance.
As it is not a Jewish tradition, we are (quite happily) not having one.
I am familiar with it and I just don’t agree with it. I don’t think you should post asking about people’s opinion if you don’t want to hear both sides.
I had never heard of it until I went to a friend’s wedding in Iowa (I’m from MN). There is no way we’re doing it. FI has a couple creepy “friends” that we had to invite (long story). But yeah, I’d just feel way too uncomfortable.
My family’s Mexican and every wedding I attended while growing up had one. I don’t know about the rest of my family but I always looked at it as a way to spend some alone time with the bride and groom (albeit short), never really thought about the money. Oddly, my feeling now is that it is sort of gauche, and we’re not having one at our wedding in August - both because I no longer like the idea and because my fiance’s family would definitely be offended, though I think they know what it is. On a funny note, growing up it was always frustrating to walk up to the bride/groom and get like, 3 seconds with them before the next person jumped the gun and cut in. Then there was my Aunt Silvia who would refuse to stop and monopolized a whole song telling whoever she was dancing with how happy she was.
@Jem: I don’t know if this comment was directed to me… but yes I find it quite interesting reading everyones comments and the reason I posted about it - is because it is such a debate.
It is part of our tradition - more on my side then on Mr. Flamingos side and my family is used to the money dance. But the whole issue is a debat in my family as well… just wanted to have your thoughts on it.
@ JulieUlie: That’s interesting… I’m German, the hubs is Dutch, and neither of us had ever heard of this. I was so unaware of this tradition that when a friend of mine asked me (about a month before our wedding) whether I was doing a “dollar dance”, I honestly thought it sounded like being a stripper. Or a prostitute. Obviously, since this was so foreign to both of us, we didn’t do it.
Since our wedding I’ve heard of the money being paid to both the bride and groom, and other fun variations of it as mentioned above, and that seems much less icky to me. In fact, I can see the appeal.
I say if most of the people at your wedding are used to this tradition, go for it. I’ve never seen it done, but based on all these comments it does sound like it could be a lot of fun.
Though we don’t have a name for it, the money dance is done at a lot of weddings for people from my culture, though as mentioned earlier, money is PINNED to the gown. I’ve always said I don’t think I could do it because my beautiful gown getting ruined by all those pins, but we’ll see what happens by the time I go down the aisle (tape? haha).
I am though a bridesmaid for my best friend whose family is also in the tradition of doing a money dance and her family would be shocked if she decided to omit this from hers!
We’re not doing a wedding dance. I was in a wedding last summer and they did a “dollar dance.” Well, people kept lining up and it ended up lasting for at least 6 songs! People were in line so they didn’t want to stop and not let other people get their turn, but it was really boring for the rest of the guests who had already danced or weren’t participating. We just had to sit around and watch the never-ending dance (since the dance floor was reserved for the official dance). We wanted to get up and boogie but couldn’t. It never seemed to end!
I think you need to do what is best for you and your future hubbs. Honestly i never looked at the money aspect, more just a fun time to spend time with your guest : ). People get extremely riled up about all of this…. and honestly soooo many things can be “tacky” at weddings. Personally i think a cash bar is uber tacky but yet TONS of people still do it. Bottom line dont judge people with what they are doing at THEIR wedding!
Candi, I don’t know if you were referring to my comment or not (about garter toss) but if so, no - that’s my point. My exact point is that I would never be purposefully harsh on other people for something that is personally my opinion but I would also hope that they would never judge me for something that is my opinion. I think it’s equally rude to tell people they’re rude for having their own opinion about something. Maybe poster #45 was right - maybe tacky is the wrong word because it’s connotation is so so negative. But tons of people have commented that they think garter tosses are tacky, and I just don’t really see the difference. Aren’t there ANY wedding traditions you might think are a little gauche or that you wouldn’t feel comfortable doing??
Anyway, I don’t think anyone here is trying to offend the people who like money dances. It’s just that I would personally feel uncomfortable doing a money dance but it’s mostly because that’s not the norm in this area or in my family. That doesn’t mean NO one should do it…just opinions.
It’s expected in my culture to have the money dance. I personally don’t want it for the money (and it’s so time consuming), but I know for many of our guests, they will be prepared. It’s a chance to get some kind of one-on-one interaction with the bride and groom on their special day. I know when I participate in a money dance I just shell out a few bucks .. a dollar here and there .. whatever I can give .. it’s really not all about the money, but the hi and hello and the small time spent dancing with the bride/groom/guest. It’s a photo op for many guests. I also believe that a good money dance is when there is someone who keeps it moving, if you know what I mean. =)
One of the first weddings I went to had a “Money Dance”. The wedding guests were mostly of a much older generation (family and friends of the parents) and were very excited about this and knew exactly what it was. I was right out of college (same age as the bride and groom) and had no idea what it was along with the few people of my age group present. We all politely watched and cheered it on but didn’t participate as money was very tight (the donations being given were much more than a dollar and we felt uncomfortable).
A couple of years later at another friend’s wedding in the same area the “Money Dance” came up again. Most of the guests were of the same age group (mid-20s) and had no clue what was going on, so it was very awkward for the Bride and Groom who had very few people interested. Sadly, many people were also talking about how they felt it was in poor taste. I was friends with the Groom who later expressed regret in agreeing to do the Dance since neither family or friends were familiar with the tradition (it was suggested by the DJ).
So, I agree that it really depends on who you are (background, traditions, etc) and your average guest’s thoughts on the subject. You shouldn’t be trying to please all your guests, but you would hate to have an awkward situation for anyone (yourself included).
This is something so traditional in my [Midwestern, of German heritage] family that I think they’d be offended if we DIDN’T have a dollar dance (in an, “oh, you think you’re too good for that?” sort of way, which, sigh). My parents already about had a coronary when I put my foot down on nixing the garter toss tradition anyway, so I’ll probably end up doing it, even though it does seem a touch awkward to me.
Oh Sorry Flamingo, I was responding to April, comment #34, sorry!
Oooh, this is always a tricky one. If you’ve grown up with the tradition, it’s hard to understand why other people think it’s such a big deal. But a lot of people come from cultural backgrounds where they’re taught that it’s rude to ask for cash, and for those people, anything that involves the guests paying cash to the couple (like the dollar dance or Jack & Jill showers) usually seems weird and offensive. Your reaction depends almost entirely on what kind of culture you grew up in.
I say, go with your gut. If you think most of your guests will be wondering “hey, what happened to the dollar dance? I never got to dance with the bride/groom!” you should have one. But if you think most of your guests will think “They want money for a dance? I don’t get it,” then skip it.
You know, any time you start talking about money and cultire and tradition, people are going to give you an opinion. There’s no point in getting upset because somebody from a different culture or area of the country would find your tradition odd. And some cultures are just weird about money. I have friends from the East Coast who seem to think that asking how much money you make is perfectly okay, although I notice that some of them get upset if you ask how old they are. Every culture has it’s hang-ups, which is why people use terms like “tacky.”
Also I think that different traditions are more or less applicable depending on your age group. For instance, when I was in my 20s, my friends always tossed the bouquet and garter, and there was a whole crowd out to catch it, and we thought it was fun. Now we’re older, and there will be so few single people at my wedding that it seems rude to single them out. I don’t know that any of them would voluntarily get up there.
The dollar dance is similar. If you think that your guests are going to have a ball with it, you should definately do it. Personally I think that since I had never heard of it, my guests would think it was weird and possibly inappropriate (they’ve probably mostly never heard of it either). But that’s just us, and if this is a tradition in your family you totally shouldn’t let me affect your decision.
most of the weddings i’ve been too have been in my local area and the money dance was always a part of it and something the guests look forward to [i actually had a friend who was bummed because she forgot to get cash so so she could do the money dance]. its a great chance to grab a few seconds with the bride and groom. i don’t worry about what everyone else is giving; i just give what i can afford even if its only two bucks.
i agree with suzanno, it’s hard to say what’s tacky or whatnot on a board as universal as this because what’s commonplace in one area is not done in another. the best thing to do is talk with the people in your immediate area to gauge their opinions because they already know what is the norm.
My FI is Mexican and the money dance is a cultural tradition for his family. Much like Caity, if I chose not to do it, his family would probably be deeply offended and think I was snotty. I agree that it is rude and rather ethnocentric to call another culture’s traditions tacky. If you don’t want to dance, you don’t pay the money. There’s no pressure. It’s quite light-hearted. And in the end, one dollar is really not asking a lot. Like a previous poster said, the bride and groom spend far more per guest than the guests spend on them. And, as previously stated, it’s voluntary. In addition, if every bride was to tailor her wedding around what might offend someone at some point in the night, nothing would take place. Some people will be offended if you don’t have it in a church. Some people will be offended if you do a garter toss. Some people will be offended if you wear blue shoes. Give me a break. It’s your wedding and your culture and if your guests can’t respect that, they can dance their way out the door.
I am very familar with the dollar dance. In fact, most of the family weddings I went to growing up had them. I didn’t realize it was a tradition for some cultures until a few years ago. I just thought it was a reception tradition.
However, my husband and I didn’t plan to have it in our reception (not because we thought it was tacky, we just thought it was one more thing to do/worry about getting done).
But during our rececption one of our guests requested it. Our DJ asked if it was okay with us, because we didn’t talk about it prior. We decided to do it, and it ended up being one of the highlights of the evening. We got great pictures of the dances and everyone seemed to have fun.
So I think if you’re worried about how it will be taken by some maybe don’t plan to do it, but go with the flow of the reception. If it feels right, it feels right. And maybe you’ll be like us an have a guest suggest it.
And like other people have said, it’s not about the money, it’s about the little one on one time you get with your guests.
I did not read all of the comments to this, so I don’t know if this was suggested, but if you really want the sentiment of the dance but are worried about seeming greedy, you could use monopoly money or some other token instead of money.
i’m from the Deep South and it’s quite a tradition around here. like somebody else said, i haven’t ever liked the idea because money is pinned on the dress. however, i think most guests actually get a kick out of getting this dedicated time to spend a few brief moments with the bride to share congratulations.
I grew up in TX and had never heard of one until I was planning my wedding. That said, I would be offended if I attended a wedding where a money dance was held (clearly, we didn’t do one). But if it is a tradition that you’re family and guests are familiar with, then go ahead and have fun with it!! I firmly believe that ever family is different and should embrace their own traditions.
I still don’t understand why people can’t dance with the bride or groom without giving them money. At my wedding, I danced with lots of different people, as did my husband, and no one had to pay us. I’m not trying to sound snotty–I just don’t understand what the bride and groom are doing during the rest of the reception if they’re not dancing or chatting with their guests anyway.
I don’t think it’s greedy or tacky…just a little undignified. I’ve only been to one wedding where they did it, and it was clear that it was traditional for the family, but very foreign to the rest of the guests. I doubt anyone was offended, but a lot of people didn’t really expect it so they didn’t have many dancers for a while.
But at many of the weddings I’ve been to, they’ve done a wedding jam where people cut in to take turns dancing with the bride and groom. Most of my friends (and most of the guests at these weddings) are swing dancers and this is part of the culture. But it’s basically a dollar dance without the dollars. So maybe that could be the best of both worlds.
So where are you guys from that do not practice the dance? We have heard they do it in PA, Iowa, the South, and Mexico.
(I’m guessing CA, but you are so close to mexico you would think it would be common)
Candi, I’m from PA and I’ve lived and attended weddings in NJ, DC, VA, and CA as well–never seen one done, and never heard of it until seeing a post about it on TheKnot. I think it’s really hard to generalize, and it always attracts strong feelings on both sides–the anti-$ people always cry “tacky!” and the pro-$ people always cry “tradition!”
Clearly the anti-$ people are not likely to be attending the weddings of people for whom it’s always done, so I don’t see the big deal in arguing about it.
Candi-
In PA, it’s the central Pennsylvania Dutch/German heritage that does the dollar dance — though there are a lot of people that live in central PA that are not Dutch/German, so it’s certainly not a standard occurrence. I’ve attended weddings up and down the east coast from MA to FL, and I’ve only ever seen it done at one dance, but that is probably because my family is Jewish and it is definitely not a Jewish tradition.
Everyone is entilted to thier own opinions. Just remember, when going to somone else’s wedding, it is possible that you will encounter traditions that you have never seen before. Just remember to enter with an open heart, and never critize the couple because it is something you are not used to.
julieulie
I live in northeast PA and it is very common here also. I have also seen a post from someone in Western PA that said it is very common. (and no, it is definatly not jewish!!!! I have never been to a jewish ceremony and would love to experience one.)
@Candi1024: i’m from cali [bay area] and have seen and participated in every money dance at weddings i’ve attended here with couples across the racial/cultural spectrum. the only time i didn’t see a money dance was when i went to a wedding in michigan and one in cali but it was for an older couple who didn’t want to do one.
I am going to try and not be too redundant.
To answer your question, we are not having a dollar dance. Here are some things to consider:
1.) Will your guests even have cash? Of the 8 weddings we went to last year, I never brought cash (they were all open bars).
2.) Do you want things pinned on your dress? Money is also really dirty.
3.) How much time do you have. Of the weddings where I’ve seen this done, it got really boring, really quickly. If it lasts more than 3 minutes (and most are 15-30) it is ridiculously boring for your guests. My good friend wished she hadn’t done it because it took up so much time and in hindsight finds the dance to be tacky.
4.) Are you okay offending some of your guests? There will be some people at your wedding who will be offended; this is a divisive tradition so it is inevitable that there will be some guests that are put off.
5.) How big of a tradition is it? If it isn’t a huge tradition, then why risk offending some guests.
6.) Will people participate - I’ve been to weddings where like 3 people got in line to dance with them. I know some people have said that they’ve seen family members had out cash - I’ve seen it too - it is because people don’t get in line to dance with the couple, usually because they are put off by the tradition (see #4).
Finally, I just want to say that the Midwest is a region, not a culture. I grew up in North Dakota, Minnesota, and Wisconsin. I went to 8 weddings last year, only 1 had the dollar dance. Of all the family weddings I’ve been to, less than half have had the dollar dance.
Okay, one last thing, just because something is a tradition, doesn’t mean it isn’t tacky. It is traditional, in caucasian american weddings, to have grooms look for the brides garter and throw it. That is my culture - and it is tacky - and I’m not doing it. In American wedding culture you are also supposed to register for a bunch of gifts and have a “party” where people “shower you with gifts” - before coming to your wedding and then giving you more gifts. That is also super tacky, and I AM having not one, but two showers.
“Tacky” is in the eye of the beholder. In my eyes, there are lots of tacky things about weddings - like the dollar dance - and some of the tacky things I’m doing, and some I am not.
Just covered this topic in our Live Bridal Chat! The only consideration I try to make brides aware of is the time factor. If you sepnd 30 seconds each dancing with 60 guests total that is half an hour taken out of your wedding reception when no other guests will be dancing. If the number of guests is even higher it can grind the reception to a halt.
It is a wonderful tradition within some families and cultures but the time it takes can be a major bummer
I’ve only been to one wedding where it occurred at and the way they announced it was that the bride and groom had no money for a honeymoon(which they probably didn’t), so we were to “help them out” I would have done it if I had money, but I didn’t…
P.s. - that couple had a money “bag” so no pinning on the dress
This has always been a tradition in my family and I will definitely be doing the dollar dance at my wedding. I think it’s a great way for the guests to spend a little bit of time and get a dance in with the bride and groom, since they’re so busy throughout the day to spend any real time with their guests. Never really thought about it as being tacky since I’ve seen the money dance at almost every wedding I’ve been to since I was a little girl…only up until recently have I realized that that could be the perception…
I’ve seen it done at only a couple of the many, many weddings I’ve gone to. It totally depends on what people are expecting, as to whether it’s kosher or not.
I have lots and lots of out-of-town guests coming, and staying in the city is expensive, so I wouldn’t consider it (also since it’s not a tradition in my family). They’re spending enough money on me as it is (yes, part of agreeing to come to a wedding is sucking it up and paying for the hotel, the food, the rental car, etc., but I didn’t want the cost to be prohibitive).
That said, if your relatives are cool with it, do it.
Um if you want an excuse to dance with your guests, then ask them to dance don’t make them give you money on top of all that they’ve spent - I’ve seen it done and it seems so low class and tacky.
Not a fan. Haven’t read all the replies so I don’t know whether this was suggested, but how about a ‘wish dance’ if you don’t already have a wish tree type of thing? Guests who want to dance with you have to leave payment of a wish for you in a fishbowl.
I’m “familiar” with the tradition, but traditions have contexts. And unless you’re 19 and just moving out of your parents’ house, and therefore genuinely need people to pitch in to help you set up your household, you don’t hit up your guests for money at the reception. Same reason you’re not supposed to have a cash bar; you’re the hosts! No way would I participate if this was done at any wedding I ever attended.
If you must do this, I think you should find a way to adjust so you’re not literally taking up a collection (the tokens idea is cute). Or else say “No gifts, please” on the reception card. …And you know, I’d still roll my eyes, if only because watching the bride (and potentially groom) dance with their guests, one at a time, for at least half an hour is not my idea of a fun reception.
We are thinking about it because we want to spend time with our guests. It is also a major tradition in my mom’s family. As a child I remeber being given a dollar or two to go dancewith the bride or groom (We are not gender specific in our family, the wome often dance with the bride.)
Since I no longer live near home and my wedding will be my hometown there will be relatives that I see once a year if I am lucky. I think this is a great way to have a few private moments with as many of them as possible.
One side might be seen as tacky and could confuse people. The other side is neither of those things.
Your guests are already paying to fly out, stay in a hotel, and give you a gift. Do you really want to shake them down for more money?
This post has most defintely caused some commotion. The dollar dance is something that happens on my side of the family - but not Mr.F (since the last wedding they went to was in 1967)
We do not have any out of town guests. Were lucky to have all our family right here. Still not sure whether we will do it… but looking at everyones response, its really torn half way.
I dont think its tacky - well ok maybe a little but its the same for the removal of the garter and the garter toss. We will see…
This post has most definitely caused some commotion. The dollar dance is something that happens on my side of the family - but not Mr.F (since the last wedding they went to was in 1967)
We do not have any out of town guests. Were lucky to have all our family right here. Still not sure whether we will do it… but looking at everyones response, its really torn half way.
I dont think its tacky - well ok maybe a little but its the same for the removal of the garter and the garter toss. We will see…
[…] To Dance or Not To Dance by Miss Flamingo […]
As a Western Pennsylvania girl who is of German and Scots Irish descent, I just wanted to pass on this is a Slavic Polish tradition. My understanding is that it was a custom brought from the Old Country. Almost all the weddings that I have attended have had this custom at the wedding. Sometimes with a shot of liquor and sometimes without… Regionally, there are a lot of traditions that come from that area. It is fun to get to dance with the bride and groom. Most people know about this tradition, so it’s not a big deal. Some people chose this event to give their wedding gift of money. Normally a bridesmaid holds a white satin bag to collect the money. If your wedding is held in a location that this is the norm, go ahead and have fun. If it is part of your family tradition, everyone will understand. But if you don’t like the tradition, don’t do it, but make sure that you spend some quality time with each of your guests.
It is tradition where I come from ( Eastern Europe) to have money dance at/around midnight. Traditionally the bride changes from her white dress to traditional dress ( no longer worn every day it’s just a tradition) and older women ( usually these are now hired from folk group sing and welcome her among women ( she is no longer a girl). They trade her veil for a cap ( which married women used to wear ).
This is bride in her outfit: http://www.mojasvadba.sk/album/view.php?vImageID=800732&vReferer=%2Falbum%2Findex_weddings.php%3FvOrderBy%3D1%26vOffset%3D250
Following this she dances with her closest family - Mom, Dad, siblings, aunts, uncles etc and one of the women (traditionally it was God Mother) collects money either to apron ( it’s part of the outfit) or into hat or basket. The money is meant to help her start the married life.
Because it’s part of our tradition, guests who are invited to the wedding know to adjust their gift giving to account for money for this dance ( and no, it’s not called money dance, as that is just part of it, but not the reason for dance).
I say if this is custom where you come from, go for it and maybe include explanation in programs so that guests who are not familiar understand what is going on.
