Wedding Blog
When first faced with the task of planning a wedding, I honestly thought I could have a super fabulous wedding in San Francisco for 10k. After only a tiny amount of research, I discovered that I was seriously out to lunch. Most of the venues in San Francisco have rental fees upwards of 6k–which, in my fantasy budget, left us with only 4k to decorate and feed people. Not gonna happen. So the budget was re-evaluated, and I found much less expensive options for pretty much everything. But everything is still adding up, and recently I crunched some numbers and started to freak out a bit.
First, we added 20 people to the guest list. This was sorta-kinda necessary, as the 130 people we were aiming for only covered our families, but not our friends.
Second, there was the videographer, which we all agreed we should have, but we hadn’t budgeted for.
Third, there were the decorations–our flowers are WAY under budget, but we went with fancy linens and chivari chairs (which, as it turns out, we will now only get to split 2 ways, as the 3rd couple can’t afford them). All of this would have been fine, if it weren’t for the extra tables. The extra tables mean extra centerpieces and extra fancy linens, not to mention extra service staff.
I have a call into our coordinator, who will hopefully be able to cut some service staff and condense some tables. I hope so, at least. Thinking about money and/or the guest list are the two things I hate the most about planning a wedding. They both stress me out.
It seems like people say, “planning a wedding is stressful,” but for me most of it comes down to the guest list and the money. What do you hate the most about wedding planning?
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The budget and how quickly it’s going over…. I can relate with you Miss Cream Puff. Good luck with getting your tables condensed!
I feel you, Miss Cream Puff. My fantasy budget was quickly blown to a million pieces soon after I started planning my wedding.
I hear ya. Budget and trying to please others have been my two biggest stressors about planning a wedding. All the other stuff — managing details, vendors, deciding on things, etc — has been pretty easy (so far!).
I think on budget expectations vs. reality is that so much of what you hear about regarding “average” budgets don’t usually include EVERYTHING you have to pay for when it comes to a wedding — for example, rings and honeymoon commonly don’t count toward the “average cost” calculations, but are definately 2 things that have definately impacted our budget in a HUGE way.
i am with you Puff, had a budget breakdown for sure. i feel that (no offense to these brides) if my parents handed me a BIG OLE check then the wedding would be such a breeze! Its the money restrictions that make me lose my mind with trying to DIY EVERYTHING : (…. we are still way under the average for our area, but still its ALOT of money$$$.
I am just starting to really deal with it and I already hate the $ issue! X cost $$ and Y costs $$ and we have to invite so & so which means more of X & Y which means more $$. It is enough to make me want ot elope, which I have suggested many times.
I want the big wedding and I love the idea of all of the planning and the party and seeign all fo our family and friends but the whole $ thing makes me crazy! I don’t know where we are going to get it all and they nubers just keep adding up!
I am right there with you and in the same boat( literally, I also live in SF!) so I get it. I most definitely love planning all of the fun details and putting my stamp on it, but whenever I choose something I like, and find out the price it almost brings me to tears. Recently, someone told me to not tell the caterers that we are having a wedding, but a big party instead to save money, but this seems so far-fetched. I am working a second job this summer to help pay for it all…
Right there with you as well. Guest list and budget- both ever-expanding and both make me lose it 
Great post! I think the thing I hate most is money, which is related to the budget. I don’t mind our actual budget, because it is what we can afford and we’re making it work. But I think if there was unlimited $$$, planning the wedding would be all fun and no stress.
yes, i hear ya! we set a budget and i intend to stick with it as much as possible. so far, we’re doing well. the key, IMO, is negotiation. i practically negotiated everything and anything. some of the vendors, after signing the contracted, wondered why and how they agreed to the price in the contract when it’s obviously below what they normally charge. if someone has a good reputation and does great work but charges more than i budgeted for, i always tell them how much i would like to hire them, but couldn’t because of $$. most ppl are willing to work with me (they probably feel bad for me, hahaha, one or the other). always try to have a conversation with them about prices! maybe that’ll help with the stress!
i HATE the BUDGET! It restricts me in so many ways and makes me research far and beyond for items that I can just easily buy if I were able to afford it at regular price.
I have found almost everything stressful. When does the fun begin? 
Keeping everyone happy has been hard and paying for everything ourselves is far. We planned a small destination wedding for 50 people as our families are in diff countries but we are STILL over the average wedding cost.
My dress, rings, honeymoon, BM gifts, and all the little extras are not even included in the budget.
Another San Franciscan here . . . definitely the money — it’s the only aspect of wedding planning that has truly stressed me out. We are getting help from both sets of parents, which is absolutely lovely of them (and so far with no strings attached — we’re very lucky and make sure to tell them how thankful we are as much as possible) but we are still going to be dropping a huge amount of money personally on this event. The total amount makes me feel sick to my stomach when I think about it. On the other hand, I wouldn’t change our venues or our plans so far . . . so I I probably need to get over it. We will not have to go into debt (though my savings will go down) so I should just be thankful we can make it happen. I just still feel guilty!
I went through the same sticker shock… except I started with a dream budget of $5K! Ouch!
I’m a penny-pincher by nature, so I don’t mind a budget, but I do have period panic attacks about the amount that we’re spending. We are planning a wonderful wedding, but keeping it relatively modest. I keep thinking - for what we are paying, shouldn’t we be getting MORE? Like a national holiday or something?
Aside from money, the guest list has been a little stressful. And by “guest list,” I mean letting go when my fiance wants to invite his friends that aren’t - ahem - sophisticated, or mentions that his family typically “doesn’t get dressed up” for weddings. Arg!!
Putting the guest list has been the single most stressful part.
My husband still reminds me of how I once told him we could have a nice wedding in Miami for 10K for 150ppl. Ignorance wasn’t very blissful though.
Definately the money and the guest list. I feel Ms. Jadey - trying to make your dollars stretch forces you to spend sooo much time hunting for a deal. And I still became the bride that I never expected to be….don’t really know how much we actually spent on our wedding. Last minute this, family requesting that, unexpected guests…made our original $5K budget look like a joke. My mom asked me that very question the other week, and I told her I had no idea, and don’t want to know just yet.
def. Money! I had budgeted $$$ when in reality all the little things seem to be adding up to $$$$$!
It’s scary!
Guest list and budget, for sure!
Oh man.. no money, mo’ problems for sure :\
Budget. i actually have enough space for everyone that wants to show. it’s just MONEY that drives me nuts and cutting back for things you just shouldn’t have to cut on.
The budget and the guest list. We have this strange situation where my FH’s mom and my family are both contributing monies to the wedding, and FH’s mom is willing to spend spend spend, but that doesn’t make me stop stressing about how much we’re spending! And the guest list, oh, the guest list has been a nightmare. I get tense just seeing the word written. When our already married friends said it would be the worst when we first got engaged, my FH and I naively laughed, thinking “our families will be reasonable! this will be easy!” - um, we were WRONG.
Oh! Also! I am trying to do some crafty things and I’m not particularly crafty nor creative. So thinking about how I’m going to make everything cohesive and look pretty and put together and do it myself and buy paper and print things in the right font and blah blah blah stresses me right out. I’m pretty sure that my FH thinks I’m insane, and I so desperately want to be a crafty DIY with grace and beauty bride, but to be honest, I suck at it and it stresses me out.
practically every tear I have cried has had to do with money. i definitely feel as if this process would be sooo much more fun if money was not such a restricting factor for us.
whoever said “this is the best time of your life” obviously had their parents footing the bill……
The budget was my biggest stress, especially at the end. Some ways we cut costs were having 10 people to a table (even though everyone said we should only have 8), so less centerpiece, linens, etc. I think this made people more social and get up and dance more, which is what we wanted. We also did not hire a videographer and instead asked for a nice video camera as a wedding gift and had our good friend shoot the ceremony and first dances/toasts. So far, we do not regret that at all. Also, we kept flowers pretty simple. Our centerpieces were fairly simple (submerged flowers in vases) and bouquets were smallish. One last thing, we ended up having at least 10 people in the last few weeks not be able to come bc of illness, family emergencies, etc. so that cut our list a bit at the end.
Good luck!
My Mom has been the absolute worst part of the wedding planning. I can’t begin to describe how hard she has made this wedding, I have had nightmares at least once a week for the past year and a half about the wedding and she has caused every single one of them. She has tried to emotionally black mail me every single step of the way.
I can’t wait until this is over!!!!!
I got married last June here in New York City. We were able to have a very nice wedding for 100 guests for just under $15K. It wasn’t easy but we managed. I did a ton of shopping around and as much as I could myself (programs, seating cards, church decorations).
What did I hate most about wedding planning? The worrying about money and the dress fittings! I live in NYC but I am from Boston and my mother insisted I had to get my gown there. That meant near weekly 600 mile round trip journeys for fittings. It wasn’t fun! Good luck to you, I’m sure you’ll end up having a beautiful wedding!:-)
I am not a detailed person. I’m great with the big picture, but wedding plannings involves minutae on a daily basis. Can’t wait for it to be over!
As another SF bride, I had to laugh. I, too, thought I could get away with a budget of $10K for a lovely wedding. Of course, the venue alone is close to half that. Thankfully, the future in-laws stepped in and are taking care of the venue rental so we can feed people in style. Keeping to a small invite list is helpful, but not realistic for everyone.
Sometimes I feel like I’m in perpetual sticker shock!
Guess I’m with the crowd on this one…budget and guest list - though I would say guest list a little more than budget right now…
@Sue Walsh: just curious — what venue did you use for your reception? Was it in Manhattan, on a saturday? I’m just curious how you pulled it off for 15k!
Does anyone ever feel like weddings can be an excessive waste of money? I mean, when you get bogged down with all the planning and details, it can be hard to take a step back and ask yourself if all the money is worth it? Don’t mean to be a hater, but I just wonder if other brides sometimes wonder if all this stress is worth it? Eloping kind of sounds nice to me, even though it would be sad to leave people out.
If I had it do all over again I would sooo elope. At this point the wedding is something I look forward to being done with.
I hear ya! I do enjoy planning but some of the stuff is just like, we are paying how much for that?
I just keep thinking that this is our day and trying to keep it within our budget of $10K….but it’s getting up there!
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Mrs. Cream Puff, San Francisco Bay Area
Age and Occupation: 25, Illustrator
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 31, Merchandise Planner
Engagement Date: May 27, 2007
Wedding Date: August, 2008
Blogging Since: February 7, 2008
Venue: Ceremony at Crissy Field and Reception at the Green Room
About Me: I never dreamed about my wedding as a little girl because I was too busy playing in the mud or pretending to be Martha Stewart–but now that it's here, I'm having a fabulous time DIYing everything in sight! We’re planning a very fun multicultural wedding (I'm Jewish and Mr. Cream Puff is Chinese), filled with as many personal details as I can muster.
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