Mrs. Gingerbread, Vancouver
Age and Occupation: 32, Psychologist
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 33, Software Engineer
Engagement Date: Sometime in the fall of 2004
Wedding Date: July, 2008
Blogging Since: March 24, 2008
Venue: Rainforest wedding, beachfront restaurant reception
About Me: I recently moved to Canada from Southern California. Trying to plan a wedding in a new city, not to mention a new country, is tough, but the fact that we can get legally married here more than makes up for it! The wedding will be an opportunity for most of our family and friends to see our new city for the first time so it will be both a wedding and a reunion. Besides my future wife, I am also madly in love with a good bargain, Swedish pastries, Tivo, and my two dogs and calico cat (in no particular order).
I Can’t Wait To Call Her My Wife!
May 7th, 2008 @ 5:46 pm by Mrs. Gingerbread
Last weekend we met with a new vendor. Since I’d been doing all of the email communication with this vendor, I introduced Miss GB 2.0 when we met and said, “This is my partner.” I thought that made it pretty clear. I even crossed out “groom” and wrote “bride” on her form. Miss GB 2.0 and I chatted with the vendor for 15 minutes to plan the details of her involvement in the wedding. When we were saying our good byes the new vendor said, “So what are you? Best friends?”
I guess the word “partner” confuses people. Like maybe she thought I meant that Miss GB 2.0 is my business partner, my yoga partner, or my partner-in-crime? I guess this is why folks in the 70s used the term “lover.” It’s harder to misconstrue that one. I probably should stop saying partner and start saying “fiancee.”
When the vendor finally realized her mistake, she was very enthusiastic about the fact that we we are getting married, but this just reinforces for me how nice it’ll be when I can start introducing Miss GB 2.0 as my wife. I think people will know what that is.
24 Responses to “I Can’t Wait To Call Her My Wife!”
You can introduce her as your fiancee!
I’m always horribly confused by the term “partner.” It’s used (appropriately) for so many relationships. I’d use “fiancee” for now and “wife” later!!
…I can hardly wait to call my fiance my “husband.” I haven’t gotten accustomed to using “fiance” outside of wedding planning, and “boyfriend” just doesn’t sound committed enough. I’d totally use “lover” if it didn’t seem to creep people out!
I like to think of you two as crime-fighting partners, Starsky and Hutch/Cagney and Lacey/Booth and Brennan stylee 
I think it would be lovely to introduce her as your fiancee though … just think, you’ll never be able to use that phrase again come July.
p.s. I’d be a bit worried about that vendor’s attention span if I were you - what did you think you’d been talking about the whole time? Or did she just think Miss G.B. 2.0 was a real control-freak of a friend?!
I think I may just have to start referring to my fiance as my partner-in-crime! Definitely use fiancee - no ambiguities there - and switch over to wife after the big day.
Partner is not a bad term, but as you found with your vendor, it is perhaps a bit more open to interpretation than you’d like.
I have a friend who calls her long term bf her “honey.” Which I always thought was a cute compromise between bf and partner. Not quite the same as fiancee though.
I HOPE people will know what wife is! 
I refer to Mr. Cream Puff as my partner. I think it confuses people, but I think that’s kinda funny.
I’ll take this one step further: everybody knows (and it is absolutely demonstrably true) that vendors mark up prices for weddings. The fact that our “wedding” has “quotation marks” around it for many people, makes me really angry - especially if calling it by that name means we pay more for the DJ, transportation, and flowers.
I am resolutely opposed to calling it a Commitment Ceremony (n.b., Eff you, Knotzis), but I feel robbed if I pay wedding prices when our ceremony lacks the legal and social standing of straight marriages.
Whenever a vendor asks me “what kind of event” we’re having, I want to say, “Please send me your voting history of the past 5 years, and then I’ll get back to you.”
On the other hand, maybe I can think of this as winning little political victories, $200 at a time.
@Emerson: Your comment reminded me of a conversation that I was having with my partner/fiancee/BFF last night. I was asking her what she thought the officiant should say instead of “I now pronounce you man and wife.” I said that I wanted her to say, “I now pronounce you legally married.” Miss GB 2.0 said that sounded unromantic, but I am big on being declared legally wed! Maybe instead of “just married” on the outside of our get away vehicle (which we aren’t even having), it should say “just LEGALLY married!”
Another somewhat related story…when my mom was here helping me look for a florist she suggested that we not mention that it was for a wedding to avoid the mark up. I insisted that we tell her it’s for my wedding. I guess I’d rather be charged wedding prices than have anyone imply (even for cost reducing purposes) that what we are having is less than marriage. But in the case of same-sex couples marrying in places that don’t legally recognize them, I can see how this is just adding insult to injury.
I always refer to my better half as my fiance or girlfriend or my wife already. Something about partner never really did it for me.
We were laughing about the episode of the LWord where one of the characters would say, ” Hello, I’m Cindy and this is Ana my lover.” We still crack up about that imagining the look on peoples faces if we were to say, ” Hello, my name is Myisha and this is my lover Porsche..” Okay, I’m rambling now but I do prefer wife or girlfriend over partner.
Don’t even get me started. EVERYONE always asks ‘are you guys twins or just sisters?’ I hate it. So much. Even when I said ‘were getting married’ and pointed to both of us, someone asked ‘oh a sister joint wedding? thats cute’ noooooo!!! I’m very excited to intro her as my wife. That will kill the sister act.
Defintely introduce her as your fiancee! After 11 long years of dating I was thrilled to be able to call my boyfriend my fiance, and 11 months after our wedding we still get a thrill when we introduce each other as our husband/wife!
P.S.- Sorry for the double post-made a typo in my url in the previous one. Feel free to delete it!
I’ve always hated the word “partner” - it feels so cold… AND, I’ve made the opposite mistake - assuming a relationship when the people were actually just business partners. Hehehe. At least it wasn’t a gaffe I made in public; I only realized it after the fact and hadn’t made any leading comments. Phew.
So, yeah, I would use fiance. I think it would feel wonderful to say (it does for me).
Oh Kelly we get that a lot too. “Are you guys sisters?”
I call my fiance “partner” and probably will after we get married. It does confuse people though … especially since his name is Kelly.
He he how exciting! (I am so excited about ‘husband…’ just so I can ditch ‘fiancé!’)
Hee hee, funny story The word partner is confusing to everyone…no one wants to automatically assume you’re a couple if you say partner, yet its probably the first thing they think. I hate the word Fiance, so I usually say stuff like “husband to be” or…gasp…I actually still use the word “Boyfriend”. I’ll be glad to be married! Husband/wife rolls off the tongue much easier!
A lot of same sex couples use the word “partner” to indicate the seriousness of the relationship. “Girlfriend” has problems since then they think she’s just your friend who is a girl. Miss GB 2.0 has a name that doesn’t automatically shout “I’m a girl!” so when I tell people “my fiancee, GB” they assume I’m talking about a man. I think I’ll start saying “my wife-to-be.”
@kelly: Ugh, sisters, that sucks.
I was in China visiting relatives over the holidays and everyone refers to their spouse/fiancee/gf/bf as “lover” or “love-person” to be literal. The first time I heard it, I was taken aback by the term. But it was used pretty widely and seems to cover all types of relationships.
They also used the term “friend” to ask if you have a girlfriend/boyfriend, e.g. I got a lot of questions asking if I had a “friend”? At first I was like, of course I have friends!
I like the word “partner.” I want a partner in living and experiencing life, so I happily call my sweetie Brian my partner. I used to live in England, where EVERYONE - gay, straight, whatnot - calls their significant other their “partner.” This was really common in people from their late 20s and up. I guess boyf/girlf just loses its charm after a while… partner rules.
For my heteroprivileged wedding in NY (which did just recognize out-of-state gay marriage, hurrah!) I call my intended the following:
lover, partner, fiance, intended, betrothed and beau.
After my great queer artist past I fell madly in love with a conservative straight man who’s been a prince this whole time.
There’s been a lot of getting used to. I’ve sent engaged gay friends wedding guides and then apologized for all the heterosexism, and I’ve had quite a few friends criticize me for my decision to get married when it still isn’t available to everyone.
We do our best.
Your vendor seems a little thick.
I can’t stand the word partner but fiance always reminds me of that Seinfeld episode (”where is my fiance? have you seen my fiance?!) and girlfriend just seems wrong. I say future wife if I think it needs clarification but otherwise just stick to her name and let others figure out the relationship.
Coming out to vendors is always a treat though, we have had a slew of different responses. The first florist we went to said to me “oh is this your MOH?” and when I responded that she was my future wife the woman totally fell over herself saying “OH! I’ve done TONS of gay weddings!” (no you haven’t lady - if you had, you wouldn’t be shocked right now).
One sidenote though, I have a few hetero friends who refer to their spouses as “partner” because they prefer the gender neutral term but I’m with you in my excitement to be legally allowed to use the word “wife”!
@Myisha: I call my future wife “lover cindy” after that L Word. It cracks us up every. single. time.
partner is a tricky word, but of all them out there, it seems to be the best option that i can think of.
as frustrating as it is, it’s almost as if the point of it is to be confusing. b/c really, the whole benefit of partner is that it is gender-nuetral and forces people to rethink or not assume the gender of your partner (or make assumptions about your sexuality based on the gender of your partner).
i love it when straight people use partner b/c the more people hear it, the more normalized it will become.
How about my “better half” or “soon to be wife”. I’ve heard both sexes refer to the soon to be wife in that way.
