Wedding Blog
With only a little over three weeks left until the wedding, I have uttered my share of swear words. But none, in my mind, is so vile, so awful, so MEAN as this one:
Bridezilla.
*shudder*
It makes me cringe. Thus far, I have been called a bridezilla twice, and both instances with forever be ingrained in my memory.
On the first occasion, I was on the phone with my mother. It was 5 days after our RSVP deadline. We had been able to track down loose responses from all of our delinquents except for one cousin, who had asked my mother: “Would she rather I say yes, and possibly not come, or say no, and possibly show up?” When my mom relayed this message, I think I said something along the lines of, “Neither. Is she *swear word* kidding me?” Well, apparently said cousin’s “life is in flux,” to which I responded, “If she doesn’t care to figure it out, then she doesn’t care to come.” In the midst of my yelling, my mother said to me, “Oh Becca, just calm down and stop being such a BRIDEZILLA.”
*gasp*
The second occasion was yesterday. Mr. BG’s cousin’s husband has AMAZINGLY generously agreed to do our photography. He, however, refused to accept payment. So in lieu of payment, we got him two gift certificates… the amounts of which Mr. BG and I disagreed upon. When Mr. BG went to buy the gift certificates yesterday, he got them in the amounts he wanted. When I began to freak out on the phone about not compromising with me, I believe he said, “god, chill, BRIDEZILLA.”
*twitch*
Somehow, it sounds even worse when it’s not preceded by “being a” - like you’re not just acting like one, but it has become you. It’s awful.
So what do you guys think - can we ban this word from existence? What are your “bridezilla” stories?
|
Share this post: Pardon My French
FI called me a “bridezilla” once at the very beginning of all the planning over the reception location. I was very determined NOT to be a bridezilla during all the planning so when he said it I kinda freaked out and made it clear that you can tell me to relax, tell me I’m being a baby or whatever (if in fact I really am) but don’t EVER call me that “other b word”.
He hasn’t since then but I also don’t think I’ve acted like one either. So maybe we both got it out of the system early. 
I think its gonna be hard to get rid of the word altogether with shows that kinda promote it and some women who treat it like its a “power” word.
The word should be gone and I do not think it was terribly nice or sensitive of either your mother or you fiance to call you one… even if they didn’t mean it. Although I do think the word is vile, I did use a variation of it in reference to myself. I kind of had a freak out about two bridesmaids not getting along and maybe rambled off a not so nice email to them to which I immediately apologized for “bridezilla-ed-ing” on them. I picture “bridezilla-ed-ing” as a form of vomit but made totally of rose petals and tulle……..
I really hate the term, too. People fail to realize the difference between behaving the way you normally would (i.e. getting upset when someone fails to RSVP on time, and complaining to someone else — I do that for a housewarming party) and turning into a Bridezilla (i.e. picking up the phone and calling your cousin and screaming at her “Are you BLEEPING kidding me?”).
My mother has been calling me one ALL THE TIME to talk about other people, and then they come to me and ask me why I’m behaving so awful, and it has made me cry at least twice a week. I’m so sick of her talking shit about me, and it’s not deserved at all! To me, a Bridezilla is someone who makes someone else’s life miserable because of demands. Just because I am making the programs myself, etching glass myself, etc. does NOT MAKE ME A BRIDEZILLA BECAUSE I AM ASKING FOR HELP FROM NOT ONE SINGLE OTHER PERSON! Nobody else has been dragged into this!
I’m so upset with my mother (she sends out weekly emails to all her friends about how miserable and controlling and bridezilla I am) that I made an absolute PROMISE to myself that I needed a BREAK and I was not going to speak one word to her for 30 days after the wedding. It was time to cut ties, because I’m sick of her making me out to be a horrible person, and I’m not. I’m not perfect, but I am NOT a bad person. But then my mother found out that she has to have a hemicolectomy the week we get back from the honeymoon, and I really would be a bad person to not talk to her when she’s undergoing major surgery, so my plan is out the window.
Oh, I hate that word! It’s so hurtful. There were seriously decisions I didn’t make about my own wedding in part because I was so afraid I’d get called “the b word”.
I think I’ve said this before on this site, but I’ll say it again: you’re working full-time, maintaining a relationship (or, hey, several, if you also care about friends and family), planning a major life change and a huge party that you’re essentially expected to work out all by yourself, and you’re not allowed to get stressed about it? Or even tense? Who can do that? But if we’re not all perfect Stepford-Wife robots we get called this nasty name.
Yes, please ban it. And maybe mention to your mom and FI just how harmful that word is, like thepinkestpainter told her FI.
the word is uncalled for and should be banned!!!
an unspecified relative of mine once called me a Bridezilla at a family dinner (i believe the slanderous comment was prompted by a discussion of my “no children at my Saturday night wedding” policy). i stood up, turned around, walked out of the restaurant, hopped in cab and went home. (happily, Mr. Daisy did leave with me).
i have zero tolerance for that kind of bs. for reals. the name calling thing is so childish! (and completely unlike my mature action of leaving a dinner-in-progress, of course).
I am so sorry, you do NOT sound like a bridezilla at all!
My mom and my brother each called me a bridezilla. My mom thought I was being one when I refused to amend the guest list to include certain people (My Step-dad’s step-mother’s step-child…follow all that….called and was upset she was not invited….I had never met her!!! I put my foot down), and when I wanted to have both my step dad and my dad walk me down the aisle (Messy divorce). My brother thought it was appropriate the day before the wedding when I found out the tux shop had given all the men BUBBLEGUM PINK ties to go with their black tuxes…wouldn’t have been so bad if the rest of the wedding wasn’t BABY PINK…I started crying, he told me to stop acting like such a Bridezilla, and that he would fix it because he feared for the tux shop… I was so mad….
Anyways, I don’t think you are being unreasonable, obviously, everyone views stress and handles stress differently!
@julieulie:I’m very sorry your mother is treating you this badly 
I know you were just venting but this is probably something you should talk to her about.
Wow, JulieJulie, so sorry to hear this story. And sorry about what your relationship with your mom is going through. From your explanation, you have been anything BUT a brideszilla. I cannot fathom why your mom is calling you one.
But she is calling you controlling, and I wonder if deep down, she does want to help, in her own way. Is there anything you don’t really care so much about how it turns out that you can let her handle her own way? If not, that’s okay, because at least you are not demanding anyone do things your way and are willing to do it yourself.
I hope things get better, and suggest a mini-break BEFORE the wedding, like maybe only talk to her about the wedding ONCE a week or so. I agree with you about being there for your mom while she goes through her surgery and recovery.
Thank you so much for this post Miss BG!! I’ve been one big stress ball at my desk all day today due to my fear of being called the “b word.” I hate that it happened to you but, I’m glad to know I’m not the only one bothered by it.
I don’t think others realize how personally some brides may take that word.
And I agree with julieulie 100%–why are you a bridezilla if you are reacting the same way you would in any other social situation?
I’ve always been opinionated, it’s not news to anyone who’s ever met me. But if my opinions are wedding-related all of the sudden it’s bridezilla behavior?!
Oh, and to answer the general question regarding “Bridezilla” I find that word offensive and sexist.
True, a lot of PEOPLE getting married think that the world should suddenly revolve around them, which I do not agree with, but that has little to do with gender. It’s the sexism that offends me about this term.
This is the equivalent of saying “Don’t mind her, she must have PMS.” Instead of people addressing the disagreement and the opposing point of view and discussing the matter, people wave off your argument with the assumption that you just can’t see reason. It’s disrespectful and mean and if anyone ever said that to me, we’d have a long conversation about how I deserve to be treated by my family and friends.
You might be able to tell this is a hot-button issue with me. =)
A friend of mine was called the b-word by her brother, a groomsman, who had not yet ordered his tux a few weeks before the wedding. When she e-mailed him to remind him that the tux orders needed to be in X days before the wedding, and he only had Y days left, he responded, “I can’t believe you’re counting the freaking days. You’re such a bridezilla.” She was really hurt by the comment. Knowing her wedding date and having the ability to count does NOT equal a bridezilla!
Most of the time, people just throw the b-word around to try and guilt the bride into doing things the way they want. “You want chocolate cake? But I only like lemon cake. You’re such a bridezilla!” Sometimes it seems like any woman who dares to have an opinion about her own wedding is slapped with the b-word. I’m all for a ban!
@LaborDayBride: @<a “I picture “bridezilla-ed-ing” as a form of vomit but made totally of rose petals and tulle……” that totally made my day. lol.
@akimbo: Haha, funny you should mention that, Akimbo! Since we’re having hydrangeas for the BM bouquets, and they do’t do so well out of water, I wanted to make similar silk bouquets to use for our outside pictures around the city so the real flowers would be fresh for the ceremony. I was visiting home for the weekend and took advantage of the nearby Michael’s, and went to buy the silk flowers. My mother offered to make the bouquets, and I thanked her but told her I didn’t want to burden anyone else with my projects. She started throwing a temper-tantrum in the middle of the store (screaming, wailing, I thought we were going to be kicked out!) about the fact that I’m so f-ing controlling, don’t let my parents do anything, haven’t included them in any wedding related tasks (definitely not true), etc. I apologized right away, told her I just didn’t want to burden her but if she wanted to help with the fake bouquets, I would really appreciate it.
Sure enough, a week later she sends out the “My Daughter, the Bridezilla” email to all her friends, in which she bitches and moans how I MADE her make the bouquets, she doesn’t know anything about flower arranging and she asked me not to do it but I told her she HAD to, I’m such a horrid person, etc etc. WTF? And of course immediately I got emails/phone calls from her friends about my unacceptable behavior and how disgusted they are with me and how I have been acting so out of character lately.
Obviously, she just wants to be the center of attention and have a little pity party for herself with her friends and have everything think she is SO fantastic, but I loath how she has to slander me in the process!
Oh well, I’m getting married in 2.5 weeks and then she’ll have her surgery and she’ll get to be the center of attention for that, and maybe she’ll let me fade out into the background. Of course, everyone will continue to think I was a spoiled brat, but I guess that really doesn’t matter in the end, does it?
This term is similar to using the other “b” word in the workplace. It is pretty sexist and often used to talk about women in higher corporate positions who really are just taking charge, making decisions, etc (all things that need to happen when planning a wedding) I hate that women have to bend over backwards or fear being called either of these b words.
MH and I had a very clear idea of what we wanted for our wedding from the start, but pretty much every time I told anyone in my family my opinion I was accused of being “Bridezilla”. When I told my little sister I didn’t care what her shoes looked like as long as they matched her dress and weren’t sandals I was accused of being “Bridezilla” because SHE thought I had stated I wanted specific shoes. I was again, called the B word when I told my mother that we wouldn’t be able to accomodate her cousins who invited 4 extra people at the last minute (and did not RSVP).
I hate the B word. It really bugs me that any bride who is assertive and has an opinion becomes Bridezilla.
I feel like calling a woman a ‘bridezilla’ is akin to writing off our feelings because a man thinks we are “PMS’ing”. I agree with Natalie that it comes down to the fact that women, when they are assertive and taking charge, are not looked at the same way as men when they behave the same way.
You are definitely not being a bridezilla - just asking her to make a decision!
What is it with mothers and the bridezilla word?! I heard it before I even began planning - the whole “oh she’ll be a bridezilla for sure…” Projecting things on me before it even happened?!
I do my best every day NOT to live up to the word. I think it’s so interesting that the people that are calling us said word are the ones closes to us (mom, FI, siblings…).
I’ve banned the word among my friends and family! It totally agree with Lucy. In the realm of wedding planning, this is the ‘other b word’ that gets thrown at a woman when she expresses her opinion. I find it extremely frustrating that the bride is usually the one left holding the bag in regards to planning and details and to whom people will complain to and critisize without consideration of the work it takes to pull something like this together all the while working a full time job and maintaining your sanity! Being annoyed when inconsiderate people don’t rsvp on time isn’t bridezilla behaviour, it’s the behaviour of all hosts and hostesses when they throw a gathering together!
most women freak out about trivial things during wedding planning, mostly because we’re stressed about balancing work, relationships, planning, etc. while it is a bit mean to call someone a bridezilla, it can also be an opportunity to take a step back and really think about whether it really is that important that (insert source of wedding-related craziness here). after all, it is just one day and a lot of what makes it an enjoyable one is your attitude. and a sense of humor.
my bridezilla story: my brother is my de facto best man at my wedding. i asked him to make the speech at the reception, i asked him to sit at the head table, etc. i’ve had my wedding date since last april, and i’ve told him what it was numerous times (early august, this year). then last week, he accepted a job offer for a position in another country. the catch? his start date might be before my wedding, meaning he’ll miss it. this upsets me for a variety of reasons, not the least of which is that he’s my only sibling, and his absence would be a huge downer for me on my big day. when i called him to see if he could clarify his start date, i got called the b-word. when i called my mom to see if she could help me convince him to negotiate a later start date, she also called me the b-word.
i felt that this was 1) uncalled for, since it’s something worth getting upset/anxious about, and 2) unfair because, like all of you have said, when someone calls you a bridezilla, it gives them an excuse to laugh off your feelings and compartmentalize them. it lets people blow you off, basically. i’m all for a ban - especially since, up to this point, my wedding planning has been the most low-key thing ever (seriously).
I’m convinced FI’s friends call me this behind my back. They never answer my emails. I hate asking them about anything now! I asked FI to be in charge of talking to them from now on. I can’t deal with the stress.
With 2 2/2 months, I’m sure the bridezilla moments are coming.
I definitely think there are women who cross the line when it comes to their wedding, but there is a big difference between a crazy ‘zilla bride and a picky one. I hate that people assume that you are a bridezilla because you care about the flowers and the invites and the place cards… that is being picky about what you are spending time and money on, that’s not being whacked out
I was called it once by my mom (seems to be a theme here) and wasn’t too offended once I calmed down because I really was being crazy, but reading all these comments now I really hate the word! It totally is sexist and disregards the true emotions of the bride.
My moment was when the event I had planned for my BM, mom, FSIL, and FMIL fell completely apart. No one understood why I was so upset about one little event in the whole weekend not happening, but to me it was a huge deal because I had spent many hours planning it and was very excited about it. I think non-brides just don’t understand what it’s like to spend over a year planning one day…a lot of pressure is put in a 24 hour period.
To reply to futuremrs.taj–I noticed when I was planning my wedding, it was most definitely those closest to me and my husband who were the ones who hurt us/stressed us out the most. I don’t know what it is about weddings, but they really do seem to bring out the ugly in relatives. How sad.
I dont ever think you should call someone a bridezilla for simply being organized and assertive when planning their wedding, you have to be, but honestly… there really are some people who deserve the b word.
I know from experience, my friend called to tell me how she didn’t like the bachelorette party we planned (she found out the plans ahead of time) for her and we could not send an e-vite we had to send actual mailed invitations. Hello, ungrateful much?
She totally deserved to be labeled bridezilla and that wasnt even the half of it!
about 2 weeks before I got engaged I was at a dear friends wedding….sitting next to a friend from childhood. we had a HUGE falling out and hadn’t talked in 5 years. we were talking about my wedding plans that were already in the works and she said…”Ugh you’re going to be SUCH a bridezilla.” EXCUSE ME girl-who-hasnt-known-me-for-the-last-5-years!!!!…..
ban “bridezilla” …please!
Some people truly deserve being called a B*zilla, but still - they probably shouldn’t have to hear it.
For the rest of us (you included) that get called it just for thinking of details and giving a darn, there really needs to be a good retort. Something besides “pardon me for giving a d*mn!”. And why is there not a lazy-arse-couldnt-be-involved-or-make-a-decision-if-his-life
-depended-on-it-term for the guys?
I was freaking out one time because I couldnt decide on how to incorporate our theme on the invitation designs.
I talked to FI. I asked him..”am i being obsessed about this? Am i turning into a bridezilla?”
FI replied..”ure not a bridezilla…
you’re a BRIDERELLA”
I really hate the term Bridezilla, the same way that I hate the word bitch. It puts women in the position of not being allowed to have a strong opinion, for fear of getting called names, and it tries to make legitimately bratty behavior cute with a cute little label. So, yes, it is awful and sexist and should be banned!
Personally, I think using the word reflects more the person actually saying it. I only had an MOH, but some of my gfs came and got ready with me the morning of my wedding. One of them called me a Bridezilla (knowing my thoughts on the term). My offense? I asked someone to hand me something when I had a hot curling iron in my hair. Then, when we bumped into her in the hotel lobby the next morning, she told me that I was being a little “princessy” the morning before. Um, okay? Thanks for the congrats.
My dad kept calling my sister a bridezilla, from the beginning of the engagement up until last winter (she’s getting married this May) and I finally told him to knock if off because:
1) He thought it was funny and it wasn’t.
2) I was afraid it would give my sister a license to act like a bridezilla.
3) He was saying it to all of our friends and family and giving them the impression she was being horrible, when, for the most part she wasn’t.
There are times I want to call my sister one, because she will suddenly start obsessing about her wedding jewelry or her dress or the centerpieces or the invitations when I’m in class, writing a major paper, or studying for an exam, and when I tell her that I’m busy, she suddenly claims that I told her I had all this time to help her with her wedding and now I don’t. (Which is neither entirely true nor untrue.) Also when she wants me to make a decision about what the flower girls wear and then asks what my job is as maid of honor if its not to help her decide what the flower girls wear.
But I hold back because she is a good big sister, I love her muchly, and she knows I’m thinking it anyway, so I don’t need to say it out loud.
Hmmm, I think your cousin was very rude wanting to leave the decision whether to come to the last minute and not RSVP.
I don’t think the term ‘bridezilla’ is on my fiancé is aware of. If he used it on me, I might have to kill him!
I also think that word is similar to calling a woman a w****. It’s not okay, and as women we especially should respect each other enough not to say that to another woman. I applaud the woman above who walked out on the family member who called her a bridezilla. It places the shame, appropriately, on the perosn who made the inappropriate comment. I’ll remember that if anyone ever says that to me!
Mr. CP called me a bridezilla the other day when we disagreed over tuxes. I told my friends from the knot and they were all like, “OH NO HE DIDN’T!” I swear, other brides are the only ones who get how baaaadd that word is.
I love this post! Does it make me a bridezilla to think you were right to ask if your cousin was coming or not? I think I have been worried about being called a bridezilla since we got engaged. I worry only because I like planning the wedding so much, that I think people might misconstrue it to mean that “she is letting it go to her head.” I think every bride will get worked up in a good/bad way at some point in the process.
haha i just got engaged two weeks ago and because of our short engagement (3months)… I have had my share of bridezilla moments. I haven’t been called that by another person, but I’ve admitted to others that, like the incredible hulk, i’ll need to find an antidote or something, because judging by just the last couple weeks… bridezilla will come again.
The B-word sucks! As soon as I got engaged, I knew that at some point, I would be tagged a b-zilla. I can’t recall how it first came up in conversation, but I ended up asking my FI if I was being a b-zilla about something or another. He responded with his cutest imitation of what he thought a b-zilla would sound like - a combination of Godzilla/tiger/sexy cat/I don’t know what - and we both totally cracked up. So now everytime the b-word comes up between the two of us, we do our best b-zilla screach and crack up laughing. It’s become quite the joke. Unfortunately, when my mom uses the term, it’s not so funny.
| Visit our sister sites | Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Fertile Thoughts Infertility Support |
Mrs. Bubblegum, Exeter, NH
Age and Occupation: 24, Actuarial Analyst
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 24, Ressearch & Development
Engagement Date: February 9, 2007
Wedding Date: May 2008
Blogging Since: November 2, 2007
Venue: Dunegrass Golf Club
About Me: I can be summed up by the four things I love most: kitties, cheese, math, and Mr. Bubblegum. I am knee-deep in DIY projects to keep wedding costs low but quality high for the special day when I get to marry my bestest friend.
| Sun | Mon | Tue | Wed | Thu | Fri | Sat |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 |
| 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 |
| 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 |
| 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 |
| 29 | 30 |
Latest Gallery Pics