Mrs. Cream Puff, San Francisco Bay Area
Age and Occupation: 25, Illustrator
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 31, Merchandise Planner
Engagement Date: May 27, 2007
Wedding Date: August, 2008
Blogging Since: February 7, 2008
Venue: Ceremony at Crissy Field and Reception at the Green Room
About Me: I never dreamed about my wedding as a little girl because I was too busy playing in the mud or pretending to be Martha Stewart–but now that it's here, I'm having a fabulous time DIYing everything in sight! We’re planning a very fun multicultural wedding (I'm Jewish and Mr. Cream Puff is Chinese), filled with as many personal details as I can muster.
The Stress Factor
May 15th, 2008 @ 10:27 am by Mrs. Cream Puff
Okay, now to more thoroughly address what has been stressing me out:
1) The letterpress issue. I did our entire invitation suite myself (which I will post here after they’ve been sent out!), except for the front part of the invitation, which I designed and will have printed at a local letterpress printer. I ordered the entire thing online, uploaded my image and communicated a couple of times with one of the employees at the printer. I thought there would be no problem. On their website, they say single pieces will take 2-3 weeks, and that people should call for a specific delivery date.
So… it has been two weeks, and yesterday I decided to call to get an exact time estimate. Turns out they lost my order. The guy on the phone was kind of condescending, asking me why I placed the entire order online and why I wouldn’t have called to make sure everything went through. I had to explain several times that I’d had an email exchange with one of their employees and didn’t think I needed to call. Initially he told me that I would need to pay a $50 rush order fee in order to have them done by the end of this month, and if I wasn’t willing to pay the $50, they would be done mid-June (my invites are supposed to go out at the beginning of June, and I still have to do some assembly once I get the letterpress). Needless to say, I was rather upset about the situation, because it isn’t my fault that they lost my order, and I shouldn’t have to pay a rush fee in order to have them done later than they should have been done in the first place.
Long story a teeny bit shorter, I had to read him several statements off of their website and all of the emails I had received before he agreed to talk to the “big boss” and get my order moved up. It will now be done on the 21st. I am glad that it all seems to be working out, but the guy didn’t even apologize. It hasn’t really left the sweetest taste in my mouth. Oh, well.
2) The groomsman issue. I was a little worried about discussing this in a public forum, but I don’t think he will read this, and I’m obviously not going to use his name. So basically, he bought a tux for his wedding and won’t be renting anything for our wedding. Problem is, his tuxedo is the only one that doesn’t match. So I asked him if he would mind renting just the jacket ($45), so that the jackets would all match. He told me that he doesn’t think all weddings need to be “matchy matchy,” that I should take the “rules” with a grain of salt, and he doesn’t want to spend the $45.
He makes a lot more money than the other groomsmen, who are all paying over $100 to rent an entire tux. I really wanted the jackets to match, though, and I didn’t want him to hate me forever, so I offered to pay for the jacket. He emailed me back and said, “thanks for offering to pay–how about I pay for half?” It made me feel like he thought I should be paying for his rental even though no one else is receiving monetary help for their rentals. In the end, I’m paying for the whole thing because I’m not in the market for anyone to resent me, and I really want the jackets to match. The end.
3) The MIA makeup artist issue. I had a hard time figuring out who was going to do my makeup and hair. All of the makeup artists recommended online were already booked months and months out from my date, so I decided to wait for an artist who did makeup and hair for my friend Kathy’s wedding. She books three months out from the wedding date. So I emailed her and she said that I could have the date, and that I should call her to set up a trial. She does makeup for movies, so she told me to be patient because she was filming last week. However, I never heard back from her. I don’t want to be a nag, but I feel that the closer I get to my date, the less likely I am to find someone else if she isn’t going to come through…
4) Ceremony Music stuff. I found a group of students to play at our ceremony. They are a string trio. We are not very traditional people, but we will probably have a very traditional music selection for the ceremony (we both want it to feel really “weddingy,” and to us that means the wedding march). The musicians need to be covered with a tent. Now I have to figure out where to get a tent. 
5) The photobooth issue. Mr. Cream Puff really, really wants a photobooth. So as gifts to one another, we decided to split the cost of the photobooth. Unfortunately, since we decided that, the people at the photobooth place we chose have not been answering their phones and have not been returning voice messages. I finally got to talk to someone on the phone on Monday, but she never sent me the contract. So I called Tuesday, and the guy said he’d send it in a half hour, and if I didn’t get it, to call back. An hour and a half goes by, so I call him. He said he hasn’t sent it, and he’ll send it in a half hour. I finally got it.
I feel like a lot of vendors have been this way…kind of flakey. It makes me uncomfortable. Like, if they act this way before we book them, are they really going to be there on time? This is the only photobooth place we can afford; I’ve heard really good things about them though, so I think it will probably be okay.
One last issue: Our MIA DOCs. I am a little bit concerned about the lack of responsiveness on behalf of our day of coordinators. I feel like they should be a little more responsive with their emails considering we’re less than three months from the date and no one has any idea what is going on. However, they are not responding to my emails any quicker than 2 weeks, if at all. Color me NERVOUS. I’ve only sent them a couple of emails, but they’re about important things - like the timeline.
Currently, there are a lot of logistical questions I’m having. How do I get three carloads full of alcohol where it needs to be without making three trips over the bridge three days before the wedding? How do I get all of the stuff for the ceremony to our Day of Coordinators? And how do they get all of it to the ceremony site and set it up? It seems like there is an awful lot of stuff!
All of this is compounded by the fact that I found out that I do not actually have carpal tunnel, according to the nerve test I had last week. Whatever is causing my arms and feet to tingle and hurt is not a problem with any of the tunnels in my arms. I am scheduled for an MRI of my head and neck on Sunday. It’s scary.
I really feel like I need to either take up yoga or find myself some anti-anxiety medication. I feel like my stress level is very high all the time. Honestly, I’m not really liking wedding planning all that much right now. I hope this is a phase, and that it passes soon!
35 Responses to “The Stress Factor”
What photobooth company are you using?
I’m sure you don’t have time to read a bunch of advice, so here are my quick 2cents:
-make the cheap-o pay the half that he offered
-ask friends & family for help, really
-step back and take a deep breath
-best wishes with the MRI
-everything will be fine, girl
i’m so sorry to hear all this - wedding stress is the worst. i hope you feel better and that these things work out.
just an observation - it seems like you have taken on A LOT yourself. have you thought about delegating some of this to your FI or family members? the photobooth and groomsman issues, for example, that sounds like stuff your FI should be doing. and maybe your MOH could start bugging that makeup artist, and do research on finding a tent.
that might take some of the stress off, and allow you to focus more on your personal health…
hang in there!
Sorry my initial comment was so short — I hit “send” before I was finished.
I’m so sorry to hear about all your stress. It sounds like part of it has been resolved (invitations and groomsman’s outfit), and part of it hasn’t (makeup, photobooth, and MRI). I agree with the delegation idea — can Mr. Cream Puff handle the photobooth part? That might take part of the stress away, so you can focus onthe MRI.
I’m with marisa. Especially since it sounds like this may be taking a toll on your health, delegate Mr. Cream Puff to deal with the cheapskate (who should pay for the whole rental fee, IMO), the tent issue and the photobooth (that HE really wanted, as you say).
Good luck!
oh, highly, HIGHLY recommend yoga. when i get stressed, i get funky nerve stuff in my wrists and sciatic nerve (hello leg pain), and yoga helps. SO. MUCH. i do the really strenuous vinyasa/ashtanga type classes to help burn the stress off, but if you’re just starting out, try a restorative class first.
but the most important thing about any yoga class: it teaches you how to slow down, take a deep breath, let go and just BREATHE. it’s an absolute must for me when i’m having a stressful week. self confidence, stress relief, inner peace and quiet, plus, your arms will look toned and sexy on your wedding day. what more could you want? 
beyond the recommendation, i’d like to offer an e-hug to you, since even with a weekly yoga class or two, none of that stuff is any fun to deal with! good luck.
Take care of yourself, first and foremost. While not even close to being the same medical-level as you have, I’ve noticed bodily issues that change when I’m stressed, and I’ve used that as a sign that I need to slow down. I’m also about two and a half months out, and people say “oh that’s great, you must have everything done!” and I want to punch them. I agree with the people above, this is the perfect time to ask for help. Make your FI deal with his cheap groomsman, it’s is friend. And I’m like you, I like everything to match, but seriously, he’s going to look like the idiot in a non-matching tux, so I’d almost let him wear it.
Good luck with everything and keep venting on here - don’t keep it all in, that will only make matters worse. Just remember, at the end of all of the non-funness, you still get to marry your best friend.
Delegate! Your loved ones would probably be delighted to help. My fiance is pretty much putting together the ceremony on his own, and this means that at 7 weeks out, I am not stressed *at all.* There is only so much that one person can do.
As for unanswered emails, I say try phoning. Not everyone is great at email.
you do have a lot going on, but wedding planning is NOT worth this much stress on yourself. take several deep breaths and start delegating to the FI, stat. Yesterday I almost had a break down because I realized that even with all of the planning and diy elements I’d been making, my reception site might not look quite as wonderful as I’d envisioned…and then I went for a walk and realized it will still be the best day of my life. We’ve got great food planned, great music and the people I love the most will be there to celebrate it with me. Everything else is icing and we’ve all been told that no matter how much we plan, SOMETHING will still go wrong that day anyway. Wedding planning can definitely zap the joy out of that “getting married” feeling. I’ve decided not to let it anymore. Last night after all that, the FI and I put on our first dance song and practiced it for the first time and all the other worries just slipped away. It will all be fine. I promise.
I agree with others, get the Mr. to start delegating. Here are my ideas for you:
*Pay the half of the groomsmans jacket, but get him to take the alcohal to the city for you. If he doesn’t have a truck tell him to find someone who does. Remember being a groomsman comes with responsibility.
*Go to Target or Costco and get one of those pop-up tent thingys. They are everywhere right now b/c of the summertime and I think they are relatively cheap.
*Would the trio of playing music be willing to help you with set-up for a small fee? Or call in the friend reserve. What about the DOC’s - isn’t that part of their deal?
*Finally, be annyoing with your vendors. Call everyday, be sweet but firm. Once you start to bug them they will call, if for nothing else just to get you off their backs.
My stress release? Ativan, chardonnay and Top Chef. Works wonders.
I agree with everyone’s advice - Delegation & Yoga!
Even if you just get a dvd, I love Rodney Yee, his voice even relaxes me. Definitely have Mr CP deal with cheapo! Good luck and you’ll make it through 
Deep breaths… it will all work out and you will have a wonderful wedding day. Trust me.
Your health: I’m certainly no doctor, but one of my co-workers was recently diagnosed with Guillain-Barre syndrome. His was caught really early and is not nearly as bad as some of the cases described in the link I’ve pasted. Has this been ruled out for you?
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/guillain-barre-syndrome/DS00413
While I don’t think people should self-diagnose, sometimes its helpful to mention things to your doctor. 
This post is so ironic - I got on Weddingbee this morning to do a board post asking bees for help with ways to relax and destress…then saw your post and decided to commiserate here. It is really hard to have some things that you really can’t change/delegate (in my case I have work stress - planning and leading 20 high schoolers on a trip a month before my wedding which I cannot get out of at all, my brothers wedding 2 months before mine and his is out of state, and a long distance FI, plus all the wedding planning). Even when I try to relax, it’s all still there in the back of my mind and there’s no way to get it to go away….arghhhh
I’m sorry you’re going through all that though and hope things get better soon (with all the delegation and destressing that will hopefully help).
DELEGATE. make the FI deal with the groomsmen. put your family/friends on some tasks. you are taking too much on, and it will take its toll. I’m so sorry - i feel for you!!!!
maybe you can sic the hive on some vendors?
big hug for you cream puff. so sorry you have to deal with all of this! i don’t have any new advice, just wanted to agree with the others… be firm with your vendors… if you were as crappy at your job as they are being at theirs, you’d be fired, right? and we’ll be thinking of you as you figure out your health stuff… take care of yourself!
If I were you, I’d call your DOC and tell them that you’re very concerned about how long it takes to get back to you. Ask them if it’s going to change, because if it isn’t, you’ll need to make other arrangements. There’s no reason that they should be taking this long to get back to you.
A big hug for you too!
I am sorry, Cream Puff I don’t have any great advice but wanted to say hang in there! You’ll get through this, and 10 years from now you won’t even remember all the stress.
so sorry to hear about your woes. i’m going through a bit of the same. i never realized how stressful this happy day could be. i’m also wondering where you are getting your photobooth. i’m a professional photographer marrying a reporter and i thought it would be cute to have a photobooth especially since so many guests are also photogs. they seem very expensive so i’d like to know who you are using since you say they have the lowest price. i agree with everyone who says delegate. it’s tough to give up control but it’s worth it to save your sanity. good luck.
Oh I completely understand how you are feeling Cream Puff. I am sending you a big warm hug. Hang in there, things will soon get back into place… and for the flaky vendors, dont go with them… they’re really not worth all the stress.
Good luck and ask alot of your family and friends to help out.
Huge hugs to you and the best of luck with your MRI. What a lot you have on your plate at the moment. If there is someone you can delegate to please do.
Yoga is the best. If nothing else it gives you some time just for you.
Hugs on the MRI. I was facing a very similar set of symptoms this past winter–bad tingling and pain in my arms, wrists, and fingers. Did I have carpal tunnel, MS, lupus, ack?! It freaked me out but good.
The MRI came back fine–turns out I was STRESSED, and as life has calmed down a bit, the tingling has gone away.
I’m hoping you get similar results, and that everything gets resolved for the wedding day.
Ok, this is going to sound really wierd but this is the advice my grandma used to give when things got overwhelming. “You can only eat an elephant a bite at a time”. Instead of trying to deal with everything just focus on one task at a time, get it resolved and then move on to the next. Like others said above, be firm with your vendors but also understand that this is their business and put a little faith in the fact that they know what they are doing. They often don’t need as much advanced preparation as we brides would like. Most importantly remember what this day is really about. It will be beautiful no matter what.
You’re not alone. A lot of vendors are really flaky. When I pad to plan my work’s Holiday Party at the DC Ritz Carlton, I was amazed at how flaky people were. And this was a six figure event at a four star hotel, so I know that doesn’t bode well when I start dealing with vendors for my wedding, which will be nothing close to a six figure event. :p
As for the make-up artist, look for someone else. Now! And hang in there, and try not to let the process stress you too much.
My thoughts are with you as you undergo your next MRI.
You mentioned yoga….exercise really does help with stress and with health, even if it does stress you out a bit to get to the gym (or to the trail/sidewalk/pool/roller rink, etc.)
If you’re using Lisa Zomer for your makeup, keep calling/emailing her. She can be a bit hard to get hold of, but she’s fantastic. I used her for my wedding, she had some filming issues then as well, but once you get her on the phone she’s very accommodating for trials and such. And really, she did a wonderful job!
Oh Sweetie you poor thing, you are in my prayers and my thoughts are w/ you as you undergo your MRI
The tent can be easily purchased at a Target/Walmart/Costco for not too much. I just looked at the lawn and garden section of Target.com and there are a good dozen different ones to choose from and it’ll run you $150-$300. Of course, it’s also Target so you can always use it for one day and return it
being a musician myself I can tell you that they’re not trying to be picky or cause you extra stress, they just need to protect their instruments. Sara (Sfjetsetter) is right, those pop-up picnic shelters from Target, the grocery store, Wal-mart, where ever are perfect. Anything that a picnic table will fit under should be big enough for a string trio.
http://www.walmart.com/catalog/product.do?product_id=8001461
http://www.walmart.com/catalog/product.do?product_id=8056395
good luck, happy hunting!
Wow, I swear we’re using the same photobooth vendor, and I’m all the way on the east coast!! I agree with the flakiness of wedding vendors adding a lot of stress. I swear if I did my own job the way some of these people run their businesses, I’d be fired.
I too get pains in my legs and arms, and found it was caused by stress. I took an anti-anxiety medication for a while which helped greatly (but decreased my tolerance for alcohol, whheee!). I now find that as long as I exercise regularly, it keeps them in check. Best of luck!
for a makeup artist, have you tried Rita Brown? She works for Shu Uemura, and is AMAZING. She also does her own free lance work.
don’t be scared. you have a bad case of anxiety is all. the more you worry about the wedding the worse your symptoms will get and the more you will worry something is terribly wrong with you—which is very likely NOT the case. just relax and try to enjoy this process. after all, if you work yourself up into such a tizzy now, you won’t be able to enjoy your big day!
I’m sorry some of your vendors are flaky. I was so happy that our photographer and caterer always responded to e-mails that day!
Our invites were a major source of stress for me. We got everything to the printer early, they didn’t start on it for a week or two. They figured out after several days that the paper they were using wasn’t good for letterpress, then I had to order it from PaperSource and wait for it to arrive. Mark drew up a diagram for the large sheets of paper showing the way to maximize using it with the least amount of scraps. I gave it to the printer and he sort of blew it off like, “I’m a printer. I know how to cut paper.” And then, despite buying a lot of extra sheets of the huge paper, he STILL ran out of paper. And then I had to order that and wait for it to arrive.
When we finally sent the invites the RSVP date printed on them was less than a week later. So embarassing!
Are you getting student musicians from Berkeley like I did? If so, even though their contract said they needed to be covered they said they weren’t worried about it (but then again our wedding was at 6:30 p.m.). Is there any shade at your site in lieu of a tent? Maybe a really big outdoor umbrella?
Waiting 2 weeks to hear from a vendor is really unacceptable. This would all stress me out, too!!! Please let me know if there’s anything I can do for you or if you just need a relaxing day or night having fun.
OK, so first, deep breath. It sounds like you have had a lot of things come up all at once on top of having medical problems and that is compounding every issue.
-First, I would ask to speak with the manager/owner of the printing company and request some sort of compensation. (probably in the form of a discount) This has caused you distressed and put you behind schedule and his employees were exceedingly rude. When you call ask to speak directly with the manager/owner do not go through anyone else.
-Second, the groomsman is your FI’s friend. Make him deal with the issue. And if he doesn’t agree with you about the matching tux then tell him it’s what you want and please don’t add more stress right now.
-Thirdly, look for another makeup artist now. You can at least get a trial and if you like her/him you can use them if the other woman doesn’t come through. Set up the appointment, you can always cancel.
-Fourth, try this place for a tent for the musicians. They have all sorts of types and you can always use the tent for outdoor parties at your home for later. Many of them are really easy to set up.
http://www.canopycenter.com/canopies/pop-up-canopies/353+366+4294084705.cfm
-Fifth, I wouldn’t worry about the photobooth people. They have a good reputation and you don’t know what sort of intreuptions occured in between your calls for the contract. Just call and confirm they received it and then agian that they are deliverying it a few days before the wedding.
-Sixth, email or call your coordinators and let them know your concerns. They may not realize that you are concerned about how long it takes them to get back to you. Thier policy may be that they don’t address the tomeline until closer because it often changes a lot.
-Seventh, ask your family with help with the alcohol, can some family members bring it acros the bridge for you? Or perhaps the wedding party? If not rent a van and take it in one trip along with all the other things that need to go the day before the wedding. There should be plenty of room for everything.
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