Mrs. Corn, Newport, RI
Age and Occupation in '07: 31, HR for public accounting firm
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 33, Consultant for public accounting firm
Engagement Date: October 7, 2006
Wedding Date: September, 2007
Blogging Since: June 1, 2007
Venue: North Lawn of Fort Adams State Park
About Me: I am a lazy scrapbooker who loves the instant gratification of making cards and I am very easily distracted by all things shiny. In honor of my childhood nights spent hibachi BBQing on the beach with my family, we are hosting a traditional New England Clambake for our reception.
Looking Back, Continued…
May 16th, 2008 @ 1:20 pm by Mrs. Corn
This installment of my ‘Looking Back’ series * focuses on one of the details about my big day that I wish I had done differently.
Basically, every single wedding I have ever attended, has started late. Apparently this is not uncommon, as every time I mentioned to anyone-who-would-listen that our wedding would NOT start late, people just started hysterically laughing at me.
So, I made sure that throughout the planning process, my amazing DOC (Colleen with Classic Weddings) knew that if there was one thing that I wanted to happen, I wanted to start walking down the aisle at 5:00pm sharp. There was no way I was going to be the-girl-who-stood-on-a-soapbox-about-weddings-starting-late, who then started her own wedding late.
And just as I requested, on the actual day of our wedding the string trio started playing and we started processing at 5:00pm on. the. dot.
Unfortunately, not all of our guests had arrived at that point, so a handful of people ended up getting there about five minutes into the ceremony. You can see some of them standing in the picture below.
When I found out that some of our friends had missed the beginning of our ceremony, I was crushed. And it all could have been avoided if I had just swallowed my pride, and waited until everyone had arrived.
So, I encourage each of you to put aside any quest you might have to be the-bride-who-will-start-on-time and be a bit more laid back about your start time. I’m not talking hours here, or even anything more than 10 minutes. But at least give all of your guests a fighting chance of getting to see the whole ceremony; because in the end, that’s what really matters.
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*Previously in this series…
I’m so glad I did this:
renting a full length mirror
28 Responses to “Looking Back, Continued…”
I just wish everyone would just show up on time. I try to be at LEAST 10 minutes early to big events-want to get a good seat!
Nope, if my friends, etc. can’t get there on time (I mean, with Google Maps and everything, plus the direction card I provided!), they will absolutely miss part of it. That is for the people who DID bother to show up on time.
If you can believe it, we started EARLY because everyone had already arrived and we were all ready! That said, it was at a resort where most people were staying for the weekend (or staying nearby) so I guess that helped people to get there on time since it only required walking down from your room!
Anyway, I agree that I wouldn’t have wanted to started until everyone (or at least almost everyone was there.)
I’m one of those anal people who must start ON TIME and get to events on time. However on my wedding day, we hit a little bit of traffic and it made me 10 minutes late to the ceremony. It bugged me but people came a little late so it was perfect. I agree, people should just come on time.
In fairness to the tardy guests at the wedding, unbeknownst to Mrs. Corn, there was a sign in the parking lot that said “wedding” with an arrow in the opposite direction of her wedding. We would have found it confusing but we’d staked out the place the day before. So really some of those guest standing in the back had already been to one wedding that day, just the wrong one. . . Also, having mapquest doesn’t always help with crazy summer traffic when there’s only one road to the wedding site and every tourist attraction is on that road. . . I mean at a certain point you have to give your guests the benefit of the doubt that they want to get there on time, unforseen issues may have caused a delay!
See…Susan, Heather, I TOTALLY agree. I am NEVER late. Ever. I think it is awful and embarassing and I totally thought that if someone was going to be late to MY wedding, than tough cookies.
But the people invited to our wedding were the people we MOST wanted to be there. So to have been such a tyrant about starting on time, meant that the few people who were late and therefore missed part of the ceremony, were people that I was crushed to have miss it.
The whole reason I am doing this ‘looking back’ series is to hopefully help someone from making the same mistake I did. I promise you, if the people late to your wedding are people who mean the world to you, and you start your wedding anyway, without them; you find yourself slightly disappointed.
Thank you Mrs. Corn for posting about this. I am also a stickler for being on time, and I’ve mentioned to the FI on numerous occasions that his often-late family members need to be on time. I think you’re right- I WOULD be disappointed if they missed my attendants or myself walking down.
Our families are also notorious for being late, AND I’m getting married on a Friday afternoon (hence, rush hour) AND the place can be daunting to find, so I am sending out my invites saying that the ceremony actually starts half an hour before it really does. The really sucky part is that the people who actually honor punctuality will have to wait, but at least most people will have a buffer time, especially if it’s traffic and hard to find.
I am going to have ZERO sympathy for anyone who is late, and I refuse to start any later. I’m not trying to be rude to the guests, but our ceremony doesn’t even start until 7pm, and our Rabbi has to be on his way out the door by 7:30pm due to another commitment (we’re using the same Rabbi who married his parents, so it was important to them to use THIS PARTICULAR Rabbi). I’m less interested in cutting my own ceremony even shorter than in waiting for people to show up. I’m sorry, but if you can’t get yourself to our location by 7:00 at night (and over 85% of the guests are staying in the hotel, so they only have to take the elevator up to the top floor), then you miss the ceremony — it’s that simple. The truly MOST IMPORTANT people that I want there will all be at our Ketubah signing a half hour beforehand, so there’s no way they will be late, and as long as those 20-30 people are present, that’s what really and truly matters to me.
We did, however, make it very clear that we are starting at 7pm promptly in the invitations, so nobody should presume they have any extra time to get their ass through the door…
As a guest you’re supposed to show up 10-15 minutes early to sign the guest book and find your seat. But I think everyone is under the impression that weddings are always late. Not exactly helpful.
We started ours pretty late. It was supposed to start at 6:30 and it was 7:15 instead. I blamed the traffic and the one rainy day in all of July, but yeah…we wanted people there, so we waited. But I’d been stuck in that bridal suite for three hours by that point, and I was ready to be let out!
I agree with Susan Eva. Like you, Mrs. Corn, I really wanted to start my ceremony on time. I am one of those people who arrive 10 minutes
early for everything and hate it when people have to wait for me for 1 minute.
We started our ceremony 7 minutes later than the original stated time and there were still a couple of stragglers. And for those stragglers,
they were those who were perpetually late to everything. If they can’t make an effort FOR ONCE to be on time a friend’s wedding, then I don’t care if they miss the ceremony.
I would never want to keep those who were on time waiting for too long.
We are getting married in a wedding chapel in Vegas and our ceremony is only 15 minutes, so we have told our guests if they are late, they will miss the wedding! I hope everyone is in their seats on time. I even wanted to put a “false” time on the invitation, but FI vetoed that.
Funny story…(now that it’s 9 months later). The LAST thing our minister said to us at the rehearsal was, and I quote….
“Absolutely, without question, it is NOT ACCEPTABLE to be late, fashionably late, etc to your own wedding, no matter what anyone else tells you. Your dearest friends and loved ones have travelled a long distance …………”
Well, needless to say, My limo was FIFTY (50!) minutes late to pick me up.
Fortunately for us, all our friends and family were more concerned with our stress level and making sure we had a wonderful day than with their invconvenience of having to wait for so long.
My sister’s priest was late! He got lost! Haha.
What about putting the starting time a little early on your invites (say 15 min?) to ensure that everyone actually is there at the right time? Of course, then they’ll think YOU’RE late…
i was wondering the same thing as Katharine. i guess there is less pressure if you have some down time between the ceremony and the reception. i have been late to the past two weddings I attended all because of directions. my bad. what can you do? being there until the very last dance is also important and counts just as much.
Good point, Miss Corn! Keep it coming! “What I’d have done differently” is a great perspective to share.
As a refromed chronically-tardy gal, I can appreciate how difficult it is to strike the right balance between punctuality and accomodation.
But mostly I just like hearing more from Cornilicious 
!
I think there was a board post on this exact topic (putting an earlier start time on the invitations). My ceremony should be starting at 6:30, it will be outside, sunset that day is 6:43 pm, so we really have no margin for error or tardiness. True, our ceremony will be short, but we don’t have that much time to begin with. I asked my wedding planner (lady who comes with the hotel, who offers no help) what she has seen in her experience, should I put 6 pm (to account for latecomers) on the invitations or 6:30? And she said that there will always be people that show up late even when you give them that extra half hour. I asked my bridesmaids, and I think the general consensus on the board was that if people show up early (which most of us timely people will do), they will be sitting around for a really long time. Say they show up 15 minutes early (not unreasonable), and you put an extra half hour “cushion time” in there, those people are waiting 45 minutes and possibly getting annoyed. I ultimately decided to put the actual start time, pray people are on time, and have the ceremony musicians start at 6, so the people that show up early will be rewarded with some lovely music! And hopefully I won’t hear about the people that show up late (especially since the hotel, where the ceremony is, is tough to find). Yikes, now I’m kind of regretting my decision. Haha, but the invitations are already printed, so there’s no turning back now! But this is a great idea for posts!!
It’s definitely true that if you put an earlier start time, guests who arrive early like they are supposed to sit around for a LONG time. I was at a wedding where I arrived at the venue 25 minutes early to allow time to park the car, use the bathroom if necessary, etc., was in my seat 15 minutes before start time… and sat around for forty-five minutes outside in the afternoon sun in 90 degree weather and was absolutely MISERABLE. I don’t know if the wedding ran late or of they specifically put an earlier time, but it seriously SUCKED. 90 degrees was unseasonally hot and I know they couldn’t have predicted it, but it still was really awful, it gave me this miserable headache and the whole rest of the night I was just counting down the minutes until it would be appropriate for me to go home and crawl into my dark, quiet bedroom.
While it is rather backwards, the BEST way I’ve ever seen to avoid this is to do the cocktail hour first. My cousin had a Hasidic Jewish wedding on a Tuesday night, and they knew people would run late coming from work. Since they wanted as many people as possible to attend the ceremony, they made cocktail hour from 6-7 and then did the ceremony — it gave everyone the opportunity to mingle and catch up beforehand, and latecomers were only late for cocktail hour and not for the ceremony itself. I think it’s a GREAT idea for families who are known to run late, as long as you don’t mind mixing up tradition a bit!
julieulie, that’s a great idea. I have never heard of it and I just think it is fantastic!
I should also point out, that while I fully support waiting a few minutes to make sure all the stragglers are seated, I don’t think it is wise to ‘fool’ your guests into thinking the wedding is earlier than it is, for the reasons stated above where it would then force your responsible guests to sit and wait.
There are ways to combat the lateness…better communication with the guests regarding traffic, a short notation on the wedding invite or a note in the welcome basket, etc.
But again, unless you are on a very. tight. schedule. it can’t hurt to wait just a few minutes…seriously no more than 10.
PS - Beanchar glad i could provide a side-dish of corn for ya!
PPS - Julieulie…have you watched the Wedding Singer yet???
You know what? I’m sorry, but barring a major catastrophe, if your friends can’t bother to arrive on time to something as important as witnessing your wedding, it is their loss - start without them. Arriving late - again, barring a major catastrophe - and being surprised or disappointed that the event started without them is just plain disrespectful. You may have been crushed that they missed the beginning of your ceremony, but if it was that important to them, they would have been on time. Sorry to be so harsh, but weddings are about timing, especially when you have pictures to deal with and often a limited amount of time in your reception area.
wow…carolineG, since you don’t actually know my friends, nor the situation that made them late, I am going to go ahead and request that you refrain from generalizing about them.
again, I would like to point out that I used to feel just as strongly as you about this matter and was shocked at how my reaction to it did a 180 once the day was here. Hopefully, that piece of information will help someone out there.
AH! No! I haven’t watched The Wedding Singer! I promised I would do it before I got married, and I’m getting married next weekend!! I now own a (slightly illegal) copy, so I will absolutely watch it while I wrap a gazillion votives in vellum next week!! Thanks for reminding me!!!
Due to the rising tide of tardiness (some people were just not taught manners!) lots of brides i see do this now:
Time: 4:45 <————-they mean the actual start is 5:00
Apologies to those who were lost! I try to account for getting lost when going to something highly important. Things happen though, and often do
note: a bride can only delay so long due to schedules of the musicians, photographers, dj etc. also., max. max. max, 30 min delay!
Some of the guests standing at the back have been to one of the wedding. Its quite obvious that, when there is a small gathering the guest also are the same and we find them every where.
I love all of your details! I’m also concerned about our guests being late because we’re getting married in the winter in colorado. Wheather might be iffy, so I’m sure people will arrive late.
Another concern of mine is that our ceremony has to start at 630, and our reception has to end at 12… I want for us to be able to dance the night away, and I’m worried that we wont have enough time if we start late.
Thanks for your DIY inspiration Mrs. Corn!
[…] and they were able to get to our ceremony in time to at least see most of the wedding (hence the previous posting about my wishing I had waited just a few minutes for all of my guests to arrive instead of rushing […]
Thanks for the advice. However, we may stick to our guns b/c we know some of our friends are always the laggers….I think 5 min might work for us. One wedding we went to started 45 mins late!! That was not a good start.
