Wedding Blog
When you’re engaged, you hear a lot of other people’s opinions on marriage. Recently I received a MySpace message from a guy that I absolutely loathed in high school. He would pick on me on a daily basis (cue violin), chuckle at his own redneck jokes and remind me how short I was.
I hadn’t heard from this dude since graduation day, and I had hoped to keep it that way. While clicking on my “new messages!” link, I discovered this little beauty from him:
So when is the doom’s day otherwise known as marriage? Heehee, I think its sort of scary that there might one day little (well, littlier *ducks object of my destruction*) ms. candy corns running around.
Though, to put it in perspective, a little ones of mine running around would probably try to take over the world….their slogan would probably be “Free Cake for All!”
I hate when people assume that just because I’m getting married, I’m automatically going to push out “little ms. candy corns.” Even my girly doctor just recently made a “run while you still can!” comment when I told him I was getting married this fall.
I know it’s easy to be cynical, but it wouldn’t hurt to simply tell a girl “congrats!” Anyway, I guess I should quit my bitching and go to the kitchen and make that damn hubby-to-be a sammich! Then we can fertilize my eggs and hold hands while watching Dr. Phil talk smack on Britney.
(source)
Does anyone else get tired of hearing snarky remarks about marriage from acquaintances?
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Share this post: Warning: High School Flashbacks May Result in Nausea
You know, that was (and is) probably his really mature way of flirting with you. Some guys don’t understand that insulting girls as a means of showing their interest rarely, if ever, works.
That’s so frustrating to me that marriage is perceived this way so often. I’m recently engaged, and found that my fiance is getting this type of thing MUCH more often than me. I hate that there’s this stereotype that marriage means that people need to push aside their dreams, start having babies, and can’t have any more fun. I don’t view marriage as saying goodbye to fun and friendships and adventure.
Definitely sick of those comments too. Especially when they come from people who hardly know you, but they feel like they have a right to say things like that to you for whatever reason.
Allll the time… I hate when people say that this is the beginning of the end, or “the old ball and chain”… it’s the worst.
I think it depends on how old you are or *appear* to be. I’m in my early 30’s and though I still get carded, I haven’t received any snarky comments (yet). I think that if I was in my early 20’s I would def receive the “run for the hills” comments because people assume you don’t know what you’re in for due to age.
that high school comment is RIDICULOUS, I hope you wrote him back and let him know what a douche he is in the most off the cuff, nonchalant way possible. 
Oh man, this is a super sore point right now — the whole women are supposed to drop everything to be wives and mommies before anything else. My fiance graduated from medical school today, and since we’re getting married next weekend a lot of the talk was about how “lucky” I am to be marrying a doctor, and how “lucky” I am that he found me and rescued me, etc etc. Um, hello? Me, right here? Yeah, I’m getting my Ph.D. in oncology. I’m very lucky indeed to have found my fiance, but it’s not because he’s a doctor, and it’s not because I was struggling and needing to be rescued first.
And as for the whole babymaking thing — we’re getting married, and then LIVING APART for several years. He’s moving 2 states away for his residency, and I’m here for a couple more years while I finish my Ph.D. We’re not even going to be living together, and everyone expects us to reproduce ASAP. SORRY, not interested in being a single mother!
My fiance is in the Navy, so when we tell people we are marrying, we hear a lot of sarcastic “good luck!” and “why?” It’s annoying, but luckily we both have very supportive families and friends.
My FH is also in the navy and we are going to be apart quite a bit (umm, not living together?) after we get hitched so I hear a WHOLE TON of “soooooo ‘why are you getting married’?”
That, and they consider me a child bride. (I’m 23).
I have my masters degree, so that helps shut them up a little.
It certainly can be tiresome but, when they say “ball & chain” I think about how glad I am that my FH doesn’t think of it that way and neither do I.
Why did you make someone you “loathe” your friend on myspace?
I think some people just don’t know what to say. It’s like the old jokes on your birthday, sorry single jokes on Valentine’s Day, etc… it’s just social ineptitude.
@enmoore66:
you don’t have to be friends the that site to get a message from someone, but luckily you could block them.
Miss CC, I have a feeling this guy had a crush on you despite his rather horrid way of showing it. Secondly, never let something like this bother you…..it’s not worth it and you know it. 3rd of all…Big Congratulations to you!!! You know you are happy where you are at and that is all that matters.
I don’t know why people insist on assuming that when you are getting married you are planning to have kids right away. I personally hate that. Probably why I’ve been with my fiancee’ 12 1/2 years and engaged 6 of them. I don’t know about the general population, but I myself would like to accomplish more in my life besides having kids. No offense to those who really want that right away. Everyone likes to do things differently and it bugs me when people give you grief for not following the norm. It’s your life, you know what you want and if it makes you happy, who cares what the rest of them say?!
I say, do what you want at your own pace and be happy you are where you at.
DG
Thanks for explaining Myspace to me; I didn’t realize anyone can contact you - I don’t use any of those websites.
The post just automatically made me think of a post from BlueOrchidDesigns when she mentions that it is common to think about ex’s A LOT more than usual before your wedding, and I thought that may be somehow related (adding people as “friends” you normally wouldn’t, etc.)
But really, I am making no sense! Sorry someone was a jerk.
Oh, the kids thing… FI has two kids (18 and 20) from his previous marriage - he has sole custody. So while they are old enough to be left alone in the house, they are also a serious financial commitment at the moment - two in college. I have never really, really wanted kids of my own - I never adamantly didn’t want kids, but I was never just dying to reproduce. I have a great career, financial security, a wonderful family, fantastic friends, and now along with a great guy two wonderful college age kids who pretty much look to me as their mom, as their own mother has no interest in them. And yet, friends can’t stop saying “You know, you’re both still young! You could totally have kids!” My response is always: You know, I think we already do. But mostly I am amazed that people, whether friends, co-workers, or practically strangers feel perfectly comfortable making personal comments like that - about something that is really none of their business! I guess it’s their way of trying to show that they care. Either that or they’re just nosy idiots. Miss Candy Corn, I would let people know that since you and Mr. Candy Corn both understand where babies come from, you’ll be getting around to having some when you’re good and ready, and not before. And everybody in your inner circle will certainly get the news as soon as appropriate. For those of you who have to find out third hand, guess you know what that means.
I too, would like to accomplish much, much more than having kids. I hate it that just because I’m a woman, my next task after marriage is to breed. Most of my friends are pregnant and I get bewildered (and weird) looks when I tell them, I don’t have time for kids yet. I’m sick of everyone asking and I’m sick of people thinking that I have nothing else to live for because I’m a woman. I am currently accomplishing a lot in my career and I just need everyone to leave me alone! Sometimes I feel like asking, “Why do I have to conform to society’s expectations?” if another person asks why I’m not pregnant yet but imagine the looks I’ll get.
I’m tired of FH hearing “Run!”. I think it’s jealousy of those who haven’t found real love or those who thought they did and their relationship failed or is failing.
I totally know what your saying.
I was at my FI’s graduation party and a couple that is friends of the family started bickering about something petty and FI’s mom was like “Just wait you two (FI and I) thats what you have to look forward to”. It really irked me cause I was thinking “If you think that we would do that, especially in public you have no idea who either one of us is”. FI just shrugs it off cause he knows it isn’t true but it really bothered me. Is that just a girl thing that I care more? I just don’t get how anyone can think those kinds of comments are ever funny or ever appropriate.
I recently had a co-worker say to me “so what are you doing this weekend? Almost-married couple stuff? Are you going to cut his toenails for him so he doesn’t poke you with them in bed? Or are you going to nag him?”
UGH.
I’ve gotten some comments that I think are well meaning but are ultimately annoying. My fiance and I had a pair of wonderful professors in college who had a registered domestic partnership (they’re heterosexual- or at least in a heterosexual partnership, I suppose I shouldn’t assume what their actual orientation is!) and more than once they’ve mentioned to us that we “really should” look at what the marriage laws “actually say” because they’re based in property law, yadda yadda yadda. No matter how many times I mention to them that, yes, we have looked into the marriage laws and registered domestic partnerships, but since we’re marrying in one state (that may or may not recognize registered domestic partnerships - thank you MI’s ultra-vague DOMA law!) and living in another it’s more hassel than we wan to deal with! I know they mean well but really they need to drop it and leave it alone.
Oh, TELL ME ABOUT IT. I have a single girlfriend who has recently started making snarky comments. She wanted to make plans to go away with us one weekend this summer. We’re super busy this summer - weddings, graduations, birthdays, wedding planning, etc. - so I sent her an e-mail with our “open” weekends and she was like, “What was that? I’ve never seen that before. It that some couples thing?” What? Telling you when I’m free is suddenly a “couples thing”? Um, OK. And then there was another snarky comment yesterday. Just thinking of it makes me mad… I may cut her loose from the friendship chain. I don’t like negative people.
Yeah nothing like having someone bash you and your SO for getting hitched. I think most people who feel the need to mock couples who are happy and want to seal the deal with a ceremony are just lonely and jealous people.
I wouldn’t let it get to you.
As for the baby making comments, well I guess people are still just stuck in this mindset of:
couple gets married = home buying + 2.5 children + suburbs = bliss
It’s old school this is true, but when these ideas of marriage and family are bonded with the general public from birth onwards it’s something that can be expected, even if it’s not welcomed.
The thing that made me crazy was, before we got engaged, people interrogating me about when we were getting married. Never Mr. Hum, but me, as though I would just make the decision by myself. 
I’ll join the already overcrowded boat on this one! Why is it that being engaged and planning a wedding is open season on people to say some of the dumbest, rudest stuff in the world and people see it as okay? It all just gets a big ole *facepalm* from me…
How funny that before you get engaged all people do is ask when it will happen…what’s he waiting for..blah blah blah! Then when you DO get engaged it’s wishing you “good luck” in a sarcastic manner!
It’s funny because my FI and I always notice that people are always on to the next thing…never in the moment….the day you get engaged people want to know when you will have kids!! I guess all we can do is try to change it by having more postive responses to other people’s news!!
Mr beanchar and I will not be having kids — EVER. But that doesn’t stop every Gyn, X-ray tech, Benefits Administrator and anyone else that might have an interest from asking me if 1) I am SUUUUUURE I am not pregnant and 2) if I am SUUUUUUURE I won’t be getting pregnant sometime soon.
I get that the 1 question is necessary, but when I include the fact that I NEVER plan on having children as part of the answer, I think the 2 question is just obnoxious.
Yes, incredulous nosy people of the world. my utereus will remain fallow, barren, UNUSED and please STOP ASKING!
I dumped a new GYN after one visit b/c she felt she had to remind me that, though I just got married, my “window of opportunity” was “running out.” Um, okay– use it or lose it, got it. Thanks for the hot tip, Doctor Baby Booster! Can I go back to hoarding my few remaining eggs in peace now??
Standing in line at the grocery store, a guy behind us (who we didn’t even know) told my guy to go have an operation…”takes 15 minutes and will save your life”. He has four girls and apparantly wanted to warn the world of making the same mistake. I can’t stand advice like that.
Oi! I’m shaking my fist at all of the inappropriate things people say to the bride & groom-to-be! hehe
@enmoore66:
I didn’t make him my friend, he was able to send me a message without me friending him. I just ignored his messages but felt the need to rant on here hehe.
@beanchar:
Yeahhhh. We’re not big on the idea of having kids either. If anything, we want to adopt one day eventually when we are financially stable and can afford to spoil the little ones. My in-laws are already asking when I’m going to pop out their grandkids because they’re growing “impatient.” I’m like, uhhhhh I’m only 23 and kind of want to focus on my career right now, which makes me feel like I’m being selfish, but oh well. The mister wants to go to grad school and focus on his career as well, so it would be selfish to have kids if we can’t focus our attention on them! Le sigh.
@Angel:
I can’t believe someone said that to your boy! That is absolutely insane…his poor wife haha.
@Miss Candy Corn: Beanchar, I think you and I are of the same mindset. First of all, we’re not big on the whole kids idea. We have a dog, and that is MORE than enough responsibility as is. Second, if we do decide to have kids, we’ll be in our 30s and will adopt. I plan to keep my uterus very unused, haha. I’ll be married at age 27 and figure that’s about 8 solid years of fertility I’ll have to wait out… 
*sigh*
Some people never grow up.
Of course, I have recently been contacted on both MySpace and Facebook by a girl I grew up with who was inordinately mean to me as children, but now is being sweet as pie and excited about my grown-up achievements and engagement. While I suppose I ought to believe that people can change and she is being genuine, part of me can’t help but wonder if she is really mocking me on the other end of the internet.
my mom & dad were married for 6+ yrs before having me, and my mom got so sick of the questions she kept telling ppl they werent having any kids, and she said it so much & so often (& apparently so convincingly!) that people still remind her of that… uh, it makes me feel accidental. now of course my mom would never in a million yrs ask me and she reminds me of this often lol, but some people do blantantly ask (most of them retired) so i just take it with a grain of salt, as im sure when im grandma age i’ll be craving some kiddletts too, so I just smile and say ‘eventually’.
We recently had someone make a snarky remark about marriage in general, but not about having kids. My FI wrote a blogpost about how we custom-created my e-ring and someone asked how much it costed. FI told them that he’s going to keep that info to himself (smart move). Then someone else made a comment along the lines of “yeah, it doesn’t matter the cost of the ring because the woman’s going to take everything the guy has in the end anyway”. Hmm, can we say bitter-much?
I haven’t heard any of those comments / questions about kids. Maybe as the “big day” approaches (in just over a year’s time), and once we’re married, we’ll get asked more.
I only had one comment from my doctor. He mentioned the importance of ensuring my diet includes folic acid (such as through a vitamin) well before I consider having kids. I already knew that, but I appreciated that he mentioned it, from a good health perspective.
All in all, just brush off those comments!
it only gets worse after you get married. everyone you meet who knows you’re newlywed asks you when you’re having kids, buying a house or [insert other completely private financial or personal inappropriate question here]. My advice is: come up with a snarky or embarrassing response. Preferably one that involves lots of gorey ladybits details that makes people sorry they asked!! 
ugh, the comments. if it wasn’t “are you nervous?? are you freaked out?? you have to live with a boy!!” then it was “so when do the kids come??” and both of us got the “you can still run!” comments. sheesh. if i wanted to run, i wouldn’t be doing this crazy thing that’s called wedding planning!
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Mrs. Candy Corn, Philadelphia
Age and Occupation: 24, Senior Editor/Writer & Freelance Illustrator
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 24, Inventory Manager for a Music Publisher
Engagement Date: September 1, 2004
Wedding Date: October, 2008
Blogging Since: May 6, 2008
Venue: Pennsylvania Museum of Archaelogy and Anthropology
About Me: I enjoy people watching (especially in New Jersey malls), obsessive collecting, drooling over contemporary art, browsing flea markets for vintage finds and eating an absurd amount of cheese. In my Philadelphia abode, I create mixed media artwork and one-of-a-kind home accessories in the company of my farmer-tanned husband, our Westiepoo (Betty White), our three rabbits (Cadbury, Willie Nelson and Applesauce) and our two frisky chinchillas (Ethel Funk and Maude).
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