A Non-Religious Prayer
May 28th, 2008 @ 4:39 pm by Mrs. Gingerbread
I was raised Catholic and Miss GB 2.0 was raised Buddhist, but went to Catholic school. We were both rather skeptical about churches for a long time, which is sadly the case for many gay people who have had negative experiences with people condemning us in the name of their religion. However, we were fortunate to meet a wonderful member of the clergy, Reverend Helen, who showed us that religion doesn’t automatically equal homophobia. In fact, Rev. Helen often says, “Homophobia is against my religion.” She’s a Unitarian Universalist, which is one of many gay-affirming religions.
Miss GB 2.0 and I now attend a Unitarian Church. Some Unitarians believe in God and some don’t, so in that spirit, we wanted to include a prayer/meditation in our ceremony that wasn’t explicitly religious. We chose an excerpt from Antoine de St. Exupery:
In a house which becomes a home, one hands down and another up, the heritage of mind and heart, laughter and tears, musings and deeds. Love, like a carefully loaded ship, crosses the gulf between the generations. Therefore we do not neglect the ceremonies of our passage: When we wed and when we die, and when we are blessed with a child; when we depart and when we return, when we plant and when we harvest… We live not by things but by the meaning of things. It is needful to transmit the passwords from generation to generation.
I’m sure that most people use religious prayers for their ceremonies if they want to include a prayful or meditative element, but what about agnostic or atheist couples? Any other ideas for non-religious reflections appropriate for a wedding ceremony?
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18 Responses to “A Non-Religious Prayer”
FI & I are both atheist and we’re not having a prayer (obviously), but we are going to have a reading of “Love’s Philosophy” by Shelley.
I’m looking for some non-religious readings for my vow renewal, so if I find anything, I’ll let you now. Glad you found a person who y’all both like. Our best friend who is an actual Presbyterian minister is performing our vow renewal. But, I feel awkward having a bunch of religious reading since it’s a vow renewal.
I love this! I’ve been looking for something non-religious that I could use in both French and English for our bilingual ceremony…thank you!
Awhile back, I wrote two posts about favorite quotations that could be used in weddings. One of the readers pointed me to “Union” by Robert Fulghum which I immediately fell in love with. The sentiment really resonated strongly with Mr. Jasmine andI so we’re printing it in our program. Here it is:http://twincitieswedding.blogspot.com/2007/03/reading-union-by-robert-fulghum.html
And you could easily change the last sentence to read, “This is my wife”
Just a thought - beware of saying that others are condemning homosexuality in the name of their religion. Most are claiming by their denomination, but they (most) fall under Christianity as a religion. The methodist denomination is welcoming to all. And MOST Episcopalian Churches are. (By teachings they/we are, but each parish may have its own attitude.) I don’t know what readings to recommend, but you might also ask the head of a methodist church, they should have lots of examples of readings and prayers (religious or meditative). But since yall aren’t aethist or agnostic , I would celebrate the things you do believe. And I’m not trying to force religion down your throat or anything, i’m just saying that if you both believe in something, don’t let the politics of religions or churchs to get in the way of celebrating what you believe as individuals, and as a couple.
This isn’t exactly a prayer, but Countee Cullen’s “Any Human to Another” has always struck me as perfect for weddings, in that solemn “we’ll go through anything together” way. Excerpt:
Your grief and mine
Must intertwine
Like sea and river,
Be fused and mingle,
Diverse yet single,
Forever and forever.
I’m glad you and 2.0 found a welcoming church. It can be hard, and I know that even supposedly “welcoming” churches have had members who told me they think it’s wrong for me to get married to a woman.
My FW and I attend a Metropolitan Community Church, and it’s the one in Windsor that will marry us. I like that the congregations are predominantly gay, so I don’t have to worry about any members judging us (at least not for our sexuality!)
I love that quote. We are reading (cheesy as it is) the section on marriage from Kahlil Gibran’s “The Prophet.”
That’s a beautiful selection, Miss GB… The Little Prince was always one of my favorite books and I haven’t revisited it in a long time.
Carl Sagan has always been very important to Mr.GV (an atheist, though he never uses that word), and I’ve recently discovered Sagan’s writing besides _Contact_! His widow, Ann Druyan, recently published a collection of Sagan’s talks called _The Varieties of Scientific Experience_. It’s absolutely amazing, and I’ve now read it about 5 times. I would really like to use some Sagan readings at our wedding, especially since Mr.GV teaches at Cornell now, which is where Sagan taught for his last 30 years.
Here are a few examples (some just short quotes):
“For small creatures such as we the vastness is bearable only through love.”
“Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known. ”
“In the vastness of space and the immensity of time, it is my joy to share a planet and an epoch with Annie.”
“I think if we ever reach the point where we think we thoroughly understand who we are and where we came from, we will have failed. I think this search does not lead to a complacent satisfaction that we know the answer, not an arrogant sense that the answer is before us and we need do only one more experiment to find it out. It goes with a courageous intent to greet the universe as it really is, not to foist our emotional predispositions on it but to courageously accept what our explorations tell us.”
We’re in progress drafting our civil ceremony. While we aren’t having a religious ceremony, I still want it to have weight and significance, and we are both spiritual people albeit not religious. In addition to “Union” mentioned above, here are some blessings we found:
The Day, author unknown
May this be the start of a happy new life
That’s full of special moments to share
May this be the first of your dreams come true
And of hope that will always be there
May this be the start of a lifetime of trust
And of caring that’s just now begun
May today be a day that you will always remember
The day when your hearts become one
Apache Blessing, Author Unknown
Now you will feel no rain,
For each of you will be shelter to the other.
Now you will feel no cold,
For each of you will be warmth to the other.
Now there is no loneliness for you;
Now there is no more loneliness.
Now you are two bodies,
But there is only one life before you.
Go now to your dwelling place,
And enter into your days together.
And may your days be good
And long upon the earth.
Irish Blessing (excerpt)
May the road rise to meet you
May the wind be always at your back
May the warm rays of sun fall upon your home
And may the hand of a friend always be near.
May green be the grass you walk on,
May blue be the skies above you,
May pure be the joys that surround you,
May true be the hearts that love you.
Sorry, to get off topic, Miss GB, but GeorgesViola, my future hubby loves Sagan as well! He’s gotten me into it, and we watch Cosmos at least once a month.
Have you had any luck with any other possible readings that can be used from what he’s written? Yay for Carl!
um, um, hello! you did not tell me at dinner you were using a piece from The Little Prince! You know that is my favorite book of all time and that big ole tattoo on my back?!? I can’t believe I didn’t get to squeal in public over this! I’ll do it Saturday. Yes.
@Thea T: Oops, sorry! All that other wedding talk got in the way.
@GorgesViola: Oh yeah, scientists! This is reminding me that Einstein has some great quotes too.
@Michelle: Not too get too into our personal spiritual beliefs, but I’d say that I am agnostic and Miss GB 2.0 is Buddhist (and atheist). We’ve found a spiritual home with the Unitarians who welcome all types of beliefs.
@Loaf: The MCC seems like a great church for a same-sex wedding! Speaking of welcoming congregations, I had such a hard time finding a list to include in this post! You’d think more national orgs would have that kind of info.
I was raised Catholic and honestly, I have a hard time finding anything in the Bible that I really connect with on a personal level! I do, however, love poetry. Here are a couple of excerpts from Nizar Qabbani’s ‘Every Year and You’re My Beloved’, translated by Alex Magidow:
I won’t buy a tree this year,
For you shall be the tree.
And I shall hang upon you,
My hopes… and my prayers,
and the candles of my tears.
Leave your relatives…
And follow me to my inner recesses
Leave your paper cap…
the belly dancing music…
and the festive clothes…
And sit with me, beneath a tree of lightning…
With a robe of blue poetry…
I will give you my overcoat from the rains of Beirut,
And I shall give you red wine to drink,
From the vaults of a monastery…
I will make you a Spanish bowl,
from seashells…
Follow me - my lady - to the back streets of dreams…
And I will read to you poems which I’ve not read to anyone,
And open for you the suitcases of my tears,
which I haven’t opened for anyone,
And I will love you,
As I have never loved anyone.
There is a reference to God in the poem, and some parts make it clear that it was written from a man to a woman, but otherwise it’s a very beautiful and heartfelt piece.
This is what we used in our ceremony. We got married by my parents UU minister.
Will you please join me in the spirit of prayer and meditation?
“Spirit of all that is holy, if life has meaning to us at all, it possesses it because of love. It is that which enshrines and ennobles our human experience. It is the basis for the peace of family and the peace of the peoples of the earth. The greatest gift bestowed upon we human beings is the gift not of demanding but of giving love.
“When two individuals meet, so do two private worlds. None of our private worlds is big enough for us to live a wholesome life in. We need the wider world of joy and wonder, of purpose and venture, of toil and tears that are found in deeply loving. You two were but strangers and sojourners until you drew together and found a great meaning to your lives in your life together, dissolving your fears in each other’s courage, making music together and lighting torches to guide you through the dark. You know in the deepest places in your hearts that you belong together. Love is what you need. To love and to be loved. Let your hearts be open; and what you would receive from others, let you also give. For what is given still remains to bless the giver - when the gift is love.
I bought this book: Wedding Blessings: Prayers and Poems Celebrating Love, Marriage and Anniversaries from Amazon, and had many non-religious choices. I highly recommend it.
I found this blog http://www.freshbride.com/ just this morning with a lot of great posts about writing vows. It’s not updated anymore, and I only poked around for 10 minutes, but im actually really relieved to find it! It looks great and according to the bio, the author is up my alley.
(sorry to hijack!) Miss Jenny - that’s so awesome! PM me with your e-mail and I’ll definitely let you know if I find some more specifics. Every time I open one of his books with the purpose of finding readings, I get distracted. 
Mrs. Gingerbread, Vancouver
Age and Occupation: 32, Psychologist
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 33, Software Engineer
Engagement Date: Sometime in the fall of 2004
Wedding Date: July, 2008
Blogging Since: March 24, 2008
Venue: Rainforest wedding, beachfront restaurant reception
About Me: I recently moved to Canada from Southern California. Trying to plan a wedding in a new city, not to mention a new country, is tough, but the fact that we can get legally married here more than makes up for it! The wedding will be an opportunity for most of our family and friends to see our new city for the first time so it will be both a wedding and a reunion. Besides my future wife, I am also madly in love with a good bargain, Swedish pastries, Tivo, and my two dogs and calico cat (in no particular order).
I like that passage very much.
FI and I are both agnostic. We are thinking of including a moment of silence, so people can pray, meditate, or just think warm fuzzy thoughts according to their own belief systems. I am really struggling with how to have the officiant announce this, though! I don’t want to use the word “pray,” and FI did not seem to comfortable with the word “bless” either…