Mrs. Tiramisu, Annapolis, MD/Maine
Age and Occupation: 26, Eye Doctor
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 26, Project Manager/Real Estate Management grad student
Engagement Date: May 15, 2007
Wedding Date: July, 2008
Blogging Since: March 4, 2008
Venue: Oceanfront lawn and tent
About Me: I was born and raised in Maine, now living in Annapolis, Maryland and planning a hometown wedding from afar. I’m nothing short of obsessed with wedding planning, and am loving the do-it-yourself madness that has now taken over my life! As for me, I’m a craft-loving, martini-drinking, girly-girl who loves traveling, photography, my schnauzer, and above all, spending time with Mr. Tiramisu.
Toss Up
May 29th, 2008 @ 11:56 am by Mrs. Tiramisu
Like a lot of you, I’m not really all that into the idea of the garter toss. I was planning from the start to leave it out of our wedding festivities, certain that no one would miss it. But I was wrong. And the one who swore up and down he would miss it the most? None other than Mr. Tiramisu.
“How can we not do the garter toss?” he questioned.
“I’ve never been to a wedding that didn’t have it!” he insisted.
The man sees no reason for linens, menus, programs, heck even flowers, but don’t take away his garter toss! So I relented. And now I have this embarrassment to look forward to-
I’ve heard a lot of stories about how the garter toss tradition started and its awful symbolism. Here’s one of those versions of the story:
“Another interesting custom dated back to the ancient times where the wedding garter represented the virginal girdle. When the groom removed the garter from the bride, this represented the bride’s relinquishment of her virginity.”
No thanks.
Here’s the one I prefer to believe:
“The garter tradition originated back to the 14th century. In parts of Europe the guests of the bride and groom believed having a piece of the bride’s clothing was thought to bring good luck. They would actually destroy the brides dress by ripping off pieces of fabric. Obviously, this tradition did not sit well with the bride, so she began throwing various items to the guests – the garter being one of them. It became customary for the bride to toss the garter to the men. But this also caused a great problem for the bride….sometimes the men would get drunk, become impatient and try to remove the garter ahead of time. Therefore, the custom derived at having the groom remove and toss the garter to the men.”
Just an innocent piece of good luck- that is my story and I’m sticking to it.
Also helping to ease the pain is this pretty little button version of a garter that I ordered from The Gartermaker.
So the big question is, are you doing the garter toss or not- and why?
47 Responses to “Toss Up”
We just had this same debate and I got my garter from the same place! I didn’t really want to do it, but Mr. H wouldn’t back down, so garter toss it is.
No way! I just don’t think it’s appropriate for my hubby to reach under my dress in front of our nearest and dearest. Yuck!
We’re not doing it either. I find it vulgar for me personally, it’s not something either of us look forward to at other weddings. Besides, there are plenty of other traditions going on.
We are not doing the garter toss or the bouquet toss.
I’m not doing it because when I was single (not married) people would force me to go stand up there at every wedding I went to and try to catch the bouquet. It felt humilitating to me, standing next to the flowergirls, trying to catch this bouquet so that I could hope to be proposed to soon. Sounds negative on my part huh!? LOL! But I just really hated what it symbolized! Being 30 most of my friends are married. There would only be a handful of people out there and I really don’t want to make anyone feel uncomfortable.
As far as the garter toss goes, I don’t want my fiance to go searching under my dress in front of my family and his for my garter and throw it to his single friends! Just not something that I personally want to particapate in!
Mr. Tiramisu and I are total opposites - I’ve never been to a wedding where there HAS been a garter toss.
We are definitely not doing it.
Huh, I always thought the garter toss was a new tradition (ie, last couple of decades) created so that the guys could catch something too or fabricated by the garter industry to earn rediculous money for a strip of lace and ribbon.
With two months to go, we haven’t broached the topic of the garter toss yet. I’m not going to bring it up. I’m not passionate about it either way and I don’t think FI is either.
My fiance also desperately wants to do the garter toss - and I’m also sticking with your preferred back story! (I actually hadn’t heard the one about taking virginity) However I’m not letting the guy who catches it put it on the leg of the woman who caught the bouquet. I’ve never seen that done and didn’t hear about it until I started researching wedding stuff but it kind of skeeves me out.
We’re not doing it. I just think it’s not appropriate at all for us and the culture in our family.
None of the women in my family have done the garter toss, and I had only ever heard versions of the first story you have up here: that it’s all about domination/humiliation of the bride by the groom.
I appreciate the second story you posted; I had never heard that one before and I have to say it makes me a lot less angry about the whole thing… I actually had a bit of a fight with a friend of mine a couple of months before our wedding because she thought it was weird we weren’t doing the garter toss, and I thought it was a sick, sexist tradition. You are showing us the middle way, I think. 
I absolutely refused to do it even though my husband also said he’d been to tons of weddings with a garter toss. I’d only ever been to one. . I finally won the argument by telling him that we would only have one single unmarried guy at the wedding anyway and it would look ridiculous. We didn’t do the bouquet toss either and that was fine by me as well. Good luck Miss Tiramisu! Props to you for being so brave!
I’m with Karieck. Most of our friends are already married, and those who aren’t are somewhat sensitive to their single status. Not to mention my grandfather absolutely flipped out when my brother stuck his head under his wife’s dress to search for the garter. The older generation definitely does not appreciate these types of games.
also - @MsAnge - THANKS. My sister was the unwitting girl who had some strange man putting the garter on her leg at a wedding a few years ago. They made her stand on a table so everyone could see. She’s generally shy and didn’t know anyone at that wedding but her date, so it was mortifying… she went outside and cried for most of the rest of the reception.
So yeah, ladies, please don’t do that. Nobody I know had ever heard of that “tradition” when my sister told us all that story.
I guess I’ll be the dissenting view on here - we’re doing the Garter Toss. There are some things that are just quintessential wedding, and this is one of them. We’re both USC Alumni and must of the single guys in attendance will be USC Alumni so I bought a fun USC Trojans garter from a seller on Etsy that I think the guys will be excited to catch.
We’re not doing it, nor are we doing the bouquet toss. I always hate being subjected to that when I’m at a wedding. And even if we wanted to do it, we’ll have so few single guests at our wedding that it would look pretty ridiculous!
I think its obviously sexual and about virginity. I have seen a lot of wedding pictures where the garter is being removed by the groom with his teeth. I’m sure that part is kinda new. I wouldn’t do it because it looks sexist and it seems like the groom is imposing himself on the bride.
ugh i dont want to do it either.
we’re not doing the garter toss. (It hasn’t come up but I told him we both have veto power and I will definitely be exercising mine when it comes to this issue.) We also haven’t talked about the bouquet toss but I think you have all helped me decide I don’t want to do that either.
I REALLY didn’t want one, but my sister couldn’t imagine a wedding without one (not like she’d ever been to a wedding before, but…). Anyway, since it was her only request, I gave in and we had one. I didn’t like it, but it also wasn’t the end of the world and it certainly didn’t ruin my night.
We set strict rules though — the band was absolutely NOT allowed to play “stripper” music (I don’t remember them playing anything at all), I slipped the garter down below my knee before hand and my husband tried his best to be discreet.
My favorite compromise was that we tossed the garter and bouquet at the exact same time to a crowd of people - they didn’t have to be single, anyone who wanted to could participate - a guy caught my bouquet and my best friend caught my garter. No exchanging or putting the garter back on someone, just laughs and moving on to the next part of the evening.
We are not. My fiancee insisted he would miss it also and we had it all planned out. Then, I realized that I would prefer to present the garter to our very good single friend who actually introduced us! My fiancee ended up loving (!) that idea, so he’ll have the garter in his pocket and we’ll do a “speech” of sorts thanking our friend for introducing us and telling him how we want him to have the same happiness he’s given us. Our DJ is going to play our friends’ favorite song and we’ll present him with the garter and a nice framed photo of the three of us. I can’t wait…i think he’ll be super surprised!
ahh no we did not do it. i did not wear a garter. nor did we do cake smash, or the boquet toss. in fact i never even tasted my own wedding cake!! but it was the best wedding ever.
We did it, the hubs was just like Mr. Tiramasu…..it was one of the few things he was a stickler on, and since he hadn’t asked for much during the whole planning process, I caved.
I figured we wouldn’t do the garter toss. I saw a Etsy seller that had sports team garters and thought it would be great to get one for my fiance. I thought even if we didn’t do the toss it would be cute surprise for him!
Wow, I’m surprised that there are so many bees who are against (or don’t prefer) the garter toss. I’ve always thought it would just be a fun tradition that is just a littttttle bit on the kinky side
i don’t know if we would…part of me thinks the bf wouldn’t be too fond of sticking his hand up my dress in front of my dad even though we’d be married. lol. however, if he wanted to do this, i would be willing so long as there are compromises, like i pull the garter down to my knee so he didn’t have to go too far and that he didn’t dilly dally and use his teeth or something silly like that to pull it off. just get in and out, like taking off a band-aid: rip it right off!
definitely not. we’re not doing either the bouquet toss or the garter toss. the reception will go just fine without trotting out our single friends (a dwindling number to be sure) to stand around looking embarrassed. if it’s part of your idea of a wedding or something you & your family are used to, go for it. it’s just not the right choice for us. it was a bit easier for me, since FI doesn’t seem to be that eager to go skirt diving in front of his 90 year old grandmother or my great aunt or my mom. the dress has something like five layers so finding the garter would be a tussle. i’d like to save the tussles for later!
We’re not doing it!
@MsAnge: you’re definitely right. As uncomfortable as I am with my new husband doing it, it’s much worse for the bouquet catcher (and probably the garter catcher too!).
My fiance said the same thing - he had never been to a wedding without one. I REFUSE to do it at our wedding. I personally feel incredibly uncomfortable having 175 people watch my husband put his hand up my dress. I just don’t like it. We’re going to have enough attention throughout the day - so I can do without this.
NOT doing it. I just think it’s tacky. When else is it appropriate for your significant other to reach under your dress in public — um Never! Not doing the bouquet toss either.
We are not doing a garter or bouquet toss- since it trad trown to singles and scott and I only know 3 singles we thought we would be singling people out. Plus I have seen pictures were the groom gets the garter with his teeth (and she looks like she is getting head) and I don’t want any part of it in front of my parents ::blushes::
not even an issue for us - we did NOT want it so we didn’t do it!
I’ve actually heard that the garter tradition stems from medieval times when wedding guests would catch the garter as evidence of the consummation of the marriage (i.e. they were there in person).
EEW.
FI is insisting on it! I guess I will let him have his way since I am planning most of the rest…
No. This is something I feel is very tacky and uncomfortable, as both a bride and wedding guest. We aren’t doing the garter or bouquet toss, instead after the Anniversary Dance we are giving the garter and a toss bouquet or flowers out of my bouquet to the couple married the longest.
Yet another NO, because 1. I am so not into having someone go up my dress in front of my grandparents. Tacky. 2. Also not into herding all the singles out on the floor. Who enjoys that? 3. It’s wasteful, to me - the garter is just another thing to spend money on, and whoever catches it will likely throw it out, now or a year from now when it becomes just another dustcatcher.
We’re not doing either the garter toss or the bouquet toss. We don’t want to single out our single friends. We just dislike the whole process.
No garter toss or presentation. Even if you ignore the symbolism, the idea of giving away or tossing up for grabs a piece of my underwear is just distasteful to us. To him as much as me, luckily (although I have to say I probably wouldn’t be marrying a guy who had a significantly different point of view). Also, we both think the idea of him going up under my dress (even as far as my knee - it’s the idea more than the actual act) in front of a room full of guests is inappropriate.
i’m not sure if i’m doing the garter toss or not. i found a set this past weekend on clearance for $6 so i bought it but i’m undecided.
i don’t have passionate feelings about it (like some above). i am a bit ambivalent and a tad bit shy about my FI going under my skir tin public…not bc of any violation issue but bc my FI is freaky and there is no telling WHAT he’d do under my skirt before surfacing again….. so if we skip it, i certainly won’t mind.
We are going to do an anniversary dance and honor the couple who has been together the longest. The female will receive the bouquet, and the male the garter (Though we do have 3 same-sex couples attending, they have only been together 5 years at the most:). This was we can incorporate both without a toss:)
I don’t want to do either the bouquet toss or the garter toss. The garter toss just grosses me out - both for it’s symbolism - and for having my hubby put his hand up my dress in front of all our guests. I don’t want to do the bouquet toss because I’ve always been embarrassed at being called up to catch it, and a lot of my friends will no doubt hide in the bathroom as it’s being done. A friend of mine actually put $100 in her bouquet and made every single woman come up to catch it - both married and unmarried. That was a lot of fun :-).
oh, and my mum really wants me to do the garter toss. I have no idea why! But i’m still vehemently refusing.
The garter thing creeps me out because to me it blatantly says the husband has control over his wife’s body, clothing, etc. You can’t deny the sexual nature of the act-its like bragging that “this is mine now!”
Reverse the gender roles: you’d never see a boxer-brief toss! (thank goodness)
UGH.
If my FI wanted to do the garter toss — we would not be getting married!
Wow! I knew this was a highly debated topic but I had no idea people felt so strongly/seriously about it. I’m surprised that there aren’t more who see it more in a fun light (like NStar!) Thanks to all that commented on both sides though, definitely interesting to read!
im not sure if any of our friends/family/fhs/dhs look @ this as some sort of overtly sexual display or an act of male domination…i mean would you marry a male who DID view the garter toss as this? i doubt it…honestly i think it’s just a silly “tradition” that is part of the whole circus of weddings.
i don’t read so much into it and to be honest i’m not sure if i’d like to do this (but i might since even though i am a modern woman, i kinda like some of the cheesy traditions & so does fh).
i don’t think that the brides who do chose to do this are any less empowered than us who don’t personally care for the garter toss. just my opinion
We’re not planning on doing the garter toss, but I like txbride’s version of doing the garter toss & bouquet toss at the same time into a larger group.
I had never heard of the garter toss until I started reading wedding blogs… I guess it is a US tradition and not common in UK.
Even if it were traditional here, I wouldn’t do it. I don’t want my husband touching me up in public, thanks
No garter toss for me. Even though I have several blogs and publish everything there is to know about my life, I don’t have any intention of sharing that much with our guests. I think the two of us will keep that moment to ourselves.
