Weddingbee

Picture courtesy of www.myspiritualwedding.com

In my vow post, I mentioned that we originally were interested in the idea of including a handfasting in our ceremony. Sadly, over the course of ceremony retooling, we ended up removing this ceremony (as well as all of our readings) for the sake of time and clarity.

However, because handfastings are really beautiful and an awesome old tradition, I figured I would write a post about them.

First a quick history lesson -The word handfasting comes from the old Norse term “hand festa,” which means to strike a bargain by joining hands. It became a popular practice in 18th century Scotland when the church started mucking about with marriage laws, making it difficult for people to get married. So instead, participants would go through a ceremony in which they made promises to each other and had their hands bound together with a cord (this is where the term “tying the knot” comes from). The ceremony often took place outdoors near a full moon and the couple would dress in their finest wear, with the bride usually wearing a red dress instead of today’s typical white, as red symbolized will, strength, passion and fertility. Colour was also important as different colours of cord signify different things. Some handfastings were considered to be only temporary, but the ones that served in place of a legal marriage were done with the idea that it helped bind peoples’ souls together so that they could easily find each other in the afterlife.

Anyway, I still have the text and thought it might be helpful to someone considering it to be able to see how one works from start to finish, so, for all you Celts/Neopagans out there - A Hummingbird Handfasting!

The Handfasting:

We all know marriage is more than two people standing up here repeating vows. There is an art to any creative activity. So, too, in marriage.

Part of the art of marriage is finding room for the things of the spirit. So to you two I say, continue in your search for the good & the beautiful in this life.

Part of the art of marriage is being flexible. So in your marriage, cultivate flexibility, patience, understanding and a sense of humour. Most important, develop the capacity to forgive & heal your differences day by day.

Always remember that love will prevail. Love will be the miracle always inviting you to learn, to blossom, and to expand your horizons. Treat yourselves and each other with respect, and remind yourselves often of what brought you together. Give the highest priority to the tenderness, gentleness & kindness that your connection deserves.

When difficulties assail your relationship — as they threaten all relationships at one time or another — remember to focus on what is right between you, not only the part which seems wrong. In this way you can ride out the storms when clouds hide the face of the sun in your lives — remembering that even if you lose sight of it for a moment, the sun is still there.

And ifeach of you takes responsibility for the quality of your life together, it will be marked by abundance & delight.

This ceremony today is a most serious covenant made before all of us as witnesses. From your new marriage relationship can come the love & strength you two need to face the world. Only, from this moment on, you will face the world together in a new way. Today a new family is born and our world will be the better for its birth. For this we all celebrate.

In times past it was believed that the human soul shared characteristics with all things divine. It is this belief which assigned virtues to the cardinal directions; East, South, West & North. It is in this tradition that a blessing is offered in support of this ceremony.

Be with us here, O Eastern beings of the air. With your clever fingers, tie closely the bonds between these two.

Be with us here, O Southern beings of fire. Give their love & passion your own all-consuming ardor.

Be with us here, O Western beings of water. Give them the depth of love & richness of body, of soul, and of spirit.

Be with us here, O Northern beings of earth. Let your strength & constancy be theirs for so long as they are together.

Give to those before us, we do ask,

Your love & protection.

Each of these blessings from the four cardinal directions emphasizes those things which will help you build a happy & successful union. Yet they are only tools. Tools which you must use together in order to create what you seek in this union.

I bid you, look into each others eyes and join your hands. (Cord is draped around the couple’s left hands.) And so the binding is made.

Mr. Hummingbird, Will you cause her pain?
Mr. Hummingbird: I may.
Is that your intent?
Mr. Hummingbird: No.
Miss Hummingbird, Will you cause him pain?
Miss Hummingbird: I may.
Is that your intent?
Miss Hummingbird: No.
Will you both share each other’s pain & seek to ease it?
Miss Hummingbird & Mr. Hummingbird: Yes.

Miss Hummingbird, Will you share his laughter?
Miss Hummingbird: Yes.
Mr. Hummingbird, Will you share her laughter?
Mr. Hummingbird: Yes.
Will both of you look for the brightness in life and the positive in each other?
Miss Hummingbird & Mr. Hummingbird: Yes.

Miss Hummingbird, Will you burden him?
Miss Hummingbird: I may.
Is that your intent?
Miss Hummingbird: No.
Mr. Hummingbird, Will you burden her?
Mr. Hummingbird: I may.
Is that your intent?
Mr. Hummingbird: No.

Will you share the burdens of each so that your spirits may grow in this union?
Miss Hummingbird & Mr. Hummingbird: Yes.
Miss Hummingbird, will you share his dreams?
Miss Hummingbird: Yes.
Mr. Hummingbird, will you share her dreams?
Mr. Hummingbird: Yes.
Will you both dream together to create new realities & hopes?
Miss Hummingbird & Mr. Hummingbird: Yes.

Mr. Hummingbird will you cause her anger?
Mr. Hummingbird: I may.
Is that your intent?
Mr. Hummingbird: No.
Miss Hummingbird, will you cause him anger?
Miss Hummingbird: I may.
Is that your intent?
Miss Hummingbird: No.

Will you both take the heat of anger and use it to temper the strength of this union?
Miss Hummingbird & Mr. Hummingbird: We will.
Miss Hummingbird, will you honour him?
Miss Hummingbird: I will.
Mr. Hummingbird, Will you honour her?
Mr. Hummingbird: I will.
Will you both seek to never give cause to break that honour?
Miss Hummingbird & Mr. Hummingbird: We shall never do so.

And so the binding is made. The knots of this binding are not formed by these cords but instead by your vows. Either of you may drop the cords, for, as always, you hold in your own hands the making or breaking of this union.

Have any of you included traditional ceremonies within your ceremony? What did you include and what does it signify?

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