Wedding Blog
Hey, have any of you guys noticed that weddings don’t seem to be “cool” these days? Outside of Weddingbee, the knot and the wedding industry, I mean. I don’t feel that any real negativity has been directed at me, but it does seem like people our age think planning a big (by “big” I mean lots of planning, not necessarily expensive) wedding is kind of…lame. Kind of like how pink and girly-girls are kind of “out.” Am I the only one who has noticed this?
I first noticed the negativity toward weddings when I came across a book called, “One Perfect Day, the Selling of the American Wedding” by Rebecca Mead. Actually, I came across an article in the NY Times about that book (which actually caused a major wedding freak-out during which I almost called the whole thing off!). Indirectly related is the media’s sudden attention to unjust practices in diamond mining (I, for one, am very thankful for that attention, don’t get me wrong). The conflict diamonds men buy for their brides-to-be seem to be more evidence supporting the argument that weddings are self-indulgent and shallow.
And that’s not all– I’ve noticed a lot of stuff in the media calling attention to the massive amounts of money brought in by the wedding industry; it is then implied or outright stated that people are wasting their money. Then we’ve got shows like “Bridezillas” or “My Big Fat Fabulous Wedding,” which chronicle brides who spend exorbitant amounts of money fulfilling their childhood wedding fantasies, complete with poofy white princess gowns, 10 foot tall ice sculptures and thousands of dollars in “bling.”
When older women find out I’m getting married, they usually congratulate me and seem geniuinely excited for me. Sometimes I get the same reaction from girls my age. But I’ve also had people look at me and say, “I don’t really understand the whole wedding thing…if it were me, I’d just go down to the courthouse and get married. I don’t really need a wedding.” Which, of course, implies that I need a wedding. Which implies that I have some sort of deficit that I’m filling with a giant diamond, a three thousand dollar dress and a 300-person audience full of adoring fans.
And I so don’t want to be viewed that way. I don’t think any of us do. I think that’s why being called “bridezilla” is like, the worst insult ever. Last week I was in a paper store getting paper for a job when an employee at the store commented on all the “bridezillas” who want their paper to match. If a designer wants all their paper to match (ie, me), it’s not a negative thing. But with an engagement ring on your finger? You’re automatically labeled as nuts.
I’ve been thinking about this ever since. What is my motivation for having a wedding and spending a lot of money on one day? For me, it’s about showing our families a good time, and creating memories. Some of my favorite memories are of my cousins’ weddings. Family is super important to both Mr. Cream Puff and I, and really focusing on something pleasant in life is not something we are able to do very often. I, for one, am super excited about this. And I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. Sure, this money could be put toward a down payment on a house (although it still wouldn’t get us to the amount of money we’d need!). But at the end of my life, I don’t think I’m going to think, “crap, I really wish we had been able to buy a house a couple of years earlier.” I think I’ll treasure the time spent with my family and my fiancé, celebrating.
What about you guys? What is your reason for having a wedding? Do you think you’ll regret spending so much money on one day?
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Share this post: Wedding Backlash?
I dont’ regret my 13,000 wedding one day. Yeah, we could’ve bought half a car or something but this is the one time we can throw a party!!
There is a lot of negativity these days and I got it from a lot of coworkers too “why are you spending so much” “that’s crazy” yadda yadda yadda.
I just ignored them and if they called me a bridezilla, I said of course I am! I am paying lots of money for things to go my way! Any consumer who paid for calla lilies and got carnations instead would go off! What if you ordered pancakes and got a waffle, same difference.
I didn’t go overboard but it was nice and lovely and perfectly planned out. Whatever, just tell them well if you think it’s so stupid, then that’s one more person I dont’ have to invite! HA!
Oh and the diamond thing, even “conflict-free KCPS” diamonds can be forged. I don’t buy into the whole thing that there’s a conflict free stone but I don’t have a huge one either. That’s just me though!
Miss CP
Well I have gone back and forth between wanting a wedding and wanting a house - you know that argument - take the money and buy a house.
But when I think about it - I really want the wedding - I want the memories, I want the event, I want to be surronded by the people I care about and have them in my life, and say “thanks for making me who I am,” that’s what I want. And you know what? There is nothing wrong with it!
Blame it on Disney, or our society, but I want it. So I see nothing wrong with being happy and wanting a wedding! :0)
To each their own!
I haven’t gotten that much of a backlash except a few people telling me that they just went to the courthouse and skipped the whole “wedding thing.” Ummm… the “thing” you skipped was the wedding. No “thing.” Just wedding.
What I get more is, ‘You’re getting married? That’s so great. Are you stressed???’
no. I am not stressed. I’m getting married, Not saving the world. I’m a lawyer. I would say it’s seven zillion times more stressful to put on a court case than it is to hire a dj. Are you kidding me? I finally said to my aunt, “I think most people are stressed b/c they want the day to be perfect. I am not perfect and neither is FH (a fact he disputes). Therefore, we’re not aiming for perfect. We’re aiming a little lower. We just want a lovely day with people we love.”
CRAZY.
I’m sorry people are being snotty to you. Maybe they’re jealous.
Good post! I want a wedding because I feel like I’ve fought to hard to be able to marry my wife-to-be and now I want to celebrate, dammit! And since we are now living far away from our loved ones, we want them all to come and visit. It made leaving California a little easier knowing that we’d have a big reunion in Vancouver. Oh and definitely for the memories! My grandparents are in their late 80s and we feel so blessed that they will be able to be at our wedding.
I agree with everything you said above and I do not think I’ll regret spending this money on the wedding. I would gladly put off buying a house or whatever else for a year or so for the sake of having this celebration with all our family and friends. The main person in my life who says this whole “wedding thing” is unnecessary is my FMIL. HOWEVER, she has commented/complained in the past to FFIL about how she did not get to have a wedding (they just went to the courthouse). So which is it, does she wish she had a wedding or does she think it’s a waste of money? Probably somewhere in between. I just politely tell her (over and over) and any others with similar comments that each person has different preferenceS and we all need to do what we want so that we don’t have regrets later in life (i.e. HER).
I think some backlash is well-deserved. I like reading weddingbee and theknot, but I think most women on these web sites spend waaayy too much time planning and worrying about their wedding and stressing out over little things. (Not everyone, but a significant percentage) I LOVE the book One Perfect Day - I do think it’s an industry geared at making women spend more in search of a perfect ideal day that doesn’t exist.
That being said, we’re spending a decent chunk of change on our wedding, but its our money (not our parents) and we’re being as environmentally sensitive as possible (not using programs, menus, etc. which I think are a waste of paper) and we’re really just spending it on food and alcohol so that people have a good time. I could care less whether everything matches or whether I have searched high and low for the perfect hairpiece, as long as I’m marrying my fiance and get to party with my friends and family.
Excellent post. One of the best I’ve seen on here in a while.
Weddings aren’t only about the happy couple.
I have two brothers. One was married at town hall on leap year day this year. We received an email a few days before, they went on their own, and it was done. No party. They accomplished their goal. Somehow, the rest of the family (myself included) feels a little left out. We would have liked to celebrate with them. I’m thrilled for them, I just wish I could have been there in person to give them a hug.
My other brother just proposed this past weekend. They will be going the more traditional route. I immediately emailed my future SIL and told her how excited I was for them and to let her know I would be happy to help in any way I can. I hope the planning process will be a bonding experience. The wedding itself, however they choose to do it up, will be special because it will include family.
For my own wedding, I don’t regret a penny. It was an amazing party, and the very last event an elderly relative attended, so it was the last time many of my family members saw her. People still tell me that they talk about how much fun it was.
Individuals can make all the generalizations about weddings that they like. Don’t lose sight of the bigger picture. It really is an opportunity for all to celebrate, not just the bride and groom
CreamPuff,
i’m dealing with this phenomenon with my future inlaws. regardless of the fact that many bees would find my budget laughable-its miniscule compared to the standard- anything outside of a bbq in the backyard is considered extravagant in their eyes. I am frustrated with constantly being on the defense. i am frustrated with them being hypocritical and right after telling us that we are “fancy” berating us for not waiting longer so we could save more money and invite more people!
it upsets me sooo much. i don’t look forward to talking to them at all bc they find something wrong with everything that we’re doing. they pick, pick, pick.
Why am i having a wedding? Bc we wanted a celebration. we wanted to bring together family and friends to love and support us as we start our lives together. I won’t regret spending the money that we plan to on the wedding…primarily bc we have such a small budget. our wedding budget could not buy a car, could not act as a downpayment for a home, ect
Sorry for the vent……i just dealt with fh’s parents this past weekend regarding this. 
To Monica Gellar of F*R*I*E*N*D*S’ horror, my motivation for the wedding is to have a great party for all my loved ones to share in my joy. The wedding IS in essence, a party… the marriage is so much more. I want everyone to get a feel for who I am and who the FI is… and what better venue than our wedding!
As for the negativity about weddings, I’ve been victim to that too, but in a lot of cases, understandably so. I have co-workers who are recently divorced, and lgbt friends who are angry at the institution of marriage, and who repeatedly tell me I’m crazy to get married. While I respect their opinion, it is just an opinion.
I do agree that weddings are overpriced and vendors are ridiculous to charge the fees they do just because the word “wedding” is attached… but I do believe I would regret it if I didn’t have the wedding that I dreamed.
What I dream, luckily for me, doesn’t involve some fancy overpriced venue, or some $10k gown though… but an excuse to celebrate and bring all the people that mean something to me and FI together, and additionally, it is a motivation to get my creative juices flowing with some DIY! They can throw eggs at me all they want, but I love wedding planning and their comments won’t change that. 
what exactly is the difference in putting the money into a wedding or into a house?? If you’re buying something you truly want with your very own money, why would anyone think they have the right to comment?? Sometimes I think that maybe we’re crazy for spending this much, but it’s the choice we made b/c we want this huge celebration of our huge love. Need it? No. Want it? Worked hard for it? Choose it? Yes. More power to you (and me!). Thanks for the post
I’ve seen actually the opposite. My FH and I are planning our an outdoor wedding & reception in one area. We are only having about 50 people to keep it intimate. We have hired rentals (tent, linens, chairs, etc.) and the typical caterer, music, photog, etc.
However, when I tell people (some friends) I get this look like ‘Oh, poor thing can’t afford a nicer wedding.’ Or ‘Really, why would you want to stress yourself out just to save some money?’
When the reality is, doing things yourself or “low key” isn’t necessarily “cheaper”. And who cares if it was?! This is the way we want to do it. Sometimes the media and others around me make me feel less b/c we are not having this HUGE, expensive event. Sorry, but our “event” is a ceremony for us to announce it the way we want.
I find it funny how people will openly give their “opinions” without thinking how rude it can be.
However any couple wants to celebrate their union should be up to them. Period.
Everything in moderation.
I’m sitting here now (way to pick my brain and to get the ol’ wheels churning wondering about WHY weddings get all the scrutiny.
In some ways I do think that the wedding industry has gotten a little out of control but I’m not sure why it seems to stand out when there are so many other things that get out of hand too (sweet sixteen birthday parties, “cribs” style homes, etc). Maybe I should just lay off the MTV 
And as far as people giving their unsolicited advice about their opinion on weddings (that aren’t their own) when did “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say nothing at all” just kinda go POOF and vanish?
I think there are two issues here. First, and more troubling, is wedding exploitation by vendors. I mean, really, does a hotel need to charge 5k to rent the ballroom? Do photographers really need to charge $6000? Obviously price is a sliding scale based on lots of factors. But the reality is that vendors charge $$$ because they can. And that is the second issue. Lots of brides/grooms are willing to pay the inflated prices–some because there is no alternative, some because they equate $$$ to happiness/quality. This second issue is, however, becoming more and more of a non issue with the help of the internet (talk about leveling the price playing field), DIY, and with alternative weddings becoming more socially acceptable.
People who want to preach will preach about anything–so it’s not so much against you or your wedding.
I have definitely found this! I’m a law student who just graduated from one of the top ten law schools and it was definitely WAY uncool for me to be excited about my wedding.
Other female colleagues of mine were/are in the process of getting married, but when weddings come up most of their comments are “I could care less — I just gave the whole planning thing to my mom,” or “I have more important things to be thinking about than invitations.” It is basically cool to put people like me who care about weddings down because the pursuit is not intellectual or serious enough to care about. I swear, I think some women felt like I was stupid for spending time on my wedding.
Can’t wait until the honors list is published…I graduated cum laude. So there! Obviously this is a touchy subject for me….
I have many reasons for wanting to have a wedding but the most important one is that I have been lucky enough to find the right man for me and I want to share my joy with my family and friends. Yes, I could spend the money on paying down my student loans. Yes, we could put the money towards a new house. But I will only have one day where I make the choice to spend the rest of my life with one person and I feel that making that committment and sharing it with the people we love is worth a thousand times more than what ths wedding is costing us. So no regrets for me!
I say if you’ve totally got the money, and it’s not a strain on anyone involved, and you are at peace with it, then enjoy! (and also invite me)
In our case, we really didn’t have the money at the time, and it would have been a strain, so we opted for something really tiny instead, which was wonderful.
I agree with SKM — if it’s something you want and can afford, it’s not a waste
The anti-wedding set is also the same who say “valentines day is a hallmark scam”…
Just depends on how you view the world.
And I love love love parties. (so I’m having one!)
And that’s all a wedding is, a big party, (no need to stress out, or go into debt over a party)
when brides try to make it into the greatest day of their lives, thats when it takes a turn for the worse.
Consumer confidence is at an all-time low, there is a credit crisis due to the mortgage market and environmental issues should be on everyone’s mind. Weddings are probably feeling a backlash because they are an extravagance in times like this. After all, when unemployment is at 5.5%, should one be spending their savings on a wedding? When we are headed towards a recession partly because not enough people paid a sufficient down payment on their house, should one be spending money on a wedding rather than saving it for their own downpayment? Given the perilous state of the environment, should guests be flying out of town for a wedding and should we be using resources for flowers, invitations, shipping, etc? These are some things to consider. I think it’s important to have a wedding but sometimes people get carried away. It feels like with every wedding I attend, a new standard is set as to how lavish and expensive a wedding can be.
Like everything wedding related, you can’t know what you’re getting into until you’re there. I never knew what a horrible wedding guest and BM I was until I became the bride.
I obsess because I love crafts and obsessing! Some do it for family, some do it cause they like a good party. We all justify it in a different way.
Weddings can become passe if that’s what the public and media demands, I just hope they wait until after I’m on my honeymoon!
People should have the wedding THEY want. I think that is the most overlooked quality in many cases.
We eloped recently and are just having a party for our family and friends. Mostly we eloped because it got to the point in both our families that everyone’s 2 cents made the date in October we picked for our wedding mean nothing. It was never about us–it was about everyone else who “knew better” then us and making drama after drama. A year of that and we had it. So we went off, had our ceremony by ourselves and it was perfect…for us. And our very laid back party will be very “us”, not formal and relaxing.
Do I think brides and grooms spend way over their budgets, get into more debt, and stress over details at times their guests don’t even notice? Absolutely yes. But that is also MY opinion. At the end of the day, it is relative to each person….and no one should judge another persons vision.
Very happy to read this post. I agree with a lot of the criticism that is directly towards the wedding industry…but there is a line, and unfortunately a lot of well meaning brides get lumped in and treated negatively.
I’ve had some family members question why I was planning such a big wedding (though in the eyes of the wedding community, it would be a pretty typical affair). Frankly, I want to have celebration where I can share my biggest day with the friends and family that I love. Yeah, we could just have a civil ceremony and quietly slip into married life without another peep. But we’re only planning on doing this once and I feel that I’m justified in wanting to have it as nice as I can and it doesn’t mean I’m making stupid decisions about the spending. So any of my family or friends might gripe or grumble, but I am thrilled to be able to spend the day with them =).
I think there are two things at play here:
1. I think in general we are experiencing a backlash on conspicuous consumption in particularly due to our lagging economy. People are being more frugal with their spending. The media then turns the lens on things that people fund in a lavish way including weddings. I think it’s just a sign of the times we are living in.
2. At the same time, I also think that the wedding industrial complex is at its height (Dear Wedding Bee advertisers, please don’t take this the wrong way. I love my daily wedding porn here). Back in the day many people didn’t spend as proportionately on a wedding as we do. Some of the most glamourous Hollywood women of the past had simple ceremonies, dresses, etc. Also while there is pressure to have less I do believe that there is also pressure to have more by family, friends, etc.
I agree with everyone that ultimately if you feel good about it and are not putting yourself through extreme financial distress, do what you’d like. Ultimately I think Miss Cream Puff’s post is about life choices. We’re going to be judged for them at some point.
i believe that that plethora of televisions shows that have turned wedding planning and the weddings themselves into a crazy variety of a circus is partly to blame - but so is the industry as a whole. many studies show that while EVERY other industry in our country suffers during an economic downturn, the wedding industry STILL GROWS. this means that people who are struggling to pay bills and make ends meet are going beyond their means and splurging on an extravagant wedding.
and the truth of it is - extravagance is not what a wedding is about. it’s about love between two people, and the support of all of their family and friends. a reception is essentially a huge “thank you” to everyone for being a part of your life and making the union of families possible.
so if you can afford it and want to throw a massive party, then by all means. but don’t take out a second mortgage because you think you need a huge wedding to keep up with everyone else. it’s not a competition!
Thanks for the post Miss CP. Take comfort in knowing you’re not alone.
Girl, that book by Rebecca Mead was an “engagement gift” by one of my closest friends. sigh - i agree that there is backlash and it is sad and judgmental, but i also read that book and agree with a lot of it…so i am with you 100% !
Interesting post Miss CP. We thought long and hard about this as my mother said –”Here is x-dollars — you can have a wedding, save it, put it towards a house — whatever you want.”
We decided to have a small nice wedding (read 45 guests) so we could celebrate with everyone, and like you, create memories. I don’t regret it for a second and am thrilled to have these memories. It was what was right for us and Mr. Onion really appreciated the day as well. Time to be joyous — and as you said, focus on happy things. Families seem to gather for two reasons — weddings and funerals. Would we want it to be just at funerals?
Miss CP
I applaud you for your post. Obviously most of the people on this site probably agree with you and don’t love the hate going on against those who are planning weddings and those who just plain love weddings.
I am on these wedding sites like 23/6 (lol) and I am not even engaged. Note: I am not crazy. I just like party planning in general and I am in tons of weddings so I like getting ideas for showers etc.
The way I see it is this: As long as you don’t go into debt over a wedding and you remember that you are starting a marriage with one great special day you are good. Props to those people who want to go to the Courthouse. But the same props should be given to those people who want to share memories and a meal with their close friends and family. Weddings aren’t a waste of money…people get fed and happy feelings.
Plan and be a bridezilla! I’ll support you.
There are very few moments in life when you can get all your friends and family together in one place. When you do that, you want to make sure that everyone has a great time, which makes the money worth spending. I would rather have this one day and the memories than a car (which will require really expensive gas) or a nice house (which money for the wedding can’t even buy these days). Plus, you don’t have to spend that much to have a great wedding if you’re creative.
Wonderful post. I’ve been feeling this anti-wedding sentiment too — especially when I’m doing things to make things EASIER for our guests, which really has me stumped (example - e-mailing them directions to our destination wedding). Lots of folks are like, “Don’t you have anything better to do?” Look — I’m trying to plan a party in a way that is fun and convenient for our nearest and dearest. What’s wrong with that? More bizarre is that these jabs come from recently married friends who were consumed by their own weddings a few short months ago. Now that it’s my turn, it’s all “silly” and a waste of time.
I have a few regrets about our wedding, but none of them are money related (as in, I wish we wouldn’t have spent….). Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but I think it’s rude when people make off the cuff comments toward you for wanting to have a wedding in whatever fashion you see fit. Yes, the wedding industry is a bit out of control, and in my opinion, flooded with vendors trying to sell us things that we really don’t need but all of a sudden might feel we have to have. And yes, we do “obsess” a bit over small details, but how is it any different from anything else we plan or do outside of a wedding? I have a “Monica Geller” type A personality: “A place for everything and everything in it’s place” so why should it not apply to one of the most important occasions in my life? I don’t half-ass do anything.
There was a time when weddings were a lot less inexpensive, but naturally, the economy is in a totally different state now, and you cannot convince me that there weren’t “old school brides” who spent an amount that would’ve been considered lavish for their day and time - an amount that is probably still way less than what we pay nowadays. You shouldn’t feel guilty for wanting a wedding - whether it’s a small one or a Big Fat Greek style wedding!
See, I have problems with people saying “if you can afford it, go for it”. That’s why we have such an incredible environmental crisis in this country/world. We’re such huge consumerists. Fine, maybe a 50k wedding is no big deal for some, but it still doesn’t make it right. And maybe I am being judgmental, but I’m ok with that. If I see 2 people living in a giant McMansion and driving lots of big cars, I generally think that’s wrong. Likewise, when people talk about all the excess in their wedding, I think it’s wrong.
To Livvie
But is it really excessive if you spend money to feed many guests? I am not saying that you need to have a 10K dress manufactured of materials that are not environmentally friendly or that you should print response card after response card. I think a major portion of wedding budgets go to food and drink. I may be wrong but to me it doesn’t seem “wrong” to spend money in that fashion.
Oh and to the earlier poster/law graduate. I completely agree. Anyone feel like they get wedding-hating because of their professional careers? Like because I am lawyer, I can’t have fun planning a wedding!
Heather, I would argue that if you’re spending 50k (or a large part of it) on food that is organically and locally grown and you’re having a large number of guests, maybe that’s ok. But feeding lots of people with imported food can be an environmental disaster. Not only does it take a ton of resources to ship in all the food, but in many cases (sea bass) the harvesting itself has a negative environmental impact. And I think that’s wrong. It doesn’t mean that the majority of people on this board (and probably the majority of americans) would agree with me. But I would hate to have such a celebration of love and family and friends tainted with the knowledge that a pretty decent chunk (relatively) of the planet was harmed so that I could offer an awesome cocktail hour and entree choices.
Livvie-
I’m sure your wedding will be very nice. You are very clever to be so environmentally conscience, it can be difficult to keep in mind sometimes and we all have to start somewhere, but is that place to start really weddings? Really? This just seems like an interesting place to make a stand, no?
conscious, sorry got carried away w/o a apell check!
I think brides have been stereotyped, a person met one crazy bride and now all brides must be like that. Or they saw one crazy bride on tv and now think people who are into having a wedding are crazy. Which is dumb, you can not generalize people. Why are we so judgmental, why can’t someone have a wedding. Yes there are some brides/grooms that go overboard but who cares, unless you are the poor soul in the bridal party being forced to glue rhinestones on programs what do you care?
Livvie
I actually really like your last post and I do agree with you about way in which a large part of our harvesting/raising is done. You bring up good points.
I will try to keep my wedding food local!
PS: I like your writing style…even though we are arguing different sides and you are making a serious point, I chuckled at the end about awesome cocktail choices. If you are getting married, apply for the hive and give us some green tips!
Thank you for saying all that. I’m with you 100%.
We’re having a wedding for our families (and friends). We want to share our nuptials with them - and at the same time show them a good time!
Shawn, I think it is a great place to make a stand. What better place to start than something that will probably be the biggest event (financially, emotionally, symbolically, and participation-wise) in your life?
I think I meant the weddingbee, these serious posts, which i appreciate everyone’s integrity and beliefs and I too have my own; similar to yours I might add, seem weird to me here on my wedding-craft-porn site. I use this site as a break from the world melting.
Ha Heather - Thanks! I am getting married this fall, and would love to be a bee, but I think you need to have a regular blog, and I don’t.
It’s tough, because we’re being pretty hard-core about a lot of our choices, and it’s definitely not ending up to be the wedding that I dreamed about when I was 15, but it’s the right wedding for me now.
(are we all lawyers here?)
I have to say that I haven’t really experienced any “wedding backlash/hatred” at all. Of course, we are having a relatively moderate wedding - about 150 people which is apparently average in size, and we’re spending less than $15k start to finish. We’re aiming for just a very nice dinner party - we’ve spent our money on things like a live band, a great chef, and really good wine.
I read the book One Perfect Day, and if you’re seeing it as a wholesale criticism of women who want a nice wedding, I think you’re missing the point. I thought it was very helpful to understand the sheer force of marketing and sales behind the “modern” wedding. And most of these issues are not new - the very poor wages for Chinese workers, the huge profits made by the big corporations who make the sales, even the issue over conflict diamonds.
Which, FYI, is not a new issue - if it is new to you, it’s probably because you never seriously looked at buying a diamond before. The war in Sierra Leone started in 1991, and the issue of conflict diamonds was in the news very soon after that, so there has been media publicity for over 15 years on this subject, and a stack of very good books published. Although it does seem that many people knew nothing about it until Leonardo diCaprio, that’s more a lack of interest than a lack of available information.
It is great to be passionate, more people should care about the environment and should consider the consequences when they make choices for their big day. but people should do this every day not just their wedding day. dont hate, congratulate! i agree that weddingbee is an escape/safe haven for most of us and it is supposed to be all about the fun and the obsessing!
Miss Cream Puff - an excellent post!
We’re having a wedding because it is important to us to share such a huge thing as getting married with our families and closest friends. They want the opportunity to celebrate us and we want to celebrate with them. We’re spending not a small amount of money to do so, but are trying to be responsible (not going into debt, going local whenever possible and reducing paper products with website info and RSVP, etc.). Ultimately, it will be a joint family reunion and great way to connect with our loved ones as we make a commitment to one another, not a way to live out some Disney-inspired fantasy.
Through the planning process, I’m getting in touch with my crafty, sassy, obsessive-planning self and it is great. It forces me to think about what it all means and needing to weigh choices and continually put things in perspective.
Oh Miss Cream Puff! I have been asking myself this too. What does a wedding mean to me/us? Well, Mr. Sunflower and I have been together for 15 years, that is right! We wanted to go to school and get our degrees and have good paying jobs to where we can pay for our own wedding. And that we did. Grant it, we could be putting this money towards a house, but you know in the Bay Area it will take some time for that to happen. I have always wanted to have a nice simple wedding where I show my love for the man of my dreams. I have been waiting for this day for so long. I don’t have a huge diamond ring, heck its ring with 2 pieces of gold in shape of a heart. I don’t like poofy dresses, and I don’t need an ice sculpture. This is an event that I want our families and our closets friends to be a part of. Also, I have always wanted to have my dad walk me down the aisle. It is closer than I think. And of course the first look when I see my future husband waiting for me. We definitely have some uniqueness in our wedding and I know you do too! Also my DIY projects! I never knew how talented I was until I made my FG basket!
While it is only one day as they say, its memories will last a lifetime….
I DO think that weddings are a big, BIG waste of money! That they’re superficial and shallow for the most part… “invite this person or what would people think” “I want a 2 ct. diamond, minimum” “Even tho we haven’t seen so and so for 10 yrs. we HAVE to have them here” “Send an invite so that they know”"buy the most expensive”"that’ll shut them up”…etc.
and yet…I’m having one! I keep telling myself that mine is not a show of how much $$ we make, is not a show of status or lack of…I keep telling myself that I just want everybody to be happy…forget the gossipy family member, forget the ones that are counting the days for you to divorce, forget the ones that will show up just to criticize your dress choice…
I keep telling myself that weddings are a way of saying thanks to the people that have been with you thru thick and thin, that weddings are fun…and before all…I keep telling myself that weddings are about LOVE…and…I believe myself.
*sorry for the fromage*
I had not wanted a wedding actually. It was my husband who said we had to. I figured, if it is just for us, then let it just be us - because it is about us wanting to share our lives together. I literally didn’t want to invite anyone. But, he won that argument. Because, though it is about the two of us, it is also about us becoming a part of each other’s families. So we threw a party to celebrate our families. I will be the only one in my family to get married (unfortunately my cousins have mostly chosen to have kids at a young age rather than do things traditionally), so it really gave us and my parents the opportunity to get everyone together for a happy occasion. And yes, we spent a lot of $, but only on the food/drinks. Everything else I cheaped out on. But I don’t think there is anything wrong with that! My parents offered it, and we accepted. I feel like on here people like myself are judged. Everyone seems to feel self-righteous about paying for their own weddings and getting it done as cheaply as they can. I don’t care really what anyone else does for their wedding - its their choice. But when I say I spent $18000 on food and drinks, its like I am doing something horrible. Our food was amazing. I have seen so many people say how the food is cold, overcooked, dried out, etc. but we had none of those problems…it was literally perfect. and yes, I am sure our guests would have taken what we gave them no matter what, but once in our lives we are treating our entire family and our friends, so yeah we went all out….why do you care? My parents would not have given us money for a house, and its their family and friends as well. And they were perfectly happy with everything. I just think people are so judgemental about what other people do for their weddings, when its none of their business. Which is why all these shows and stuff exist - everyone is always competing with each other…its stupid. You can have an awesome wedding whether its at the courthouse, big ballroom, beach, or the backyard.
Weddings (or any spending) are only a waste if the value gained from it is less than the money paid for it. That value gained is unique to each situation, so a statement like “weddings are a big waste of money” are arbitrary and meaningless. It may be a big waste of money for *your* wedding, but then again no one probably cares what you think anyway.
I do think that a lot of weddings go into a spending spiral that ends up costing much more than they get out of it. But a wedding in itself is not a waste by default.
We decided that the full blown shin-dig wouldn’t be that much fun for us and we’d rather spend money on something else. We eloped in March (and got a great ski vacation out of it) and we’ll be having a party for 100 of our favorite people in September. We’re doing up the stuff that’s important to us and ignoring the stuff we don’t care about. It will be a fabulous party and I seriously doubt anyone will notice what we left out.
I haven’t gotten much backlash regarding the wedding, but that’s probably because it’s clear that I’m not interested in what the peanut gallery has to say.
I spent a long time being torn about this. I read One Perfect Day when I was just starting to plan, and I agreed with many of Mead’s points about the wedding industry as a whole. That said, I thought that the book’s big weakness was that Mead was SUCH an outsider and SO disdainful of anyone who would choose to have a big wedding. I certainly respect her choice of getting married (if I recall correctly) on a Thursday at city hall and then having her friends and family over to her house afterwards for a reception — but I felt like she as an author didn’t really respect the choices of those who wanted to do it any other way. She seemed to portray the brides and grooms as helpless and totally at the mercy of the “wedding-industrial complex,” not as people who could actually make smart consumer decisions. I would have much rather read a similar book from someone who had that perspective.
Why did I have a wedding? I asked myself that a lot of times in the planning — but as the day came and went (and now as I’m starting to get my pictures back) the answer was obvious to me: I wanted to throw a great party that would allow my husband and me to be surrounded by our loved ones on the day we proclaimed our eternal devotion to each other. I wanted to eat good food with my best friends and closest family, and I wanted to dance all night with them. And I respect some of the tradition of weddings, and I appreciate some of the spectacle — the white dress, the bridesmaids, the bright flowers. It’s probably the only chance I’ll ever get to have so many of the people I love so close to me, and I wanted to show them a good time. Selfish? Maybe. But I was budget-conscious, I made a lot of things myself, and I still respect myself for the decisions I made.
FABULOUS post Miss Cream Puff!
If one is looking at this from a purely consumerist (and I daresay snarky) perspective, it’s easy to jump on the judgemental bandwagon because there are so many superficial things attached to celebrations that some may find enhance an event, while others feel are completely superflous. Not to mention the messages being thrown out to brides covering everything from “Be a princess!” to “You HAVE to have X or the day is incomplete and everyone will judge you!” the second one starts looking at dresses or reception sites, regardless of the formality. On the surface, it seems to be ALL about buying used-one-time-only junk, d*mn the consequences.
A survey recently reported that 77% of consumers feel that they are not influenced by marketing messages (and I’d also wager that many wedding-bashers feel that they comprise this 77%), which I call complete BS on, because everyone is affected and influenced by some of them at some point or another. AND THAT’S OK!!!!! The sooner we embrace that fact and make INFORMED decisions based on what we respond to, the better consumers we become.
Besides, I think most of us here can attest to the fact that the decisions we’re making are not just based off of what we want–there are two families (each with their own opinions, issues, and other baggage) that need to be handled with at least some delicacy. So unless a bride is utterly determined to be completely selfish and only worry about her and her fiance’s needs and desires, there will be compromises that will likely shape the wedding to be different than many would like. Sure, it’s one day, but that one day can have consequences that last far beyond it if there’s family dischord due to issues with guest lists and the like. But of course, that doesn’t make for as good TV as an egotistical bride throwing temper tantrums!
I hope someone didnt’t mention this above, but the timing of this post is impecable. I was one of the many women to rush to the theater on the opening weekend of Sex and the City and imagine my disappointment when almost the entire movie is centered around a wedding, wedding institution and wedding industry that gets a lot of flack! I am be hyper-sensitive as a soon-to-be-bride myself, but I left the movie thinking, wow, whoever wrote that movie really doesn’t like weddings! They almost go so far as to suggest that the “event” of a wedding is in itself damaging to relationships. Uh, hellooo, most brides don’t end up in Vogue magazine and have a dress donated by Vivienne Westwood. In short, I agree with Miss Cream Puff that there may be an “anti-wedding” trend emerging- I just hope it doesn’t hit full force until after August 8th!
MissBanana, I think your economic argument helps try and illustrate what I’m saying. You said that “Weddings (or any spending) are only a waste if the value gained from it is less than the money paid for it.” I think I agree, but (if we’re doing this from an economics perspective) you need to add in all the costs associated with a wedding, and that includes all the negative externalities, such as environmental and social costs. When a wedding has a net negative effect on the environment (an environment that we all share) then sure, it’s their choice to throw whatever kind of party they want, but it doesn’t mean that I (or whomever) doesn’t get to have a strong opinion about it.
Wonderful post!! People do ask me if I’m stressed, which I don’t get, because I’ve seen my friends get all bent out of shape, and I didn’t understand why. I mean, ask me again 2 weeks before, but so far I’ve been loving every second of this, it’s fun for me. I definitely haven’t experienced any backlash or negativity, thank goodness. But if I did, I would stay far, far away from those people! Haha. Anyway, as my dad as put it, “even if you call it off, we’re still going to have a great party!” Obviously, we’re not calling it off, but it will be wonderful to see family we haven’t seen in a while, and to have all the people we love in one room at the same time, which will probably never happen again. Either way, I can’t wait! Again though, excellent post, thanks for writing it!
What a great discussion this post triggered! I think it’s important to find a balance when it comes to things like this (and in life in general). Of course, it’s important to keep the environment, the budget, and social issues in mind when planning any kind of wedding. I know that I will personally try my best to make decisions that are socially, economically, and environmentally sound without taking away the meaning of the occasion. However, because what’s “socially, economically, and environmentally sound” is subjective, it would not be a good idea to be too preachy about what one person thinks that should mean to everyone else. It would only succeed in putting people on defense and it wouldn’t convince those that are unconvinced that that’s the way to go.
For me it was about family more than us two. I mean it was an occasion to introduce his family to mines as well to each other. I’m sure we’ve been dating for years but there’s a lot of family members that doesn’t know either one of us and/or our relationship. Otherwise I would just gone off to Hawaii with the close family and friends. I’m glad I did the whole wedding process now. I was soooo worried about being “bridezilla.” I know exactly what you mean about insult. I know part of it was all pun and games.. but it did hurt. It stressed me out so much I constantly got sick. But its ok… made me lose weight in the end (ok it really wasn’t ok for me to be sick). Thanks for posting this! Although I’ve gone through it already… I still remember how it felt when people made me feel bad for my plans. That’s why when my now engaged friends are planning I try to support all their ideas because there’s so much negativity about it now. I love weddings and of course love and marriage. I try to think of it this way… we’re spending every last time for those who work hard at what they do. And in the end… it was all worth it.
I am surprised at how little backlash I am getting from coworkers, friends, and family. And I am shocked at how much I am spending. I am second time bride and paying twice as much for this wedding as my first. This time I am paying for it all. And no, I don’t mean “we” as we live on about twice his salary, so the savings only really comes from my paycheck (I’m an engineer).
I hate that my hairdresser will charge me twice as much for a bridal updo than if I just went to her on a Friday and said I want an updo on a random day of the week. I hate that a wedding cake is so much more expensive than a regular cake that serves as many. And why do vendors do it? Because brides tend to be very difficult customers so they upcharge for putting up with them! At least my dressmaker isn’t charging me more for this dress than she would any dress she designs!
Try being a wedding professional. I’m constantly told by the media how Im buying into the wedding hype..I’m constantly told the horror stories (I must be that too!) I’m constantly told how when the word ‘wedding’ is used prices jump.
heck I’m not making a lot, I just want brides to be happy. I love weddings, i love the love surrounding them- I’m not out to rip anyone off!
I bought the book though and I’m reading it so i don’t lead anyone to think that.
I think its sad- because you know a lot of vendors AREN’T out there to try and rip brides off- they just love what they do!
The wedding industry and the cost/ elaborateness of weddings has increased so much since, say, the 1980s and I think these articles and books are a reaction to that. I can’t stand it when vendors build the day up so much e.g. “your perfect day” “the best day of your life”. I mean, it’s a big committment and we’re having a fun party afterwards, but I expect there to be many more special, fun days after that.
I think most brides would do well to be a little cynical about what the wedding magazines and the knot are selling you and doing a cost/ benefit analysis to be sure that’s the best use of your time and money.
If you’re having a full-blown wedding, the opportunity cost is that you might have been able to pay off your student loans earlier, or you could have paid off your car, or you could have put a downpayment on a house just by scaling back. You and your future spouse need to sit down and think about all of your future priorities. Some people want everyone there and want to have a good time and so it’s worth it [paying off student loans later, waiting a few more years to buy a house].
You can cut costs through DYI projects but you also have to think about the opportunity cost for your time. I mean, I’m all for DIY projects, but when I see people spending hours and weekends devoted to it, I wonder what they are giving up– perhaps they could have taken a class that would help their career or gone on more business trips or taken more credits and finished their degree sooner.
I guess the bottom line is that couples need to sit down and think through ALL of their priorities (shortterm and longterm) before they start reading the knot and weddingbee and magazines and get caught up in the fantasy of the “perfect wedding day”.
I’ve worked damn hard for the money I’ve saved for my wedding. I work as a nurse and have done many 16 hour shifts, racking up overtime in order to save. I switched to night shift so I could make more money. If I didn’t have a wedding coming up would I be doing all of this overtime? Would I be as stingy about saving money? I doubt it. Yes I want a house too, and I think there will be some left for this. If not, if I was able to save 20 grand in a year and a half then I can do it again the next year. I make decent money, but saving is not easy. It’s a challenge I’m willing to take in order to achieve a goal. 20 grand is a third of a years salary. I live very simply though. I was raised without a lot of money. I know the value of a dollar. Nothing has ever been handed to me. My parents have no money to give us. I would never wish them to even if they did.
People may tell me it is selfish and lavish to have a huge wedding ceremony. Maybe I can tell them it is selfish and lavish to buy that new car… or fancy house… or go to Europe… or whatever. The truth of the matter is, the people who criticize those spending a large amount of money, what are they doing with theirs? Donate it? Doubtful. Putting it in the bank is certainly not going to help the economy. The wedding industry actually gives people jobs… all those overpriced vendors- well they are people just trying to make a living too. I don’t feel that people should suck their parents dry… or take out a loan and go into debt over a wedding… in that case you are silly because we’re going into a recession. However, if you have the money saved for this sole purpose, and you know that you will regret not having the wedding of your dreams, then there is nothing wrong with spending the dough. Just don’t do it for the wrong reasons because you feel pressure from others.
I know that this is the only time I’ll get married. I know this is the only big party I will ever throw in my life. If you only do it once, do it up, and have no regrets.
people can bash anything ..
what is more environmentally/fiscally irresponsible — having the wedding that you want/can afford or having a child because you want one to complete your family? that’s 18 years+ of support..
is it more irresponsible to buy an SUV? what about people that don’t spend free time volunteering?
my point is that no matter what you do, you’ll never please everyone, so you may as well do unto others and look out for yourself.
also, i am tired of this thinly veiled misogyny about weddings — guess what? my groom wanted to have a big party to celebrate our wedding too! does that make him frivolous? no — it always falls back on the bride.
ps — this bride works her a$$ off at two jobs, like many others on here, and i can spend my money any way i please.
I would like to comment that maybe the lack of interest in weddings has something to do with the current divorce rate. The respect of marriage has gone downhill. I am not getting married in city hall on a thursday, I am having a very meaningful religous ceremony including both of our family and friends. I think when you plan a larger wedding, you are also showing the respect that you have for the institution of marriage. At least thats how I thought of it when I was stressing out pre-wedding over details!
don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with city hall marriages, I’m just saying if some people think so little of the ceremony, what does that say about what they think about the actual meaning.
We threw a wedding because we wanted our family and friends to celebrate with us.
Similar to many brides, I’m sure, my parents discussed their budget with me and that’s what we stuck to. 10k. When I hear about couples spending 5 times that on a wedding I can’t imagine where the money goes. While I wanted our wedding to be special, I also knew it was only one day. And I wasn’t about to enter into a marriage with loans to pay off.
In so many ways we were blessed. The reception hall provided catering, cake, linens, and floral centerpieces in one cost effective package. Flowers from the church were done by a florist which my sister used to work for. Our photographer was the son-in-law of my mom’s co-worker, and gave us a spectacular deal. I got gorgeous invites and was able to use a 60% discount I got through my employer. You can’t make this stuff up. It really does make a difference who you know.
What I do wish we could have had was a videographer. But again, we threw a wedding b/c we wanted our family and friends to celebrate with us. It meant so much to see my grandmother get up and dance; to have my 3 best high school friends and I all reunited after 5 years apart. It was fabulous.
I’m a “less-is-more” kind of girl. I didn’t want lighting specialists, or chocolate fountains, or white doves. :o) That’s just me. I think what came across the most at our wedding was love. And it didn’t matter what we had or didn’t have. That’s how it should be.
Candi, I have to disagree — I don’t think that, for example, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes take marriage more seriously than I do because they had a larger wedding than I’m planning. Sometimes City Hall is what the couple can afford, and that’s what they do because it’s more important to them to be married than to have any of the ritual surrounding a wedding. I think that shows a lot of respect for the institution of marriage!
My FI and I like to think of our wedding as a gift to family and friends — a nice party that gives us an occasion to spend time with all of them. A wedding is one of the only times in your life that you have a good shot at having all of the people who matter to you in the same room, and even though I was super-tempted to just elope, we didn’t want to pass that opportunity by.
I do think books like Rebecca Meade’s help brides be more aware of what they’re buying and why — do I want X because it’s important to me, or because I think everyone else will expect me to have X? And what is the impact on others of buying or using X? But I agree with whoever said her image of the bride and groom as brainwashed dummies who will buy anything they see in a bridal magazine was annoying. It *is* possible to be both a bride and a savvy consumer!
Another excellent post. (I like your writing best when you’re at your most reflective, by the way.)
We are having a relatively small, inexpensive wedding. Still, I have started looking at it like this: we are very lucky to have found each other and be together. Now it is our turn to share some of that happiness with our loved ones.
It’s like birthday parties: you usually have the most fun at other people’s. Your birthday is just your turn to host one.
Thanks Miss CP! I haven’t read ALL the posts above, but I agree with everyone else- this is a time for joy and celebration, and it’s great to have found something worth celebrating!
I know this has probably been mentioned in an earlier comment, but don’t forget that consumer spending (which includes the money going into the wedding industry) is a very important guage of the strength of the economy. When we spend money on “lavish” wedding items, that money goes to vendors, typically small businesses that may or may not be struggling in these tough times. In turn, consumer spending helps stimulate the economy (hence the stimulus checks). I just read an article this morning about the fact that legalizing gay marriage in California may significantly help the state’s bad economy by providing millions of dollars to wedding-related businesses.
I agree that everyone should be responsible (in whatever that word means to you) in their wedding decisions. Just remember, sometimes those luxury purchases end up helping someone’s home stay out of foreclosure
What a wonderful, thoughtful post Miss CP.
I really expected most of my circle of friends to have the “weddings aren’t cool” attitude, and I was pleasantly surprised to find out how many did think they were cool. Many of my friends are artists and musicians, and I guess they like the idea of a good, creative party.
Also, as Mr. Radish the anthropologist can tell you all about, marriage rites and celebrations have been around for thousands of years throughout all cultures. They don’t always take the same form, but the same basic theme is almost always there — that a wedding and marriage isn’t about just the couple. It’s about your family, your “god” and your community, and it’s also quite often an important rite of passage.
So, really, it’s really perfectly natural that many couples gravitate towards having a big wedding. Though I don’t necessarily think getting caught up in some of the sillier planning details is as natural, but I think it is a glaring oversimplification to say that it’s all because of the wedding industry and consumerism. Those factors may play a role, but it’s a much more complicated thing.
Also to Livvie - I have to say, while I agree with you on many points, you are making some major assumptions about “most” people’s weddings, and you are passing some rather unfair judgments.
[...] cast of bride discusses every detail of their respective big days. Yesterday, a true gem appeared: Wedding Backlash? The writer complains, perhaps legitimately, about people in her life suggesting that she may be [...]
I am excited for the chance to introduce our families to one another. I’m not just marrying him, I’m getting his family, as he is getting mine. It’s kind of a package deal. His family is from Poland, and who is going to fly from Poland to watch someone get married at the courthouse?
I don’t think I’m making unfair judgments, I think I’m somewhat playing devil’s advocate to press the point, but it is frustrating when people say “gee this site is such a safe and welcoming environment and no one should criticize anyone else”. That doesn’t make sense to me. This is not a domestic violence support group website, it’s a wedding website.
I am by no means saying that all weddings are superficial. I think that many weddings (and many cars, houses, lifestyles etc.) are really bad for the environment, and there is nothing so sacred about a wedding that should prevent people from really considering the impact that they are having.
ok — can someone please explain to me why it’s ok to blanket attack engaged people? just read the wordpress blog that tracked back to this post. Seriously - we’re adults here. We’re entitled to spend money that we earn any way that we choose. Go soapbox about people like ‘the hills’ or britney.
it doesn’t matter to any of us if you think our wedding is “superficial”. I guarantee that upon close inspection, there is something in your life that someone else finds superficial.
Absolutely, everyone should question things in our lives to see if we are being fiscally and environmentally responsible, but that’s a personal perspective, and I am SICK of these pious, blanket WIC posts. You don’t know every bride and you don’t know every wedding.
@livvie: Well, I think you are being judgmental. And by the way, who said that no one should ever criticize any one else?
In fact, I’m criticizing you, am I not? I think you sound like a self-righteous elitist. There’s a critique for you. Your comparison of Weddingbee and domestic violence support group websites makes ZERO sense.
Anyway, my point is that you are ASSUMING that everyone (except you, apparently) is making choices that are bad for the environment, and that most people are having lavish, excessive weddings. I really don’t think that’s the case. Mind you, most Americans aren’t actually rich.
Personally, I had a “green” wedding. Another blogger on this site, Miss Cherry Pie, is trying to plan one as well, and that’s just great. But we don’t feel the need to talk down to everyone else about it and try to make them feel guilty.
Also, it was a lot harder than you would think to have a green wedding (for a working-class girl like me at least) because much of it is cost-prohibitive.
All of the “green” venues are more expensive. Natural fibers for dresses, invitations, etc. are more expensive. We had to send out some kind of physical invite because not everyone in my family has a computer (again… there are still poor folks out there, remember?). Organic food — WAY more expensive.
The world isn’t as black & white as you make it out to be. There are a multitude of reasons why the environment is screwed up, most notably over population, the lack of government regulation, and globalization.
While we did chose to consider the impact of our wedding and I would love to see others do the same, I really don’t think it helps to lecture everyone else about what terrible people they are because they didn’t.
Oh, and by the way, and I grew up in a trailer, and guess what - it had vinyl siding and nothing about it was eco-friendly. Furthermore, because both my parents had to work all the time to get by, we ate a lot of non-organic convenience foods. Oh and the best part, my dad is a janitor for an EVIL company that does horrible stuff to the environment. It’s blood money, I tell you.
Maybe I should chastise my parents more, since according to your worldview they are bad, bad people.
Well, all I can say is thank goodness I have a ton of self-righteous elitist friends who are like minded and we’ll be making (and are making) national policies to help change perceptions, policies, and actions.
A grassroots effort and we’ll begin with brides! Huzzah!
Were the members of Catfancy already busy freeing the Tibetans?
Thanks for backing up the hive Mrs. Radish!
I would like to add that my catering company buys produce from the very same CSA Farm that I am a member of. I’m also having my dress made locally - yet not out of organic materials. A ton of my decor will be lovingly incorporated into my home. I could go on - but I won’t.
While I may not be able to do a 100% green wedding (if there is such a thing), I am VERY conscious of the environmental impact my wedding related decisions will make. However, I don’t go bragging to everyone everywhere about how green I am because the environment doesn’t depend on my bragging, it depends on my behavior and the choices I make.
Not that there’s anything wrong with bragging - KUDOS to those out there attempting eco-friendly wedding. Rather, there’s a problem with RAGGING on everyone else for NOT making choices you’ve deemed as “green” and “eco-conscious.” Honestly, if one is really concerned about harming the environment SO much that they would be SO adamant to shame other brides for not doing “the same,” perhaps the real issue is that they’re feeling guilty for not being truly 100% green themselves?
Just a hunch. ::shrug::
@Shawn:
LOL!
@livvie:
Really?How lucky for us all. What is it that you do again?
Since, apparently, our future is in your benevolent hands I hope you invest as much time in that as you do in scolding people on a wedding blogging site.
[...] me surprised! I never thought my post from yesterday would get so much attention! Thank you for all of your comments–I really think [...]
I would like to ask that discussions here stay focused on the issues at hand, and that there be no personal attacks.
@Mrs. Radish: @Mrs. Radish: but of course it’s totally fine for you to personally attack someone because you are a bee?! Pot meet kettle.
livvie: I think you are failing to realize one vital aspect of this discussion…people planning weddings and forking out dough for them are not hurting the economy, they are stimulating it. All of the money spent is money that wouldnt have gone into the local economy had you not had that wedding, and that is what our economy really needs right now. True people need to live within their means, but those that have money can help the economy by spending it.
And if you are really interested in helping the environment, stop eating meat and drive a prius.
@not goth: I think Mr. Bee was referring to me as well, actually.
::blushes::
Sorry Mr. Bee!
Niki - I don’t eat meat (except for the occasional piece of bacon, because bacon is really good) and i’m driving a 13 year old car that is carbon neutral while I save up for a prius. And I recycle, compost, grow my own food, belong to a CSA, try not to drive as much as possible, buy local as much as possible, try not to poison my body or my environment with lots of chemicals, have volunteered in my local community, and internationally, so I’m generally really trying (not always succeeding) to practice what I’m preaching. I guess I’m *lucky* enough to live in a community where most people think like I do (although not much diversity, which sucks) and so I’m just a little shocked by how antagonistic everyone is - I’m on the conservative side for where I live.
You know, I would love to read a good article on the economics of spending to help the economy. I am not an expert, but I think that is a large reason why we got into this crisis. A lot of people have mentioned it, and certainly its a short term fix, but I think in the long run it’s more damaging than not, but would love to read expert opinions.
Ah my apologies - I was going to delete some recent comments which I felt crossed the line into personal attacks, but the comments were replied to before I could get to them.
Thanks to the people here who refrained from responding to any personal attacks. I greatly appreciate it.
I am going to close comments on this thread, as the topical discussion seems to have moved largely to the new post on this topic. I’d appreciate your collective help in keeping the discussion there focused on the topic at hand.
Thanks,
Mr. Bee
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Mrs. Cream Puff, San Francisco Bay Area
Age and Occupation: 25, Illustrator
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 31, Merchandise Planner
Engagement Date: May 27, 2007
Wedding Date: August, 2008
Blogging Since: February 7, 2008
Venue: Ceremony at Crissy Field and Reception at the Green Room
About Me: I never dreamed about my wedding as a little girl because I was too busy playing in the mud or pretending to be Martha Stewart–but now that it's here, I'm having a fabulous time DIYing everything in sight! We’re planning a very fun multicultural wedding (I'm Jewish and Mr. Cream Puff is Chinese), filled with as many personal details as I can muster.
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