Wedding Blog
Color me surprised! I never thought my post from yesterday would get so much attention! Thank you for all of your comments–I really think this is an interesting discussion and definitely worth a follow-up post. I’m taking a break from work in order to write it. 
In addition to your current 78 comments, our discussion has inspired an entire blog post. Take a moment to read it–I’ll wait. Okay, are you back? Good. Some of you might be offended by what the author is insinuating–basically that we’re all kind of lame for caring about our weddings. I, for one, am not offended. On the contrary, I’m kind of intrigued. The entire post supports my musing from yesterday–which is that the judgment truly is there, and there is apparently a backlash. My confusion (and I am, honestly, totally confused), however, comes from the question of why. Why weddings?
It seems like there are a few arguments here. First, the idea that we are spending too much money on our weddings. Second, that we are spending too much time. Third, that we are feeding into an industry that tells us what to want, and we can’t help but do what they say. Fourth, that we are being socially inconsiderate by having weddings (impact on the environment, etc). Let’s start at number four and work backwards, shall we?
Reader livvie was the first one to bring up the idea of being socially conscious while planning your wedding. I think this is very important. In fact, I think I may start blogging on this subject every once in awhile. A wedding can definitely be a time to be socially conscious. I try to make socially conscious decisions on a daily basis (for example, Mr. Cream Puff and I share a car for conservation purposes–that car is a Prius), and I have brought my values to the wedding planning (my engagement ring was my grandmother’s–had we not had her ring, we would have picked another type of stone). I was made fun of at work for being a tyrant about recycling. So I’m with you on that, livvie.
However, I’m not really sure that it’s all that feasible for every aspect of a wedding to be socially conscious. I’ve made sure to ask important questions (for example, “is this chicken farm raised?” to my caterer) and I would never make the decision to haul my bridal party around in a stretch Hummer. But being totally socially conscious can be very expensive. I don’t have enough money to hire an organic caterer at $175/person (but believe me, I asked!), and I would venture to say that most people don’t. If I took all environmental factors to heart when planning our wedding, we would be spending a minimum of $50k, which might put me into the “spending too much money” category.
So yes, a wedding can be a great opportunity to be socially conscious. But it shouldn’t be the only time you make an effort to be socially conscious, nor should it be a reason not to have a wedding at all. To me, being socially conscious is about making the best decisions I can– not having a wedding celebration at all because I don’t want to have my rentals trucked 20 miles to my venue would be really sad to me. I don’t think that means I am a socially unconscious person.
Now, moving onto the “wedding industrial complex.” I’ve been engaged for over a year now. I can honestly say that during this year, I have not met one vendor–not one–who tried to pressure me into anything. And this is not because I am choosing the biggest package and therefore there’s nothing to talk me into. Most of the time, I’m trying to talk a vendor down in price on their absolute lowest package. The vendors usually say something like, “Weddings cost a lot of money, I totally understand…I can do X amount of money, but I gotta pay my bills.” Which, if you think about your wedding vendors as actual people who have actual bills to pay, is a pretty good argument. A videographer doesn’t just charge $2k to spend 12 hours with you on one day–they’re charging you for the hours and hours of work they put into editing the video after the wedding. If you assume that they spend another 40 hours editing (which is a LOW estimate of the amount of editing work, I think), they’re making less than $40/hour before taxes and overhead. That’s not exactly a ridiculous amount of money to be charging. I’m not saying that this “wedding industrial complex” doesn’t exist, but I just haven’t seen it. Maybe that kind of pressure is reserved for the insanely rich. I wouldn’t know.
As for the wedding industry telling me what to want? I resent the implication that I can’t think for myself. Furthermore, who cares what the wedding industry tells people to want? The nicotine industry tells people to buy cigarettes, the automobile industry tells people to buy Hummers and Mercedes and the fast food industry tells people to buy deep fried tacos. Who cares? This is something we deal with in all aspects of our lives, and we’re all grown-ups. I think we can handle the big, bad capitalistic “industries.”
Now…I will admit that I am spending a lot of time on my wedding. And maybe I’m a huge dork for wanting to blog about it on a national website. But you know what? I’m having a great time. For me, planning this wedding isn’t about having “the perfect day.” It’s about having a chance to be super creative. I live for DIY projects. Before the wedding, I would knit a bunch of scarves and then look at them and think, “now what?” Now I have a place to channel my creativity: “YAY! I can do this for my programs!” Gone are the days of pointless crafting. I have honest-to-god loved every second of every creative aspect of this wedding. That might not be everyone’s motivation for spending time on their wedding, but I know that it’s the reason for a lot of the Bees. I don’t think it’s right to assume that every bride is obsessing over her wedding because she wants it to be “perfect.” I totally don’t care if my wedding is perfect or not–what I do care about? The process of making all of my fun projects, and making sure that my efforts have culminated into a really fun day for me, Mr. Cream Puff, and our friends & family.
The money factor seems to be the issue that most people bring up. I find this confusing too. If it’s the lavishness (and of course, not all weddings are lavish) of weddings in a time of economic downturn that’s causing this, why is the focus only on weddings? As missrae pointed out, people who aren’t spending money on a wedding may be spending it on something like a giant gas-guzzling SUV or a huge lavish house, which they will then redecorate. Those things are very expensive.
Someone my mom knows is pretty judgmental about weddings in general. His take on it is this: weddings are frivolous because they are not tangible things. If you don’t have something tangible to show for your money, it was a waste. Personally, I think that’s a sad outlook. I don’t have anything but memories to show for my trips to Italy, Mexico and Israel, but I wouldn’t trade those experiences for the world. If people want to spend money to enjoy their lives, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that, so long as they aren’t hurting people or animals in doing so. As Mr. Cream Puff said, “what’s wrong with enjoying life and spending money that you’ve earned, so long as it doesn’t hurt anyone? A wedding is a celebration and a joyous occasion shared by you and your loved ones. If you’re not going to spend money on that, I sure as hell don’t know what you should be spending your money on.”
So at the end of all this, I am still totally confused. I could go on and on and on (and I think I already have!), but at the end of the day I’m not really sure WeddingBee is the right forum for debating how people should be spending their money. I can, however, say this: I am an intelligent woman (I even studied Women’s Studies in college, gasp!) and still, I care about my wedding. I don’t think that by nature of being intelligent (or being a lawyer, livvie, sunflowers and Heather, haha) you can’t have any fun. To each his or her own. As long as it doesn’t hurt me, my fuzzy children or the environment, do what you want with your money and time. I’m not going to judge you for it.
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Share this post: The Wedding Backlash, Continued
Miss CP, i think you took the words out of my mouth. This day is about us and our creativity. I get to work on projects i never would have dreamed of.
Well said. Very interesting and intelligent post.
Thank you.
Another great post, Cream Puff! I’m not thrilled that my wedding means that our guests will have to travel by plane to get to us, but if we knew the California Supreme Court was going to rule in our favour, we may have planned differently. So while I will admit that our wedding is not the most environmentally friendly, the Gingerbreads are vegetarians who no longer own a car and rely on public transit. It is all about balance and trying the best that you can in all avenues of life.
You know, it’s really interesting, your point about the wedding industry complex. Because I agree with you, that no one is pushing me into doing anything. At the same time, I feel really like there is a formula for a wedding and since I’d never really thought much about a wedding before I got engaged, I haven’t known how to break out of that formula. I really admire all of you who are into the DIY projects and thinking up all of these different touches you want to add to your wedding day. In law school, there was a lot of pressure to become a corporate lawyer but I KNEW what kind of lawyer I wanted to be so it was easy to resist the pressure to become either a corporate lawyer or a criminal defense attorney. For my wedding, even though I don’t have the career services dean breathing down my neck pushing me to do on-campus interviews, I still feel like there’s a one main kind of wedding to have and unless you really Know what you want, that’s the kind of wedding you will end up with. I’ve been thinking about your post and I keep thinking to myself, HOW is it that I feel like I’m being pushed into something? And the only answer I can come up with is, I’m not exactly (any more than I’m being pushed into celebrating Valentine’s Day), it’s more that I lack the creativity or energy to really come up with something that does not fit the mold. And in that way, it really has made planning the wedding very simple and stress-free. Buying a cake or hiring a dj is not very stressful. Maybe doing something that hasn’t been done before and hoping you’re doing it right is what causes brides stress (or the quest for perfection - which is fine, I think I’m just not a perfectionist). And it seems that even the brides who want a Perfect day, end up rolling with the punches and enjoying the day, despite it’s unplanned changes in plan.
I absolutely agree! FH and I were talking about this last night (after your post) and we decided that having our wedding *is* very socially conscious of us. Imagine how much our struggling economy would suffer if every couple getting married this year decided to “just go to the courthouse”! Our vendors have also been fabulous, and have tried to save us as much money as possible, and I think if the people who are so antagonistic towards weddings stepped back and thought about all the people being employed by the wedding industry they’d have a very different take on it.
I concur! Everything you have said is spot on. To each their own. I will not judge a bride for opting out on a wedding anymore than I would judge someone for having a wedding of epic proportions. In turn, I don’t expect to be judged for my own decisions. Odd, isn’t it?
I’m so glad you did a follow up post, CP, and I think all of us would make bigger influences / create better understanding if all the judgement was thrown out the window. What most others are doing with their weddings, are not what I’m doing, at either side of the spectrum. I do not feel the need to bash anyone for their amount of conciousness in any aspects, but that does not mean I do not have my opinion. If you feel a certain way, help educate others to help make an impact. If someone is yelling at me to be less wasteful, or pointing out that my wedding isn’t ‘lavish’ enough to their standards, it does not in the least bit make me want to run to them and do what they think is right. I argue that there are many intelligent women here, not to say we’re not influenced by society, but most of us can decide for ourselves what we want. I think Weddingbee is a fantastic forum for brides to share their knowledge on how to best create wonderful celebrations AND how to be responsible about it. By all means, share your opinions. I for one love to hear all sides. Know that though, if you give information and allow people to decide for themselves rather than blaming and pointing fingers at those who you think are doing wrong, you are much more likely to get the results you prefer.
Exactly Mrs. Sunflower.
I’d like to chime in here because not only am I a bride to be that is planning an organic wedding, but I also work in weddings and run a company that charges a lot for the services they provide, more than the “average” bridal budget and someone that anti-wedding folk would probably love to rip apart. (which i will take on any day).
I don’t charge what I charge to be greedy, at the end of the day it’s about putting food on the table and valuing your time and labor. I’ve busted ass to get where I am and know my job and produce a product that is superior to most, so I’m not interested in working for peanuts.
I’m CHOOSING to have a wedding because I know it’s the only ritual in my lifetime where both his family and friends and mine will be together for celebration. You get 2 of these: your wedding. or your funeral. I’m interested in having a fabulous wedding filled with lush, local organic food and skimping on the funeral.
You make some excellent points, great post
I wholeheartedly agree that our wedding is a grand opportunity for me to harness the best of my creativity, and to throw a memorable party celebrating the 10.5 years my fiance and I have spent together and the decades we have to look forward to. Do I need to spend all the money we have, and put in all the time and effort? Of course not. But we have consciously chosen to do so because it’s not something we’ll get to do again, and we can afford it without it hurting us. And yes… for just one day, I want me and my fiance to be the center of attention, surrounded by our favorite people. Is that really so bad?
Despite the stresses and frustrations and expenses, this has been an incredible opportunity for me to bond with various people (FMIL, FH’s family, my own mom, my BMs, etc) in a way that everyone “gets” and feels comfortable participating in. I’ve learned a lot of useful things, developed new skills, challenged myself, harnessed my creativity, and had a lot of time to reflect on who I am and who FH is, and who we are together. Sure… that can be done without a wedding, but the whole wedding process certainly makes it much more convenient.
Another great post Miss CP.
I also love making stuff and planning parties (I don’t know why… I just do) so doing all that for the wedding was really fun. I think the reason I didn’t get too much backlash from my circle of friends is because they are all very creative, artsy types that appreciate the same kind of stuff.
I did get backlash from some family for being too picky. And more disturbingly I seemed to get the “you’re being a bridezilla” attitude from vendors whenever I wouldn’t let them push me into a decision and stood up for myself. Funny how that works, eh?
@Miss Gingerbread: Hey, the Radishes are vegetarians, too (hence my selection of a veggie moniker). We should swap recipes sometime…. not that I will cook them, but I can pass ‘em to my better half 
It seems people are criticized for being at both ends of the spectrum.
I, for one, don’t see anything wrong with fetishizing my wedding. Fetishizing (adoring irrationally), or obsessing over, or supremely enjoying and dedicating time to a very happy and important occasion in my life doesn’t strike me at all as odd.
I do resent the implication that all brides are being suckered by an industry. Some of us are hyper-aware of what we are being TOLD to consume and NEED to consume. Some of those things we still CHOOSE to consume because well, maybe we like them (or just think we like them), maybe we honestly enjoy them, maybe we just want to indulge. A wedding is, after all, a party and isn’t a party (historically? universally?) a time of indulgence and enjoyment?
To be sure, there is a lot of marketing money invested in selling a particular wedding image. And lots of people buy into that image because it’s status quo or they think they have to have it to be happy. But some people CHOOSE to buy into certain parts of it (the white dress, the 3-tiered cake) because they think it’s fun, or tradition, or whatever.
I agree with the statement that we are adults. Grown women. And by and large we are very conscious of our decisions and our frivolities. I, for one, vastly enjoy my frivolities. I LOVE obsessing about my wedding - is it necessary? NO. Is it over the top? YEAH. But I’m aware of that and I still love it!
It’s just one day and I don’t expect it to be perfect. But damned if I ain’t gonna do it my way and damned if I ain’t gonna have fun.
While I was impressed with the depth of the linked response post, I also felt it was rather accusatory in some ways and seemed just as fetishizing of academic fappery as some of us are about our weddings.
So thanks, CP, I hear ya and I understand.
Ditto, Miss CP!!
Your post is way better than anything I’d squeeze in here, but I agree with you 100%. I’m not being dupped into having a wedding, I’m not having the kind of wedding that the “industry” tells me to, we aren’t going into debt to pay for it, and dammit I’m enjoying planning it and our family/friends will enjoy being there!
The attention we’re giving to our wedding is in proportion to other parties and events we plan. When we have another couple over, we make an effort to serve them the best foods, spruce up the house, put on good music, and make the table sparkle. We did that on a larger scale for our recent housewarming party. So, naturally, we’re doing the same for our wedding, which is larger in both both in attendance and meaning than probably any other private event we will ever hold.
I’d also like to point out that paying close attention to the planning of your wedding does NOT mean that you’re spending an arm and a leg on it.
@Mrs. Radish: Haha. 2.0 does most of our cooking. She finds it relaxing, so I support her 100% You and I are a couple of lucky vegetarians, wouldn’t you say.
We sure are!
Mr. R is a great cook and he likes doing it. Me, I find the eating part most rewarding 
So wouldn’t it make sense to put some money into your wedding? The downfall of the economy starts by NOT buying. But that’s my theory on things… I’m not sure if its a valid point or not. I do respect those who choose not to invest or invest little. I help with their wedding regardless because i love to DIY and party. And the article shouldn’t be fixated on weddings… it should be on parties in general if they want to get technical. I think we do spend extra to party… because it is what it is.. we spend extra to have a good time. Enjoy what maybe the last chance we can. We’re put on this earth… let’s enjoy it the best we know how. Being judgemental on how one should live their lives, plan their wedding etc is one’s judgement. So at first I was mad at these articles… now hey it’s their opinons. Oh boy I was a little fustrated in writing this.. I’m not sure if my point is clear.
Miss CP: I’m so glad you continued to post on this subject. Excellent choice of words… all of them! And I love your comments on the linked article.. so well put!
thanks for tying up the loose ends here. i think this is a very valid point that could easily be discussed all day. i appreciate you bringing it to light here in this forum and inspiriing me to really think more on this particular topic!
I 100% agree with everything in your ‘Backlash’ postings. I’m really glad you brought this subject up, I think a lot of us feel this way. When I think about my wedding I don’t think of it in terms of how lavish it is, I think about it as a celebration of our marriage. Of our entire families and close friends standing by us on the day that we choose to become husband and wife. I of course want it to be nice, but having a nice wedding doesn’t have to, and doesn’t always come with a big price tag!
I love Weddingbee!
Well done, Miss CP. And your Mr. CP is a gem - I like his outlook.
I ‘m with you in that as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone/thing, who are we to pass judgment on how someone spends their own money?
Miss CP I too and very glad you continued this topic and really the only thinf I have to add it Ditto and I’m so proud to be part a community of women that are so wonderful - kind, smart and strong
Did anyone catch Oprah the other day about the man dying of pancreatic cancer? Live every day…you can’t take your money with you!…
Thanks Miss CP for wrapping this up so eloquently!
Thank you so much for this series of posts. I am an educated professional, my fiance and I are paying for the wedding without putting a huge dent in our savings and we are spending less than the national average. And yet I feel overwhelmingly guilty despite the fact that this a choice we made together.
Weddings seem to be such an easy target because as you pointed out they aren’t “tangible” but really who the hell said tangible things are so great? Why is a new car a better investment than an evening of memories? There is very little that a human being really ‘needs.” Do we really need a two-bedroom house, do we need our closets full of clothes? Do you need those Triscuits when you could be raising grain and grinding your own flour for your bread? Is it an environmentally sound decision to have children given the rampant global population growth? Unless a person wears a potato sack, lives in a carboard box, and spends time only on volunteer work I would assume that they have made a decision about their ‘wants’, drawn a line in the sand about what things are ok to spend money on and what are not. But it is just a personal, subjective value judgement - one that does not entitle them to criticize or berate others for the value judgements that they are making.
Phew, I feel better.
I do not know why anyone needs to judge anyone else for their choices, especially if they are not unsafe or immoral. I can see where the viewpoint of the poster whose blog you referenced comes from and I respect her opinion. However, isn’t the essence of feminism based around a woman’s right to choose? I stand firmly behind my choice to have a “white wedding” and to bring everyone in my family (and friends) together around a joyous event. The world is so full of sham and drudgery. What is wrong with taking a moment to celebrate such a significant life change?
CP, I’ve been a little out of the loop for the last week or so, but I wanted to chime in to say I read both of your posts and wholeheartedly agree. Kudos for such well-written posts.
I think weddings are just one of those things — “to each his own,” yet we still continue to judge judge judge. You want a small backyard wedding that costs a few hundred bucks? Fine. You want a lavish million dollar affair with 400 guests? Fine. It’s not hurting me or affecting me either way, so as long as you’re not hurting anyone in the process, I will get on with my life and you can get on with yours.
I think we all have different views on what’s lavish, affordable, etc. I paid $990 for my wedding dress. To some, that’s a steal. To others, that’s atrociously expensive and a waste of money. To me, it’s the most perfect dress to wear when I marry the love of my life, and it’s worth every penny. (After all, they’re MY pennies and I can do with them what I please!)
I work in the stationery industry, and much of the business my company does is for weddings. I love that there are people out there who support my talent and creativity and are willing to pay for it, because I love what I do. Our wedding gives us the opportunity to support other creative and passionate vendors and allow them to do what they do best.
I’m not doing anything for my wedding because anyone is telling me I have to. I, like so many other brides here, genuinely love planning and creating things in general. So why not have a blast planning the only wedding day I’ll have in my life?
In some ways, I look at wedding planning as a hobby. Some people play video games. Some people garden. Some people knit. Some people spend hours and hours of their lives and tons of money fixing up antique cars. Many people blog about all of these things and share their common ground with others who have the same passion for their hobby. Why is it wrong to feel passionate about something and share it with others?
Sorry that was like 12 completely unrelated thoughts, but just what I wanted to add to the discussion
BRAVO, So very well put Creampuff! I dont think anyone could have said it better, thanks for the very interesting reading!
I do not regret my wedding and the money spent one bit! It was the most memorable day of our lives and like you said, I wouldn’t trade that memory for anything!!
I would like to applaud anyone that makes an attempt at trying to make their lives a “greener” life. I also find it incredibly infuriating when someone starts spouting their “greener than thou!” manifesto. The fact of the matter is if you live on the planet you are having an impact on it. Unless you live in the country without electricity (remember if you have anything that uses electricity, even solar, it took a lot of resources that are most likely not “green” to make it).
I have never understood in the many years of protests and actions I have participated in why so many “green” people feel the need to show how much “greener” they are than other people. Educating the masses is no where near the same as condescending to them. Mom was right when she said you attract more flies with honey than with vinegar.
That being said one of the first and easiest steps to help your wedding go green is to eliminate precious stones. The amount of natural resources and otherwise that go into mining, refining, and transporting these items have a very large impact on the planet. The impacts are not merely environmental, but social as well.
If you must have a precious stone (I’m not saying I will look down on you if you do, that’s your business and your prerogative) try and research where they are coming from and how they are being mined. Is child labour involved? Is a corrupt government involved? Is strip mining involved?
No one with any common sense expects people to go completely green overnight.
To turn the world green overnight would mean tearing down every bit of infrastructure that has ever been built. Destroy the schools, destroy the hospitals, destroy any form of technology, and then you’ll have a “green” world. Of course this would not work, and if this is your ideal you have seen Fight Club one too many times.
If you really want to make a change in the world start with one thing. For our wedding it’s a lack of precious stones or metals (which is why I used it as an example), and that’s just one step. If everyone took one step to make the world a greener place then that is a heck of a lot better than just a few going to the extremes.
the other day I was talking to one of my Bridesmaids and was saying how I feel guilty for spending the money we are on our wedding (below average for our area, but certainly some cash), are we being foolish, is it better spent elsewhere ? The only people who can anwer that are my FI and me. We decided it was what we wanted to do. We are excited about spending our lives together, I enjoy creative and crafty pursiuts and having things be nice, especially for a celebration, and I’m willing to take to time to make sure that happens. I honestly I decided not to feel guilty anymore because in the end I think the experiences are the best things to spend money on. I’ve enjoyed the experience of planning, I’ll enjoy the experience of having everyone I care about most in the room at one time having a GREAT time, and I don’t feel bad about it, I refuse.
Miss Cream Puff, I think you hit on a really important aspect of wedding planning: it should be enjoyable, at least some of the time! If you feel like a slave to your own planning process and suspect you’re only doing this because your parents or your FI’s parents or the Wedding Industrial Complex People are making you do it, something has gone horribly wrong.
Wonderfully written post, Miss CP! Thank you for both of these, and for all the work and thoughtfulness you clearly put into these and all your posts.
My $.02 is just on the subject of spending one’s money to buy ***things** vs. spending one’s money to buy ***experiences***. Many, many many of the recent psychology of happiness (or “positive psychology”) books report that research backs up the fact that people who spend their money on experiences (travel, time socializing with friends, music lessons, fabulous delicious meals, etc.) are happier — whereas people who spend their money on things tend to adjust to having those things and feel blah about them (for lack of a better word coming to me right now). It’s called the “hedonic treadmill” — we adjust to things quickly; consumerism is not a path to happiness. (Note that all this assumes a basic standard of living, which of course not all in this world are privileged to have.)
Two books on this point that I really enjoyed reading — “Stumbling on Happiness” by Daniel Gilbert; and “Money Can Buy Happiness” by M. P. Dunleavey.
Amy H. (Another lawyer! And another planner who avoids the word “perfect” as a planning strategy or a goal for this celebration.)
When I first went dress shopping, I took an informal poll of women in my office that had gotten married in the last 1-5 years (there are a lot of those). I asked “When you think back on it, do you wish you had the $1,000+ back in the bank and bought a less expensive dress.” None of them suggested they’d change it and have more money today. One of them said, “BUY the dress you want. You’ll wear it for the rest of your life in the pictures!”
It was then that I realized I need to let go of the initial sticker shock and create a day I can look back and be proud of forever. It only happens once, but the memories are forever. A fabulous wedding doesn’t hae to cost a fortune, it just takes a willingness to dig in and make it happen.
The time and energy you put into it shows a deep dedication to your partner, your families, and your friends. Maybe they won’t notice all the DIY touches or realize how much you agonized over the centerpiece… but they’ll feel that dedication and love, even if they can’t express where it’s coming from.
And women DO have a right to shoes… or yoga classes… or diamonds… or whatever makes them happy as long as they keep their priorities in perspective (i.e. family, home, etc.)
Miss CP, I loved reading your post yesterday and the follow-up today. I am having a small, but expensive wedding. I have to admit that I have had my share of guilt over my wedding after reading the blogs of those who are more “practical” than I am about weddings. So, I am going to try to ignore the critics and proceed with the rest of my wedding planning guilt-free, although it is increasingly difficult to ignore the haters.
Thankfully, everyone I know is happy about our wedding, and I am only subject to wedding guilt from the internet.
Stay strong my fellow wedding fetishists!
Thanks for all the support you guys!! This has been a great discussion.
@ Kelly–Stay strong my fellow wedding fetishists!
this is like a war cry! I love it! hahaha:
Thank you, thank you Miss CP for the follow-up post. After all the back-and-forth responses your first one got, I hoped you would revisit the topic. I agree with you 100%… why take it all out on weddings??
I didn’t respond to yesterday’s post. However I had a less than traditional wedding, and I got a lot of backlash for it. You know, the “but you have to do this!” comments. Miss CP, you got lucky with your vendors… I actually had one tell me I did not look like a bride w/out a veil.
All you really need for a wedding is a bride and groom, an officiant, a license and a couple of witnesses. The rest is gravy. Some people may like gravy more than others I can certainly see both sides, but I don’t think either side getting judgemental or defensive is going to change things.
@Chrissie: Chrissie really summed up what I was trying to say in my overly long post (which is still awaiting moderation? Not sure what that means.)
Some people like gravy more than others. Take a good, hard look at your goals, values, what you want to get out of this celebration and select your gravy accordingly. At the end of the day, maybe an eco-friendly wedding with all of your second cousins really fits those goals and values. Or, maybe you would be happier just going down to the local courthouse and doing a civil ceremony in nice clothes you already own. Only you and your finance can decide.
But in this day and age of non-stop “lifestyle” marketing, definately stop and think carefully about you and your finance’s collective needs, goals and values before you make any large purchases– be it wedding-related or a car or furniture or whatever. It’s smart to be a little cynical about marketing.
Thank you so much for these 2 posts and for talking about something that I think a lot of us brides hold inside. I am one of those people that loves to entertain and go all out no matter what the occassion is (even though FI tells me to chill out all the time). I had 6 people over for a BBQ recently and I spent at least $150 just for that causal affair. So to spend more money on what is a very important day for me is not that big of a stretch.
Undoubtedly, I could spend the money that I am spending for my wedding in another way. But it is important to me to have this day that is a “tangible” part of what has been an intangible but incredibly fulfilling experience with my fiance. And in many ways, planning this wedding together has brought us closer together than all of our time of friendship and dating could have ever done. So that right there is priceless to me,
A request: please help us keep comments here (and on the site that was linked to) civil! A very few comments have been put into moderation that contained personal attacks… Mrs. Bee is traveling now, but I will ask her to look at those comments when her plane lands shortly.
We welcome healthy disagreement on topics, and this and the last post has generated a good amount of that :-). But personal attacks are against our comment policy - we ask that all comments focus on the topic at hand, not any particular individuals!
Thanks to everyone for keeping the discussion focused and civil! Much obliged…
Mr. Bee
That’s right. Bee civil.
I agree with Miss CP. To each their own wedding.
Bravo! Thank you for being a great example of a woman who is intelligent, stable, and socially conscious… and STILL wants a wedding! I am with you all the way.
And furthermore, in regards to the person your mom knows thinking that the only money well spent is that which produces something tangible… call me frivolous… but I would trade nothing for the look on my mom’s face today as she saw my try on my first wedding gown, and all I had to show for it was a soggy tissue. If that’s not a “valuable” keepsake, I don’t know what is.
I have to admit I haven’t read all of the comments here, but I agree 100% with Miss CP’s post. It couldn’t have come at a better time for me personally, too! My fiance and I just got engaged. I L.O.V.E. DIY projects (knitting as just one to be stereotyped! ), and I can’t wait to channel the creative explosion to wedding stuff! My FH really really wants to help with the planning, but he couldn’t care less about “colors” and “seating organization” - he’s convinced we don’t need them (and to be honest, we probably don’t need to organize where people will sit. I’m pretty sure I’ll win the debate about whether to HAVE colors or not though ). He had concerns similar to those of all “backlash” type to weddings (which we’ve talked about at length, effectively mimicking this thread) — but his largest concern? That he wouldn’t see/be able to hang out with me during the year before the wedding! This falls under the “large time commitment” category. It turns out he’s just been a little apprehensive about planning, though. He really wants to be a part of the planning/DIY (he even wanted to organize a welcome basket. He also said something about a submarine and an elephant, so details may need to be modified..).
@Miss Cream Puff: Miss CP–I hope you didn’t think with my whole marketing research rant that I was trying to say that we’re all duped by the nefarious Wedding-Industrial-Complex monster! I was (inelegantly) urging you (and anyone else) to instead understand what YOU want, and be a self-aware consumer to maximize the benefit of whatever it is, wedding, honeymoon or whosy-whatsit. We are all literally barraged by millions of marketing messages a day, and to claim that anyone can say that they are too clever to figure out every single one is rather silly, IMHO. Better to figure out how to identify the ones that matter to us and block out the ones we don’t, whether planning a wedding or watching television–not only do you avoid vendors or trappings that you may not need but could be persuaded to, it helps you avoid that trash TV you know you don’t want to watch, but if you sit down and indulge will suck you in irretrivably (or whatever is your equivalent).
My fiance and I are not super into the wedding (our families really want the ceremony, particularly my parents as I am the only daughter and last child to marry), so we’re going along with the process by trying to go our own way while sticking to some traditions. But you know what? We’re going on a honeymoon that others would say is a huge waste of money for one week to Italy, as we’re not going to trouble ourselves with traveling too much when we’re there, but I couldn’t give a hoot about it. I’m stoked.
So basically, alls I’m saying is OWN IT!!!!
Thanks for the articles Ms. CP! I found them both very enlightening and they seem to have grounded me a little! And for that…I am very thankful! I love when people test my thoughts and allow me to think and find out what I truly believe! Thanks again!
THANK GOODNESS for this post…you took the words right out of my mouth. I am so sick and tired of the judgments made by others when it comes to weddings, most notably those who are judging based on very little information and ridiculous assumptions. I, like you, find it very interesting that weddings have been singled out, and really, what better way for a bitter, resentful, basically miserable person to point fingers to feel better about themselves? Weddings symbolize love, happiness, family…so if I were a Debbie Downer I’d most certainly choose that for my target! I wonder if those people live extremely clean, socially conscious lifestyles. I’d like to pick their lives apart to see what their recent purchases were, whether those purchases were financially responsible….I could go on and on and on and the fact of the matter is, everyone’s got their “things” their ideas and everyone chooses to put importance of what they believe has value in their lives. Should a friend of mine decide to go to a courthouse and get married and then have a backyard bbq afterwards, I would NEVER. EVER. in a million years make her feel bad about that decision. That’s the point, it seems the finger pointing is very one-sided and I am so sick of it. Bravo for this blog, I’m so glad someone’s finally speaking out about it!
Well said. =) Everyone has the right to spend their money and live their lives however they want….
The only person who has been judgmental and basically a downer about our wedding is MY FATHER! He basically has the same POV about weddings: it isn’t a tangible thing so what is the point of spending all that money? He begrudgingly is ponying up some cash but he has made it clear he thinks we are crazy. It makes me sad that he thinks that way but I am determined to have a great party for the rest of family who are excited and thrilled. Perhaps some of that happiness will rub off on him the day of the wedding as pictures are taken and memories are made. Great post(s) CP! My fiance was very impressed too.
I do think there are some alarming aspects of the “Wedding Industry Complex”, but what really concerns me is something I’ve never seen mentioned on Wedding Bee, the Knot, or in Martha Stewart Weddings: half of all marriages end in divorce.
It always seems like the elephant in the room, and I find myself thinking “are we all so naive to think it won’t happen to us or are we just avoiding the subject?”
I think this–and not throwing a big extravagant party–is what’s wrong with wedding mania. I think we get distracted by the perfect party and forget the marriage.
Why no (or so very very few) websites and magazines about making a marriage work? Or making the right decision about marrying in the first place? I think it’s safe to say we’ll never see “Martha Stewart Marriages”.
I just wanted to amend my post to say that of course a wedding does not require a bride and groom, it just requires two people who love each other.
I don’t want to dive into the discussion (largely because so many have said how I feel better than I could). I just want to say how much I loved your writing in both this post and the previous. Really, really well done.
Looking forward to more CP-moderated discussion.
What one person finds wrong may be perfectly right for someone else and the fact that what one says is wrong and the other right does not mean either side is judging the other. It’s a difference of opinion. Those are good and discussing them is good. Please do not go away dissenting voices! I think it’s great to see a lively debate here. I’d actually read more often if they were more common!
As for you Miss CP, I love that you brought this hot topic here. Thanks! I do think your experience with SF vendors may be very different from someone’s experience in the Midwest or South, in particular. I’m in Ohio and it was very tricky trying to steer clear of all the cheeseball wedding convention stuff (my opinion! If you like wedding conventions and jordan almonds and dj’s with mullets and sparkly vests and synthetic tulle pom-poms on your white stretch limo, more power to you!)
As for fetishizing, I fetishized my wedding but I definitely did see the other side too. I had to flick the little angel (or devil, depending on how you look at it :)) that was nagging me about wasting money and being frivolous off my shoulder to do it and I’m glad I did. I don’t feel a hint of remorse. Yet, I still identify with the anti-fetishists too.
Weddingbee needs a anti-fetishist city hall no frills bride blogger. That would be interesting!
Like Lovebug, I don’t want to jump into the conversation because my thoughts have been perfectly expressed by all of you. But I do want to give kudos to you, Cream Puff. Both of these posts are fantastic, so well written, and clearly touched on a topic most of us feel strongly about. Bravo!
and my two cents…
Weddings can be lovely and a whole heck of a lot of fun to plan! I absolutely LOVE crafting and design and photography. I had no idea how much I would love planning our wedding. No one will notice my escort cards? Well, my mom will and I had a blast making them. No one will save my invitation? That’s ok. Finally, I was able to design something that was perfect for Mr. P and I. People think I am crazy for spending hours on making centerpieces. That’s ok. It is so relaxing. For me, making hundreds of paper roses is just as relaxing as meditation. This wedding is my excuse to spend time crafting and making things pretty.
When it comes time for kids you can bet I will also have a blast designing announcements and choosing paint colors for the nursery.
It has nothing at all to do with money. Yes it all costs money, but since we want to send invitations I might as well have fun making them! I don’t feel guilty at all about “obsessing” over all the details. In fact, I would love to be a wedding planner some day because it is a design project like none other.
I just got married in May and all my time, energy, mula was all worth it. IT WAS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Backlash is all just opinions, everyone has them, it up to the bride to do what is best for herself not anyone else…you want to wear tulle, wear tulle…you want to wear Hot Pink converse…wear them…you want to spend hours on a Gocco, go for it. You want to get married in City Hall…these are just examples of the brides in my life and they all chose their way. That to me is women power.
Fantastic…I love this post! I hope that more of these types of posts and topics are presented…of course in between DIY projects and wonderful pictures. =)
I am hesitant about chiming in, but I hope that people will not take my comments personally, they are not meant to be. Like many here I am having the traditional “white wedding” and although I am working to keep costs down, insert multiple D.I.Y projects that I do enjoy, and being as environmentally conscious as I can, I am still fully aware that nothing I am doing is any less than what is expected and marketed by the industry. I think the point of the argument is not that we are being pressured into spending more money by any of our vendors, but that we are even going to those vendors to begin with. The very fact that some brides even want personalized programs, cocktail napkins, menus, etc… or to hire videographers, photographers, musicians for the ceremony or reception… all this just shows that we are buying into the imagery, that we all feel that our wedding wouldn’t be as meaningful without all of those things. People may be astonished at how much (or in some cases how little) we are spending on our weddings, and we may all feel defensive (i.e. “it’s my money and I can spend it however I like”), but the true question we have to ask ourselves is “why do I want these things in the first place?”
However, not to dismiss the money matter entirely, and although I believe (and hope) that most people who are planning a wedding are being fiscally responsible (i.e. not going into debt), it cannot be ignored that many couples do feel pressured into spending way more than they are able to participate in the play. In the book that Miss CP mentions,”One Perfect Day”, it was completely depressing and disturbing to read about the couple who were spending hundreds of dollars more than they had to put together a dream wedding, complete with tree branches lit with twinkle lights decorating their reception space. There is an entire program on WE called “Rich Bride, Poor Bride” in which couple after couple spend thousands more than their original wedding budget, and at the end of the show laugh it off saying “it was all worth it”. The show is still on the air and going strong so there must be plenty of women who laugh along with the “Poor Bride” when she finds herself thousands of dollars in debt.
Like the blogger who you linked to in the post, I am 100% guilty of buying into it all, and I feel it too. I am feeding into the ideal, that despite my own situation in life I feel that somehow I also deserve this day, that if the rich and famous can have pinpoint lighting on their centerpieces, orchids flown in from Puerto Rico, customized cocktail napkins, and a monogrammed cake, than so can I. But the entire process, from the day he put the ring on my finger to the moment we leave our reception, has been predetermined. Despite all my best efforts to make it different (no favors dammit! no videographer! no veil! no bridesmaids!) at the end of the day I am still a girl who very much wants to wear the beautiful white dress and marry my man in a tux.
I would like to say that I have also not had any vendors critique my choices, even in the slightest. I have, however, had lots of other random people make what I would consider to be unsolicited comments. And they are, interestingly enough, all over the map.
Some people are shocked that we are having 150+ people - they say it doesn’t seem like me, which is actually true. I wanted a much smaller, much more informal wedding. However, my FI and my mom had other ideas. And I have to say that now, seeing how many of our friends and family are coming, and are really excited for us, I’m actually glad that we are inviting what seems like everybody and their dog.
The only “pressure” I’ve felt, and I can’t even fairly call it that, is actually from something I can’t even quite define as the wedding-industrial complex. I had some clear ideas when I started out, primarily about the multitude of paper goods (programs, escort cards) and decor (multi-part centerpieces, table runners, candles, wishing trees) that somehow seemed an integral part of the process for a great number of people. I had never thought any of this stuff was necessary, and simply didn’t plan to have any of it. But reading this website gave me some doubts. People seemed to assume a program was absolutely necessary - how will anyone know who your bridesmaids are otherwise? In one post, I had an impassioned plea from a bee to assign seating and provide at least a seating chart if not escort cards. I looked at all the photos of embossed votive holders, various kinds of table bling, and crystal-draped manzanita branches. I was kind of stunned to realize that it seems necessary to so many people to have someone else do their makeup and hair, at a sometimes significant price.
In the end, I agree with the many posters who have said that we’re all smart, strong women who can make our own decisions. And I’m not having any of that stuff, after all. But I admit to spending way too much time wondering if my decisions were right. And that’s part of the insidiousness of the problem. It’s not necessarily vendors strong-arming you into a purchase, or ridiculing you for not wanting a veil. It’s all the magazine photos that imply you need to look perfect. It’s all the implications that if you don’t have specific chairs or intricate table settings your guests won’t be sufficiently impressed. It’s the idea that if you haven’t spent all your waking hours designing and crafting something fabulously unique, your day is somehow substandard.
I think that really, whatever backlash exists (and I haven’t experienced much myself) may be sort of a good thing. Because if you want to have multi-part, fan-shaped programs, that’s great. If I was your guest, I would think they were really wonderful. But it’s also okay that I think my guests can figure out where to sit on their own, and that I feel like the people who don’t already know my sister’s name are not going to remember it any longer if they have it written on a program.
Abomb26 says it really well. I happen to think that the whole point of feminism is choice. You don’t have to stay home anymore, your only function to keep the house wonderful and raise up your kids. But you get to do that if you want to (and if you’re lucky enough to be able to afford it). You also get to have a great job, to never get married or have kids at all, to work and put your kids in daycare… and criticizing the choices someone makes just because they are different from yours is really counter to the whole point of the thing. In the same way, you should be able to have the wedding you want without a lot of pressure to make it one way or another. Although frankly, I think that a great deal of the pressure is something we manufacture ourselves.
Here is one person’s attempt at answering the why: Why the backlash against weddings? (And, I would take it further: why the backlash against brides? Color me crazy, but I don’t think many grooms are getting raked over the coals. So why all this hating on the females?)
This is my, admittedly, biased opinion which springs from my own personal experiences. I’ve been an avid Bee reader for a good 2 years now, throughout my best friend’s engagement period. I am a singleton, and her MOH at the wedding in 2 days. I stumbled upon this blog in an attempt to figure out this whole wedding thing, to support her, and to understand my responsibilities.
I have struggled not with the amount of money being spent (by either her or myself), not with the event’s degree of environmental-friendliness, not with the multi-million dollar ad campaigns in glossy (and, I must say, visually addicting) magazines, and not with the staggering number of hours that have been spent.
Va bene to all of that, I say. Or in English: whatever…tomato, tomahto. To each his own, whatever floats your boat. I agree wholeheartedly with all the lovely ladies here that it’s your gosh darn life, money, choices, decisions and let’s all uphold each other’s right to pursue happiness in whichever lawful way we see fit.
This (lean in close now, everybody) is what has my knickers in a twist: the lack of perspective. There is this mysterious expectation that all else pales in comparison to the Great Event. The idea that my life and non-wedding responsibilities are somehow not as important and that I am supposed to put everything on hold and cheerfully be the wedding slave (with a smile, of course).
I am tired of the disdainful looks, whispered comments, and snotty attitudes from all of the women involved (bridal party, MOB, MOG, aunts, cousins, friends, etc). I am tired of being told that I “have” to do X, Y, or Z in order to make an event “special” for the bride. Like, it’s not going to be special if we just relax and enjoy each other’s company in a simple and laid back manner? I thought that’s what mattered most: being surrounded by your loved ones.
I am tired of this bride person and I want my best friend back. I can’t wait for the day when we get through an entire telephone conversation without wedding talk, for the day when we have time for what’s going on in my life, for the day when I see her face to face and don’t hand her a gift. For the day when she is just her and I am just me and we can just hang out without this weird and uncomfortable power differential. I am doing my best here, but quite frankly, I am burned out.
She is not this horrible individual, this monster, this “bridezilla” that we all see on TV. But I have watched her slowly melt down into this person that I don’t recognize. The thousands and thousands of dollars, the hundreds and hundreds of hours, the ridiculous social expectations have all put her under an enormous amount of stress and pressure. This is a huge investment and I understand that she really wants it to go well. We all do.
But I am embarassed by her selfishness, by her inability to think of anyone but herself. And I am appalled at those of us around her who have encouraged this self-centered, me-centric behavior. I.E. the family and friends who bully each other into putting this one person on a pedestal and kill ourselves in the attempt. Ultimately, I am frustrated and upset by the lack of perspective. I would venture to say that this, the lack of perspective which results in ludicrous attitudes of selfishness, is what’s behind the backlash that brides are facing every day.
I realize that we are all stressed out, but I implore you to call up your best friends, your mothers, your sisters, your loved ones and tell them how much they mean to you. Ask them about the new guy or the new job in their lives, give them a hug if possible. Try your best to be as understanding and forgiving as possible when they are being difficult and annoying the crap out of you. I know I will be doing that for the next few days, at my best friend’s side, right where I’m supposed to be. I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.
MsShamrock:
“But the entire process, from the day he put the ring on my finger to the moment we leave our reception, has been predetermined.” This. Yes. It was immediately assumed by all friends and family, and maybe more than anyone, by ME that we would have a big, fancy, “traditional” wedding.
We were married in April, and while it was without a doubt the BEST day of my life, I am appalled by:
-What it took to get there financially. I am one of those that weddinged herself into debt with the rationalization that ‘hey, you only get married once—why not splurge?’
-What it took to get there emotionally. I had to be put on anxiety medications about a month before the event because I couldn’t manage the stress of it all and was having panic attacks.
-How much time, energy, and follow-up it took. A year and half engagement, and I still ended up having to rush order things and run around like a crazy person at the last minute. I think I probably would’ve been promoted at my job by now if I hadn’t had a huge wedding plan. I felt like everything else in our lives was put on hold.
And I’m just not sure one day is worth all that. As I said before, it was by far the most wonderful day of my life—I adore my husband with every fiber of my being, and I appreciate all that he and my friends and family did to make that day happen…. But if I had to go back and do it all over again, I don’t think I would order the ice sculpture, the personalized matches, the $400 handbag I will never use again…. I don’t think I would spend weeks designing a custom map and several hours creating a crossword puzzle for the brunch…. I did those things for what is, in my opinion, one of the weakest excuses ever: everyone else did them.
I’ve ran into a lot of brides that are quite upset about how much photographers charge (and I’m on the LOW end of the scale) and think it’s just a point-and-shoot gig. For an 8 hour wedding I charge(d - I have raised prices) $1K and I very very easily spend 40 + hours editing and that’s not including the cost of the proofs, the hosting for your proofs online etc. So many people are quick to think that vendors are out to gouge you but really, there is usually a lot more work than just the hours at your wedding and/or reception!
I got married last year and I did it my way. It was lavish but you know what, I still look back EVERY day and wish I could do it all over again. I spent the most money on my pictures (since that’s the only tangible item that really can be enjoyed after the wedding) and getting my friends and family there. Yeah, it was a lot of money but it was worth EVERY penny because it was the best day of my life. Is there a price limit for that? No. If you make choices to eliminate things from your wedding because of the pressures of “spending too much” it’s very possible that you will look back later and regret instead of rejoice.
I have a friend that didn’t have much of a budget and chose to forgo many things. She now whines about her wedding and how she wished she’d done this or that. I’m not saying spend a mint on things but you shouldn’t feel guilty about wanting to spend money on a reception in a location you love instead of having one in granny’s backyard.
Good post - it got me thinking!
I think some of these comments perfectly illustrate how a bride can’t win no matter what she does. If you try to be eco-friendly for a certain group of people, then you’re spending to much money on your wedding to another group of people. If you’re trying to keep costs down by DIYing and shopping around for budget-friendly options, then you’re spending too much time thinking about and preparing for your wedding. If you try to focus and accommodate for your guests so that they can have a great time then you stress yourself out to the max (aka bridezilla syndrome). If you focus more on you and your FI then you’re being a selfish person and don’t care about other people. No wonder this is a touchy subject for most of us (look at the number of comments!). It’s hard enough to navigate the wedding world by ourselves, but to have fellow brides inject their negativity into the decisions we make is unhelpful and in some cases shameful.
Hey Y’all-
I’ve been a Bee reader for some time, but this will be the first time I’ve ever chimed in. In short, I’m obsessed with weddings. Obsessed.Have been ever since I can remember. But as I grew “older,” wiser, and more environmentally and economically conscious, I’ve become obsessed with cheap weddings. So much so, I’ve created a website on how to have the wedding of your dreams for less. A LOT less. I don’t believe any of us should do without anything our heart desires on what some of us feel is the most important day of our lives. But I also believe we shouldn’t have to pay out of the nose for it, either. You shouldn’t have to decide between having a wedding and a having a down payment for a house. Period.
Want a $1,900 Watters Bride wedding dress for $129? Done. How bout a $6,500 Vera Wang dress for $1,200? Done once more! $6,850 Reem Acra for $1,950? Ditto. Fabulous wedding cake for 200 ppl for less than $350? The list goes on, hive!
My point is, you CAN have the wedding you want without selling your soul to the wedding-industrial complex in order to get it! You also shouldn’t have to turn into Bridezilla to get what you want. (And I do realize that stress can spur on that monster as well). Girls, this is a HAPPY time, remember that.
So my years and YEARS of wedding obsession and research has turned into a website. It’s still under construction and will be for quite some time, but I make updates daily. All of you are more than welcome to check it out. http://www.big-wedding-tiny-budget.com/
These posts are exactly the reasons why I created this website. I just knew there had to be a better way. YAY for not having to sell our souls for our wedding
Great posts, girls. Keep it up.
One could argue that the spending is boosting the economy. California will likely experience an (much needed) economic surge as a result of gay marriage being permitted. Seems socially responsible to me to help the economy when things are bad.
@MsShamrock, I’m so glad you brought up all the points you brought up (including even the “Rich Bride, Poor Bride” ridiculousness) - hopefully it will keep me from being too long winded because much of what I wanted to add was in a similar vein.
@Rainbose, you hit the nail on the head, as far as I’m concerned: “a bride can’t win no matter what she does”
For some reason, weddings invite some of the most vicious, asinine, judgemental, and completely inappropriate comments from friends, family and even complete strangers. It’s like all of a sudden it’s open season to be judged. And while it’s well and good to say “oh, I don’t care what people say, I’ll do what I want” that doesn’t make these comments right. After all, remember the old adage: “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all”. And I believe that it is the WIC that has encouraged this bad behavior by popularizing shows like “Rich Bride, Poor Bride” and “Bridezillas” and by creating an incredibly public ideal of the “perfect day”. Here at Weddingbee, the community seems much more supportive of each other than most, but I have seen again and again on online boards women being berated for not being WIC enough or being too WIC. And we all struggle with finding the right balance for ourselves (and for some of us it’s more of a struggle than for others, probably directly proportional to how many people are involved in the planning).
As to vendors, I look at many of my vendors not just as vendors but as artists. The lovely woman making my dress (Chrissy Wai-Ching, who I’ve noticed has been mentioned on this site more than once) is not just some seamstress or a dressmaker - she’s an artist. And she more than deserves what I have paid for my dress (I probably would have happilly paid double!). My photographer? The same way of thinking…he’s an artist with his camera. If I had money to pay a caligrapher, I certainly would have paid the incomparable Betsy Dunlap to do it for me…if that’s not art, what is?! Maybe I have this point of view because I have tried to shy away from larger companies in selecting my vendors…or maybe it’s because I’m an artist myself and would LOVE to be paid a whole lot more than I usually make for doing what I do 
Either way, it’s very nice to see some lively discussion here on Weddingbee…thanks Miss Creampuff!
@Liberty Elle: I just wanted to say that I enjoyed reading your comment and thought it was very well-written. Thank you for that perspective I am constantly trying to remind myself that to everyone else in my life, it’s just one day — it doesn’t need to creep into every conversation with everyone I love, because they have important things going on in their lives, too.
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Mrs. Cream Puff, San Francisco Bay Area
Age and Occupation: 25, Illustrator
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 31, Merchandise Planner
Engagement Date: May 27, 2007
Wedding Date: August, 2008
Blogging Since: February 7, 2008
Venue: Ceremony at Crissy Field and Reception at the Green Room
About Me: I never dreamed about my wedding as a little girl because I was too busy playing in the mud or pretending to be Martha Stewart–but now that it's here, I'm having a fabulous time DIYing everything in sight! We’re planning a very fun multicultural wedding (I'm Jewish and Mr. Cream Puff is Chinese), filled with as many personal details as I can muster.
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