Weddingbee Blog

We’ll return to your regularly scheduled, sophisticated wedding in just a few moments. But right now, it’s time to get a little silly. Journey with me through some of the low (read: awesome) moments of the Lovebug nuptials. Some will call me crazy for sharing these ridiculous, unflattering shots. Some will call me shameless. But you guys are my peeps, and I couldn’t possibly deny you the comedy. Don’t make me regret it!

Remember when I said that only one pomander suffered abuse? I so lied. Good news for twenty-something males! Reaching your thirties does NOT mean that hitting your buddies in the berries loses its novely. Quite the opposite:

(Note how the gentleman in the white covers himself in empathy.)

Mr. LB’s expression says it all. Namely, “Oh my god. There’s an intoxicated, former marine named ‘Vinny’, wielding a flower mace and chasing after my jewels!”

Meanwhile, on the dance floor, a certain Bouquet Toss Champion is feeling a little naw-tay after her win:

Once my girlfriend Jen realized how quick our photographer was on the shutter, she saw a vast opportunity opening up before her:

For reasons that still aren’t clear, she became obsessed with looking underneath my gown:

Don’t worry. My horrified expression was temporary:

At some point, our friend Tom was adorned (probably by himself) with a fancy blindfold:

See the small clutch of flowers she’s holding? That was my MIL’s bouquet, gifted to my girlfriend when she left. Just moments after that photo was taken, Tom proceeded to eat it.

Ah, Tom. You’d have to know him to really appreciate it, but pretty much every time the camera’s out, he takes the creepiest, most hilarious photos you’ve ever seen:

Meanwhile, what do you do after you and your girlfriends take the Shot Train (woot! woot!) to the outside patio…?

Well, that’s easy. First you make a cute cry face, because you’re feeling really sentimental about how much you love your girlfriends:

Then, you put on the UGLIEST CRY FACE THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN and babble with tipsy incoherence about how much they mean to you:

What’s that? You can’t make it out? Here, let me enlarge it for you.

What do you think? Should I submit it to the Knot? Oh, and you sister Bees should consider this a challenge to post YOUR ugliest cry face. Go on…I dare ya!

(Um, you guys better be grateful for that one. Seriously. I’m talking like, if I don’t get a good twenty comments along the lines of “OMG Lovebug! That’s the funniest shite I’ve ever seen, and you absolutely made my day for posting it. Kudos for being so gutsy and putting the worst picture you’ve EVER TAKEN out there on the net for the whole world to see, including a small community of enemies/ex-boyfriends”, I’m telling Mrs. Bee to pull it. Just see if I don’t.)

Once that’s out of the way, you can get back to the business at hand: showing the village elders what a big girl you are with quick rounds of Ring-Around-The-Rosie and London Bridge:

Rut-roh! Looks like someone’s piggies are going to get dirty!

Of course, all of this was just a warm up. Just practice, really, for my big moment. The point at which I apparently forgot that we even had a photographer there, documenting my every high-class move:

Ohhhh yeah. Sticking to the playlist is fine and all…but mark my words, people. When your best girl buddies come begging you to let the DJ play Flo Rida, all your resolution will melt and you. will. cave.

And now, Tips For Achieving Maximum Wedding Shenanigan Potential!

1) Take the Shot Train, and take it often. Take it to up to Boise, Idaho, then over to Muskegon, Illinois. Take it until it runs out of coal.
2) Multiple photographers help, since a strong shutterbug presence encourages any hams among your group to feel well covered.
3) Assure your elderly or more conservative guests that you’re very much looking forward to seeing them at the farewell brunch, and they must be so exhausted after their long flight…

***clicking “Publish” but with grave, grave misgivings***

All photos by (the maybe too good) Chris Richards.