Wedding Blog
Weddings, everyone. We’re discussing weddings! Sheesh.
(A wedding party half the size of our entire wedding. Image source)
For Mr T and me, our main purpose in throwing a wedding party was to gather loved ones from our many phases of life (growing up, college, grad school, jobs in various states and countries). It’s probably the only chance we’ll ever have to bring everyone to town at once, and we wanted to take full advantage. But we’re the type with a few close friends as opposed to a massive social circle, and we were conscious of travel expenses for such a scattered group. So, invitations went to around 80 people, with maybe 50 attending.
As it turned out, this small wedding was the best decision we made. I’ll never forget walking down the aisle, catching sight of faces in the crowd, and feeling so much love for each and every one of them. (Though unfortunately it meant I forgot to look at Mr T for his big reaction moment — urf!) Having everyone close heightened the sense of community — people were thrilled for us, happy to chip in and help create the day, interested in getting to know one another better. And they all know us so well that there was no one to impress.
That said, I have had friends who saw their wedding as a celebration for the community at large. Inviting absolutely everyone can increase your joy in different ways.
(Note you’re in for interesting discussions if you and your intended see this point differently! I’ll never forget the description by a groom who wanted a small wedding of negotiating this process with his bride, who was from Africa and believed the more, the merrier. He: “We can’t invite that person. He’s not our friend! He doesn’t even have friends!” She: “Well, isn’t that so much more reason to invite him??”)
What got me onto this topic was a post on the issue of size and budgets at A Practical Wedding (my new favorite “other-than-Weddingbee” wedding blog), which pointed out that expert types always say reducing your guest list is the best possible way to reduce wedding costs. Having been there, I agree with that the answer is … yes and no.
A smaller size cuts your food and beverage budget, without question. Also favors, chair rentals, centerpieces, invitations, and anything else where you pay by the piece. On a more philosophical level, I believe we saved a lot because we didn’t feel the need to impress.
On the other hand, many wedding costs are fixed. You’re going to pay the same for your dress, bouquet, site fee, music, photographer, etc., whether you have 3 guests or 300. So your expenditures per guest actually should be smaller at a big wedding.
No answers here. Just thought I’d put the topic out there for discussion…. What are your thoughts on big vs small weddings?
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that is EXACTLY what I want…to have the freedom and relaxation that comes when you have NO ONE to impress!
Our wedding will be close friends and family only…no buts or ifs…50 ppl is our target.
Our wedding will be about the same size as yours. I am glad that it will be small enough to really connect with our guests. I also love the cost saving properties of a small wedding. Plus, I think I’d be totally intimidated getting married in front of hundreds of people. Funny since we blog to a much larger audience :p
I am super excited we are having a small wedding. I totally understand the more the merrier but I want a more intimate feel. I don’t want our wedding to be so wedding-y. I want it to be more like a party with some food and alcohol.
My wedding will not be small! I could only do this if we eloped, although it was thought about, it’s not an option! My parents are 1 of 7 and 1 of 9. I have over 50 1st cousins, I would say about half are married with at least 2 kids! I cringe every time we talk numbers, but we’ll probably invite close to 400 people…and this is cutting family off at first cousins w/ their spouses and children! I told FI that we need to start fights with people so we don’t have to invite them! I was joking…to a point!
Our wedding will probably be around 80 people: close friends and family only. I’ve always wanted something intimate so that everyone could have fun. I figured if there were a bunch of strangers at our wedding I won’t be as likely to let loose and have a great time! I’m so looking forward to the reception; it’s basically everyone who I would invite if I were having a family get-together, and those are alway so fun!
We are planning abit of both. Ceremony and dinner for family and a few close friends, then we are opening up the reception after dinner for dessert, late night snacks and drinks to a 100 extra guests. It gives us time to connect with those we love the most and have a big blow out too!
Ours was 40 people- my main goal from the start was to keep it small. Like Cassandra, I felt that more people = more wedding-y, which I did not want. That and I already didn’t want to be the center of attention all day, so less people meant less eyes looking at us all day, at least =)
It turned out really well- we got to talk to everyone for more than a few seconds, and it really did just feel like a fun party than a wedding (good thing in my head).
We stripped our guest list to the bare minimum (close family and friends) — which left us with 96 invited guests!
My SIL and I were just discussing wedding sizes. In our family, it seems almost impossible to have a “small” wedding. Not only do we have a large extended family, but we see our relatives frequently. It was very tough to not invite my second cousins (and parents friends, etc), but our guest list would have easily been twice what it is now. FI and I went back and forth on the large vs small wedding. On one hand, we only really wanted to include the people closest to us; but on the other hand, we felt like anyone who wants to come should come! I think we had a change of heart as we sent out invitations and would have preferred the latter. If our venue wasn’t at it’s physical capacity, we would have expanded the guest list.
Our plan was a small wedding and a small bridal party. But we built the guest list by just throwing on there everyone who we’d really like to have at the wedding. So we ended up with a (decidedly not so small) 253 invited guests, and 7 on each side of the bridal party. In the end, I’m glad we invited (and asked to be in the bridal party) exactly who we wanted, without worrying about a number- big or small.
LOL. The expenditure per guest logic was the justification we used to keep increasing our guest list! We started out with plans to invite 100-120 but ended up with 150 invites going out.
I thought we’d have a big wedding (180 invitations) but ended up with a smaller one (80-ish attendees). In the end, I’m glad — I still felt like I didn’t have enough time to spend with just 80 people there, so I can’t imagine how I would have felt with 180.
Our bigger, whole-community-type events are happening later, at pseudo-receptions in each of our hometowns. Last I talked to my mom, she wanted to invite everyone from relatives to my pediatrician!
Our wedding will be from anywhere to 50-80 people depending on how many long distance relatives make the trip. I’ve never wanted a large wedding. I just don’t know that many people, and want the people at my wedding to be special to me. This way I can also splurge for the really great things like letterpress invitations.
My FI wanted a biggish(200) wedding. He saw it as a good chance to get all his friends together and his large family together. My family is just me & my mom really,so I was a bit weirded out by this. I wanted a smaller wedding so i could spend extra money on food etc.,and invite just the people we’re really close to. Since we moved the wedding from the city we live in to his hometown, it’s become more of what I wanted. We may still have a big reception later for all our friends(his hometown is difficult and expensive to get to).
We’re hoping to keep the guest list at around 15. We come from opposite ends of the world and we’re getting married in my home country, so we’re having immediate family, 3 partners of family, and 3 grandparents between us only.
It’s perfect for us, and I not-so-secretly love that my fiance’s family’s situation is a good excuse to keep the guest list very short. We only want the people there who’ve always been with us, always loved and supported us, and who always will. Those who will cherish being there to witness us exchanging our vows. It also means we can go to town with the best food and wine available and the price will still be very modest (comparatively!). Fixed expenditures aren’t really an issue - a man who’s been madly in love with my mother for the past 30 years is doing the photography gratis (thanks mum!). We’re having the ceremony in a small town heritage home, so it’s very inexpensive.
Of course, this isn’t for everyone! I can see the appeal of a large community style celebration for other people, it’s just not for us.
We had 44 guests and loved it! Majority was family and when a few family members could not make it for various reasons we were able to invite some very best friends. Both husband and I immediately agreed that we wanted a small, intimate event. It was perfect!
my thought… is that this preference is really personable to each couple. i would’ve have just close family and a few friends if we were to have a “small wedding” so i can splurge on better favors, venue (destination spot), etc… but when hubbie said semi big i had to invite more than i want to. it’s one of those things where you have friends on certain level.. if i invite that person then i should invite this person. we had close to 200 people. i felt bad that some people weren’t able to say hi or bye… but it was still fun! and everyone had a great time. bigger wedding … definetly bigger stress to get DIYs done. the money aspect wasn’t too much of a problem… we’re resourceful!
I just don’t know 200 people and I’m not inviting my mom’s friend of a friend nor my FI coworker’s niece.
I think some weddings are ridiculously big and I have actually heard the mother of the bride say “only the best, we need to show them off, we’re not poor people” @.@ No, really I heard that!
crazy
I think small weddings are great– if you can have one, takes a way a lot of the zooy nature that weddings often get. However, since FI and I have a combined total of 85 first cousins, many of whom are married with kids, a small wedding doesn’t seem to be in our cards.
I was *really* impressed by the practical wedding advice too! Invite everyone you love and *then* figure out what you can afford to feed them. The idea of telling my mom that she can’t invite her beloved first cousins (and their families for a total of 7 people) is much more terrible than the idea of inviting them to an appetizer luncheon! Clearly! I’m aiming for a wedding of between 40 and 60 people in the early afternoon with a community reception at the oldest lesbian bar in the country that night for the families and alla our crazy gay friends. I don’t think we are going to go with Teaism for lunch though . . . our hearts have been stolen by Restaurant Nora.
Our wedding was on the larger side. My husband has a very large extended family and family members made up a good portion of our guest list. We also invited all kids. No adults only party for us! We invited 420 people and had about 250 in attendance on the big day. I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way, though. We had a great time and enjoyed having everyone there.
We’re having a small wedding and meal with about 45 people, then at least doubling that later with extra guests for the party - best of both worlds
We’re having a 60ish person wedding, and a reception in my home town a few months later. But yes you are right, even with keeping the numbers down- everything else is such a fixed cost. Unless you elope, you still need the standard wedding things!
Wow, some of y’all have some seriously large families!! We mostly didn’t face that issue, as Mr T doesn’t have any extended family in this country and I invited aunts and uncles (none of whom could make it) but not cousins (on the theory that they wouldn’t *really* want to drop everything and fly their families cross-country for a weekend).
But I think every family is different in terms of how much they value these events. In my family, they’re not a huge deal. My siblings didn’t even attend!!! (One’s too poor to travel and the other was moving into a new house that weekend. But, yeah, I’m actually still a little peeved. They didn’t even send a card.)
And Desaray, we’ve never been to Restaurant Nora. If it beats Teaism, we’ll definitely have to check it out!
[...] This post from Mrs. Tulip on Weddingbee talks about the size of her wedding overall, and how the wedding party in the photo she included being “half the size of her entire wedding,” and I’m sure she’s not the only one thinking that way, especially in a time that appears to be getting rough, economically, for a lot of Americans. [...]
our goal was to keep it small and we found a venue to keep it that way, despite FI’s large extended family. thankfully, i love his family like my own, so it all works out. our wedding will be primarily family and friends we consider family. most of our extended social circle are understanding, especially since we’ll have a larger more relaxed dance reception later in the year for our dance friends. that way, we’re getting the best of both - an intimate wedding (55 guests MAX) plus a larger fun time with our community.
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Mrs. Tulip, DC
Age and Occupation: 36, Retired
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 33, Counsel/DOO for Small Gov't Contractor
Engagement Date: August 8, 2007
Wedding Date: March, 2008
Venue: Still Looking!
About Me: In all my dreams of the man I'd someday marry, I never pictured anyone as perfect for me as Mr. Tulip. So now we just have to make it through the craziness of the wedding and the moving in together! I love crafts, sewing, jewelry making, and photography, so am looking forward to this chance for DIY fun. When not wedding planning, I'm playing with our dog and 4 cats, Ebay shopping, or watching too much TV (often simultaneously!).
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