Over the course of a relationship, two people change each other. They share their loves and their personal experiences and through these exchanges, their personal opinions and tastes are altered. As I’ve written before, Mr. Hum and I have shared a lot over the four years we’ve been together and I think that this kind of sharing has been for our better. We’ve introduced each other to and influenced each other’s opinions about things like food, video games, literature, tv and movies and it’s been great.
However, one area where our tastes are vastly different is music and I think, no matter how much exposure we have to each other’s CD collections, this is unlikely to change.
Basically, we sit on two ends of the spectrum. Mr. Hum has very specific music tastes which lie in either the spastic ska style (think along the lines of Less Than Jake and Goldfinger) or the “I am woman, hear me ovulate” genre (Tori Amos and Sarah McLachlan are a couple of the big figureheads).
As for me, I tend to be more of a mixed bag. I was raised by father with a degree in music composition and engineering and after college, I worked for an alternative arts newspaper, so I’ve been exposed to a tonne of different stuff, and as a result, my iPod is some what schizophrenic. In any given afternoon, my playlist will hop from the jazzy melodies of Ella Fitzgerald, to the new wave sound of The Cars, to the rap stylings of Jurassic 5 to the guitar driven rock of Queens of the Stone Age. I like almost everything . . . except what Mr. Hum likes.
Normally, this difference of opinion totally doesn’t matter, but with the wedding 10 days away (woohoo!), picking out a first dance song has proven rather difficult. If he likes it, I don’t and if I like it, he doesn’t. Right now, the closest thing we have to a song is “The Most Beautiful Girl” by Flight of the Conchords because we sing that to each other all the time as a joke, but even then, I am hesitant to pick that because I’m not sure all of our guests would get it (plus I’m slightly worried if we went with that one, our older relatives would think Mr. Hum was calling me a prostitute because of the lyrics).
Anyway, I’m a little stumped here so I’m asking for feedback - what is/was your first dance song? How did you pick it?
As a thank you for your advice, I post below the song I stole my post title from - “We Will Still Need A Song” by good old Canadian boy Hawksley Workman. If you like it, I highly recommend his albums For Him And The Girls and (Last Night We Were) The Delicious Wolves, since they contain what I think are two incredibly beautiful written songs, “Don’t Be Crushed” and “Your Beauty Must Be Rubbing Off“.
(Yes I hyper-linked to live versions of those songs and an interview with him too. It’s all about the Hawksley love today.)
“My Love for You is Real” by Ryan Adams. We both love him and the song is sweet on the surface but has such depth when you really listen to the lyrics. It makes me cry thinking about dancing our first dance to it!
Our song will be Aqualung’s Brighter than Sunshine. I saw jim in concert not long after we started dating and made the song my ringtone for my FI. It has been that for almost 4 years now and it just became our song that way.
@Jen: I LOVE that song! awww I had forgotten about it too, where is my darn IPOD?!?
Oh & FH and My song is The Girl from Ipanema, so we won’t be using that so we are also trying to find a better song = Thanks Jen!
We are going with “Into the Mystic” by Van Morrison. I’m not even sure how it became “our” song, but it has been for the better part of our four years together.
no advice, and we lack a song too… just wanted to say we are HUGE Flight of the Conchords fans too 
Totally untraditional and a little fast, but uber sweet: Yellow Card’s “Dear Bobbie”–http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=73EKvEEzEOM (YouTube Audio)
We danced to “Into the Mystic” by Van Morrison. We both love classic rock and all of our first choice songs were around 5 or 6 minutes (TOO LONG!). It has really lovely lyrics and isn’t too long. Worked great for us.
We’re going with Neil Young’s Falling off the Face of the Earth b/c my fiance’ is a HUGE Neil Young fan and that song was really meaningful and memorable with regards to our first few months of dating and falling in love.
I have no helpful suggestions, Miss Hummingbird — I just wanted to say that I’m in the same boat. My FI and I have pretty different tastes in music, and I haven’t thought of a good first dance song yet. Everything FI thinks is romantic, I think is unbearably cheesy and/or boring. Prime example: Eric Clapton’s “Wonderful Tonight.” With apologies to the millions of people who adore that song, I absolutely can’t stand it 
We danced to Nina Simone’s “Our Love Will See Us Through”, which barely beat Al Green’s “Let’s Stay Together”… both great wedding songs, says I.
We are not having dancing, but if we were it would be Ben Harper, Diamonds on the Inside.
My fiance and I are really into movies, so I’ve been listening to the soundtracks/scores of our favorite movies to see if I find our song. Maybe you can try the same?
Ours was Jack Johnson’s “Better Together,” it just summed everything up for us. We knew when we were testing songs out and this one got us both teary eyed.
Originally I was trying to get him to go for Led Zep’s “Thank You” but he wouldn’t budge. I just love that song
This is a tough decision. We’re still in the deciding factor as well. My fiancce wants Ben Harper’s Forever, but after his brother’s wife walked down the aisle to it, I’m not sold. It’s a great song though if you haven’t heard it.
My sister recommends having the man pick it and it be a suprise. Maybe?
Other place to look for songs that you might both like: MOVIES. Do you guys have a favorite movie? Check out the soundtrack. My FI and I got 1 of “our songs” (and the one we will be first dancin it to) from Notting Hill - Ronan Keatins “Nothing at all”. It wasn’t a song I would have picked as “our” originally, but we watched the movie so many times together that the first time we heard it on the radio it was the “make googley eyes and hold hands” spontaneous gush moment that made us associate it as 1 of our songs.
-Ronan Keatin - “Nothing at All” (first dance)
-Rascal Flatts - “Bless the broken road” (violin will play this as i process up the ailse) (cheesy - a bit. but the lyrics are true to us)
-Great Big Sea - “Sea of No Cares” (last dance - and maybe sword arch entrance)
We still haven’t picked our songs but I just wanted to say that I love, love, love Hawksley!
I love this live version of Paolo Nutini’s “Loving You” (and yes, I have a totally inappropriate old-lady crush on the 21-year-old)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gx0QERxjjno&feature=related
Which reminds me, I need to get Mr beanchar to use his little program that converts YoutTube audio to mp3s for this little gem.
Oh and LOL about the “I am woman, hear me ovulate” genre. Mr beanchar: “I like football and Tori Amos. I am the PERFECT man!”
You could pick a movie theme…like the Star Wars or Superman theme or something from a movie you both love or the first one you saw together. There’s nothing that says it has to have words, just that it will bring back memories and you can, preferebaly, dance to it.
OR:
Is there a song that you both heard a lot during your childhoods? Even if it isn’t a favorite or a romantic song but something that resonates because you both grew up hearing it; perhaps because your parents loved it? For instance, I will always associate the Beach Boys and songs like Peggy Sue with my dad since we used to sing them in the truck. Or both my parents come to mind when I here a few of Creadance Clearwater Revival’s songs. Is there anything that coinsides for both of you like that. This way it may not be your specific taste but it can be something that is meaningful…creating memories as a family in relation to music.
Dude. I LOVE Flight of the Concords! And yes, I’m thinking that without some careful editing your guests WOULD be confused by those lyrics.
What is it with guys and Tori Amos??? Mr. Pom loves Tori Amos as well! He always joked that the perfect woman is a cross between Tori Amos and Deanna Troi. EXCEPT when she broke up with you - cause she’d write some HARSH songs about the breakup. LOL.
As for a song that would work for you - is there a song that one of you likes, that has been re-done in a different musical genre to fit both your personalities? That might work…
If nothing else you can always go for the uber cheesy and adorable “I want to grow old with you” by Adam Sandler in the movie The Wedding Singer. I have contemplating using it as ours… but you can borrow it! Lol… We are into Rockabilly and love old blues and jazz… the entire reception soundtrack is a mix of ella fitzgerald, billie holiday, sarah vaughan and louis armstrong… good luck!
I totally love Juno’s “All I want is you” - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=20PQBtyfNZY
My fiance and I sing it to each other all the time - and it talks about bees! Perfect for a weddingbee!
Our song genre is being decided by our choice of first dance - a tango! I knew I wanted to take dance lessons for the wedding (I’ve been a dancer all my life). My fiance and I took a ballroom basics class a couple of years ago and discovered that 1. Fiance really likes the tango, and 2. Since I wasn’t already familiar with the tango, I didn’t try to lead.
The tango song from True Lies is under consideration, since it’s so recognizable, but I’m still searching for one with more romantic lyrics.
hawksley workman for the win! it’s all about the striptease song….
hmm Colin Hay’s {waiting for my life to begin}- it’s a keeper!
Yeah, we almost went with Ani diFranco’s “As Is” for our song, but thought grandma wouldn’t understand that the line “just give up and admit your an a-hole” is actually very sweet in context.
My man loves angsty chic music too. And bad metal. And show tunes. Sigh.
Try this on for size:
I WILL FOLLOW YOU INTO THE DARK - Death Cab For Cutie
It’s haunting, a bit dar, but real, and beautiful. A dash alternative and totally original. I got married last October and my husband and I agonized over finding a song because we are huge music people. When we heard this we just knew…and so many of our friends and family were moved by it.
Regardless, GOOD LUCK and CONGRATULATIONS!
Even after 11 years of dating we didn’t have one specific song that was “us”. We were all over the board but settled on “More” by Bobby Darin. We made a playlist in iTunes and each added songs then went through them together. Kind of wish we would’ve went with something slower but “oh well”. Glad we didn’t stress over it too much b/c honestly most people were talking through it.
We got our playlist to our DJ with a day or so to spare and gave him way too many songs to download… resulting in no Flight of the Conchords at the reception. I was so bummed 
We thought “The Most Beautiful Girl” would be an amazing first dance w/ proper edits. My brother’s name is Brett and I think he is sick of us telling him to “wear the eyepatch”.
“You know you’re not in high finance when considering second hand underpants…”
We decided on Hawksley’s ‘Safe and Sound’ independently of each other the day after we got engaged (it was on the CBC Radio 3 podcast that we both listened to while 3000km apart). We’re not getting married for another 2 monthsm but we still can’t sing it together without both of us getting weepy.
Link: http://radio3.cbc.ca/play/band/Hawksley-Workman/Safe-and-Sound/
and lyrics for the interested:
You slept through the last small town,
I’ll wake you up when the next one comes around.
Your eyes are closed, like you truly believe
You’re safe and sound with me
No looking back, no turning into salt.
The city was crumbling but, baby, we’re not to fault.
When things got too rough, I promised you we’d leave.
You’re safe and sound with me.
You’re safe and sound with me,
Just like you always will - just like you always will be.
The wipers clear the windshield of the rain.
My shirt sleeve dries your eyes the very same.
We fit together like the ignition and the key.
You’re safe and sound with me.
You’re safe and sound with me,
Just like you always will - just like you always will be.
You’re safe and sound with me,
Just like you always will - just like you always will be.
The glove box light shines bright enough to see.
You read the map like you were reading poetry.
And it just might take you forever to see,
That you’re safe and sound with me.
sigh. Time to go dance with my FH. 
Wedding #1 the song was ‘The Best Days’ by the Softies. I’m not sure why it wasn’t ‘It’s Love’ (which is like treacle). The first song hubby #2 and I danced to was ‘Fools Rush In’ (an oldie but a goodie).
I almost snorted coffee when I read that line about “I am woman, hear me ovulate.” Talk about hitting the nail right on the head.
@annieoakley - Just discovered Death Cab for Cutie (big Postal Service fan) and LOVE that song. Good choice.
What about Imogen Heap? She’s an ovulating woman, but has an edge to her (and is not mainstream). Maybe she has something worth dancing too…I like ‘Let Go’ but obviously not wedding material.
Wow. I got nowhere with this comment. Oh well.
My FI and I are similar to your situation — very different musical tastes, and this has been a difficult part of the wedding planning. BUT . . . he has always said he wanted to “make one someone happy” (just like the old Jimmy Durante song), and it is just like him to say that — so true to his loving, giving nature. The version of this song (Make Someone Happy — I think it was in Sleepless in Seattle, though that isn’t why we like it) that Durante sings is sparkly, upbeat, and only about two minutes long — perfect! I love what it says, and I brought him in to listen to it on the computer one night and we danced and cried to it, so that is the one we will be dancing to!
In other words, we picked something that was sort of outside of the type of music we would normally listen to but something that perfectly expressed at least one of us and the tone of our relationship.
I hope you can find something works that well for the both of you too!
okay, our first dance song is a little odd and it took us over a year and a half to decide on it, but it’s going to be “he needs me”….the song shelly duvall sings in “popeye” and was later used in “punch drunk love” (we’re using the “punch drunk love” version because it’s a little more melodic and it’s one of our favorite movies). i’m sure some of the older guests will think we’ve lost our mind when this plays because some of the lyrics are kind of psychotic, but we find them endearing. we’re both HUGE movie fans and the majority of our reception music and even some of our ceremony music will be from movie soundtracks. plus, when we tried dancing to this it just put huge smiles on our faces:) good luck!
Some downtown artists:
You Picked Me by A Fine Frenzy is really cute, if a little slow.
Lucky Ones by Ian Axel
Hold On by Tim Armstrong.
All About Us by Brazilian Girls
I’m into the “ovulate, ska & showtunes” genres… the lover likes techno, electronica and lupe fiasco…
How about ‘Somersault’ by Zero 7? (The studio album version, rather than the live one!) Gorgeous (if a little kooky!) lyrics!
@annieoakley: Good choice! That would be my pick, if we didn’t have one already.
Our song is “The Luckiest” by Ben Folds. One of the first inklings I had that fiance & I would be good for each other was one of the first days I knew him. We were talking about our favorite music when he asked, “Have you ever heard of Ben Folds?” My heart smiled.
Another one of my faves is “This Years Love” by David Gray.
Many of my favorite songs have been chosen because they were like soundtracks to my life when I first heard them. Keep an ear out for those songs!
I wrote our wedding song. Having said that, some close friends of ours almost picked the main theme from ‘Beauty and the Beast’. However, upon reflection, they realized that one of them would be labelled a beauty, and the other… they ended up going with a different tune.
We’re using the “The Way I Am” by Ingird Micahelson. It’s short, sweet, and has a beautiful message.
@annieoakley: That song makes me cry Every. Single. Time. i hear it. While i considered “I Will Follow You into the Dark” for a LONG time, i think we’re going with “Caroline I See You,” by James Taylor. That song, while just a little less profound, 1) is by my favorite artist, 2) has my name in it (hee!), 3) has a 90-second long intro which we can cut out, thus shortening the song significantly, which is a good thing, and 4) won’t have me totally bawling all over the place. I mean, any more than i will be already.
Plus, it contains the line “make it melt like chocolate.” Chocolate, JT, and my newly-minted husband = perfection!
no advice from me, but i just wanted to pipe up that your very first 2 sentences of this post hit me….i am not sure if this is an altered quote i’ve heard before or what….but its resonating with me this morning….enough that i must copy and paste it into my little Word document of possible quotes to include in our wedding program/favors.
if i were to use it, i can imagine how hilarious it will be that under the quote it would read “-Miss Hummingbird, WeddingBee.com”
Hooray for all the FOTC fans! I knew the ladies in the hive were cool.
(@megs08: Hahaha - your poor brother!)
@kristin @ the fairmount bride and @Jasmine: We definitely have this one on our dancing playlist since my dad used to play Van Morrison around the house a lot when I was a kid.
@MelissaB: I kind of feel you on the Clapton thing. I totally appreciate that it means something to some people, but I think Clapton is highly overrated in general.
@mhb: Al Green is totally one of my musical boyfriends and we have three of his songs in our wedding.
@treclit: and @kim: Online high fives for Hawksley love!
@Kitty: I love that song and your story made me tear up! Congrats to you guys! That is so cool.
@GetMarried4Less: You are a total sweetheart! Thank you for the compliment.
this wont help you but…
Imagine the look on your older relatives faces if you danced to “If your into it” from Flight of the conchords yoko episode
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pY8jaGs7xJ0 by far my FAVORITE conchords song - yes yes yes!!!
@karianne: Ha - that would be priceless!
We were thinking about making our entrance to Foux de fa fa … especially where they get a bit discoy at the end. 
I say just let the dj/band/ipod pick it! We didn’t have a “our song” either and three days before we left for our wedding we were watching a cheesy movie called “Beyond the Sea” and the song rolling with the credits was called “More”. We looked at each other, said oh good a song we can use, and went with that. Who knew that Kevin Spacey could be so inspiring! Good Luck Ms. Hum!
I adore Hawksley Workman. Some of his tunes will surely make it into our dinner playlist…and if we were having a winter wedding, “A House or Maybe a Boat” would have been a contender for *our song*.
We’re using a song called “That, for Me, is You” by an indie artist from Philadelphia named Jim Boggia. (You can find it on YouTube if you’re interested…I’m too lazy to link it!)
We are actually planning on a medley of 3 songs that have meaning: Dixie Chicken (Little Feat), Never Tear Us Apart (INXS), and Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me (Mel Carter). It’s sort of a strange trio, but it works for us. Maybe, if you’re willing to go from eclectic to ovulation (fantastic description, btw) in 2.5 seconds :), it could work for you too.
I love Brighter than Sunshine by Aqualung, tried to get DH to have it be our first dance, to no avail. Our first dance was to A Kiss to Build a Dream On by Louis Armstrong. Another option that lost out was Man and Wife by Michelle Featherstone, that song gets me teary eyed.
Our song is “I love how you love me” by Phil Spector. My honey loves the version done by Jeff Mangum from Neutral Milk Hotel. Our friend Michelle is going to sing it live and play guitar. It’s so SWEET. Sometimes my FI breaks into it when we’re just sitting or driving around…
We Will Still Need a Song features my favourite opening line possibly of all time. Hawksley Workman is so good, and so much better even live.
We used the Luckiest by Ben Folds as well, but another top contender was I Will Follow You Into the Dark by Death Cab. Which, paying more attention, I see somebody else has also recommended.
If you’re going FotC, I think you should think about Think About It - it’s not very romantic, but is definitely the funniest. “Why are we still paying so much for sneakers when they’re being made by little slave kids?”
Mrs. Hummingbird, Toronto
Age and Occupation: 25, Publishing Coordinator
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 24, Videogame Designer/Cartoonist
Engagement Date: May 4, 2007
Wedding Date: June 28, 2008
Blogging Since: September 18, 2007
Venue: A garden wedding followed by a tented reception on Mr. Hummingbird's father's property.
About Me: I’m a pop culture loving, vintage obsessed foodie living in Canada’s biggest city with my fantastic fiancé and our lovable fluffy cat Bettie. I’m stoked to marry my best friend and to throw what I hope will be
the most fun and colourful party of our lives.
I’ll buy you a kabab!
My fiance veto’d that song as our first dance, but I vote yes.