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Mrs. Green Tea, Sacramento Age and Occupation: 30, Tea Analyst Fiance's Age and Occupation: 31, Coffee Critic Engagement Date: November 17, 2006 Wedding Date: August 23, 2008 Blogging Since: June 10, 2008 Venue: Vineyard on the Delta About Me: I'm just your average obsessive compulsive, arts & crafts loving, funky-on-the-inside/boring-on-the-outside girl, who dares to say 'Hey! I can make that!' Nerdy professional by day, goofy won-ton by night. The won-ton sometimes comes out during the day when I'm fed the dollar breakfast at Ikea. Since our engagement, wedding planning has put me on high alert for bargains and I've been pushing my nimble fingers through callous building experiments!
About Mrs. Green Tea

I Don’t Even Know Her Name

June 19th, 2008 @ 10:32 am by Mrs. Green Tea

I hated dress shopping. The attention, the price tags, the sales people, the stage with special lighting, the awwww’s from strangers were all just entirely too much for me to handle. I envy those of you who have/had great experiences filled with fussy, teary, bonding moments. I came to grips with reality long ago though and realized I would not have those. So it was all good, and I moved on.

I found out Brides Against Breast Cancer had a gown sale in town back in February ’07, 3 months after our engagement. The idea of that inevitable payment for a wedding dress going towards a good cause thrilled me. I had no expectations of falling in love with my wedding dress, for I do not think it’s possible for me.  I was simply looking for something that worked. My criteria included 1. champagne color, 2. fit me.

My MOH and I arrived at the event and found a room full of gowns and volunteers.

I Don't Even Know Her Name :  wedding sacramento wedding dress Babc2
Image courtesy of BABC

The set up and ’sales force’ were super minimal, just how I like it. We went through the gowns in my size, picked out a few, and went into the dressing room. The dressing room was simply a big separate area with racks scattered, completely open.

I Don't Even Know Her Name :  wedding sacramento wedding dress Babc6
Image courtesy of BABC

I was trying on dresses with many other girls in the room. Most brought company as I did, and those who went alone got plenty of friendly help from the rest of us. After many hours of trying dresses and narrowing down the choices and trying them on again, we ended up with this (both blurry pics and no frill pics included) :

I Don't Even Know Her Name :  wedding sacramento wedding dress Z150227 dress01-vi

I Don't Even Know Her Name :  wedding sacramento wedding dress Z15022701 dress02-vi

I Don't Even Know Her Name :  wedding sacramento wedding dress Z15022702 dress2-vi

I Don't Even Know Her Name :  wedding sacramento wedding dress Z15022703 dress3-vi 

She is by Maggie Sottero, but I do not know her name. When I found her on the rack she had tags on, everything perfectly zipped, tucked, and buttoned up, as if she had never been touched. She cost $750, which I was assured would go directly towards flying family members to see their loved ones suffering from breast cancer.

Is it horrible that I don’t feel the connection that most brides seem to have with their wedding dresses? I mean, I think the dress is gorgeous… for somebody. It’s just that strapless, poofy, long train, sparkles everywhere… none of it is really me. As a matter of fact, I had it on when I showed my brother (who knows me very well and whose opinion I do not take lightly) for the first time, and he was all surprised.

Me: So what do you think?
Bro: ehh… it’s a really nice dress
Me: So you don’t like it
Bro: No, I just never pictured you choosing something like this
Me: Shat did you picture me in?
Bro: Something more modern looking, not all poofy I guess
Me: Me too…

It’s done, the purchase had long been made and I sure ain’t throwing another penny on a dress. Could I have found a cheaper dress that I liked more than this? Probably. It’s actually really unlike me to make such a decision so quickly without shopping around. Though not tax deductible, I thought of the dress payment as a donation. It was the only way I could justify spending so much money on a dress I wear once. I drool over gowns by Claire Pettibone all the time, I can’t help it. But that’s it. While I’m envious of those who get giddy just thinking about their dresses, I have to say that I would probably do what I did again. I’m not an altruist, I’m just practical and the wedding dress is much lower in my priority ranking compared to most brides. Oh and, bridal sales people scare the crap out of me.

Anywho that’s my dress story.

How important was your wedding dress to you?

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53 Responses to “I Don’t Even Know Her Name”

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1.
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Guest
jc

I would try to sell it if you don’t like it. It’s really pretty! My dress is so important to me and I love sneaking looks at it hanging in my closet. When you look at your wedding pictures you should love your dress, not feel like you made the wrong choice.

 
2.
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quickbrownfox (message)  60 posts, Worker bee

your dress has a really pretty beading works! i would probably agree to jc… maybe you can sell it?

i don’t have that “wow” connection with my dress either when i saw it or even when i decided to buy it. i’m still drooling over melissa sweet dresses every now and then, but i have to say that i’m content with my dress. it has all my “requirement” and it’s flattering for my body. it’s not over 500 bucks which was great. dress was not my number 1 priority either, so i’m cool with what i have :)

 
3.
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jenjen08 (message)  29 posts, Newbee

If you don’t like your dress you should sell it and look for something that is more you. Right now it may not seem to important, but on your wedding day you do not want to feel uncomfortable. When your own family thinks that it doesn’t represent you, that should tell you something. Keep looking for something you want and sell the other dress. It will make someone else very happy.

 
4.
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misschickie (message)  169 posts, Blushing bee

I agree with jc. I picked a dress that was good enough and looked very nice on me, but I had no connection with it. I didn’t really care, and then we had to postpone the wedding for health reasons so I sold it. However, we are now active re-planning and I needed a new dress. I didn’t want to spend much so I went to the Filene’s Running of the Brides (I did not run, we went at 5pm after work) and found a dress that is *SO ME*! I never thought I would care about my wedding dress until I completely unexpectedly tried a weird looking dress on and realized it was perfect perfect perfect for me & my personality.

 
5.
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misschickie (message)  169 posts, Blushing bee

adding… see Mrs Kiwi’s (I am pretty sure it was Mrs Kiwi…) post about not liking her dress…

 
6.
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Guest
abby

sorry this isn’t going to help you much- but i just fell in love with claire pettibones cloisonne dress! wow just wow! if you really don’t love your dress i’d bet you could have a seamstress make one for you for a reasonable price

 
7.
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Bee
Miss Bruschetta (message)  5,565 posts, Bee Keeper

Your story — the dress portion only! — reminds me of the plot of a bunch of (recent) chick-flicks about weddings (like 27 Dresses and Made of Honor). The main characters see and/or wear dresses they like, but don’t love, and end up with something totally different at the end…that is REALLY them. I’d advise you to do the same! :-)

 
8.
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Bee
Miss Pineapple (message)  682 posts, Busy bee

I think it is ok that your wedding dress doesn’t make you giddy, if you are okay with it. There are some details that I am not thrilled about with my wedding either, but that’s ok with me, not everything has to knock my socks off

 
9.
MissCamera
Member
MissCamera (message)  770 posts, Busy bee

You should never have bought the dress if you knew it wasnt “you” when you tried it on. My suggestion would be to sell it and find something you like. Claire Pettibone is more sexy lingerie than poofy princess. You’re supposed to be comfortable but yet still feel beautiful on your wedding day. Are you going to feel either way in the dress you dont like? My suggestion would be to take it to a seamstress. They can get rid of the train and poofiness no problem. I dont like strapless either, but the woman assured me you can custom design sleeves/straps for practically any dress. If I were you I’d spend the $200 or so to make it a dress that fits my personality. You’re not really out any money if you’ve already considered the initial purchase a charitable donation.

 
10.
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maizybug (message)  21 posts, Newbee

I think it’s admirable that you realize there are more important things about your wedding day than the dress you’ll be wearing. I went the JCrew route - bought something I liked enough, but I’m not madly in love with it, and I’m definitely not looking at it every second. I’m focusing on “spicing it up” and making it more “me” with jewelry and fun shoes, etc. - maybe you can do the same. Add some flare that really is “you” and you’ll feel better about the purchase. It’s a pretty dress, and good for you for donating to a worthy cause!

 
11.
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Gwen

I felt the same way about my dress. It was only $200 from J Crew and as I say… “perfectly adequate”. It looked gorgeous on me the day of wedding, and it was perfect for our casual Hawaiian affair, but I never really loved it, or looked forward to putting it on on wedding day.
Now that everything is said and done, I don’t even want to keep it. Its dirty, and would need to be dry cleaned, which I think is a waste for something I’m never going to wear, or probably even look at again. The few people I’ve told that I’m thinking of throwing it away, have looked at me with such horror, that I won’t mention it again, but it doesn’t stop me from thinking it.
Sometimes a dress is just a dress. Not a symbol of my love, or the pinnacle of my wedding experience, but just a dress.

 
12.
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Cricket (message)  179 posts, Blushing bee

I am just like you about my dress, and I think that’s okay. The wedding is about way more than the dress. I got mine from a consignment store, and that was important to me. I wanted to give a dress “a new life” instead of feeling overly consumeristic and buying one off the rack of a megamart… that doesn’t promote green living.

When I put my dress on, I like it enough, but I’m not crazy about it. It’s white! Poofy! I have no reason to ever wear it again! Yeah, it’s very pretty, but, um, yeah, I’m not sure I’m capable of *having* a dream dress. So, yeah, it would be awesome to wear a uber-hip, $4,000 dress off the runway, but it’s just not practical and I’d just as assume give it back afterward.

I bet we both still feel fantastic on our wedding day. I know that as soon as I see my groom and embrace the day, it really won’t matter what I’m wearing anyway.

 
13.
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peihan17 (message)  261 posts, Helper bee

While I don’t think that you need to be ‘in love’ with your dress, I do feel that for that amount of money, a girl should at least like it a lot =) I guess what I’m trying to say is that for that amount of money, you might want something that you like better. Or, if you really don’t mind much about it, why not buy a simpler dress from a place like J Crew?

If you really do see it as a donation, that’s cool. But you could sell it, donate the profit, if any, and buy a dress that you’re more comfortable with.

A wedding dress wasn’t that high on my list of priorities, so I chose something that I could wear again (not white), and not very expensive (just under $350). But I did like it very much. And I didn’t go to a single bridal shop =)

 
14.
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Bee
Ms. Dahlia (message)  413 posts, Helper bee

I’m with you, GT. While I really liked my dress a lot, my dress was a very low priority for me- I wanted a dress that I liked, but once I found something within budget that met my criteria, that was it. Might I have found something I liked more if I kept looking? Possibly. But do I regret my decision? Not at all.

 
15.
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indecisivebride (message)  338 posts, Helper bee

I like my dress, but I don’t love it…and I’m ok with it because I don’t want to spend lots of money on the types of dresses that I really love…

my dress meet my requirements of being (1) relatively inexpensive, (2) comfortable (light and easy to wear), and (3) a little different (not your typical strapless dress)…now I just hope it fits in a flattering way (the sample size was 3 sizes too large)

 
16.
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Guest
Linda

i would try to ebay it off, and why don’t you just rent a dress? i’m not sure where you are located, but that way you don’t have to invest a ton of money and you can choose a dress of your liking.

 
17.
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MissV (message)  49 posts, Newbee

I am with you, green tea. While I like my dress, and I think it looks fine on me (or that’s what everyone has said), I don’t feel this deep connection to it. But considering I originally wanted something non white, without a veil and ended up in ivory with a mid length veil, I guess it’s not surprising :-)

I decided early on that since the important part about this wedding was being married and the fun party, whatever other details I didn’t care about (flowers, cake, etc) I would leave up to someone who cared more. So I guess in my opinion, you don’t have to fall in love with the dress as long as you’re passionate about something else in the wedding (and it’s ok if the only other thing is your FI :-)

 
18.
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katie

Another vote of support for just keeping the dress and being a-okay with the decision. My dress is the first one I tried on in the first shop I went to. I liked it well enough, ended up finding it on Craig’s List in my exact size, altered to my needs, for $450. So I bought it. And while I’m with you on the occasional lust after a Claire Pettibone, I remind myself that I didn’t want to spend $5000 or even $1000 on a dress, and I stay pretty content with my $450 dress.

 
19.
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Erin

I’m also not in *love* with my dress - but I genuinely like it. I had a hard time finding something that was “perfect,” but I did finally find one that I liked. I admittedly regret not continuing to look, but I’m also skeptical that I would have gotten “the one” without getting a custom dress.

The difference is - I like my dress and it’s very “me.” I’ll be comfortable and feel beautiful and pampered. You should consider selling yours, since it sounds like you don’t like it.

 
20.
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Guest
Erin

Oh, and I was uncomfortable with the big dress shopping experience too (If I hear “it’s YOUR day to be a PRINCESS” one more time…), so I:
1) went shopping by myself (brought in Mom for final look before buying), and
2) found shops that were more low-key (they DO exist).

 
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Mrs. Green Tea
Mrs. Green Tea

Mrs. Green Tea, Sacramento Age and Occupation: 30, Tea Analyst Fiance's Age and Occupation: 31, Coffee Critic Engagement Date: November 17, 2006 Wedding Date: August 23, 2008 Blogging Since: June 10, 2008 Venue: Vineyard on the Delta About Me: I'm just your average obsessive compulsive, arts & crafts loving, funky-on-the-inside/boring-on-the-outside girl, who dares to say 'Hey! I can make that!' Nerdy professional by day, goofy won-ton by night. The won-ton sometimes comes out during the day when I'm fed the dollar breakfast at Ikea. Since our engagement, wedding planning has put me on high alert for bargains and I've been pushing my nimble fingers through callous building experiments!

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