We, like the Pineapples and many readers, encountered resistance with the ‘no kid’ policy for our wedding. I had a recent conversation with a newly married coworker about the matter that went down like this:
Me: We’re already getting the guilt trips about how awful it is of us to not invite kids to the wedding
Bob: Stick to your guns man, we did the same thing and just had to tell everyone NO
Me: I know, if you tell one person yes, then you have to say yes to everyone else
Bob: Yup. My cousin, you know the one with the husband who has terminal cancer, called and asked if she can bring their kids because no one can babysit their eldest, who is blind since she was shot in the head catching a stray bullet during a drive-by
Me (jaw dropped): OMG, what did you tell her??
Bob: I had to tell her no!
Me: You told her NO????
Bob: Yeah, like I said, you gotta stick to your guns! Now that I think about it though… that was hard core, huh?
Me (jaw still on the ground): I’d say!
All of a sudden dealing with our guests seems so much easier.
Note: Bob’s cousin did show up with the whole family, and Bob was genuinely glad to see all of them there and told them so at the wedding. While he felt it was important to officially say no to everyone requesting to bring children, he knew that among his guests, those who really wanted to be there would just break the rule and bring their kids. He also had intentions all along to welcome all of them with open arms if they showed up.
But dang, that’s hard core.
A note to your note:
I threw a hissy fit a week before the wedding when then FI tells me that one of the groomsmen is bringing his 6 year old daughter. We would have four other small kids there that are family but no other children of guests are invited. Who would watch this girl while her dad is in the wedding? How boring for her to be sitting there during the ceremony! What if she gets scared being left alone while the guys are doing pictures?
I was not happy and expressed that for a couple of days. But I couldn’t do anything about it. I wanted to worry about this little girl being happy but I figured that it was her dad’s responsiblity in the end. I hope she would be ok.
Skip the reception: This girl held hands and danced with my three year old niece the entire night. They danced through the garter toss and bouquet toss, during the speeches they asked when the music would start again, my niece cried when the little girl left. If it wasn’t for her coming to the wedding, I’m sure my sister or her husband would have had to leave the reception early to take her to bed.
Sometimes those unexpected (and uninvited) guests are a blessing.
OMG…Bob’s comeback…too funny in a not so funny way. 
Wow, that is crazy! But it sounds like it worked out.
We had a kid-friendly policy, but people seemed to be kind of pushy about it. It was weird.
Even though I specifically addressed invitations to “The BlanketlyBlank Family,” some people felt compelled to write stuff like, “we are bringing our 20 kids, hope that’s OK!” Well, duh, it’s OK-we invited them.
It sort of felt rude because I think they didn’t understand they were invited, but said they were bringing them whether we wanted them not. It was a non-issue, but you know, rude.
Wow. We had 3 nieces 8,9 and 12 and that was it. Someone wanted to bring a 3 year old and i said no. It was an evening wedding! I don’t feel bad about it at all. Is that harsh, oh well.
That’s horrible….I guess if you have no feelings about your family and exceptions like that don’t matter. I’ll probably get flamed for saying this, but if your family a situation like above and you are going to be happy if they end up showing up….don’t be crude and tell them not to come.
I’m just kind of confused. Why say don’t come and then be glad when they do? It just seems to me it would be easier to say what you mean and mean what you say. If someone told me not to bring my child I wouldn’t and if I told someone not to bring their child, I would expect them to stick to it.
you know something I hate this!! Because my family is pulling the same crap with me and my FH! But we have the perfect all around reason for everyone ” the venue does not allow children under the age of 21 because of the open bar” and thats it.
Wow… maybe there are times not to stick to your guns. I think you could probably justify that particular exception.
I think the post is pretty funny! It sounds like there is probably a lot more to the story than being told - the type of person Bob is and the relationship he has with his cousin. I see how it can sound mean from our perspective, but who knows? maybe they have that kind of relationship? shrug. if it all worked out in the end, no foul. =]
Woah man, that IS hardcore. I’m glad the cousin read through and realized that it’d be better to come with kids than not at all. Bob still did the right thing.
It’s amazing how pushy some people are about their kids! My fiance and I are having a black-tie, evening wedding, and children are not invited. But since it’s a mini-destination (San Diego, we live 5 hours away) for many of our guests, we are providing child care during the wedding. That way they can make it a family trip, but not have to worry about bringing a nanny or finding random sitters. We haven’t sent out the invitations yet, but hopefully that will alleviate some of the no-kid” issues!
Wow that is way hard core!
well i certainly wouldn’t be taking advice from Bob, since it sounds like he pretty insensitive. In fact I sort of find this whole post offensive.. making light of someone with cancer and being shot.. It just seems mean and not funny at all.
I never quite understood the “no kid” policy at certain weddings. I mean, weddings are about uniting two people together and two families as well with everything that it entails and that includes the children. Weddings that are inclusive are so much more friendly and fun and memorable. Spread the love!
I have to say that I choked on my cheerios reading this…. perhaps my dry sense of humor is to blame. I completely get Bob’s decision, as heartless as it may be. Yes, weddings are about love and family and togetherness… but let’s cut to the bottom line… they are also about head counts and trimming the fatty guest list as well- and kids are just the easiest way to do this…. a lot of times it can be hard to have an “adult party” with those cute little tyrants running loose… open bar, lots of stairs, a 5 story atrium and roof-top dancing is enough to make us say “no kids… no exceptions”
Wow!! That IS hardcore. It must have been hard to have to stick to his guns and say no but it sure does give all of us some perspective.
Mrs. Green Tea, Sacramento
Age and Occupation: 30, Tea Analyst
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 31, Coffee Critic
Engagement Date: November 17, 2006
Wedding Date: August 23, 2008
Blogging Since: June 10, 2008
Venue: Vineyard on the Delta
About Me: I'm just your average obsessive compulsive, arts & crafts loving, funky-on-the-inside/boring-on-the-outside girl, who dares to say 'Hey! I can make that!' Nerdy professional by day, goofy won-ton by night. The won-ton sometimes comes out during the day when I'm fed the dollar breakfast at Ikea. Since our engagement, wedding planning has put me on high alert for bargains and I've been pushing my nimble fingers through callous building experiments!
I’d love to have a no kids policy at our wedding. My friend, who just had a baby, brought her baby to a wedding recently and all of the pictures are of her and her sister in law w/their children glued to them. There is not a single picture of her as an individual. All the bridesmaids pictures, there’s A stuck like glue to D’s hip. I am not saying the kids are not adorable, it just changes the event from a grown up event to a different type of event.
That said, my FH has two children (ages 11 and 13) who will be my attendents and they are Awesome people who I love spending time with and who are really interesting people. Also, his family doesn’t believe in babysitters so no one would come if it were an adult only affair (and his girls will be much happier w/their cousins). So, it’s going to be a different kind of wedding. And that’s fine. But truly, if I had my choice (and my FH didn’t already have two daughters - that just changes everything completely - it’s a package deal) things would be different.