Wedding Blog
Congratulations to the winners - tiffany, AliCherri1, cara, jkl216!
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Today we’re giving away 4 copies of Something New: Wedding Etiquette for Rule Breakers, Traditionalists, and Everyone in Between by etiquette columnist Elise MacAdam. Something New takes a look at real life etiquette case studies like: Can you have an adults only wedding? Do you have to invite your boss? Can you decline being a bridesmaid and preserve your friendship? It’s an excellent guide for the modern bride!
To enter, please tell us if you’ve ever made a wedding etiquette faux pas. You have until 8pm PST tonight. Good luck! 
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I put address labels on my STDs ::ducks under desk in shame:: I could really use this book…my mom didn’t teach me any “rules”. I at least want to know them before I break them!
We didn’t know that a guest of my FFIL is married (his fault since we don’t know said guest and he didn’t tell us). So when we received our “single” person RSVP card, both the guest’s and wife’s names were squeezed onto the one line with both menu choices circled. Needless to say, I am embarrassed, but at least I can genuinely say it was not my fault!
Not sure if its really a faux pas, but its something I would do differently if I had it to do over again. I was invited to a friends wedding (the only wedding I have had to decline) and figured since I wasn’t going, I didn’t have to get them a gift. Now I wish I had.
Well, I am a bit delayed on sending out some thank you letters. opps.
I was helping my friend with his wedding details a few days before the big day. In the middle of stuffing favours, I announced how glad I was that he wasn’t having any cheesy slideshow, how it was typical and boring and how I’ve seen it at every wedding. He didn’t really have an opinion but after hearing me bash it, he agreed that it wasn’t such a great idea. Half an hour later, the best man whispers to me that they were going to surprise him with a slideshow of pictures. I felt like such a snot. Guess who’s having a slideshow at her wedding now?!
i didn’t buy any gifts for a wedding i went to.
Well, as a wedding invitee, I once made the mistake of sending my reply way past the deadline. Now, with an upcoming wedding, and knowing all the stress a bride is under to get the headcount ASAP, I could kick myself!
i gave a gift not on the registry because they registered so far in advance, half of the stuff was bought and/or no longer in stock. i also never sent thank you cards for our engagement party gifts!! eeks!
I added my boyfriend as a guest when his name wasn’t on the invite *hangs head in shame* BUT - the bride asked me repeatedly before the invite went out if BF would be able to go and I told her no and then when the invite came he WAS able to go, soooooo….. we added him and I called to make sure it was alright - still really emabarrassed though.
well.. I almost made a big boo boo by wearing a white dress at my friend’s wedding. My friend told me that that’s a big wedding etiquette no no… I had no idea…
I brought a date without asking in my younger days. A mutual friend assured me it’d be “no big deal” and not knowing anything about what goes into planning and paying for a wedding I just thought, “well, okay!”
I still feel bad:)
not yet…but it’s still early!!!
I was in a wedding and in college, and so I never gave the bride a gift. Being a bridesmaid was just so expensive! I feel terrible about it still, and promise to make it up to her by buying her a big baby shower gift this summer! I’m also thinking of requesting NO GIFTS from our bridal party.
Our families have no experience with formal weddings, so any book would be helpful!
I haven’t made any yet, but my friends are all JUST starting to get married. I have a lot to learn. My DAD is the who planned my parent’s wedding. lol!
I invited to the shower people who where not invited to the wedding. My family/friends are not in the country, and his don’t live where we live. So to have more than 2 guests coming, I had to choose people who we hadn’t invited to the wedding.
We were invited to the wedding of a former co-worker of FH’s. Since it was his friend, I left the decision about attending, and the corresponding RSVPing to FH. A few weeks later, we got an angry phone call from the groom wondering whether we would be attending - FH had forgotten to RSVP. :S
I wrote the couple a check for their wedding and addressed it to Mrs. HisLastname. Then I find out she’s not changing her last name. Opps!
I accidentally spoiled a surprise bridal shower for my FI’s cousin’s wife. I was IMing and told her “see you tomorrow!” which made her realize something was up. Oops!
We are printing all the addresses on our invites
I’m having 5 bridesmaids and no maid of honor. I think one of my friends may be hurt by my decision (the one who thought she would be my MOH since I was her MOH), but she hasn’t been very supportive of my relationship with my FI, so I decided to avoid the MOH thing entirely.
I do not think I have made any…yet
Oh boy….I don’t know if these are necessarily faux pas, but single people don’t get to bring a date to my wedding….and not one person from my office is invited!
My parents have a bad habit of assuming that every wedding they are invited to includes our whole family (all three of their children, including me). I’ve tried explaining that NO this is not the case, especially because I don’t even live with them, but they don’t believe me!
Nope… not yet anyway. Still have 4 months to go.
I have to be honest here…. I had a little too much at a wedding and passed out at the table. HORRIBLE!! The next wedding I went to had the bride and groom from the previous wedding as guests and I apologized until I ran out of breath. I never felt so awful!
I printed people’s addresses right on top of the envelope, not by hand, but by my printer!
After we got engaged, I went on and on about how I didn’t want a Friday wedding, and how I thought it was inconsiderate and inconvenient to ask out of town guests to take the day off of work to attend our nuptuals. Then my co-worker (and boss) looked at me and said: “Our wedding was on a Friday.” Etiquitte rule - Know your audience!
i THOUGHT i was free and clear of bad etiquette, but after reading these responses im in a panic! Im guilty of a bunch of these! Oh dear…
Im hoping that inviting only half of my guests to the ceremony wont turn into a faux pas, but im doing it anyways.
a girl i wasn’t very close to was going to marry in a different state. i didn’t plan on coming to the wedding, but at the last minute felt guilty so i showed up at the shower just to make up for it. i didn’t rsvp of course, but i did tell them i was coming. i didn’t know what present to give since she had no registry and i had no time to buy anything else, so being practical, i just gave her cash. imagine my embarassment when the time came to open everybody’s gifts, and all the other girls were giving her cute nighties and cooking tools, then she opened my card and voila, out came a wad of cash!
Single people are not allowed to bring a date to my wedding (though Emily Post says that’s ok… so who knows if that is wrong?) and I’m making clear address labels for the invitation envelopes. But I never was one to follow the rules…
I don’t think I’ve made any yet, but I have plenty of time! I probably will print addresses from my printer though.
I have no MOH, but i do have bridesmaids. 2 girls on his side, 3 on mine, 1 guy on my side, & 3 guys on his side. we’re doing a lot of other things differently, too.
I didn’t RSVP for a wedding–although it was because I got it all ready to go with postage and then it fell behind my table next to the wall, so thought it had gone out in a stack of outgoing mail! Luckily the bride called me to follow up, so I didn’t crash the wedding.
We’re using labels for our wedding invites (they’re Martha’s, so I think it’s okay), and the RSVP shows the number of people invited so that there is no mistake about whether or not the kids should come (”2 seats have been reserved in your name”).
I also just received a wedding invite from a future family member that listed where they are registered!
Not yet, but there’s still plenty of time to! 
My finance and the groom miscommunicated (nothing unusual - they do this often). My finance was under the impression that the groom said to have his friend Brent come to the wedding (sans invitation) and his bride would not mind (quite possible that the groom said such a thing in a joking manner). So, my finance invited Brent to the wedding, and Brent came with us to the wedding. Of course, there was no place setting for Brent, but the bride was gracious enough to have the venue make room for Brent next to me. It was awkward at the time, but something we laugh about all the time now.
Trying to really avoid it, but it always seems to happen.
I’ve declined going to weddings because of work, etc. and then I didn’t send a gift. I read somewhere that miss manners dictates that if you are invited to a wedding and don’t go, you’re still supposed to send a gift.
I love learning all this etiquette!!
So far I haven’t done anything….but I was bridesmaid (actually attending to all of the MOH duties) and i did everything, paid for most things, including very nice gifts…not a thank you note to be found…It’s not expected, but definitely a welcome touch.
I went to a super fancy wedding last year, like Platinum Wedding style… I still haven’t mailed their gift!
I’ve definitely been late in sending gifts… oops!
I called the bride to ask if I could bring my boyfriend, even though my invite only had my name on it. She said, “yes, of course! You knew he was invited…”
Well, my FMIL has had problems with me not letting her pay for what the groom pays for. I’m insistent on paying for this wedding on my own, so FI and I can make the decisions without influences from our families. We love our families but we want to prove to ourselves that we are independent and can afford this on our own!
I don’t think I have made any, but I am hoping that this book will tell me how to tell someone that I am not going to ask them to be my bridesmaid. I hate feeling like I HAVE to ask her because she is assuming I will.
I used to be a chronic late/no RSVP’er - karma is going to bite me in the butt with that one!
We didn’t send save the dates and sent the invitations out 6 months in advance. It would be interesting to know which other ones I have broken 
Not yet - but I still have 443 days until the wedding to make a faux pas
i put my gift registry info on our invitation, not knowing that it’s a BIG NO-NO. that was pretty awful.
I was a bridesmaid who was partly responsible for bringing the remaining closed bottles of alcohol back the next day. Needless to say, we lost them in the chaos of the night. Oops- .
I didn’t send separate invitations to adult children still living with their parents…I just added their names to the inner envelope of their parents invites….but other than that I am trying to play by the book =)
I went to an ex-coworkers wedding and I forgot the gift in the car. I kept meaning to mail it but never got around to it. About 2 years later a friend of mine needed a last minute gift for a wedding he was attending so I ripped of the card and gave him the forgotten present, still in the wrapper.
hmm I didn’t address envelopes as Mr and Mrs, does that count?
SO many wedding faux paus. Here is the short bulleted list:
-Didn’t send an RSVP
-Didn’t send a gift
-Didn’t show up
-Switched place cards
(I am ashamed for the record)
I truly believe that you never learn the proper etiquette of weddings until you being the planning endeavor yourself!
haven’t made any yet - but there is still time!
i’d like to try and avoid as many as possible
Not yet, or at least not that I am aware of! But I am sure it is coming, and I am sure someone will let me know when I do!
money dance
I was doing a reading at a wedding mass and I got up at the wrong time - was 3/4ths of the way to the altar when I realized it. I snuck off to the side but the priest called me out! Maybe not an etiquette faux pas but very embarassing nonetheless!
I went to a wedding and didn’t give any kind of gift… I was young and invited as the best man’s date… oops.
I sent Save The Date cards to close friends and family only. If there were a chance that someone might not make the final guest list, I did not send them any information. No faux pas yet, right?
Two days after mailing the STDs, my co-worker (and dear friend) announced that she had received her card. In front of my boss. My boss who was not sent a Save The Date card. My boss who will not be invited to the wedding.
Let’s just say that it was an uncomfortable moment.
Nothing yet …but one of my best friends included those little registry cards you get from retailers (all three of them) in her invitations and I didn’t have the heart to tell her!
we included registry info with the invite. yep, that’s right. no one we know complained or thought anything of it. they’re probably just happy we saved them some frustration with what to get us if they wanted to get us something.
like l3r0wnEyedGurL, I have also been both a MOH and BM without a thank you note, or even a verbal thank you. I’m going to make sure to say thank you in person on the day to everyone and send cards afterwards. What’s a measely 54p when friendship is concerned?
Hmm…I’m thinking of using labels for my invites. It’ll make things so much easier!
I keep telling people the cost of things. Yes, we’re 2 years out and just signing contracts, but I have to remember these are future guests 
hang on, wait- were NOT supposed to use labels for our addresses? please someone help me out with this one!
I am embarrassed to admit I once convinced a friend to take me as his “guest” to a wedding. But I really don’t think his invitation came with “and guest.” We were 22 so that’s my excuse but I am still terribly embarrassed! If it helps at all, I did get them a gift!
oooh, yes I did. I assumed that my boyfriend was also invited to my friend’s wedding. It was the first wedding I had ever been invited to personally and I was only 19 so I use inexperience as my defense! Luckily my friend called me up and we had a good laugh about it. Faux pas averted!
i dont have any… at least that i remember but thats probably because i drank to much that one time and probably made a faux pas and dont remember.
Lord knows I need some help making sure I don’t offend anyone
Gosh until reading the above, I had no clue we’re not suppose to print on the envelopes! I thought it was simple and clean!
eeek, yes… As a wedding guest, I’m too frequently the person calling a day or so after the RSVP date to ask if it’s OK that I still RSVP…
I didn’t make one, but we did receive a wedding invitation from an ex-co-worker of mine who got my Fiance’s last name wrong on the invitation envelope! We did go to the wedding and thankfully his name was correct on the place card.
I’m that rule-breaker, traditionalist girl. Yup, that girl. But I’m loving it.
probably, but i don’t think they are really faux-paus.
me and my fiance will probably get dressed and ready together on our wedding day! is that weird?
No…but I still have over a year to go…we’ll see
I was asked to be a bridesmaid in a friends wedding on the same day that my fiance (boyfriend at the time) was graduating from college… So I had to tell her I could not be in the wedding, but I would still attend so that I could see his event in the morning and go to her wedding that evening. Just a sticky situation!
Heck yeah! All of the Thank you cards weren’t exactly timely. Oops!
My parents threw us an engagement party in April and we only invited local friends and family (I live in the Greater Toronto Area). Anyways, my FH’s aunt was upset because she wasn’t invited… oh BTW, she lives in Montreal.
I also was in a rush to get the invites out and only put one name on the envelope… I knew i was gonna hear it from some on that gaff.
I put my cousin’s ex husband’s name on our engagement invite. Hoping he dosent turn up…..
Not yet, but I’m kind of planning on it!
I went to a wedding with my now fiance when we first started dating. He failed to bring a card or gift and we never sent one after the wedding. I still feel guilty about it today……but now they’re separated!
I’m sure I’ve made quite a few but don’t have this book so I don’t even know all the bad things I’ve done!
Not yet, but I’m sure I will at some point!
We are printing all of our address labels.
Not yet, but I’m sure I will >.<
I don’t think I have made a faux pas yet but I had quite an interesting “discussion” with my father about how to not use the typical masculine way of addressing the invitations while still being formal and traditional!
I invited adult children living with their parents on the parents’ invitation. They’re my close cousins though, so does it count???
We will probably be doing the adult children on the invite and I am hand delivering some to people I see all of the time rather than pay the postage. Is it a faux pas to ask your guests to bring drums and hip scarfs so we can bellydance and ask some of the better voices to give us some karoake entertainment?
My wedding etiquette faux pas: Having liquor available at the reception FOR PURCHASE, not for free. Yeah, pay for it yourselves! Beer, wine, and soft drinks are free though, so drink up!
I hope not…
haven’t we all???? i’ve rsvp’d too late, didn’t bring a gift, shown up late to the ceremony… but those all happened when i was in college and young, so that’s forgiveable right?
but now i’m doing it the right way. lesson learned!
ha! i don’t know if it’s an official “faux pas,” but i got engaged the day before driving up for a friend’s bachelorette/wedding weekend and unintentionally stole some of her thunder. she was so gracious about it but i still feel really horrible.
I could certainly use this book, because I definitely want an adults-only wedding, but am not sure how to properly communicate it. Kids drive me up a wall, and I would just be so mad if some brat started screaming and crying during our ceremony or even reception.
I think it’s a little too soon in the game for me to commit a wedding faux pas, but I’m sure I’ll screw it up at some point before the big day!
Not sure if this fits the ‘etiquette’ category but the first time I was a bridesmaid (I think I was 15?) was also the first time I appreciated the, um, uplifting effects of a glass of wine. A little tipsy, I went to the washroom only to dip the tail of the long fat ribbon on the back of my dress… into the toilet. (Thankfully, it was pre-pee. I spent the next 20 min standing in the washroom holding my ribbon under the dryer and trying to suppress a mean case of the giggles.)
Well, I’ve just started planning, so hopefully I haven’t committed any yet. Buit a book like this would be a great way to avoid future mistakes
We wanted to keep the wedding party small, so we’re only having one attendant each. My best friend is my MOH, but because she’s OOT, my SIL is the one who has gone to the dress fittings, helped pick out jewelry, gone to the hair trials, planned the shower… And now I feel AWFUL for not “officially” including her… and the fact that she is completely understanding makes me feel so much worse!
(Since I’m getting married in a couple of weeks, please don’t include me in the lottery. I have just enjoyed reading everyone else’s confessions so much that I wanted to include mine!)
I didn’t invite all of my cousins, only a few that I am close with (I have about 18 cousins). I didn’t know that was considered a faux pas until last week!
At one wedding, all I did was eat all the cake and free ice cream I can. Then steal all the free jordan almonds my little hands could carry. But I was like 10, who can blame me 
The more I read the more I realized I have don’t tons of faux pas!
I’m guilty of buying gifts for which the couple did not register, which I know some (though not all) consider a faux pas. Honestly though, I’m a starving student and couldn’t afford anything on the registry, save for perhaps a salt shaker (read: no pepper, just salt)!
Before my engagement I knew nada about wedding etiquette.
I wore *gasp* an ivory dress, but it had purple flowers all over it. But it was still ivory. I asked friends, they said it’s okay as long as it had a pattern all over it. I still feel embarrassed.
I also didn’t know registries existed. To my cousin- Sorry for the crappy bowl you didn’t ask for!
I’m also terrible about RSVPing on time. What a nightmare guest I am. I wouldn’t be surprised if my friends and family got revenge on me.
So far I’m doing pretty good. I have a long way to go though!
my boyfriend broke up with me a week before my best friend’s wedding - i was a bridesmaid - i proceeded to get very very drunk, spilled beer all over my (terrible) bridesmaid’s dress and then made out with a groomsman on the dance floor the entire night
I wrote registry info on an invitation (not the wedding but engagement, bridal shower, etc…ahh)
Teach me!
Is it a faux pas to do on-line RSVP? I’m going to do that….
I’m also an off-registry gift buyer, I admit it!
I verbally invited people to my wedding and even asked for their addresses. Then when I realized that I wanted a smaller wedding, I verbally uninvited them. Yeah. Ouch.
I’m wearing flip flops and flats during the reception and ceremony, we won’t have a wedding cake just cupcakes (which double as favors), invitations were mailed out less than a month from the reply deadline, we don’t have an open bar. faux pas not related to our wedding: stole bottles of alcohol off of other tables (hey no one was looking), RSVPd to attend the ceremony but changed our minds at the last minute (they ended up calling us to the front to take pics with them…someone had to break the news.
I forgot to invite the pastor to our reception! I would love to give this to my sister, who, with guidance, will not make this same mistake!
I haven’t made any….At least no one has come up to me and told me I was committing a faux pas
I used the 3 letter monogram for our STDs even though we are not married yet. =)
I think I’m okay so far! But I’m about to send out the STDs and I’m sure I will probably misaddress something according to the etiquette rules.
I was a bridesmaid at one of my best friends’ wedding, drinking a little too much wine at the reception and dancing freaky with the brides married dad -just a bit inappropriate. Yeah not so proud but everyone thought the pictures were hilarious!
I asked one of my friends to be my maid of honor, not getting the excited reaction I wanted, I told her a week later that I had made too hasty a decision and asked her to step down and just be a bridesmaid.
I’m a terrible rsvp’er. Horrible. Terrible. I think I’ve rsvp’d to one wedding on time in the last 5 years, and that was one I was in!
I was a reader in a friend’s wedding. I was a graduate student and extremely poor and I didn’t get a present :! I’m still totally ashamed….
Yes, at a friend’s wedding. Well, before hand, really. Two really good friends had recently gotten engaged, and I had known them both forever (years before they even started dating). We went out for dinner, and after a couple glasses of wine I blurted out, “Oh Janey, you just have to invite me to your wedding! I’d so love to be there.” WOOPS. Awk-ward! Jane was gracious in her response (small, intimate wedding, not many guests, etc). In the end, her parents offered her a larger wedding (so generous) and I was invited. I was sure to get a very good gift to atone for my mistake!
Leaving a wedding long before the bride and groom. Whoops! I was young and clueless (and had to be up early the next morning!).
Actually, I’ve done this twice. Just call me Nanna.
well I’d rather think of it as being unique… but no kids, i addressed the invites many different ways rather than the standard “Mr. and Mrs. Smith” type deal and I am sure there have been more, this book would be a great resource!
I’m sure I’ve done *plenty* more than this, but the one that sticks out is not sending gifts. :::blush::: I’ve often been too broke to afford a gift in addition to all the attending-a-wedding-related expenses… is it better to decline and just send a gift? I guess it depends on how close a friend it is… ugh, so embarrassed.
I have not yet
I’ll admit I never realized that I still needed to send in the RSVP card if I had told the couple I’d be attending.
Now that my invites are out, I’m waiting for karma to bite me on that one!
I honestly didnt know what faux pas was. I guess thats the simple texas girl in me! Thanks for the opportunity.
Hasn’t everyone at some point made a faux pas? Being it as a guest or an attendant? I have a rebel spirit and I really find it hard not to break the “rules”! For my own wedding there will be several faux pas…. but that just makes it for a more interesting evening and something to talk about! I want people to leave my wedding talking about all the great ideas I had and how much fun they had! “Rules” are meant to be broken!
No bridal party. Did I make it in time??
I feel like I’m making a lot of faux pas. We aren’t having a flower girl. I am if there where adult children living with their parents, I am just going to send one invite to the house and address it to Mr. and Mrs and family. Opps. I think I might also include a little blurb about where we are registered in my invites.
I feel like I broke them all including misspelling a relatives name.
This is definitely a must have for all brides! This is the perfect little engagement present for a friend!
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