Miss Candy Corn, Philadelphia
Age and Occupation: Senior Editor/Writer & Freelance Illustrator
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 24, Student
Engagement Date: September 1, 2004
Wedding Date: October, 2008
Blogging Since: May 6, 2008
Venue: Pennsylvania Museum of Archaelogy and Anthropology
About Me: I enjoy people watching (especially in New Jersey malls), obsessive collecting, drooling over contemporary art, browsing flea markets for vintage finds and eating an absurd amount of cheese. In my Philadelphia abode, I create mixed media artwork and one-of-a-kind home accessories in the company of my farmer-tanned fiancé, our Westiepoo (Betty White), our three rabbits (Cadbury, Willie Nelson and Applesauce) and our two frisky chinchillas (Ethel Funk and Maude).
Will Work for Wedding-Related Purchases!
June 30th, 2008 @ 9:32 am by Miss Candy Corn
I’m a sad bunny. On Sunday evening, my boss at the magazine that I work for left me a voicemail saying the magazine is folding and they are laying everyone off due to a lack of cash flow. I soon found out that by “everyone” they meant my friend and I. It’s probably for the best, but that doesn’t change the fact that I’m unemployed and have no idea how I’m going to pay the bills, not to mention tackle the wedding expenses.
This morning I was working on our budget and I was all proud of myself for figuring out ways we could cut costs, and then I got that voicemail, which kind of dampened my yay-everything-is-going-to-be-ok mood. I have a potential job lined up that I’ve been waiting to hear back from, so cross your fingers for me that it will work out soon so I can go back to obsessing about our wedding instead of my employment status! It’s weird not having to go to work in the morning and I’m actually looking forward to having time to devote to wedding craftiness. Perhaps this is a blessing in disguise…preferably a bunny disguise.
So my question is, if I sent all of my co-workers (our company was only made up of 8 or so employees) STDs several months back and I won’t be remaining friendly with them after this whole situation went down, does it make me a horrible person if I decide to not invite them afterall? Should I just let them get the message once they don’t see an invite in the mail, or should I send them an e-mail/note saying we decided we had to cut the amount of guests because of our budget, etc. I just can’t justify inviting them after they’ve been lying to me and won’t even give me the time of day when I call or e-mail them, which hurts my feelings a lot since when we worked together they were always saying how lucky they were to have me and that we were like “family.”I just want to say thanks to all of the readers and bees on here. Without you guys, I’m not sure how I’d remain sane.
38 Responses to “Will Work for Wedding-Related Purchases!”
Aww - sorry to hear about the job. I had the same thing happen in Feb - I was a week away from a small surgery, a month from our house closing and 6 months away from the wedding. We managed to pull everything off successfully (although it’s another 6 weeks til the wedding).
Anyway - long story short, I would just not send the invites. Nothing more needs to be said if they’re not talking to you right now. If anyone says anything (which I doubt), mention that the job loss caused a need to reevaluate the budget and unfortunately the guest list. Most people will understand. Those who don’t, well, do you really want someone like that at your wedding anyway?
Good luck!
What a bummer miss candy corn. Creative jobs can kinda suck, no? I would definitely not invite them. Forget what etiquette says, I am sure they did considering how they handled the job situation. If they are no longer part of your life, no need to celebrate your wedding with them. Sure, they may be offended, but they will get over it. It’s not worth it to worry about them anymore.
So sorry to hear about the job Miss CC! I definitely agree with nerdalicious - just don’t send the invites to these people. I’m not sure what Miss Manners/etiquette would say to that opinion, but in this case, I’d have to say etiquette be darned and do what you want.
Hope the latest job prospect works out!
Everything IS still going to be okay! I second that you should just not send the invites to your coworkers, based on their current behavior of ignoring you and lying to you coupled with the fact that you are not going to remain close to them regardless. Don’t say anything else, unless someone directly inquires (then tell them about budgetary woes and the guestlist being cut and I’m sure they will understand). My fingers are crossed for you!
So sorry about the job, Miss CC. DEFINITELY don’t invite those jerks- I’ve never understood the whole “inviting work people” thing in the first place. I’m inviting my boss, and my co-workers are nice people, but they are certainly not my friends. I’ve never gotten that. If you met your co-workers at a bar, would you be like, “Ooh! We should hang out sometime, for 8 hours a day every day!”? No, you would not.
i’m so sorry about the job. that really sucks. i second what everyone else has said about just not sending the new invites and i really hope that the new job possibility works out for you! good luck!
That really sucks. I’m sorry. Magazines are a rough business right now. I think it’s fine not to invite your former coworkers, but I’d send them an e-mail letting them know exactly what you said here, that regretfully you have to cut costs and that cutting the guestlist is the best way to do it. I’m sure they’ll understand. And this way they won’t be saving that date.
Maybe you can get paid for blogging?!
I agree with all the other comments. You definitely do not have an obligation to invite them. It is your big day. You shouldn’t have to deal with their negativity especially on that day. I would say emailing them is optional and depends on if you really don’t intend to ever deal with them again. 
Good luck with the job hunt!
Miss Candy Corn you don’t sound like your usual fun self at all! I cant tell that you are really feeling down and out. I hope things start looking up for you soon. Hopefully the wedding planning can exist as a little bit of an escape for awhile instead of a stress exasperator. Like everyone else, I say just don’t send out the invites to them. They will all be moving on in their lives as well, and most likely they will turn to each othr and say “I wonder whatever happened to Miss Candy Corn?” Which is so their problem because they are going to be missing out on one amazing wedding!
Ugh, that stinks, I’m so sorry. I’d recommend just not sending them an invitation–well-intentioned as an explanatory email would be, if they’re refusing to respond to your other emails it might come off as a passive-aggressive reaction–like “oh, you won’t email me back? Then FINE, no wedding for you!” They should be able to figure out why they don’t receive an invitation on their own.
CC - I feel you, girl! Well, kind of. I am becoming dangerously close to unemployed myself while planning our wedding as we are relocating and the job market is awful and jobs are hard to come by right now. It’s tricky. I understand the swift changes between being happy, optimistic and determined things will work out for the best and absolutely overcome with anxiety on how to stay afloat let alone pay for wedding expenses without guaranteed employment. Keep your chin up! You will find a way and things will come together.
I would definitely cut those people from your guest list. Your wedding is a time to celebrate you and Mr. CC with family, friends and loved ones, and they apparently fail to classify as any of the above. This is your day. You are not a bad person for eliminating people who have treated you poorly from the guest list.
Wow, so sorry to hear this news, so soon before the wedding. I cannot even begin to imagine the stress that this has added to an already happy (but stressful) time in your life.
A similar situation happened last year with my sister. One of her co-workers un-invited her to his wedding after she had received a save-the-date but then she got laid off. They were not on unfriendly terms afterwards and he still talked to her about his upcoming weddding until about 4 weeks before the wedding, at which point she asked another former co-worker about the invitations because she had not received one. She was un-invited to the wedding and was very hurt that she continued to be friendly with this person and did not warrant a simple explanation for un-inviting her. Anyway, she thought it would have been nice for him to have told her that he couldn’t invite her anymore.
Here’s my advice, wait a couple of weeks to see if any of them offers a kind word and then send a generic email to those folks explaining why you can no longer invite them. They don’t need any specifics, just say something like “due to unforeseen events we have had to cut back on the wedding and cannot extend an invitation.” The people who continue to shun you deserve no explanation. It sounds like your field is specialized and you may want to stay on polite terms with people whom you might encounter in the future.
Best of luck with the job search, and try not to fret over this too much. The simple fact that you are worried about what to do shows that you are a much better person than they are. Whatever you decide to do will be right in our eyes!
I’m so sorry, Miss Candy Corn! My FI got laid off too just a little bit ago and I know how much it sucks to suddenly have half your income:( I know you will make the best of it and things will work out just fine, but it really does suck to wait for the “working out” thing to happen. At least you have the adorable Mr. Candy Corn to walk with you through this.
I also agree with everyone else about the invites–just don’t send them.
Oh my! I know you are probably sick of hearing this, but it is amazing how things have a way of working themselves out. With regards to your co-workers. If you are not going to have any contact with them after you leave your job and they are not your real friends, there is no need to invite them to the wedding. Honestly, some won’t even remember you sent them a save the date.
I definitely think you should send them a quick email. Here’s why… if it were me, it would be a constant source of stress, wondering if they were going to call me and ask about the date specifics, etc.
You did officially send them a card asking them to save the date, I really think it’s only fair to send a polite email explaining that they no longer have to save the date because of budget constraints (and tack on a sentence about how it was great working there and you wish them the best).
Becky
I had sent STD to three of my co-workers (that I didn’t really like but felt obligated to invite b/c I was inviting the rest of the office.) Between receiving their STD’s and me sending out invites all three of them quit. I never sent them invites and I think it’s fine. Don’t worry about it.
First, this sucks. I hope the other job prospect pans out well - and quickly!
Second, if you think they’re really going to expect an invitation, or you’re worried they’ll crash the wedding or something, I’d say do what Becky above suggested and send a quick e-mail saying something like “with my current job situation, our wedding budget just got constrained and we’ll be having a much smaller affair than we had initially planned for. I’m sorry we won’t be able to include you in our day, but I’m sure you understand” or something. If they’re just outright shunning you (weirdos!) then you should just ignore them back and not send them invites at all.
Oh my goodness Miss CC…. I am so, so sorry. What a terrible thing to have happen anytime, but especially now. 
Good thing you have bunnies to pet.
I think e-mailing them in a week or two is a good idea - I agree with Becky (#15) that it’ll be on your mind if you don’t have some closure. You can be the bigger person by saying “it was nice working with you” and feel smug about it. 
For now, though (since many, many body parts are crossed that the new job will work out!), enjoy sleeping in, spending time outside, and being your crafty damn self!
Everything is going to be fine. Just remember that. Unfortunately it’s pretty traumatic being laid off even if you did expect it, and a surprise lay-off is even worse.
I don’t know your co-workers, but I second that you should wait a little before deciding what to do about them. I do agree that they at least deserve an email or note explaining the lack of future invitation. At the very least, remember that you might work with (or for) any of these people again, and you don’t want to do anything that might make that uncomfortable. I also agree that budget constraints make a reasonable excuse, and I would go with that.
And I agree with Laura - for everybody on the fence about inviting co-workers. FI and I invited only those co-workers that we also consider friends - meaning that we do things outside of work with them, and would continue to do so even if we didn’t work with them any longer. If you really think about it, you’ll probably find that very few of your co-workers meet that definition. And that’s fine - you don’t have to be friends with people to work with them - you just have to be able to get along with them.
And I wouldn’t be too hard on them for not tipping you off to the layoff. It’s entirely likely that anyone who knew was also instructed NOT to talk about it, as that can make for some potentially ugly situations. And really, if your co-workers did know before you did, it’s not their fault - it’s your boss’s bad judgement.
CC, I’m confused. Your boss laid you off - not your other 7 coworkers. I can understand why you are not eager to invite the boss, but why do you want to uninvite the rest of your coworkers who you must have been friends with if you were inviting them to your wedding? And the whole “they won’t give you the time of day when you call/email”… today is your first day of not working there, and it isn’t yet noon in Phili, there may be a lot of reasons they haven’t returned your emails - they’ve only been at work for three hours.
I think it is really rude to send an STD and not an invite unless you’ve communicated with them first about downsizing the guest list. I also think it is very unwise to be making any guest decisions right now, less than 24 hours after receiving the voicemail (a rude way to be let go) and just wait and see how things shake out over the next week.
So sorry about your job loss. I understand completely about your lying, backstabbing so-called work “friends” - been there.
However, you might want to wait a while before making a decision about inviting them to your wedding. You don’t have to decide today.
Even though they’ve hurt you, they are still former work colleagues in your field, and a possible source of job leads, references, etc. I suggest you don’t burn your bridges - at least not yet. See how the wind blows. It may very well be that they are uncomfortable about talking to you now, don’t know what to say, etc. and will make it up to you later.
GL!
I was going to say not to send the invite. Then I read enmoore66’s comment and I realized the timing thing hadn’t occurred to me. If its really only been a day, give it time. If after a week or so they still dont give you the time of day, then I’d say let it go, and don’t send the invite. If you are looking for “closure”, this is not the place to get it. Even a well worded email could be read by one of them as smug or snide or rude, and in that small a place, it only takes one person to feel slighted and start gabbing and griping to others. Don’t go there. A STD is not an official invite. If you had sent and invite - i’d say you need to email to officially un-invite them. Just let it go.
The boss ended up laying everyone off afterall, the other co-workers simply hadn’t gotten the news as quickly as my friend and I did. The company is going out of business and I won’t be seeing any of my coworkers (apart from the two I want to remain friendly with) anymore since they are all in their 50’s and the only thing we had in common was our job. I don’t have anything against most of my co-workers, but the only reason I invited them was because we were such a small company and I didn’t feel right inviting some and not others. I’m sure they’d understand if they weren’t invited since we won’t be seeing each other anymore. My bosses stabbed me in the back and gave me many reasons not to trust them within the past month, so I’d rather not have them there. To give you an idea of the type of person my boss is, he went to his best friend’s wedding (my other boss) and got there during the ceremony a while after it started and barged in and interrupted the whole thing. He also told the live musicians to stop playing during the reception so he could play what was on his Ipod instead. After seeing his behavior at her wedding, I was like ohhhh crap I should NOT have sent him an STD.
I think I’m going to wait until things die down a bit and hopefully when I have a new job so I can email my coworkers and say how I’m doing and how I hope they’re well, etc. and that because of the loss of money from job transitions, we’re going to have to cut the invite list back unfortunately, etc. I would feel wrong letting them figure it out on their own and not sending them a note explaining why they aren’t getting invitations.
Dramarama! Thanks everyone for your awesome advice, it’s great to have such an amazing support system
The magazine that I had worked for is starting up another magazine in September supposedly and offered me a position but I declined for many reasons, so I know I won’t be seeing any of these coworkers (apart from my two friends) anymore in the future.
Sorry I babble haha
Miss CC,
I know this sucks but it may be an opportunity in the making. Break out that Gocco and fill up your Etsy shop! You never know where life will lead you. This may turn out to be a good thing in disguise.
Good luck,
Natalie
That is really effed up that she left you a VM and did not keep trying till she got through to you in person. It blows me away how unprofessional people are! As they say in NY/FJ fuggadaboutit (sp?) dont invite them and you wil get a better job!!
*hugs* i’m sorry that happened to you! that must have been devastating the same thing happened to me several months ago where i got laid off the day after they essentially being promised that i’d get further training so i could stay with the company. it sucked a lot. and as another girl stuck in the creative field, i know how hard it is to make enough money to put food on the table (let alone fund a wedding!) if you’re just starting out… (yea. hello day job for me…)
but don’t worry, things will work out! i hope you get that job you applied for! hum told me about it and i think you’ll be awesome at it!
as far as invitations go… meh. I think you can make an exception for a situation like this. why should you feed the douhebags who screwed you over?
I think you’ve got the right idea, Miss CC. Definitely the wait-and-see approach won’t hurt anyone. And, I totally agree with Kelly’s and Suzanno’s comments. Anyone who maintains contact with you will no doubt appreciate the head’s up that the budgetary expectations have changed, etc.
Hold your head up, Miss CC! This is just a blip in the saga of your life, and it will get better.
P.S. I didn’t mean to say your life IS a saga. I realized how it may sound after I clicked “Leave a comment”. I meant that this will be a blip in your life… and everyone’s life is their own personal saga. Okay, now I’m rambling, too.
I’m so sorry to hear about the job loss! That sucks! Luckily, you’ve got another job prospect that *fingers crossed* will work out! You might end up with a better job, pay, and benefits making it a true blessing in disguise
Inviting co-workers is tricky. I intentionally didn’t give mine an STD, just in case I quit my job before the wedding (although, I talk about the wedding WAY TOO much at work!).
I think with all the deception, having your co-workers at the wedding would be a major downer, and I think you are handling it with grace by giving them an email. Miss Manners would approve!
If they’re unable to find a job…trust me…your wedding is the LAST thing on their minds…they’d probably welcome the fact that they won’t get an invite.
If you still want to explain to them…go ahead….I wouldn’t bother.
Good luck on your new job search!
I think you know how you are going to proceed with the situation involving your former coworkers, but I just wanted to say that I think you are handling this situation amazingly well!
Best of luck on the new job prospect…you are so smart, talented, funny, etc…I know you’ll find something great soon! And if you have some more free time I would love to purchase of your clever handmade cards…let us know when they are on your Etsy shop!
So sorry to hear this news. I am in a similar position being on unemployment now for over 3 months. I had worked for a well known retailer for over 8 years and was let go in March. It was truly a blessing in disguise. Definitely a situation where I didn’t want to let myself believe I was as miserable as I was…always making excuses, and trying to convince myself that it would get better. I have a few friends still working for the company, and I find new reasons every week to be thankful that I am no longer there…even if it means the buget for life is a little tighter for now.
Good luck with your job search and with the wedding plans. I will keep my fingers crossed for you and continue to send good thoughts your way!
I’m on the late freight but ditto what everyone else said. You have to think about your budget and what you and your FH can afford first as opposed to being politically correct or gracious to people who aren’t even being decent enough to return your correspondence. If I were you, I would breathe a sigh of relief….you just skimmed your budget down by 8 people!
Laid off by voicemail on a Sunday night? That’s just a crappy thing to do. Money situation aside, look at the bright side: now you don’t have to work for the kind of jerk that would do something like that.
hang in there, miss candy corn! i think you’re doing the right thing letting your co-workers know you’re cutting back the guest list (and waiting for the dust to settle before you do so). hope your new job comes through in a jiffy!
Hey darlin! (Yes, I pseudo stalk you on here…plus the whole blog is super fun to read)
Anyway…I’m really sorry to hear about the job situation. That’s super rough. You’ll find something else soon I’m sure. You’re crazy talented!
I’m currently unemployed as well. Email me should you ever need a day time craft buddy while everyone else is at work. 
Ah, gee. I’m so sorry to hear about your job, Miss CC! Hope this turns out to be an unexpected blessing, as a chance to find a job that delights you or a push into fulfilling freelance work.
PLease keep your chin up and don’t invite anyone you don’t really want to see sitting in the audience as you get married. My fiance is out of work for his third month now…thank god my parents decided to cover the catering and the hall is already paid for! We can scrape up the cake cost out of savings; but man it’s hard. Hoping the best job in the world falls into your lap!
